Personal Bubbles

[babayaga67]

The Introvert thread got me thinking (a dangerous past time, I know) about bubbles. I know that there are people who like to invite themselves over, or others that one might know in their personal lives who are just plain pushy, and that is very annoying/rude. I have stopped trying to explain myself and have just started saying that I don't like people in general, so don't take it personally. It is much faster, and I don't have to exhaust myself trying to educate idiots.

Now, bubbles. I am sure that we have all heard the phrase about how there are only two things in life that are certain, death and taxes. I am going to add a third, waiting in line. The grocery store, the gas station, court houses, the school cafeteria, the doctors office, the DMV, at some point we all wait in lines. We should be used to it. We should understand that it is not the person directly in front of you who makes the line move, but whomever is all the way at the front. Why is it that whoever its behind me feels the need to breathe down my neck? I ALWAYS leave a minimum of two feet, four if there is room, between myself and the person in front of me. I don't understand why the person behind me feels the need to try and push me forward. I am not holding up the line, I am not preventing them from receiving assistance. Being respectful of other's personal space is very important to me. I try and Golden Rule.

It is not the other customer's fault that the line isn't moving, so why does the population think that pushing into my bubble is going to solve their problem? Or do others not realize that they are invading someone else's person bubble? Do personal bubbles not exist once we join a line? Am I being rude because I am not scrunching the line up as much as possible? Do personal bubbles shrink or expand depending on the location, and I was just horribly unaware?

[Panthersclaw]

I know the feeling of having my personal space invaded, and a person pushing me because the line isn't moving fast enough for them. I just think that there are people who don't care about other people and their bubbles if it is an inconvenience to them.  As an introvert I always try to limit my social interaction as much as possible, but I also have a thing with being pushed. If someone is pushing me because they think I'm too slow, I'll stand there like a statue on purpose to annoy them.

[Mouseykins]

I know the feeling! I don't like people invading my personal space, it's just weird and uncomfortable. Usually in lines I will leave as much space as reasonably possibly between myself and the other person in front of me. Sometimes in the lineup at the Tim Hortons in town there's so many people in such a small space that you kind of have to get a bit closer than I would like. I still try to leave at least an arms length in front of me.

Another thing on the same topic is if you're in line either in front of or behind a pregnant lady, give her some extra room and be cautious of the precious cargo she's carrying. I've been bumped a few times while I was pregnant with my 3rd child and it irritates me at the ignorance of some people.

When I was 37 weeks pregnant we were in the city and stopped at McDonalds to get something to eat before going home. I was at the drink fountains. This one had two and they were fairly spaced out. On the left was a lady in a motorized wheelchair so I went to the one on the right. Just as I was getting my drink she moves her chair and for some reason couldn't stop it. I was boxed in with her on my left and a wall to my right and she just kept coming. She literally ran right into me squeezing me between her chair, the wall and the drink counter. I had a full cup of Sprite in my hand and had to un-wedge myself and do some fancy maneuvering to get un-trapped. I was so mad and that's not even the word I would use. I didn't have a jacket on and you could clearly see I'm pregnant. So why she didn't just wait or ask me to move before colliding into me I don't know. She apologized, but I was just so mad that I snapped and said something a bit rude which I won't repeat here.

There's no need for crowding someone or being impatient, you won't get your turn any faster.

[jellysundae]

Oh gosh, when my mum was pregnant with me she was getting on the bus and she says I kicked the man standing in front of her.

He turned around and glared at my mum, who promptly pointed to her belly and said, "it wasn't me!"

 

It's so true though that some people just have no concept of personal space, and some people have no manners, and sometimes those two things show up in the same person which makes them a total joy to be in the vicinity of! Standing in a queue (which we Brits are famed for doing!) is something I avoid as much as I possibly can these days. Because of my MS my balance is shot, and standing still without any support is hard for me, I sway like a tree and have to fight to stay upright, so if some asshat behind me pushed against me to get me to move forward they'd probably knock me over.

I think standing sideways in a queue might give you a smidge more space, and maybe putting your bag down on the floor next to you (as long as you could keep hold of the strap), a physical barrier between you and the feet of the person behind you. I should do that, and make sure I have my walking stick out to use for support, and as a clear indicator to the people around me that they need to give me some space, and not push me!...I always have my stick folded up in my bag in case I need it, but I rarely do use it, but in cases like that it would be a good preventative measure.

*ponders*

There are other things you could do...

