Physical contact in your country/culture

[leverhelven]

Ohai there!

 

Now this is something that interests me a lot. When I was a teen, I was a fan of Finnish metal bands, and got to read a lot about Finland and Nordic countries. I remember being very surprised when finding out that, in those countries, and maybe in Europe as a whole, people don't have much physical contact with each other. Actually, in Nordic countries, almost not at all. For example, in those countries people only hug when they're very, very intimate.

 

I also remember a soap opera character, again when I was a teen. Part of the story happened in the US and there was an American character, a teacher in a class for toddlers, who despised physical contact and would complain at kids holding hands, hugging etc. Okay, she was supposed to be a villain, but still :P

 

What I want to know is: how intimate/frequent is physical contact in your country/culture? I'm from Brazil and here we greet people (even strangers) with pecks on the cheek (the amount varies: here in Rio it's 2 pecks, whereas in other cities it can be only one or even 3), hug a looooot and are very physically close almost all the time: friends (girls) hold hands, people touch each other during conversation, and so on.

 

How is it in your country? :)

[erato_]

Well, as much as I hate stereotypes; it's completely true that Belgians are really prude. I would love to be much more open myself, but for me it has less to do with being prude. I'm very introvert and physical contact that I haven't initiated often scares the hell out of me. I hate people touching me if I don't feel they have a legit reason, especially people I don't know that well.
In my country it is custom though to kiss someone once to thrice on the cheek(s) when you enter or leave a party. I can't even force myself to do it. I'm just there, awkwardly, waving at everyone:" I'm not a kisser, so... Hi."

These pics are really accurate when it comes to me, personally:

 

[deboratibi]

I'm from Brazil too, so I don't have much to add, except for my own experience. As an introvert, I kind of hate this social convention of touching and kissing. I suffer from hyperhidrosis, so my hands and face are often sweaty, so I always worry about grossing people out. Speaking of grossing people out, I'm also very overweight, so when I'm with a group of girls and guys come to greet us, they will often greet the girls with a peck on the cheek and then they'll shake my hands or just wave. I have mixed feeling about this... I'm happy because I didn't have to get too close, but I'm also slightly hurt because I was treated differently. Anyway, it's complicated and not really what this topic is about, haha.

 

I guess I would do well in Europe (:

[Ali Cat]

I'd just like to put in some psychology here - there's a nonverbal distinction between cultures, referring to them as contact or noncontact cultures. European countries, the US, and Canada (to name some big ones) are noncontact and people stay further away from each other and do not gaze at or touch each other as much. Countries around the Mediterranean, Arabic countries, and Latin American countries, for example, are contact cultures. Contact cultures tend to stand closer, talk louder, talk over, touch, and make mutual eye contact more. The really cool thing is that although there are these general differences observed, there are pockets within countries that just make no sense. I think it's Milwaukee that is really similar to Italian towns because it is, weirdly enough, a contact culture within that city even though the US is a noncontact culture.

 

...Psychology nerding done.

[Angeló]

we're very intimate , we hug , we embrace , and when we kiss , it's 3 times on the cheek and smacking too , guys with guys , guys with girls , girls with girls .. doesnt matter .. :)

 

i lived & visited some places and in Eastern Europe guys pat each other on the back , girls give a quick pick on the lips , and guy/girl friends kiss on the lips too .. a very good friend of mine saw me after about a year and she kissed the hell out of me , her bf was standing there like nothing ..

 

in Egypt its very rare for a guy/girl to kiss , except in some westernized "high class" societies , usually its just a quick handswipe or just a wave, but guys/guys and girls/girls kiss twice on the cheek. Guys can get overfriendly and hold each other's arms , girls mostly hold hands ..

[Aquamentis12]

LOL erato_ I feel similarly. Frankly, I think a lot of people in the US are too loose/free with affection. (I'm sure some would agree and probably plenty would disagree and call me old-fashioned, or worse) LOL

 

That being said, I discovered something kind of interesting when researching Nintendo for a midterm a number of years back. Here is clip from that part of my midterm.

