Well here it goes....

[Musical_Shoyru]

So I'm not typically very open with people. I've posted a few times on here and shared a little into my, but right now I'm just overwhelmed and just need someone to listen, talk to, tell me they've been through the same thing, or maybe that I'm not so much of a horrible person...

 

Typically I don't post things like the said sentence above as I'm not attention seeking whatsoever and I feel compliments or encouragement should not be begged for, but earned.

 

(* this means there's a little more to the story)

 

So here goes my life predicament; this is quite a read, so beware;

 

 

    I moved back here to Michigan from Texas Spring 2015, I moved back into my parents (Never would have done that if I had the choice, oooo boy). I had originally moved to Texas for ministry school, I had moved out of my house in Michigan sooner than planned due to threats and emotional abuse from my father.

 

     I grew up a Christian all my life and had always had strict rules for myself, no drinking, sex before marriage, dress modestly, listen to everything your parents tell you even if you don't agree, don't cuss, go to church every Sunday, the typical strict Christian lifestyle. However, I obviously made mistakes, I drink, but don't get drunk, I have had sex before, I want to get tattoos (Biblical based ones) and I don't always agree with my parents. Again I ran into some awful emotional abuse from my father. I'm not good enough, I have a "mental problem because I don't think like him", I'm rebellious, selfish, etc. I tried and tried again and nothing could please him. The 3rd oldest girl in my family seems to hate me because of things my parents told her and we always butt heads and end up fighting (verbally). My mom doesn't love my father anymore and only stays because of the kids, he won't get a full time job and my mom has had to take loans out after loans just to pay for bills. All my siblings are scared of him and his judgement and he always seems to have so much negativity to say about you. So that more or less describes my home life

 

       In March of 2015 I had met a guy online through a video game who I am now dating and *living with currently. He came and visited me from New York in May of 2015 and then asked me out as he left on the train in June of 2015. In October of 2015 he ran into some hard times and ended up moving here to be with me, shockingly, my parents although being against living with your boyfriend, let him move in as he had no where else to go. We faced a lot of insults from his mother and step-father and a text I got from his mom that to this day I can't get out of my head "If anything ever happens to my son, you're responsible". It took us awhile, but we finally got him an Apartment in April of this year and he was able to move out. Along the way we discuss marriage, moving out together, etc, each time hitting some type of wall or objection from my parents, either it was too soon for us to be married or "moving out with my boyfriend is not even an option".

 

   So I stayed by their morals, and what mine were growing up to the T, when my boyfriend moved out I wasn't even allowed to be alone with him in his apartment, due to a mess up we had in New York of last year. I worked two jobs everyday just to afford the amount of gas it took to live in two different places, taking me to work, driving him and picking him up from work, getting groceries and then me driving home, I maybe slept 2-4 hours a night because of him working overnights and the times he needed to be dropped off and picked up. My Grandpa then died during this time period and I had to take time off work to deal with the funeral and go to the hospital and watch the doctors pretty much starve him to death even though he was trying to fight.

 

    I had two jobs; the first I nannied for two boys in the apartment that the people I worked for helped me and my boyfriend get, which seemed to *good to be true. The second was at Payless shoe-source. I had made arrangements with the people I nannied/babysat for that they would take would take part of my income each week and the father (who works at the apartment complex we moved into) would take that and pay half my rent. Long story short, he didn't pay first months rent, I had to pay more, we made other arrangements where he was giving my my full paycheck then out of the blue he said he no longer needed my services. Then I was stuck with a 2 bed, 2 bath apartment in my boyfriends name, that's $755 a month that I got FOR his kids to have space, and I just lost a $640 every two week job with rent coming due in 4 weeks.

 

   I was beginning to get more hours at payless, but then I made the worst mistake I ever could have in my life. I tried selling my belongings; games, clothes, systems, video games, movies, etc, no where I went to sell them offered enough or what I needed for all my bills, utilities and rent. So I unfortunately started taking money from work. All I could think of was my boyfriends mother's comment "You're responsible" and him being on the streets. I also knew that with the way things were getting worse at my house that I was either going to get kicked out or need to leave soon. I took the money from work and we ended up being good, I even had gotten extra income I wasn't counting on and we were set. We had enough to even do something special for our anniversary (STEALING IS WRONG I AM NOT CONDONING IT IN ANYWAY!) so I had planned a small trip that costed around $200, I NEVER wanted to take money from work again and told myself I never would, until a bill that was not supposed to come through came through and we were -$300

 

    I couldn't get a refund on the vacation, so we still went, but I had to take more money to pay for bills once again. I had no one to ask for money and no one to help me. In a whole month period I had taken a total of $800 from work. I feel like the most awful person in the world for doing it.

