In a very strange place

[Naamah D.]

In my 8th grade year of high school I was picked on.I didn't wear makeup, I didn't straighten my hair and tended to hang out with the guys at lunch. I knew that there was more to life than popularity and appearances. 

 

In my 9th grade year I completely changed. I started obsessing over clothes and being a "girly girl" because I thought that was the key to happiness. The obsession got worse and worse. I'm 23 years old now and feel like I'm trying to recreate being a teenage girl because that was robbed from me because of all of the instability I went through. I wish that I could let go and become the woman I aspire to be. My dream is to go to school, get my degree in early childhood education, my entire apartment or condo filled with stuff from Pottery Barn and wear beautiful, professional outfits. Something is holding me back and I think still being stuck in my teen years and still remembering the whole thing about being mistreated because in 8th grade I got laughed at because I wanted to go to college by other girls.

 

I can't believe I'm still worried about being pretty and popular. I want to "grow up" and be happy. 

 

Any advice?

[S_A]

A lion doesn't lose sleep over the the opinions of sheep. Live your life how you want to as long as it doesn't hurt you or anybody else. I'm 23 for the -eth time (lol...my way of saying I'm much older than you), was bullied mercilessly (I literally had chunks of concrete thrown at my back because I grew up in a fairly sheltered family...think Carrie lol...and the kids thought it was funny to stone a Christian, and that was the easiest part of my early years), and the older I got, the less I cared about what others thought of me, and cared more about what I thought about me. I also went to, and still see a counselor...nothing shameful about it.
It sounds cliche, but it gets easier, and much better. 
I am an artist now, have had my art shown in museums and lots of galleries in my home state. I have gone bungee jumping, white water rafting, I climbed a 50ft. tall Alpine Tower, was a model for Fashion Bug years ago when I was still a little hefty, and have flourished. Your twenties may suck...a lot...lol. This is your time to become who you want to be. It's hard at times, and super rewarding others. Find your purpose. Dare to do things you think you aren't able to. Be peculiar! Make it count!
 

[enitul]

My advice would be this: Do what feels right, ignore the thoughts and opinions of people you don't have anything to do with and occasionally trust your gut/instincts (it was 9/10 times the right choice to make is my experience). I, too, was bullied in the past and it followed me through all of my schoolyears. When I first went to a new school (because I finished the first one, not because I got kicked out or anything) people throughout the whole school already knew who I was and about the reputation(?) I had. But I was bullied for different reasons and in different ways than yours and I'm really sorry for what happened to you *big hug* <3. And nowadys if people have a comment on my (childish) behavior since I'm 23 (technically an adult), I'll just shrug and be like ''meh' and continue having fun in life because that's one of the things I like to do most. I also try not to worry too much about things and just try to go with the flow. It might be easier said than done but I think it's worth a try. ;)  And just so you know: I'll always be ready for you if you wanna talk about something. Try to find your own, fun way in life and make it feel like it's worth it. Go for it champ! :thumbsup:

[midnight_spell360]

Thank you Naamah, for being brave to post what you have been through and how you feel. I am sorry that you got bullied and had ppl try to tell you how you should be. Since I've just started high school, I don't have the over-coming, victorious stories to share (...yet) but truly appreciate the advice S_A and enitul gave you bc, like the lurker I am, I benefit by reading others' posts of experiences I can't even imagine. I admire these warrior princesses, S_A and enitul, for overcoming their unfair and harsh treatment and am grateful for the hope that they revealed that there is life after high school and it doesn't have to be a popularity contest with unfair rules that never ends. :sad01_anim:

My mom, who became a scientist told us that when she was in her 5th grade year she had a male teacher who sent the girls outside to play jump rope while the boys did Science with the teacher, giving the girls "automatic" Bs and the boys "automatic" As. She said she hid by the window sill outside and watched the boys do Science and it annoyed her that she wasn't "allowed" to do Science. Then there was a day when the boys had been given the bones of 3 animals that the teacher didn't tell them what they were and had put them into groups to put those bones together. After a half hour, the boys gave up and my mom went around the corner of the wall as the boys came out with a kickball to play with their teacher. Then she went in and she figured out that they had the skeletons of a chicken, mink, and a frog, looked up a picture of each animal in an encyclopedia, and put all 3 skeletons together alone, before anyone got back to the room. When the teacher and class came back to the room, they saw the completed skeletons and my mom sitting at her desk and got angry that she "ruined" their Science project. Even the teacher was annoyed with her and asked her how did she put the skeletons together. When she told him that she based the skeletons on the pictures of the animals she looked up the teacher said, "Oh, so you cheated!" And the whole class for the rest of the year called her a "cheater" (made absolutely no sense, right?). Skip to that the rest of her school years she made sure she took Science courses and majored in Biological Sciences in college and went on to do Electron Microscopy at Yale University for the head of NIH and worked with a famous doctor (Dr. George Palade who won the Nobel Peace Prize for discovering the golgi body complex of cells in 1974) because she decided that no one has the right to tell you what you can or cannot do or be. Weird, right? Can't even imagine that she had to fight her way to take Science bc girls were told that they couldn't do it in the 1970's here in the US. So, while I am still clueless on most things, I do know that- You have to be you and if the ppl around you don't get that, find other ppl who even if they don't get you, they let you be you. Peace out! :rock:  

[suzanoberle]

Naamah  You're making the right step by thinking about this.  Hair and clothes  and stuff from Pottery Barn don't make people happy or popular.  Think about who those "other" people are that you think are popular.  I guarantee, they probably feel left out and unpopular a lot of the time too.  No one's life is perfect.  
 
Go and get your degree, work on becoming the person you want to be ON THE INSIDE.  Once you learn to like yourself (yes it's hard but it is possible), then you'll be finally happy and be the person you want to be. Life really is the journey, not the destination.   Don't blame your unhappiness on being bullied....nearly everyone feels bullied sometimes.  Don't believe what they said, or you give them even more power over you.  Focus on your future, not your past. You're done with that so let it make you stronger and move on. You can.
 
 midnight_spell360     Congrats to your mom on her successes--it sounds like she's a wonderful role model.  I'm a scientist (PhD in molecular biology) too, and while I never met Dr. Palade, I have met about half a dozen other Nobel prize winners and famous scientists, including Dr. Crick (Watson and Crick) and Jonas Salk (polio vaccine) before they passed.  Girls really can grow up to do anything they want!  
 
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[Voskit]

I guess it also comes a bit down to caring for yourself. Be nice for yourself and get in touch with yourself. What things do you really enjoy, who do you really want to be. And be confident about the things you want and actually like. 
Might sound kind of vague.
For me being in nature really helps to get down to how I feel about myself and the world. I use meditation and sport to calm myself down when I get scared of doing things I actually want to do, if that makes sense. 

[Naamah D.]

I wanted to give an update on this old thread because I didn't appreciate some of the comments in the replies. Yes, I knew everyone was trying to help but here's the thing:

If material possessions don't make people happy then nothing these days do :sarcasm: I guess Neopets doesn't make people happy either because you have to buy a computer which is a material possession to play and enjoy it :sarcasm:

That's like telling a bookworm that their bookshelf doesn't make them happy or telling a gamer that their consoles don't make them happy.

Of course I'm going to blame my bullies because if I blame myself that wouldn't make my self worth better and that would allow new bullies to tear me down. The "other" people? What "other" people?