 

"This was followed by a popular love tester device. A boy and girl would hold hands and each take hold of a little ball connected to a device by wires. This device measured the current that flowed between the two by their joined hands and inaccurately rated the “love” between them. Holding hands was considered to be a bit risqué in Japan, so that was enough of a draw to make it popular. They surmised that to make it work in the US that the couple would have to kiss to affect the same kind of risqué draw (Sheff 1993 pp.22-23)."

 

I'm not sure how it is in Japan now, since I've never been there, that's just what I learned about it back around the 1960s-1970s. Since my main focus in the paper was history BEFORE the Famicom/NES was invented. Though I did add in a short couple of pages of history up to the year I wrote this paper. XD

[AJ11]

Im from the uk and here we do not have much physical contact at all, it varies of course in different social groups but if someone I knew very little or didnt know at all touched me I would be suprised and it would probably feel like they crossed a boundery that is not normal for me.

 

If out having fun dancing in a club etc then people might be more likely to touch or hug if you are all having fun as a group but just in every day life NO it would seem odd and innapropriate. Perhaps youngsters are more physical but older people say over 20 are not

[leverhelven]

I'd just like to put in some psychology here - there's a nonverbal distinction between cultures, referring to them as contact or noncontact cultures. European countries, the US, and Canada (to name some big ones) are noncontact and people stay further away from each other and do not gaze at or touch each other as much. Countries around the Mediterranean, Arabic countries, and Latin American countries, for example, are contact cultures. Contact cultures tend to stand closer, talk louder, talk over, touch, and make mutual eye contact more. The really cool thing is that although there are these general differences observed, there are pockets within countries that just make no sense. I think it's Milwaukee that is really similar to Italian towns because it is, weirdly enough, a contact culture within that city even though the US is a noncontact culture.

 

...Psychology nerding done.

 

Wow, that's AWESOME! Thank you very much, as a future Psychology student I find this information very very interesting :)

 

I find it quite strange the way it is (or at least I hear it is) in the US regarding kids and teachers/adults in general. You can't touch kids, right? I mean, most kinds of touch could be considered sexual abuse/harrassment to the kid unless you're family. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but those are stories I always hear about. For example, here in Brazil, teachers of toddlers are used to hugging and kissing their pupils and having them sit on their laps and such. Would that be even possible in the US?

 

I also find it ironic that non-contact cultures seem to be from colder places and the other way 'round. I'd expect people from cold places to have MORE contact, so as to keep warmer, ya know? :P

[Ali Cat]

 

Wow, that's AWESOME! Thank you very much, as a future Psychology student I find this information very very interesting :)

 

I find it quite strange the way it is (or at least I hear it is) in the US regarding kids and teachers/adults in general. You can't touch kids, right? I mean, most kinds of touch could be considered sexual abuse/harrassment to the kid unless you're family. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but those are stories I always hear about. For example, here in Brazil, teachers of toddlers are used to hugging and kissing their pupils and having them sit on their laps and such. Would that be even possible in the US?

 

I also find it ironic that non-contact cultures seem to be from colder places and the other way 'round. I'd expect people from cold places to have MORE contact, so as to keep warmer, ya know? :P

 

PSYCHOLOGY NERDING! /so excited.

 

I'm not sure about kid/adult interaction! In the US, I think a lot has to do with the relationship between the kid and adult. Like you said, a family member would be able to acceptably have a kid sit on their lap, but I think it'd be weird if a teacher did that. Probably does have to do with being contact or noncontact culture! I'm trying to think back to pre-school days, what kind of contact there was xD Holding hands or sometimes hugs (with a female adult) might not be weird, but a man/woman kissing a kid's cheek or a man hugging a pupil would probably get a parent angry. It's interesting to hear how different it is in Brazil in terms of social norms!

 

For weather, I'd be interested in knowing if Russia is a contact or noncontact culture, just for comparison. The ones I named are all historically linked with the British Empire, so I guess it wouldn't be too surprising if they're similar xP For an unrelated one, Japan is another big noncontact culture. It and the US are kind of the extremes for noncontact.