Have a pretend phone conversation with someone, and tell them loudly about the contagious infection the doctor suspects you have, then sneeze repeatedly...that should gain you some elbow room.

[midnight_spell360]

2 hours ago, jellysundae said:

Have a pretend phone conversation with someone, and tell them loudly about the contagious infection the doctor suspects you have, then sneeze repeatedly...that should gain you some elbow room.

@jellysundae I am howling on the floor!  Having that "pretend" conversation! Just don't forget your phone when talking to yourself! My mom has often turned around to ppl who get too close, like close enough to bump her and she will turn around, stare hard at them  and then say, "You will need to back up,Son (if a guy) or Miss, because I do not know you that well!" Which usually gets the clueless idiot to back up & even apologize! 

Oh, should I mention that she always wears her scarf (hijab) so she always looks like a ninja ? So she doesn't get too many ppl bumping her, just an occasional dolt. 

Edited June 7, 2017 by midnight_spell360

[jellysundae]

56 minutes ago, midnight_spell360 said:

@jellysundae I am howling on the floor!  Having that "pretend" conversation! Just don't forget your phone when talking to yourself!

Though talking to yourself would probably guarantee you some more space, too.

57 minutes ago, midnight_spell360 said:

 My mom has often turned around to ppl who get too close, like close enough to bump her and she will turn around, stare hard at them  and then say, "You will need to back up,Son (if a guy) or Miss, because I do not know you that well!" Which usually gets the clueless idiot to back up & even apologize! 

Oh, should I mention that she always wears her scarf (hijab) so she always looks like a ninja ? So she doesn't get too many ppl bumping her, just an occasional dolt. 

Your mum is badass! Badass Ninja Mum! Teaching manners to ignorant dolts since...whenever she first did this! Go Midnight's mum!

[babayaga67]

I think I jinxed myself by posting this before I went to the store.

I went to the grocery store after I posted this. I am massively pregnant with my third baby. I was using one of those car shopping carts so that I could put both of my little ones in it. Every line had at least four people. I went to the farthest register so that I could be as out of the way as possible. The woman who got into line behind me kept hitting me with her cart. I had to stand next to my cart to give my ankles a break from the wheels of her cart. I was very upset. I was so worn and angry that I didn't want to say anything because my kids were with me and I had no idea what words were going to come out of my mouth.

I was pleasantly surprised by the gentleman who happened to be in front of us.

The person in front of us was an older man. He moved his cart out of the way so that my kids and I could have a bit more space. He then walked around behind me and gave the woman a stern lecture. She went to another line because she was offended.

Thank you random person!

6 hours ago, jellysundae said:

Oh gosh, when my mum was pregnant with me she was getting on the bus and she says I kicked the man standing in front of her.

He turned around and glared at my mum, who promptly pointed to her belly and said, "it wasn't me!"

A couple of times when I was being glared at for "being in the way" due to the baby in my belly I have doubled over and faked having really strong contractions. There are always people who will jump up to help, which just makes the glaring people look so uncomfortable. 

Is it just me, or are the first people to jump up and help a pregnant lady older people? I don't think I have ever had anyone under 50 stop to help me. I'm not bashing on anyone here, I might always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[jellysundae]

11 minutes ago, babayaga67 said:

Is it just me, or are the first people to jump up and help a pregnant lady older people? I don't think I have ever had anyone under 50 stop to help me. I'm not bashing on anyone here, I might always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Nah you're not wrong. It's not a universal age thing; not all younger people are douchebags; not all older people are nice, but the present trend of self-absorption in a lot of younger people's not pleasant. Society's too fragmented now so people don't learn how to behave, and because so much of their interacting is done online where there's no physical interaction and no consequences this is the fall-out of that.

It should level out as people get used to the level of technology now, at least I hope it will! That old gentleman who helped you sounds awesome! Hope you run into him again.

[Mouseykins]

3 hours ago, babayaga67 said:

I think I jinxed myself by posting this before I went to the store.

I went to the grocery store after I posted this. I am massively pregnant with my third baby. I was using one of those car shopping carts so that I could put both of my little ones in it. Every line had at least four people. I went to the farthest register so that I could be as out of the way as possible. The woman who got into line behind me kept hitting me with her cart. I had to stand next to my cart to give my ankles a break from the wheels of her cart. I was very upset. I was so worn and angry that I didn't want to say anything because my kids were with me and I had no idea what words were going to come out of my mouth.

