Gender Identity!

[khaos]

I realize that not a lot of people are educated on the topic of gender, so I'll explain it as best I can.

 

Binary genders - male and female.
Nonbinary genders (nb) - genders that fall outside of the male-female binary.

 

Nonbinary Genders
There are a lot of these, so I'll try to explain as many as I can as simple as I can.

 

Agender - not identifying as a gender.

Androgynous - partly male and partly female.

Genderqueer - an umbrella term used for many nonbinary genders.

Bigender - identifying as two different genders, with no gender taking preference over the other. (can be male and female, or a binary gender and a nonbinary gender)

Trigender - identifying as three different genders, with no gender taking preference over the others. (can be male, female, or a nonbinary gender.)

Pangender - identifying as all genders, with no gender taking preference over the others.

Demiboy/Demigirl - identifying as multiple genders, but mainly male or mainly female.

Genderfluid - alternating between genders.

There are people who identify as an unknown gender or choose not to identify as a gender (which is different from agender, which identifies as having no gender)

 

Cisgender - identifying as the same gender that was assigned at birth.

Transgender - identifying as a gender different from what was assigned at birth.

 

People with nonbinary genders often use they/them pronouns to refer to themselves, or genderqueer/genderneutral ones such as ze/zir, xe/xir, or sometimes even it/its.

 

There are some people who refuse to acknowledge that these are actual genders or actual pronouns that should be used. However, some people have doubts about or are uncomfortable with the gender that they were assigned with at birth, and choose to identify differently.

 

Now to the debate questions. What do you all think? Do you acknowledge these genders as real, or do you believe that they're fake or made up (which, you shouldn't, and I will argue to defend the fact that they're real)? Have you even had some doubts on your gender and are enlightened by this?

[kaybee92]

I've had doubts about my gender...plenty of times. Somewhere in my teens I was convinced I was actually a homosexual male. It was fun and interesting to explore my gender and sexual identity, which is why I fully believe in nonbinary genders despite identifying as a cisgendered bisexual female (although I've been attracted to nonbinary people so I guess that makes me pansexual, but whatevs).

 

My dad is a very, very homophobic person. He cannot stand homosexuals (and does not know about my sexual preferences obviously). But recently he got a new worker at his shop - she used to be Victor but now goes by Victoria and prefers female pronouns. Surprisingly, my father has not only TOTALLY respected her pronouns but has insisted to people that Victoria was "born in the wrong body" and is actually female despite what her birth-assigned gender says she should be in society.

 

So there is hope! My only qualm is that people tend to lump homosexuality and non-binary gender issues as one, which they can be...but they are not necessarily so.

 

ETA: After kissing a girl at a bar and making our way to another party, a drunk frat bro plopped down next to me on a couch. "Hey, were you at (bar name) just now?" I nodded and expected the worst. He then said: "I don't mean to be heteronormative, and if it's not an insulting question, I just wanted to know what you identify as. Like, a cisgendered homosexual female or...?"

 

That may have been the best pick up line ever.

[Duskitty]

I'm a cishet female, and I totally agree that there are gender identities outside of just male or female. If you want to choose neat pronouns for yourself - go for it! I may be forgetful about your pronouns and might have to ask you about them to make sure I'm getting them right occasionally, but if I do slip up, I don't mean anything hurtful by it. :wub_anim:

 

Thank you for the informative post/link, Khaos!

[AgJu]

i'm a gay male and i've never had doubts about my gender. a lot of my tastes in men run toward straight guys so i wonder about if i had been born a woman, but i have never had the urge to actually become a woman or be anything other than a guy. thankfully i've been lucky enough to have a family and large circle of friends who embrace me.

[wolfponies]

Interesting topic!