[leverhelven]

 

PSYCHOLOGY NERDING! /so excited.

 

I'm not sure about kid/adult interaction! In the US, I think a lot has to do with the relationship between the kid and adult. Like you said, a family member would be able to acceptably have a kid sit on their lap, but I think it'd be weird if a teacher did that. Probably does have to do with being contact or noncontact culture! I'm trying to think back to pre-school days, what kind of contact there was xD Holding hands or sometimes hugs (with a female adult) might not be weird, but a man/woman kissing a kid's cheek or a man hugging a pupil would probably get a parent angry. It's interesting to hear how different it is in Brazil in terms of social norms!

 

For weather, I'd be interested in knowing if Russia is a contact or noncontact culture, just for comparison. The ones I named are all historically linked with the British Empire, so I guess it wouldn't be too surprising if they're similar xP For an unrelated one, Japan is another big noncontact culture. It and the US are kind of the extremes for noncontact.

 

Russia is EXTREMELY non-contact, I'm pretty sure! I once read an article written by a Russian model who had moved to Brazil, and she talked a lot about it. She says people got to be extremely reserved and closed due to their communist ditactorship past (since they could be reported by anyone and go to jail for almost anything) and people in her apartment building wouldn't even say "Good Morning" when taking the elevator together.

 

At the same time, I believe Russians do have the habit of pecking each other's cheeks as a greeting, so go figure.

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

From living in the US it;s ok for teachers to hug students from 6th to kindergarten down I'm not sure about the others. Americans can be loud but for hand holding I haven't seen anyone hold hands for anything. I guess America is one of the in between countries because answers may vary from state to state.

 

 

I also remember a soap opera character, again when I was a teen. Part of the story happened in the US and there was an American character, a teacher in a class for toddlers, who despised physical contact and would complain at kids holding hands, hugging etc.

In all the schools I've been in there's to be no physical contact between the two different genders as stated in the rule book for hugging as long as it's not intimate but between friends of the same gender or if a kid hugs the same gender kid out of nowhere it's totally fine. Hand holding is ok as well between the same genders even though some physical contact is ok in school they try to discourage others from that by saying "Keep your hands to yourself" although it's just to prevent fights and the spread of germs.

[chubit]

This is a really interesting thread!

 

I'm Jewish & some of my community are very orthodox, which means they don't touch the opposite gender. So, when with these people, I tend to just not touch any guys whatsoever (not even to shake hands!) just to make sure no one is embarrassed. (Like, my own friends who I know have decided not to do it, I do hug, but in general I try and be respectful)

 

The oddest thing though is that everyone is REALLY friendly, so to make up for it, ALL the guys hug each other and all the women hug each other. So it's like I get the extreme of both worlds in one go.

 

I'm also English/live in London, which is kinda' the opposite. People will barge into you, shake anyone's hand, but they HATE hugging/being affectionate, and really don't like it if strangers/people they just meet try to hug them.

[twilight790]

In America, we don't normally interact with stangers, but hugs and kisses are expected with relatives. I have always loved hugging my mother and my friends. Serious kissing is for significant others while pecks are usually reserved for family members and sometimes even that is strange.

[sam101]

I would also like to add for Egypt, at least in my family, touching between women and men is completely fine. I'm always messing around, kissing, hugging with uncles, cousins, grandparents etc. of the opposite sex and its pretty common. But beyond the family though I would agree in saying touching between women and men especially in public is extremely frowned upon. Even looking at others can be deemed inappropriate.

 

I also would say that girls are extremely comfortable physically other girls outside the family and same with guys and with guys. I remember my cousins always kiss, hold hands, and lock arms with other girls. It also is sort of like a sense of safety to be with other girls, since they don't really travel alone. My uncle is always really affectionate and touchy with his friends and even calls them things like "sweetheart".