   

    After coming back from my trip I got a lecture from my dad about going to an amusement with my boyfriend and that I never should have, even though we didn't do anything inappropriate at all while there or on our way there and back. I then got yelled at because I didn't give them my schedule to all my jobs and that I didn't tell them where I was going when I was going some where, when I'd be back, who would be there, how long I'd be in a specific place and then to another place...... pretty much everything I ever did, which was hard to keep them updated. I then got angry and yelled back, which I know I shouldn't of, because they're my parents. I got called names; I'm mental, he told me I've been a problem for him for decades (I'm 22, so pretty much my whole life) and that he was tired of dealing with a spoiled brat like me. So I couldn't take it, I tried pleasing them by not moving in with my boyfriend and doing what was right and it didn't work and on top of that, I never wanted to be home. When I was there no one would talk to besides my younger brother, if they did it was petty talk or they were yelling at me and no one ever wanted to do anything with whatsoever. So I moved out that night. (last week)

  

    Last Thursday I went into work and they had suspicions about me taking money and even though they had no concrete proof, I turned myself in. I claimed everything I took because I felt like it ultimately was the right thing to do, weather or not it meant a worse sentence or not. Payless had a choice to settle the debt between us or involve authorities, and unfortunately they involved authorities and I was arrested, rightly so. The investigator and police officer kept telling me that they didn't think what I did was right, but that they were in shock and awe that I told them everything upfront.

   

    I was booked and told I had no bail, I finally found out that my crime was actually a misdemeanor and not a felony and was given a bail with a court date the 21st of this month. My brother paid to get me out.

 

    Since I've been moved out and out of jail my father wants nothing to do with me, he believes I should go to prison and serve a full sentence and he will not help me with anything from helping me with bills to letting me use a black trash-bag to move my clothes from his house. My mother on the other had is trying to help me with legal issues and just being there for me, although she to gets after me as well as my father that "I'm living in sin, I'm choosing to be a rebel, I wanted to be an adult and have freedom and this is what it looks like, no help from anyone, you're on your own."   (A side note I don't believe that! People still help each other. I know I try to help people!)

 

   So although I ultimately had good intentions, I still did something wrong by stealing. I was motivated by fear and the thought of the man I love getting kicked out on the streets because of me (Before anyone says anything, he does help will bills and works quite a lot, he works 40+ hours a week). Now I'm just trying to take this one day at a time and make sense of everything, I'm praying to God I'll get offered a plea deal which I was told by my mother who talked to the accusing attorney, they offer them 80% of the time.

 

   I have a hard time sleeping and eating and just smiling, not just because I feel so hopeless, but when I do feel the urge to do those things I feel that I don't deserve them and should suffer for what I did. I am definitely doing a lot better since the official arrest day, but I'm still so worried. With no job and so many things on the line, I just don't know what to do.

 

   I also wanted to be honest with everyone here who I'm friends with and or know in passing, I feel like it's a good thing to get this off my chest and to also let people that may or may not be my friends on here decide weather they still want to be after I did such an awful thing.

 

If you made it this far, thanks for listening! I appreciate it!

[Aquamentis12]

OMG!

 

First of all, if I ask anything you don't want to answer, feel free to not answer. And now to my shock and reply!

Ok, no offense intended, but I believe your father is the one who needs to be in jail, for browbeating you so badly! (Emotionally bullying for those who haven't heard the term before)

 

Sounds like you've lived mostly a REALLY good Christian life. I can tell you've tried hard up to now. Your dad imho, is going waaaaaaaaaaaay too far with his criticizing.  I'm sure HE'S MESSED UP in his lifetime. I know dads are supposed to be more defensive of their daughters, (generally speaking here) but I completely disagree with the group of either parent, that believes needlessly SHAMING their kid, son or daughter, is acceptable.

