Boys vs Housework

[deboratibi]

When I was growing up, I had to help around the house but my brother didn't. I always complained about it to my parents, and they would just say "he's a boy, he doesn't have to". This still upsets me when I think about it, and it's part of the reason why I hate housework so much. Housework is usually boring regardless, but I feel that if I had learned that housework is everyone's responsibility, I wouldn't hold such a grudge against it.

 

So, how was housework dealt with when you were growing up?

 

And if you had (or have) kids, how would you (or how do you) deal with it?

 

a ) Girls do all the work, boys do none

b ) Girls do most of the work, boys do some

c ) Same amount of work, but different tasks (e.g. girls do the laundry, boys help in the garage)

d ) Same amount of work, same tasks

 

I don't plan on having children, but if I did, I would make both girls and boys do the exact same work. I believe they would become more independent this way. I wouldn't want my daughter to depend on a husband to fix things and I wouldn't want my son to depend on a wife to cook him dinner and iron his shirts. I might be oversimplifying a bit, but I think you get the idea.

[brynchilla]

I would go with D.

 

Saying that 'oh he's just a boy' instills a sense that boys are somehow better than girls. It's sexism.

 

To say that 'oh, he's just a boy' or 'boys will be boy' just makes me angry. Yes, he's a boy. Yes, he has pent up energy. But guess what, so do girls! Why should boys have an excuse to run around and have fun while girls (apparently) can't?

[Mouseykins]

As A kid about 7-8 years old I was forced to clean up the house and cook supper. I had help most nights with supper, but it was still annoying. To this day I HATE cleaning and cooking. Though as a stay at home wife and mom I'm getting used to it and just deal with it. I was the only kid in the house with borderline lazy adults. My dad would always hide in his garage welding or fixing something. I don't blame him one bit. My step mom was a monster!

 

I currently have two girls and if we have a boy, they will all be expected to do the same things around the house and yard to help out. Rotating between jobs so they're not always doing the same thing and to be fair with everyone.

 

For right now my husband rarely cleans unless I ask him for help when we're expecting company. Our deal is he takes care of the yard and I do the house. Mainly because the house is easier with the young ones and I clean late at night when everyone is sleeping. Plus I don't like the lawn mower, snow blower or hedge trimmers lol.

 

Brynchilla: Girls definitely have pent up energy too! My 3 year old girl has so much energy that I want to borrow it some days lol. :D

[brynchilla]

Bottom line is, all kids have a ton of energy to spare. And saying that only half of them are able to adequately express it is wrong.

 

In my house, the cooking is evenly split between parents. When they first got married, my dad was usually the one to cook, because my mom knew how to make peanut butter and jelly and cereal. My dad is a chef, and my mom is a baker.

 

Saying that women should only do the chores is like saying that a women's place is in the kitchen, and the terrible classic 'cool, go make me a sandwich.' :sick01: (which, sometimes I feel the only correct response is 'cool, go fix my car'.)

[HoneyTediz]

What a terrible thing to instill in a child. Especially one that doesn't know better. I'm very sorry your parents did that to you.

 

All children should pitch in with housework and other chores to the best of their abilities. Barring that they don't have certain disibilities or other

conditions that bar them from doing certain chores (ex.a kid with egg allergies gathering the farm's eggs for the family, y'all get my point).

 

All genders do housework. Period. It's ridiculous and disgusting to put all of the responsibilities on one single gender.

[neopets98]

Honestly, growing up, I preferred doing the dishes to doing homework. I definitely won't consider a blue-collar job (manual labor) in the future as I only enjoy cleaning my own house.

 

For my children, I would pick d. All my children will do laundry, mow the lawn, etc.

But boys would take out the garbage (maybe when he/they're older; my husband would take out the trash when they are still young). It wouldn't be safe for my girl(s) to go outside at night alone.

[deboratibi]

I'm glad you all agree... I've asked a few friends how it was like for them, and most of them answered that their parents would favour the boys, but not as blatantly as my parents did. They would never say "he doesn't have to because he's a boy", but they would make up other excuses. I think it was different for me because I had a bit of a strict Christian (Evangelical) upbringing...

 

 

I currently have two girls and if we have a boy, they will all be expected to do the same things around the house and yard to help out. Rotating between jobs so they're not always doing the same thing and to be fair with everyone.

 

Rotating between jobs is a good idea! I would do that too.

[slavecrown]

The concept of giving different chores or less chores to children based on their gender is completely alien to me. My brother and I grew up on a farm, and we were given the same tasks, whether it was stacking wood or cleaning the bathroom. I honestly can't understand why anyone would do it differently. It's not like the Y chromosome disables the ability to use a broom.

[leverhelven]

Argh, the mere idea of boys being given less chores than girls sickens me. I know this can be quite common but I find it so wrong and mysoginist it makes my stomach turn.

 

Even though I have a half-brother, he never lived with me and so I grew up as an only child. But it always disgusted me that my father would NEVER EVER help with ANYTHING around the house. For example: on weekends, me and my mom would spend hours at the kitchen making lunch, setting the table, just so he could eat like a PIG and go have a nap afterwards. Me and my Mom would be left with all the dishes, then cleaning the kitchen, then the house.