I'm very annoyed by having people around me who defines my gender and sexual orientation using stereotypes I don't approve upon. For example, I was considered to be a straight man among my friends until I started to watch My Little Pony, fall in love with it and mention this to my friends. Now suddenly I was considered to be a homosexual. I think that's a rather unfair conclusion to draw. However, it's all stuck in my head now. My favourite character will always be Rainbow Dash. One day I decided to order a key ring with a furry rainbow coloured tail but in the end I didn't. I was so sure people would think it was a HBTQ symbol and I really didn't want to add more spice to the you-are-a-homosexual subject.

While I do admit I have a female side, there are also interests and attributes which make me manly. This implies that I believe in non-binary genders and following your list I would describe my own gender as androgynous. But my interest for science means I also must describe my gender as cisgender. Now these different descriptions kinda contradict but when I think about it I only think that's partly true. Say I thought of my male/female ratio to be 25/75. Then I couldn't possibly have both an androgynous gender and cisgender. But if the ratio was 72/25 then I believe I could. I identify myself as a man but have a female side.

 

Pronouns are also interesting to me basically because here in Sweden this is quite a hawt topic. I recently finished a long thesis in which I always used the pronouns them/their because I wanted to point out that the general person I was talking about could be either a male or a female. However, my supervisor disapproved and told me I must choose to stick to either a male or female perspective when writing. In the end, I chose a female perspective.

Here in Sweden, a lot of places has started to use a so called gender-neutral pronoun. This is especially common in kindergardens where the teachers want the children to not fall victim to any of the stereotypes. Here they also let the children be themselves, play with whatever they like even if that means a little boy will play with dolls. I like the idea of the latter but the gender-neutral pronouns are to be useless. The same people who argue for this also want to remove the gender from licenses such as passports, driver's licenses etc. I don't understand why these are all such important issues to those people. I believe a person was born either male or a female and they should thus be referred to as either male or female. Then you can of course choose to describe yourself as any other gender you feel identifies you the best but this is only a shallow identification. Deep inside you'll always be a male or female.

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

I haven't had any doubts about my gender so far but I can't say what I would think in the future but I do thing that these genders are real although I haven't heard of them or have talked to anyone who has identified as one of the nonbinary genders I would still acknowledge it although if I did I may not remember the pronouns someone would prefer but I would try my best to remember them but if someone told me they would like to be referred to differently I would gladly do that. Although I am a cisgendered female I don't see any problems with people who identify as the nonbinary genders most people I know do make jokes a lot from things like someone's sexuality or if someone likes things that's consider to be unfeminine or not masculine for their gender and he and she is used to define a person here a lot such as having only boys moving things considered heavy when they can barely even lift whatever they were trying to move and are told to "Suck it up" just because they are male and should be able to move furniture around.All the time in school if there's ever a bookshelf or a stack of chairs to be moved boys are always chosen and the other students laugh if they can't moved what they were asked to.

[siniri]

You left off genderqueer in your list of terms, which can be a kind of umbrella term for many different non-cis gender identities.

 

I'm not sure what I believe about genders. For the most part, I believe it's mostly a social construct, and I would say I don't believe in genders at all, but I know that others believe in them pretty strongly, and I don't want to disrespect trans people and their experiences. Plus, there have been scientific studies that show significant differences in the brain activity between men and women (with trans people having the brain of the gender they identify with, different from their assigned sex at birth).

 

I'm female-bodied, and pretty obviously so (I like to have my curly hair long as it's more manageable that way, and I've got a "vase" figure). I buy clothes that fit, which tend to be from the women's department (though I have no issue shopping in the men's department, especially for things like workout pants, where they're cheaper and long enough for my long legs -- I'm the height of the average man). I feel like I'm cross-dressing when I try to do the fancy-dress-heels-makeup thing (which I've done like once in the past 7 years, for a friend's birthday, at her request), but I don't when I wear skirts to places like church or fancy outings (skirts are way more practical than pants in the summer). I don't mind wearing pink, but my favorite colors are blues and greens. I nearly always wear sneakers, even with the aforementioned skirts (e.g., to church). I don't feel the overwhelming need to present as a certain gender, and I'm pretty sure most people assume I'm cis-female. (Only a very few astute, open-minded friends have mentioned that they wondered if that might not be true.)