 

I'm sorry you're in this position. At least you tried to make up for your mistake(s) as best as you could. Your dad should've been more supportive. Disappointed? Sure, but supportive never the less. But it sounds to me like he's the kind of parent who's worried about appearances. You know, what people in "HIS" family do and how their actions "reflect on him" to others. Is he like, really nice and thoughtful in public? The two-faced kind? Or does he belittle others in public as well?

 

The CHRISTIAN thing to do, kids get stuck with honor thy mother and father, and respect your elders and such. But, I believe it 3was Jesus who said, that it is better to tie a millstone around one's neck and cast themselves into the pond, than to scandalize a child. Turn the other cheek... is one that I feel should be that if you're gonna hold your kids to it, you should hold yourself to it as well.

 

Here's one more opinion. You've done MORE than just honoring your folks, even your dad. You may respect him, sounds like you fear him. A child should NOT have to fear either parent. Frankly, I agree with your using the term "abuse." Unfortunately, there's not a lot the law CAN do about emotional abuse, words and all. But, you could inquire about programs that might help your mom. I don't know how old the kids are, but I dunno.... there are abuse shelters and stuff out there, but I'm afraid those mostly cater to women and children, since I am neither, I have no experience with those organizations.

 

My dad became quite the ogre too over the years. So I have some experience being on the receiving end of crap like that. Unfortunately, I stood up to him, a lot. I had to learn how his mind games worked and then not be phased by them, at least not during an argument. I say it's unfortunate, because your dad sounds MUCH more direct and uncaring than my dad was. The direct kind, HMPH! A TRUE Christian forgives, and gives of themselves.  You probably know that already, since it sounds like you've done such things. But your dad, well, where are the nuns with yardsticks when you need them to mete out some well deserved punishment!

 

Your dad is not acting like a Christian. I'm sorry to say that, but what he's doing, well it makes my blood boil. Sure you've made a few missteps, you're human. Perfection is held by God alone, wouldn't you agree?

 

We ALL are imperfect beings imho. More beautiful for the smaller flaws perhaps, but big ugly gashes are still big ugly gashes. I'm afraid your dad fits into my view of what a big ugly gash is. But that's just my gaze through an imperfect prism.

 

My advice is this. Talk to your lawyer, or SOMEONE, about what programs exist for county, state or federal that could help get you out of your parents place. You need to get away from that environment. Honestly? I'd recommend your mom and the kids do the same. Your dad sounds like a volcano. He needs help, and frankly, given that my mom did the leaving when I was a kid, I can't believe I'm recommending the same, but yeah. Your mom, as a parent's priority is taking care of her kids. It's your dad's job too, but he's vacating that imho. Sounds like your family needs help in general... I DON'T know what exactly things are like, but start small, go with asking your lawyer about programs for battered women. I believe they deal with verbal abuse too. If your lawyer can put you in contact with someone at the county, they can help you from there. If your lawyer is useless, check out the county courthouse, or wherever your county health and human services thing is. Ask to see someone who helps with abuse victims. It should start moving from there.

 

I'm really sorry you're having to go through all of this. :( I hope and pray that things get better. Here's one last "line", "God helps those who help themselves". I think you seeking help is the part about helping yourself. Best of luck!!!!

[khaotekk]

Hey,

I know we haven't talked before, and I may be over stepping my boundaries, but I just wanted to say a few things.
People make mistakes, and I am very sorry that you were put that situation. I know firsthand what it is like growing up in a strict family dynamic and I have experienced a lot of the same issues that you had mentioned. 
I understand that you are feeling upset and depressed with your situation, but you are not a bad person. You, just like everyone, else deserve happiness. I know that it is hard to smile and be happy right now, but things will get better. 

If you ever need to talk to anyone, feel free to message me. I'm always willing to listen :)

[Mouseykins]

Oh my gosh what a nightmare this must be for you! I feel for you!