 

He doesn't live with us anymore (thank Heavens) but it still sickens me when I think about it. Eurgh.

 

If one day I have daughters, I will NEVER give them those toys that relate to chores (like "cute and pink" kitchen sets, dryers and washers, pans and plates, brooms etc). I find those ABSOLUTELY AWFUL,

[brynchilla]

Argh, the mere idea of boys being given less chores than girls sickens me. I know this can be quite common but I find it so wrong and mysoginist it makes my stomach turn.

 

Even though I have a half-brother, he never lived with me and so I grew up as an only child. But it always disgusted me that my father would NEVER EVER help with ANYTHING around the house. For example: on weekends, me and my mom would spend hours at the kitchen making lunch, setting the table, just so he could eat like a PIG and go have a nap afterwards. Me and my Mom would be left with all the dishes, then cleaning the kitchen, then the house.

 

He doesn't live with us anymore (thank Heavens) but it still sickens me when I think about it. Eurgh.

 

If one day I have daughters, I will NEVER give them those toys that relate to chores (like "cute and pink" kitchen sets, dryers and washers, pans and plates, brooms etc). I find those ABSOLUTELY AWFUL,

 

That sickens me to hear that people wouldn't even lift a hand to help their own family. If you see your family doing any type of work (and even if they don't want help) you always ask. 'Hey, do you need some help?' It's not that hard to do. The family who cleans together, stays together.

 

Give your kid the option to play with them, but don't force them to. Growing up, I loved loved loved playing store and having little kitchens. My sisters and I would take turns going shopping and ringing the other person up. (It's a big reason why I wanted to be a cashier when I was younger.) And at the same time, I would also run around with my friends pretending to be pokemon and tackling everyone.

[fullonparanoid]

Wow.

 

I am a dude.

I am one of 5 kids.

I had 3 brothers and a sister growing up (sadly, one brother passed at a young age).

 

We ALL did chores/housework/yardwork.

 

The ONLY thing that kept someone from doing something was ability...NOT gender (ie: my two younger bros and my sis could not mow the lawn for many years while my big bro and I DID)...or something physical (one of my brothers was REALLY short as a kid and could not put away the dishes easily so he got out of that chore).

 

Our mother would have dipped us in honey and hung us over a fire ant bed if we EVER said "No, I'm not doing that...that is for girls to do" to house cleaning!

 

(ok, she would not really have done that...but she WOULD have threatened to!)

 

Taking care of one's home has NOTHING to do with gender.

 

Oy vey.

 

:P

[leverhelven]

Wow.

 

I am a dude.

I am one of 5 kids.

I had 3 brothers and a sister growing up (sadly, one brother passed at a young age).

 

We ALL did chores/housework/yardwork.

 

The ONLY thing that kept someone from doing something was ability...NOT gender (ie: my two younger bros and my sis could not mow the lawn for many years while my big bro and I DID)...or something physical (one of my brothers was REALLY short as a kid and could not put away the dishes easily so he got out of that chore).

 

Our mother would have dipped us in honey and hung us over a fire ant bed if we EVER said "No, I'm not doing that...that is for girls to do" to house cleaning!

 

(ok, she would not really have done that...but she WOULD have threatened to!)

 

Taking care of one's home has NOTHING to do with gender.

 

Oy vey.

 

:P

 

Your mom rocks b) Lucky for you AND your siblings you didn't have a gender-biased upbringing.

 

ps: I actually feel like talking about gender-biased toys, maybe I'll create a topic about it! It's honestly one of my favorite subjects.

[deboratibi]

The concept of giving different chores or less chores to children based on their gender is completely alien to me. My brother and I grew up on a farm, and we were given the same tasks, whether it was stacking wood or cleaning the bathroom. I honestly can't understand why anyone would do it differently. It's not like the Y chromosome disables the ability to use a broom.

 

True, but I think the concept of different chores based on gender exists because of the different roles girls and boys are expected to play in society. In some homes (like mine), boys don't have to clean the house because when they grow up, they'll go out and work while their wives stay at home cleaning and taking care of the kids. Boys might need to know how to use tools, fix a car and mow the lawn, but they don't need to know how to cook and do the laundry. Thankfully some of these social roles are starting to fade, but there's still a lot of conservative families who raise their children like this.

 

 

 

Your mom rocks b) Lucky for you AND your siblings you didn't have a gender-biased upbringing.

 

ps: I actually feel like talking about gender-biased toys, maybe I'll create a topic about it! It's honestly one of my favorite subjects.

 

You should! I have strong feelings about the subject too, haha.

[nomekopokemon]

My boyfriend and I share responsibilities. No one is expected to clean or cook, but each person has our own sense of responsibility. It's just healthy to make things equal.

 

That being said, I also grew up in a house where women were expected to cook and clean while the men ate and partied. I've been challenging their old-world views since I've gotten older and have gotten some pleasant responses.