 

I have to fake interest in things like jewelry and wedding planning (for politeness's sake), and when someone tells me a problem, I try to help them solve it, which is supposedly a male thing to do. *shrugs* I don't assume people are going to behave or think a certain way because of their gender, and I hate when people make those assumptions about me. I've taken those "scientific" tests (one was from the BBC) about "do you have a male brain or a female brain" and I tested high on the markers for both. But some of the aspects of the test really irked me, implying that the results were a binary rather than two overlapping bell curves (e.g., spatial intelligence or emotional intelligence).

 

I've taken part in some clinical trials (as a healthy control), and I would actually love to take part in a gender study. I'd be like, "So what am I, doc?" Because I don't know. And I don't really care.

 

(If people want to put a label on me, I don't feel that any of the ones listed really apply to me. I'm okay with "genderqueer," but I don't really go around telling people. If it comes up and they're open-minded, I'll mention it. And if people call me "sir" or "he," that wouldn't bother me, but that's only happened with little kids who haven't quite mastered gender pronouns yet. I have had people say a few times "I forgot you were a girl." That doesn't bother me either. At the same time, I don't want to completely disown my identity as a woman, because being female-bodied has definitely affected the experiences I've had.)

[leverhelven]

I love this topic - it's one of the themes I'd love to study in Psychology, especially transgender kids.. I've been following the life of Josie Romero, born Joey. She's one of the most known transgender kids out there. Such a brave girl!

 

You can find on Youtube a full interview by Tyra Banks with lots of transgender kids of various ages, too.

 

Also, last week I woke up to this touching video on my facebook timeline. It's the beautiful story of Ryland, another trans kid.

 

[Navy]

I dislike the idea that genders exist in the first place.

You want to wear frilly things but were born with a dingdong? Go for it!

You have a hoo-ha but want to play sports, catch lizards, and play video games? You go Glenn Coco!

You want to die of heat stroke wear a fur suit because you feel like a dog? It's you're life.

My motto in life is, if it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone (including yourself), then go for it and forget what everyone has to say about it.

[Naamah D.]

I don't know what I'd consider myself. I don't really wear men's clothes because I don't feel secure in them. I'm plus sized and have a larger figure, but I find clothes for my size very easily. My overall weight is distributed very well. I always wear jewelry, I try to do some makeup even though I took a break for a while.

 

The only thing is, based on my personality I might as well be a guy. I love potty humor even if it's offensive and the majority of my free time this Summer has been spent on video games. I listen to music that degrades women and I just don't care for romantic comedies, what celebrities are dong etc...

 

I burp and fart and don't care if it's ladylike or not. So I don't really know what I am.

[leverhelven]

I too think that genders are something society has built - not something natural. So I'm totally for people finding out what makes them happy.

 

I don't plan on ever having kids, but if one day I change my mind I'll try my best to raise them in a gender-neutral (or equal) environment: clothes of all and any colours, all kinds of toys etc. It's a shame that gender-neutral names are very hard to be found in Latin languages - in English I see so many of them!

 

There's a Swedish toy store with an excellent catalog that portrays boys playing with """"girl toys"""" and vice-versa too. And there's also Polarn O. Pyret, a Swedish clothes store that sells neutral clothes for children. Gotta love them both!

 

Also this UK campaign "Let Toys Be Toys", that aims to stop stores from promoting certain toys and books as "for girls" or "for boys".

[Shelley]

After hearing that facebook added so many new gender options, it did make me curious as to what these genders were. It was amazing to see the number of possibilities one can identify with and I think it's wonderful that people no longer have to feel restricted to only a handful of options. The way society defines gender and assigns gender roles needs to change.