 

I'm PMing you with a lengthy reply as it's rather personal. :)

 

*hugs galore*

[S_A]

Wow! Dearest, Musical_Shoyru, you are so brave to open up your heart to folks you probably have never met irl. I'm quite a bit older than you, and have been in a place where family members have been emotionally abusive...it gets better. I promise. I am a Christian, and believe that no human has the right to judge another human being...that's between the sinner and God, and He says that if you ask for forgiveness, He forgets it. So you are totally clean...no matter what your folks say. In my early twenties, I had some personal things happen to me that caused my brain to change. I have a small amygdala now, and during mental fugues I would sign up for credit cards that ended up causing me tons of pain when I was "with it" (I paid them off eventually, but it was a LOT of Hell). I tried to kill myself by overdosing and driving off a cliff. In the hospital, the man who towed my truck out, came to see me because he said it was a miracle I was alive (it was a 127 ft. drop).
Basically, I'm saying this, because there was a time when folks told me I didn't have faith enough, that God wasn't helping because I wasn't asking enough...I, like you, was told I was living in sin. Well, newsflash, we all are lol. We are fallible, but with Jesus' sacrifice, we can use our tests as testimonies and view our pain as opportunities instead of obstacles.
You are loved...by God, by me, and more than likely a whole pile of others too. It gets better.
My counselor gave me this acronym for life:
H ang
O n
P ain
E nds.
Be good to yourself, and feel free to message me here or on Facebook (I'll PM you my name) if you need a sounding board.

[charelan]

Musical_Shoyru, I am SO sorry for what you are going through.

You're right, you made a bad decision (re the store), but people who are scared and feel alone make mistakes. It is human. The fact that you acknowledged these and came clean is SUCH A BIG DEAL!!! So few people would be brave enough or have *that* strong a moral compass to admit their mistakes and be willing to do whatever it takes to atone for them. I can only imagine that right now in this situation you feel terrible... but it WILL pass and you should feel proud of your decision. Not everyone is put in a position where they are tested like that - not knowing how to make ends meet. It is easy to not make a mistake if you aren't struggling. This experience can be, if you choose to learn from it, one of those things that shapes you as a person and allows you to grow.

And all of that would be true enough *without* having a mean person to live with and put you down and make you question your ability to make decisions all the more. You did not have a support system to help you get through, and that kind of mental stuff is WAAAY harder to 'ignore' than it should be. I hope eventually your dad's opinion will no longer matter to you. He is just a man, and he is very wrong. I may not be a religious person, but I am certain that your dad's actions are not model christian behaviour. It kind of sounds like he just likes having the power to judge you so he can feel better about himself. Don't let him convince you his opinion is anything more than that. 

You are young and I promise in 10 years this will feel so far away. Just remember that only you have to live with your choices and you are clearly a very special, very GOOD person. Your dad is lucky to have raised you - too bad he's too blind to see it.

[flpatsfan]

Musical_Shoyru, it takes a very strong person to be able to tell people about the abuse and emotional harm that your father has caused you.  I am a devout Christian and the first thing I did after reading your comment was to say a prayer for your well being.  The second thought that came into my mind was what Jesus said about the prostitute when the people yelled for her stoning, "Let he without sin, cast the first stone."  I am so sorry that your father doesn't practice this when it comes to you.

Mistakes happen in this life and Jesus does forgive you when you come to him with an open heart asking for forgiveness; it is given.  We are human and do make mistakes, especially when we have been cornered by things that happen in our lives.

Your actions with your job seem to be a direct result of the treatment you receive from your father, but I can't judge him.  What I can do is keep you and your family in my prayers and pray that the courts and Payless are willing to work with you to make it right.

Thank you and God Bless you for your strength in sharing this. <3

[ladycanary]

Hello, you don't know me and I don't know you, but that will insure that what I say is unbiased. I know you must feel guilt for your sins and I'm sure you will forever carry some of it with you for as long as you live, just as we all do when we make mistakes. However, you need to look past your court date and consider how you are going to survive in the future. During your hardships, know that you will always find love and compassion in your savior. He died for you, and He knew you would not be without sin. While you cannot undo the events of the past, you can ask forgiveness for them. I am a Christian, but not a church goer, so please forgive me for not knowing exactly where this comes from in the bible, but my father has always told me that if you ask forgiveness from Christ, He will forgive you even if you are not forgiven on Earth. Know that you are not alone in this, and never will be even if you stray from God's path. He will watch over you, but you must do your part in shaping your future. When your legal troubles are over, apply for government housing. Rent is cheap and the apartments are livable. If you need welfare, get it, but work to get back on your feet. There's no shame in accepting help when you need it, just know when you're ready to get off of it. You're still in your prime and you can recover from this.

 

As for your boyfriend's mother.... you owe her nothing. It's her job to watch out for her son. She's upset you're stealing him away from under her wing, and she'll have to get over it. I know you feel bad, because you love him, but you didn't commit yourself to a relationship with her. Both of you will get through this together, in time. It may take awhile, and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but your struggles will pass.