[Marae19]

In Holland you shake people's hands when you meet thm, and if you know them a bit (like distant family or friends of friends and stuff like that), you'll either hug them or kiss them three times on the cheeck (right left right). I personally am a big fan of hugging people, but only do it regularly with family and close friends. One of my best friends doesn't really feel comfortable to hug people (even family and stuff), and that's okay, but I wouldn't call it the norm here.

I don't know if there's a distinction between males and females in my country based on physical contact, but honestly I doubt it.

[ilcannone]

As a Brit/Irish, it depends. Mostly, one can hold hands, hug, kiss etc in public and not have any issues whatsoever, however several issues can still arise:

 

1) gays can still get taunts every now and then if showing affection

2) Brits/Irish are a lot more reserved than the continental Europeans (particulary the Mediterraneans), especially if it comes to the kiss on the cheek thing (Brits don't do this, except me :P mostly because most of my friends in my home town are from this area!)

3) when in bars etc, some people don't know when to stop...

 

However, for SAUDI ARABIA (where I lived for a year), it's quite different:

 

- it's socially normal and acceptable for men to hold hands. It's a sign of friendship, not homosexuality

- men will "kiss" each other on the cheeks several times (as in a LOT more than the French Spanish or Italians), but they never actually touch lips and cheek

- one will also kiss the head of someone older as a sign of respect

- it's kind of rare to see anyone give a hug, but handshakes are VERY common, regardless of who it is (but never men + women)

 

 

So, basically, Saudis can like quite...well...homosexual by European standards, but it's literally nothing to do with that at all!

[qtiejelly]

Well, as much as I hate stereotypes; it's completely true that Belgians are really prude. I would love to be much more open myself, but for me it has less to do with being prude. I'm very introvert and physical contact that I haven't initiated often scares the hell out of me. I hate people touching me if I don't feel they have a legit reason, especially people I don't know that well. 

In my country it is custom though to kiss someone once to thrice on the cheek(s) when you enter or leave a party. I can't even force myself to do it. I'm just there, awkwardly, waving at everyone:" I'm not a kisser, so... Hi." 

 

These pics are really accurate when it comes to me, personally: 

 

Hahah omg that Lilo and Stitch gif is just too adorable

[AlwaysProcrastinating]

In South Africa, from what I've noticed, we're a strange mix. When meeting people for the first time, a handshake is customary. There's almost never any kissing on the cheek happening. In public, couples hold hands and kiss and hug and such, and it's okay, but friends getting too touchy is a bit strange. The older generations sometimes kiss each other on the lips if it's an old friend (I used to hate kissing these old people on the lips - now I turn my head and make it a cheek kiss). The younger generations are waaay more into hugging - friends hug friends to greet, or when meeting for the first time. At least, that's mostly the English and Afrikaans South Africans :)

[Cass243341]

In Australia there is a lot of physical contact between people. If you're meeting someone for the first time you generally shake hands, whether male or female. Social groups tend to hug each other a lot, also slap each other on the back (mostly the guys), high-five or lightly punch each other on the arm. Kissing on the cheek is usually reserved for family or close friends, but you are expected to hug and kiss family members goodbye. In public there's always couples holding hands, it's pretty much normal here.

[BunnyDarkness]

I'm in Northern Ireland (part of UK) and, depends where you are in this small area to be honest. Though generally speaking, we like eye contact and hug people we know well, the longer the length of hug, longer you know the person. Or if you are thanking them, it tends to mean a big thank you. Also some people tend to touch when talking, lightly on the arm or on the back, around the shoulder area.  The hugging is done by both men and women, also I sometimes would playfully punch my male friends on the arm.  Handshakes are done on introduction but, I think this is done anywhere in the world. 

Also I noticed that the rest of the UK, (England, Scotland and Wales) are a lot more reserved than here.  Also some areas down south (of Irleand) are reserved also.  I spent some time in Canada some years ago and, noticed that there are differences to here.  The people I came into contact with didn't seem to like eye contact (though same could be said for rest of UK). 

Just my observations.