 

Honestly when I look at the list of all the possibilities one can identify their gender as, I have no idea what the majority of terms even mean. I don't really care much for labels, as I find gender to be more of a spectrum these days. Everyone is somewhere on the spectrum between male and female. I don't think anyone is completely 100% male or female in terms of gender roles (biological gender aside). I am biologically female and I Identify with the female gender, yet I do some things one can consider "manly". when I was little I loved playing with legos but also barbies. (haha on a side note, I got one of the highly sought after Britney Spears Barbies, but cut all her hair off and made her into a man one day since I only had one Ken. I played with that doll as a man for the longest time lol)

 

but! I think it's great that people can choose to identify how they would like. If someone came up to me and said they were Trigender I would probably have to ask what that means. Just like I don't know about a lot of the religions of the world. I acknowledge that they exist, and I'm willing to educate myself on the matter, but I'm never going to be able to know every category and definition of the top of my head.

 

Here's on article on all the 58 Gender Options for Facebook

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2014/02/heres-a-list-of-58-gender-options-for-facebook-users/

[neeker2]

Really glad to see a topic/thread like this, and to observe other peoples' thoughts on the matter!

Shelley pointed out the various added gender options now on Facebook, which I think is really great. It's nice to see larger amounts of people realizing that gender isn't the simple 'staples' (male, female; aka cis).

 

I myself am genderfluid. I was born a 'female', but prefer your or male pronouns; but if people are uncomfortable with it (some people are) I have them use your (or female ones) as my feelings towards my identity fluctuate. That may seem very confusing v_v; and I apologize ugh. Genderfluidity in itself isn't the easiest thing for me to elaborate on.

I honestly tend not to be open with it; with only my girlfriend knowing, and close friends. They are fine with using a male name around me (the name I chose can also double as a girl's, so that makes everybody a bit easier) and their/male pronouns. The reason for this (not being open) is the way my mother took my sexuality (ie: not well). I do have my hair short and dress androgynous; often attempting to skew my 'natural gender appearance' (as I do bind).

 

I don't think it's a 'phase' (boy, have I heard that...) and everyone should explore how they feel; and shouldn't have to repress that. It is an iffy subject, which needs to be handled and tread carefully. But like I said, every person should be able to be themselves without scrutiny, which is sadly really hard in today's society; although we are becoming more tolerable and considerate. Not everyone is going to know what every single gender term means, and that's okay. I see a lot of people who fall into alternate genders snap on people who don't know. Why not politely tell them? If they've just met you, they don't know you want to be addressed by xyz/xyzr/xyzself.

 

Overall, it's great to read some of the things that are posted in this thread; very informative!

[agrinwithoutacat]

The way I see it, if you're not hurting anyone or yourself, be who you want to be. This includes LGBTQ, furries, etc. I know people who are trans, people who don't identify strongly with either gender, and people who just like to bend the "rules" a little bit while still identifying with one or the other. When I was younger I didn't really "get" the trans thing, but finally it clicked for me that sex and gender are different things. I'm also convinced that you can't change someone's gender, no matter how hard you try. Look up David Reimer, if you're fuzzy on that. (Summary: Crazy doctor trying to prove his hypothesis convinces a family to raise their son as a daughter after a botched circumcision; it doesn't work.)

I'm pretty certain there's some physiological reason that you are whichever gender you are, we just haven't found it yet. A gene or set of genes, or something in the brain, there's some reason for it. A lot of the people I know who are transphobic feel like it's whatever your chromosomes are, whether you're XX or XY, but that can't be the case. There are men with complete androgen insensitivity, whose bodies don't recognize male hormones. Instead, they get female hormones from their mother in the womb, and usually no one knows they're not female until they don't start puberty. Despite having a Y chromosome, most of them grow up to be heterosexual females. There are documented cases of some who decide to make the change to being male, but most feel most comfortable as a woman. I challenge those transphobes to tell all of them that they have to transition to being a man because, genetically speaking, they are one. It's not that simple.

So, to reiterate: it's not harming anyone, it's not a "delusion", it's just the way they are, and the only harm is trying to force someone to be something they're not.

I don't know what I'd consider myself. I don't really wear men's clothes because I don't feel secure in them. I'm plus sized and have a larger figure, but I find clothes for my size very easily. My overall weight is distributed very well. I always wear jewelry, I try to do some makeup even though I took a break for a while.