I was pleasantly surprised by the gentleman who happened to be in front of us.

The person in front of us was an older man. He moved his cart out of the way so that my kids and I could have a bit more space. He then walked around behind me and gave the woman a stern lecture. She went to another line because she was offended.

Thank you random person!

A couple of times when I was being glared at for "being in the way" due to the baby in my belly I have doubled over and faked having really strong contractions. There are always people who will jump up to help, which just makes the glaring people look so uncomfortable. 

Is it just me, or are the first people to jump up and help a pregnant lady older people? I don't think I have ever had anyone under 50 stop to help me. I'm not bashing on anyone here, I might always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

This is a tad different but I find a lot of people that are in my age range and a bit older won't open doors to help someone out either. I normally come out of Tim Hortons carrying three drinks and no drink tray, a muffin or some other pastry treat for my girls and most of the time no one offers to help hold the door, which is fine with me because I can do it perfectly well on my own so it's not like I'm struggling. Another example is when I have my stroller a lot of people won't even bother to hold the door open for me so I can get in without struggling. When someone does help it's usually someone older or a cute guy at the coffee shop. I can do these things for myself and not all the time I like using the automatic door button but with my larger stroller now I have too sometimes in order to get out without hitting the stroller with the door. I got it brand new and paid quite a bit of money for it so I'm babying it as much as possible.

I guess it all boils down to people growing up now and in our age ranges aren't being taught the values of personal space and showing others courtesy if they're struggling. Lend a helping hand!

[babayaga67]

@Mouseykins I know what you mean about the stroller thing. I have a front-back double stroller and my son loves pushing the buttons for automatic doors, so it's not always a problem. Most other people will walk on by if there is room, or huff at me until I can manage to get my stroller through. I just love how everyone stares at me from their chairs or lines while I am struggling (there is extreme sarcasm in that last sentence).

I am a firm believer in the Golden Rule (treat others as you want to be treated). I always stand up and open the door for people with a stroller or elderly, even if it means I have to get out of line and go back to the end. I think that it is ridiculous that people look at me like I am crazy for jumping up to open the door for someone else. Sometimes they don't need the help, but it is a courtesy thing. I am also trying to lead by example to teach my children proper manners.

[deboratibi]

I'm a big fan of personal space, but for some reason it seems that I see the opposite happening more often - people spreading out too much - and that annoys me as well. I don't want people to be touching by any means, but I kinda hate when lines become this shapeless mass of people. Sometimes people are in groups side by side talking to each other messing up the line, and then I think "oh well, at least they 'count' as one person because they're together", but then NOPE, when it's their turn they each pay/order individually. Sometimes lines are so spread out and messy I have to ask several people "where's the end of the line?" or "are you in this line or not?". But yeah, I suppose it's not as bad as being squeezed and pushed...
 

15 hours ago, jellysundae said:

I think standing sideways in a queue might give you a smidge more space, and maybe putting your bag down on the floor next to you (as long as you could keep hold of the strap), a physical barrier between you and the feet of the person behind you. I should do that, and make sure I have my walking stick out to use for support, and as a clear indicator to the people around me that they need to give me some space, and not push me!...I always have my stick folded up in my bag in case I need it, but I rarely do use it, but in cases like that it would be a good preventative measure.

Since you have a walking stick, do you not use the priority line/queue (or whatever they call it there)?

[jellysundae]

7 hours ago, deboratibi said:

Since you have a walking stick, do you not use the priority line/queue (or whatever they call it there)?

It's not called anything here, because nothing like that exists, lol.

Brain's having to process this now, so what I say here may end up being far from what I actually end up thinking about this, but...

I think that if something like that did exist I'd feel awkward about using it, lol. Because I rarely use my stick, I wouldn't just whip it out to take advantage of situations like that, I'd feel bad. I don't mean literally get it out of my bag when I saw that option available somewhere, then promptly put it away again as soon as I left the building, lol. I'm not that much of an asshat, but I'd feel it was meant more for people in greater difficulty than me, I guess.

I think really...I just can't wrap my head around the fact that priority queues exist! For a nation that's so adept at queuing, you'd think we, of all people, would have them!

[Panthersclaw]

On 6/7/2017 at 3:08 PM, babayaga67 said:

I think I jinxed myself by posting this before I went to the store.