[decchild]

I'm of part Chinese descent (Russian/British being the other), but Chinese people aren't very affectionate by nature. I've had a friend accuse me of being cold because I don't hug people since it's not done, and I tried to explain that in China, people will bow when they greet you. If it's w/ Westerners, they'll shake hands.

 

I'm not sure how it culturally evolved, but contact in China can be pretty sterile. It's changing as China's becoming more westernised, but amongst the older generation, cuddling and kissing are still very awkward actions. 

[ashleagh]

I'm from Canada and we have so many different cultures here that it is hard to say whether we are a contact or noncontact society. It differs from coast to coast and neighbourhood to neighbourhood. The East Coasters, especially Newfoundlanders tend to be very friendly, free with hugs, kisses and eye contact. On the West Coast, where I live, we tend to stick to handshakes with strangers and acquiantances. My family and my inlaws are particularly huggy amongst each other and friends, but not all people here are like that. The first time my brother-in-law introduced his new girlfriend (now ex wife) to his Mom, she gave her a hug, and she literally pushed her away and said "I don't hug".

 

Interestingly, some of my friends immigrated from South Korea and Taiwan when they were teenagers and they said that girls hold hands and link arms with each other all the time there. One friend even joked that it was so they didn't lose each other in the huge crowds XD It seemed a little strange to me when my one friend put her arm thorugh mine, for linking arms is usually something you do with your significant other, or when helping an elderly or sick relative. But it is a completely normal sign of friendship, and I quickly adapted :)

[tk421beth]

This is a really interesting thread!

 

I'm Jewish & some of my community are very orthodox, which means they don't touch the opposite gender. So, when with these people, I tend to just not touch any guys whatsoever (not even to shake hands!) just to make sure no one is embarrassed. (Like, my own friends who I know have decided not to do it, I do hug, but in general I try and be respectful) 

 

The oddest thing though is that everyone is REALLY friendly, so to make up for it, ALL the guys hug each other and all the women hug each other. So it's like I get the extreme of both worlds in one go.

 

I'm also English/live in London, which is kinda' the opposite. People will barge into you, shake anyone's hand, but they HATE hugging/being affectionate, and really don't like it if strangers/people they just meet try to hug them.

I am Jewish as well, and agree with what you are saying ^_^

 

As an American, I do hug...with family and very close friends only. I will kiss a female on the cheek that I am close friends/family with.

[Guest misarella]

People in the U.S. are very open and affectionate (sometimes too much). My parents came here as immigrants when they were younger, and the first thing they noticed when they came to America was that Americans are very open to everyone about how they are feeling or what was going on in their lives. They were most surprised by psychiatrists; they didn't believe that anyone would actually pay a person to disclose their secrets to them and have some stranger try to help them.

[eloralestrange]

I'm from the U.S.

Friends (and family I have noticed lately) will hug each other. I really do not like this because they'll try to hug me and just assume it's okay, and I have to go through with it because I don't want them to feel rejected. And then I'll end up standing five feet away from them at all times or stop talking to them altogether. Ask permission, people. "Do you like hugs" with outstretched arms is perfectly acceptable before hugging someone the first time. People don't wash their hands often enough, and I don't need to get sick. I'm probably asking too much, though. It wouldn't kill me to just tell them that I don't like hugs. 

Now, shaking hands when I don't have a hand wipe with me. I've actually tried to avoid handshakes and someone was just like "eloralestrange, just shake his hand. Ugh." So the guy already felt rejected and on top of that I still had to shake his hand. Literally nothing is gained in this scenario. 

The point of mentioning this was to bring up that yes, if you know someone they will try to be friendly, but you have to expect people to try to touch you. When you become friends with someone, your personal space is theirs. Don't be surprised by it. 

As for physical relationships, I've always thought PDA was weird, but I've seen people holding hands or the occasional kiss-that's harmless and kind of sweet. I don't mind other people's PDA, I just don't like showing off myself. 

Now, strangers don't touch. Sometimes you will get one that thinks it's okay to touch you (maybe your shoulder or arm) but I'm pretty sure everyone thinks that is weird.