 

The only thing is, based on my personality I might as well be a guy. I love potty humor even if it's offensive and the majority of my free time this Summer has been spent on video games. I listen to music that degrades women and I just don't care for romantic comedies, what celebrities are dong etc...

 

I burp and fart and don't care if it's ladylike or not. So I don't really know what I am.

I'm similar. I dress feminine, I love jewelry, and I'm trying to learn how to do make-up other than basic eyeliner and mascara. I have a small girly voice, feminine figure, etc. For all intents and purposes, I identify as a heterosexual female and I'm secure with that. However, I play video games, most of my friends are guys, I don't mind crude humor or music, my boyfriend likes romantic comedies more than I do, etc. Apparently my communication style is more masculine, too. Heck, my boyfriend thought I was a guy when we first met online. My profile picture wasn't a picture of myself, my real name is androgynous (I go by Lucy on neopets, though, which is definitely feminine), and he just assumed I was male for a few weeks until someone said something that made him realize I wasn't. (After all, everyone on the internet is a guy until proven otherwise. xP) He was shocked. Even after that he's always treated me like one of the guys, which I don't mind. I don't think he truly saw me as a female until we met up for the first time.

Likewise, he has a lot of feminine traits while still being masculine in many ways. He wears an earring, he grooms his eyebrows and shaves a lot of his body hair, he takes a lot of pride in his appearance. He likes romantic comedies, and he doesn't mind girly singers like Vanessa Carlton or Carly Rae Jepson. But he's also into bodybuilding, loves a good poop joke, and listens to a lot of really crude music alongside the girly pop stuff. In high school, some of the other kids thought he was gay because he was abstinent, had a ton of female friends, and just didn't care to follow all the "rules" for being a guy. Family members have even asked him if he's gay, in the past. He's just very secure in his masculinity, to where he doesn't feel the need to be "masculine" in everything he does.

I think most of us, if you really look at it, have masculine and feminine traits. Most of us are more one than the other, but not always. It's a spectrum, just like sexuality is, and it's all about finding what part of it you feel most comfortable in.

[Naamah D.]

The way I see it, if you're not hurting anyone or yourself, be who you want to be. This includes LGBTQ, furries, etc. I know people who are trans, people who don't identify strongly with either gender, and people who just like to bend the "rules" a little bit while still identifying with one or the other. When I was younger I didn't really "get" the trans thing, but finally it clicked for me that sex and gender are different things. I'm also convinced that you can't change someone's gender, no matter how hard you try. Look up David Reimer, if you're fuzzy on that. (Summary: Crazy doctor trying to prove his hypothesis convinces a family to raise their son as a daughter after a botched circumcision; it doesn't work.)

 

I'm pretty certain there's some physiological reason that you are whichever gender you are, we just haven't found it yet. A gene or set of genes, or something in the brain, there's some reason for it. A lot of the people I know who are transphobic feel like it's whatever your chromosomes are, whether you're XX or XY, but that can't be the case. There are men with complete androgen insensitivity, whose bodies don't recognize male hormones. Instead, they get female hormones from their mother in the womb, and usually no one knows they're not female until they don't start puberty. Despite having a Y chromosome, most of them grow up to be heterosexual females. There are documented cases of some who decide to make the change to being male, but most feel most comfortable as a woman. I challenge those transphobes to tell all of them that they have to transition to being a man because, genetically speaking, they are one. It's not that simple.

 

So, to reiterate: it's not harming anyone, it's not a "delusion", it's just the way they are, and the only harm is trying to force someone to be something they're not.