[Venus0523]

I'm 50 years old, had one brother growing up and even back then, we rotated chores - ALL chores. I now have 2 grown children and raised them the same way....I wanted them to be well-rounded and as self-reliant as possible. They are both now raising their children the same way.

 

I'm sorry to those of you who didn't have such an up-bring, but am very proud you are breaking the cycle and realize how you want to do things differently!

[yesadnil]

I think as the current generation ages, there will be a shift of gender expectations. For example, in my parents' generation, women inhabited the domestic sphere. It's unfair and shouldn't be the case, but things are slowly changing as things like "stay at home dad" and "paternal leave" come into being. :) It's a gradual move in the right direction.

[brynchilla]

If you look at cultures like the Vikings and Ancient Rome, you'll see that the women had a lot of power in the community. In some cases, even more so than the men. What does it say about or culture if we've regressed since the Viking times?

[Koakuma_Heaven]

Growing up I was expected to learn to cook, clean etc from a very early age and it was expected I'd grow up to become a housewife, I loathed it.

 

Personally i'd definitely go for D, saying 'housework is woman's work' is harmful to both genders. For women it perpetuates untrue stereotypes that women are useless, only good for cooking and popping out babies etc. For men it means that many men grow up incapable of caring for themselves, I'm the youngest by a good 20 years and my eldest brother (in his late 40s) is entirely incapable, his entire life he's either lived with girlfriends or with my parents because he has no clue how to run a household. Women= nagging housewives Men=immature dependants is a completely outdated stereotype and I hope that within the next few generations it goes the way of thinking the earth is flat.

[twilight790]

I would say D. but my parents always gave us the list and said "you guys split it up". I would pick the things I am good at and he would do the same. In this case, I don't really think it is a matter of gender, but preference and skill.

[AlwaysProcrastinating]

My twin brother and I didn't actually do chores (which now that I'm older I have mixed feelings about).

That being said, his curfew was a LOT more flexible than mine was, which absolutely infuriated me. I understand(now and then) that it's about safety and as a young girl alone I'd be the EASIEST target after sunset, but it still made me angry(then and now) that I have to live that way because of what criminals do. I felt like my mom was being really sexist...although I suppose she wasn't really.

[Marae19]

My parents made both me and my brother do chores. Neither of us liked it at all, but we had to. At some point there came some encouragement where we had a tally system, and you had to get a certain amount of tallies each week. Each chore had a set amount of tally's, so doing the laundry would result in more tallies then setting the table. If you didn't just reach your weekly tallies, but went over them (so you did more tallies than you had to), we'd get money (I think like 5 eurocents per 10 tallies or something, it really wasn't much, but back then we got an allowance of about 25 eurocents each week (it'd increase at your birthday with five cents). 

When we got too old for this, my brother and I both got our own chores of our choice, but in such a way that we did about the same work. Seeing as I completely despised clearing the dishwasher, my brother would do that, and I would set the table and clean it afterwards. Another reason why I didn't clear out the dishwasher was because I couldn't reach all the shelves in our kitchen, so my parents would have to help anyway, and it was the whole point that they wouldn't have to. 

 

We don't really have anything like curfews (there's not a lot going on in my town at night), but when there would be a party and my brother would go, my parents would worry a lot less than when I'd go out. Luckily, they both are feminists, so I have this amazing argument that goes like this "But my brother could do this too when he was my age". And then they'd change their mind. 

 

The only point where my brother got it better than me was with the money my paternal grandparents put on our saving accounts. That had nothing to do with gender, though, but the fact that he is the eldest grandchild. I have two cousins (one male, one female), and they got the exact same amount as I did. When my grandpa died though, my grandma gave the three of us the money that my brother had gotten and we didn't, so in the end it didn't even matter.

[WeyrCat]

We did chores in our house, and they were pretty gendered, actually. I did dishes, brother picked up dog poo and mowed and weedwhacked. Sister did laundry. We all had to pick up the living room, but it did tend to be me that did it. I think it's a bit silly, because I think if everyone learns to do all the chores they'll have a better appreciation for what goes into it. For example, I think they wouldn't have left so much nasty crap to rot in their cups etc in their rooms, if they'd had to be the ones digging it out with their hands.

[MysteryAF]

The chores were pretty balanced in my house. We all contributed in different ways.

[sara1elo]

Actually I've never been in a situation like that in my home, my brother and I used to help in the same tasks to my parents (cleaning, cooking, ironing, fixing things...) and I never felt like I was doing more than him or different activities. 

 

Anyway in Christmas it is totally different, my grandma is always saying things like "Don't let your brother to do the dishes, go and clean the mess yourself little lady" or "Let the men relax for a day, we'll do everything for them today"  :sick02:

[Desertfreak]

From what i've heard from my friends, it's always C or D. Depends on the family. I'd probably Pair up a few kids to do one chore and rest do another. I'm all for fairness, personally coming from a male standard, I think that your situation wasn't fair. Boys and Girls should be even  :)