I went to the grocery store after I posted this. I am massively pregnant with my third baby. I was using one of those car shopping carts so that I could put both of my little ones in it. Every line had at least four people. I went to the farthest register so that I could be as out of the way as possible. The woman who got into line behind me kept hitting me with her cart. I had to stand next to my cart to give my ankles a break from the wheels of her cart. I was very upset. I was so worn and angry that I didn't want to say anything because my kids were with me and I had no idea what words were going to come out of my mouth.

I was pleasantly surprised by the gentleman who happened to be in front of us.

The person in front of us was an older man. He moved his cart out of the way so that my kids and I could have a bit more space. He then walked around behind me and gave the woman a stern lecture. She went to another line because she was offended.

Thank you random person!

A couple of times when I was being glared at for "being in the way" due to the baby in my belly I have doubled over and faked having really strong contractions. There are always people who will jump up to help, which just makes the glaring people look so uncomfortable. 

Is it just me, or are the first people to jump up and help a pregnant lady older people? I don't think I have ever had anyone under 50 stop to help me. I'm not bashing on anyone here, I might always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

On 6/7/2017 at 7:10 PM, Mouseykins said:

This is a tad different but I find a lot of people that are in my age range and a bit older won't open doors to help someone out either. I normally come out of Tim Hortons carrying three drinks and no drink tray, a muffin or some other pastry treat for my girls and most of the time no one offers to help hold the door, which is fine with me because I can do it perfectly well on my own so it's not like I'm struggling. Another example is when I have my stroller a lot of people won't even bother to hold the door open for me so I can get in without struggling. When someone does help it's usually someone older or a cute guy at the coffee shop. I can do these things for myself and not all the time I like using the automatic door button but with my larger stroller now I have too sometimes in order to get out without hitting the stroller with the door. I got it brand new and paid quite a bit of money for it so I'm babying it as much as possible.

I guess it all boils down to people growing up now and in our age ranges aren't being taught the values of personal space and showing others courtesy if they're struggling. Lend a helping hand!

I have noticed that many people in my age group (18-25) don't go out of their way to help others and many elder people do. My mom taught my siblings and me to treat others the way we would want to be treated and to help others even if you don't know/ like them. Thanks to my mom, my first instinct when I see someone in trouble is to help them. It's too bad I don't go out much, due to being an introvert who doesn't like to leave my dark, safe cave of a room. 

[Mouseykins]

6 hours ago, Panthersclaw said:

I have noticed that many people in my age group (18-25) don't go out of their way to help others and many elder people do. My mom taught my siblings and me to treat others the way we would want to be treated and to help others even if you don't know/ like them. Thanks to my mom, my first instinct when I see someone in trouble is to help them. It's too bad I don't go out much, due to being an introvert who doesn't like to leave my dark, safe cave of a room. 

That's how I was raised too! I rarely help others out though because I'm the one with a stroller and 2-3 kids to contend with and make sure they get in/out the door safely. The odd time when the opportunity arises I will hold the door open for someone even if it means waiting a couple extra seconds before entering/exiting the building.

Just last week I had a lady hold the door open for me so I could get my stroller out the door safely. I was so happy!

I don't know if I'd classify myself as an introvert, but I love the safety and comfort of my house too and there are some days despite everything that I do not feel like going anywhere and prefer to hide.

[jellysundae]

14 hours ago, Panthersclaw said:

I have noticed that many people in my age group (18-25) don't go out of their way to help others and many elder people do. My mom taught my siblings and me to treat others the way we would want to be treated and to help others even if you don't know/ like them. Thanks to my mom, my first instinct when I see someone in trouble is to help them. It's too bad I don't go out much, due to being an introvert who doesn't like to leave my dark, safe cave of a room. 

So I guess a lot of the issue for current generations is that the habits a percentage of people are learning from their parents are bad ones. That's sad.

We're all pretty self-absorbed when we're younger, kind of hard not to be, your little world really DOES revolve around you when you're first born. We slowly learn to expand our horizons as we grow up; but our primary teachers are our family, and if things like thoughtfulness and manners are in short supply there then the kid's not gonna learn 'em.

It's never an easy transition from head-up-your-butt teenager to bona fide adult, most people get to learn the required skills through interaction with people other  than their family, don't they. But right now - during this peak of easy access to social media - younger people especially often are physically interacting with hardly ANYONE, not even their actual friends! So they're just not being exposed to situations that would teach them the life skills that they need to learn to not be a self-centred douchebag. ._.