 

I'm similar. I dress feminine, I love jewelry, and I'm trying to learn how to do make-up other than basic eyeliner and mascara. I have a small girly voice, feminine figure, etc. For all intents and purposes, I identify as a heterosexual female and I'm secure with that. However, I play video games, most of my friends are guys, I don't mind crude humor or music, my boyfriend likes romantic comedies more than I do, etc. Apparently my communication style is more masculine, too. Heck, my boyfriend thought I was a guy when we first met online. My profile picture wasn't a picture of myself, my real name is androgynous (I go by Lucy on neopets, though, which is definitely feminine), and he just assumed I was male for a few weeks until someone said something that made him realize I wasn't. (After all, everyone on the internet is a guy until proven otherwise. xP) He was shocked. Even after that he's always treated me like one of the guys, which I don't mind. I don't think he truly saw me as a female until we met up for the first time.

 

Likewise, he has a lot of feminine traits while still being masculine in many ways. He wears an earring, he grooms his eyebrows and shaves a lot of his body hair, he takes a lot of pride in his appearance. He likes romantic comedies, and he doesn't mind girly singers like Vanessa Carlton or Carly Rae Jepson. But he's also into bodybuilding, loves a good poop joke, and listens to a lot of really crude music alongside the girly pop stuff. In high school, some of the other kids thought he was gay because he was abstinent, had a ton of female friends, and just didn't care to follow all the "rules" for being a guy. Family members have even asked him if he's gay, in the past. He's just very secure in his masculinity, to where he doesn't feel the need to be "masculine" in everything he does.

 

I think most of us, if you really look at it, have masculine and feminine traits. Most of us are more one than the other, but not always. It's a spectrum, just like sexuality is, and it's all about finding what part of it you feel most comfortable in.

My mom and I got into a huge fight this morning about this. She talked crap to me about how you're either a girl or a guy. I love women's clothes, I love makeup, I love pink and purple, I love all of those things. So technically I am a cisgender female. I just like guy things too.

[MagusJan]

I'm genderfluid, but mentally I often relax towards a female gender. Except when sleeping; then I relax to a male gender.

 

I typically don't bother to correct people on their pronouns simply because I don't really care. English doesn't have pronouns for what I am. It barely has words.

[Batgirl]

i think anyone and everyone has a right to basic respect about how they self-identify. ill use any pronoun someone wants, without a blink, in specific interactions - though i strongly agree with neekers that expecting anyone to know automatically is unrealistic.

 

however, were i being honest, when i see most of the things listed here (or, to be fair, any general post i see on a forum or fb etc), my first thought is that it makes me very sad that some people even see these things as being male or female identified to begin with. if you are on a path to examine your own gender identity, my personal advice would be to throw out everything about colours, clothing, movies, makeup, jewelry, jokes, toys, etc - all of it - and get down to what you really feel inside. you cant get to your own truth while you have a bunch of manufactured gender identified bs in your way.

[lizzyjane101]

Gender is a fascinating topic. I have a friend who I've always considered sort of above the whole gender/ sexuality thing. I don't mean taht in an offensive way, just picture Sherlock or something. Anyway, she's a bit of a philosophy buff and she asked me a while ago about the whole gender thing because she doesn't really get it. She asked me: If gender is a social construct, which I believe it is, then how does genderqueer work? I had to think abou that for a while, but my answer was something like this:

I view gender as a very complex and deeply rooted part of how we interact with society. It affects how we are viewed and the roles we play in society. It is not so much internal as external- a sort of mode of projection of ourselves onto the outside world. However these roles are still very important at the moment. I think that maybe, if we get to the stage when we don't use genitals for procreation, gender could be eradicated entirely. As it stands, the gender binary roles of male and female are a very dominant aspect of society.

 

I have a close friend who is gender fluid. She perfectly happy to be referred to by either male or female pronouns, but we use female because that's what we're used to. She has recently changed her name to a male name and knows we're all happy to change pronouns if ever she decides that's what she wants to do. I think a lot of people who don't understand much about gender can understand the idea of transgender ftm or mtf because it's still gender binary. However, things like gender fluid are often seen as either confusion or simply attention seeking.

I hate that idea of 'the phase'. A human being is a human being, regardless of what they identify as. Also, it wouldn't matter two blobs-of-excrement if it was. Surely a person exploring themselves and experimenting is a good thing? There's so much pressure on teenagers nowadays to be one thing or another. My parents are so loving and accepting, but I think that perhaps is my mother hadn't spend so much time in my teenage years asking if I was gay, I might've come out sooner. Once you say no once, it's hard to go back and say 'oh actually, I changed my mind.' or even harder (as was in my case), 'no I'm not gay, but lemme finish my sentence. I'm not exactly straight either'. I'm not even going to go into the whole 'gender identity and sexuality are so closely linked' rant.

 

Anyway, that's my two cents on the matter. I know absolutely no trans people personally so I'm obviously no expert. Sorry if I got anything wrong or offended anybody.

 

 

ETA: After kissing a girl at a bar and making our way to another party, a drunk frat bro plopped down next to me on a couch. "Hey, were you at (bar name) just now?" I nodded and expected the worst. He then said: "I don't mean to be heteronormative, and if it's not an insulting question, I just wanted to know what you identify as. Like, a cisgendered homosexual female or...?"

 

That may have been the best pick up line ever.

 

Oh my God. Any pick up line that starts with 'I don't mean to be heteronormative...' has got to be the best thing ever. I always get super uncomfortable when guys hit on me, but I don't think I'd mind that one :P

[Mistress Dizzy]

I understand part of this, and part not, because my personal experience is limited. I'm still learning, and I wish I had people that I could speak to frankly about these things.

 

Anyway. I definitely have a woman's body, but I have little interest in most 'feminine' things. I wear clothes for comfort and not style. Makeup is a hassle at best and damaging at worst. (I have bad skin... face makeup gives me breakouts. The most I will do is lipstick.) I hate shopping, gossip, and the idea of needing a man to provide/protect for me. I love video games, books, comics, potty humor and basketball.

 

On the other hand, I enjoy thinking up clothing and ensembles for my characters to wear. I am fine with t-shirts and jeans, but that's more because my body sucks. If I looked like a rock star, I'd dress like one. I also enjoy babies, plushies, Hello Kitty, and I'm a sucker for a good romance.

 

As far as sexual preference, it's 75% male 15% female, with the 10% being all those in between... I've seen some amazing androgynous folk. I'm bi or pan, but I had a nasty experience with my first female crush, so very few people in my vicinity know that I'm just as likely to side-eye a beautiful woman along with my fiance (who is male and moreorless straight). That, and my family is... well, it's less that they don't accept homosexuality than they don't accept me in general. I keep anything that could cause 'trouble' buried deep.

 

My interest in gender and sexuality actually came from my writing. One of my oldest characters is a person named Jin. She is female, physically, but even so is androgynous. I've had this character since I was 8, and over the course of my maturing and her development, she's caused me so much confusion. She has gone from late-blooming tomboy who doesn't get romance, to a cross-dressing, panromantic demisexual who tends toward masculine interests. She doesn't feel particularly wrong in her body, she just doesn't feel like 'a woman'. I don't think she'd have a sex change, I just think she wants to not be tied to one or the other.

 

I would love any research links/blogs that you all could provide me. Toss me a PM if you have anything. I find this stuff fascinating.

 

[Sannah]

i think anyone and everyone has a right to basic respect about how they self-identify. ill use any pronoun someone wants, without a blink, in specific interactions - though i strongly agree with neekers that expecting anyone to know automatically is unrealistic.

 

however, were i being honest, when i see most of the things listed here (or, to be fair, any general post i see on a forum or fb etc), my first thought is that it makes me very sad that some people even see these things as being male or female identified to begin with. if you are on a path to examine your own gender identity, my personal advice would be to throw out everything about colours, clothing, movies, makeup, jewelry, jokes, toys, etc - all of it - and get down to what you really feel inside. you cant get to your own truth while you have a bunch of manufactured gender identified bs in your way.

 

Yes, I agree with this!

 

Even though I guess it is impossible to perceive anything related to gender identity outside of the social construct that gender is (if that makes sense). It helps to realize, though, that what is considered "feminine" and "masculine" is almost completely arbitrary (well, culturally determined). A popular example is the color pink which was considered a masculine color in the 19th century (as opposed to blue, which was softer and therefore feminine).

 

Gender dysphoria in any case has nothing to do with liking make-up or video games.

 

I'm bisexual cisgender, by the way, and love fashion as well as MMORPGs and dinosaurs, a combination which I consider to be perfectly ordinary.

 

Anyway, happy to see that more and more people are questioning the gender binary, in whatever way :-)

[Naamah D.]

I thought about this long and hard for a week. While I do think that I am primarily female (I like fashion, perfume, jewelry and all of that stuff), I also like a lot of male activities and on top of it all, I'm not attracted to males or females. I really don't think that anyone care be a solid cisgender.

[ThroughMyEyes]

What a great topic! For a long while (maybe ever since I was a kid), I knew I felt female, but... I just didn't like being "expected" to act and dress like a typical female. I still feel this way. I hate dresses (or any female clothing for that matter), but I do wear makeup--only eyeliner and mascara--and I adore jewelry. But when it comes to shopping for clothes, painting my nails, blah blah blah, it's just... really boring to me. I'd rather play video games and watch violent tv shows XD. My mom even called me a "dude" (joking around, though). It didn't really bother me, but it was my own mom who said it... Aghh.

 

Ever since middle school, I struggled to find my identity. I didn't know who (or what) I was. But now, I guess I'm just an asexual female who really likes cool things :)

[Sannah]

I thought about this long and hard for a week. While I do think that I am primarily female (I like fashion, perfume, jewelry and all of that stuff), I also like a lot of male activities and on top of it all, I'm not attracted to males or females. I really don't think that anyone care be a solid cisgender.

 

Cisgender doesn't mean "I am biologically female and like all things feminine". It just means that your gender identity matches up with the one you were assigned at birth. Some people use cisgender as a synonym for non-transgender (though I think that oversimplifies things a little).

 

I understand what you mean, though.

[lizzyjane101]

 

Cisgender doesn't mean "I am biologically female and like all things feminine". It just means that your gender identity matches up with the one you were assigned at birth. Some people use cisgender as a synonym for non-transgender (though I think that oversimplifies things a little).

 

I understand what you mean, though.

 

Yes. Exactly. Everyone is different, so it's impossible to say 'if you like pink things and painting your nails and going shopping, you're a girl' or 'if you like video games, sport, or wearing trousers, you're a guy'. As people say all the time, we define labels; they don't define us. That's the great thing about this whole issue, you get to decide who you are and then pick a label that suits you the best. You don't have to construct your identity around the labels themselves.

I've been having this same problem with my sexuality. For years I was comfortable just being 'whatever' (that's actualy what I called myself to my friends). But I wanted to come out to my parents, but I didn't know how to do it without being able to tell them exatcly what I was. I still haven't got around to it, but I'm thinking of just calling myself grey pan and leaving it at that. And in the end, I know it's not going to affect the person I go out with and that's really the only person who is involved in these things. That's sexuality. With gender, the only person who's really involved is you. You do what feels right to you and don't be afraid to take your time to explore yourself. Remember, gender is a social construct anyway. It's important to feel comfortable with yourself, but don't feel pressured to slap a label on straight away. There are always umbrella terms you can fall back on if you find nothis really suits you.

[Batgirl]

Sannah I lived in a number of countries while I grew up, and was pretty aware just how subjective and varied most of it is. One of the oddest things about moving to the US was being informed of a long list of things that supposedly defined femininity and masculinity that just left me, depending on the situation, laughing or crying. it may not be possible to totally separate from the constructs, it is imo possible to gauge levels of likely correlation.

 

which, again, is not meant to slight anyones journey. i know we are online and cant see facial expressions and body language, but its meant as a kindly supportive reminder, not a dismissal. theres nothing masculine about not liking makeup, all it means is you dont like makeup.