[pulpfreeoj]

I don't know you very well, but I've seen you around, and I think you're a good person. It takes a big person to open up like this even on a relatively anonymous forum, to admit that you have done wrong and seek support. It also takes a very very great person to do the right thing and admit to their crime, instead of waiting to be caught.

 

Your father is way out of line. I was raised Christian, and I know for a fact that God wouldn't forsake someone who had done their very best and who seeks forgiveness. You were backed into a corner and didn't see any options available to you partly because of the actions of those around you, and you've admitted what you've done wrong. The only thing left is to try and get yourself out of such a bad situation with regard to your father's abuse and try to move on to have a life of your own, and the other comments above have had more and better advice about that than I could give. Always remember that you are worthy of love and you're entitled to be treated with respect and dignity, just like any other living being. You DO deserve to sleep and to eat and to exist, please never doubt that! There are people out there who will (or already do, think of your boyfriend!) treat you well and value you, regardless of any mistakes you've made.

[jingfah]

First off, I would like to say that not only are you incredibly brave for sharing this story with us, but you're even more brave for owning up to your mistakes so completely and confessing what you did to the police. It must have been absolutely terrifying.

 

Secondly, I think that you should completely forget about that text from your boyfriend's mother. He is an adult, and as such he is fully capable of making his own decisions. You are in no way "responsible" for him; you are his girlfriend, not his caretaker and certainly not his mother. I have to agree with ladycanary - she's probably upset with you because she sees him moving out to be with you as you "stealing him" or some such nonsense. Her attempt in guilt-tripping you is childish, to be quite honest. The fact that you admit both his mother and step-father insulted you only confirmed my opinion that you should ignore her (and that text) completely.

 

Finally, I was raised Catholic so I completely understand not only your past, but your current  admissions about not quite following the rules you always swore to follow. I'm very sorry that your father sounds absolutely terrible. I've suffered emotional abuse before, but at the hands of a boyfriend. I imagine it was a lot easier for me to distance myself from him than it will ever be for you to distance yourself from your father - but it's still something you should strongly consider.

I really think you should, once all of the legal trouble is over, look into moving out. It will be hard, but you really need to put some serious distance between you and your father. Don't let him beat you down or make you feel worse in the meantime. Honor thy mother and father can only go so far when one of your parents are abusive (emotional abuse is still abuse), and you need to focus more on taking care of yourself ensuring your own mental and physical well-being rather than worrying about the opinion of a man who will never be satisfied with anything you do.

 

My mother is fond of the saying that God will never give you more than you can handle - I've never been sure if that's true, but I have to agree that although things are terrible right now, I firmly believe that you'll be able to get through this. 

Know that I (and the rest of TDN) are always here for you. Let us know if you need anything, and we'll do our best to help.

[lakecat]

Musical_Shoyru, thanks for the courage to say all of that. I haven't had time to read everything everyone has said so I'll try to reply another time. Meanwhile, my prayers are with you. One quick piece of advice: find some real Christians to know--people who lift you up 0:) and can mentor you.

[Musical_Shoyru]

Musical_Shoyru, thanks for the courage to say all of that. I haven't had time to read everything everyone has said so I'll try to reply another time. Meanwhile, my prayers are with you. One quick piece of advice: find some real Christians to know--people who lift you up 0:) and can mentor you.

 

 

First off, I would like to say that not only are you incredibly brave for sharing this story with us, but you're even more brave for owning up to your mistakes so completely and confessing what you did to the police. It must have been absolutely terrifying.

 

Secondly, I think that you should completely forget about that text from your boyfriend's mother. He is an adult, and as such he is fully capable of making his own decisions. You are in no way "responsible" for him; you are his girlfriend, not his caretaker and certainly not his mother. I have to agree with ladycanary - she's probably upset with you because she sees him moving out to be with you as you "stealing him" or some such nonsense. Her attempt in guilt-tripping you is childish, to be quite honest. The fact that you admit both his mother and step-father insulted you only confirmed my opinion that you should ignore her (and that text) completely.

 

Finally, I was raised Catholic so I completely understand not only your past, but your current  admissions about not quite following the rules you always swore to follow. I'm very sorry that your father sounds absolutely terrible. I've suffered emotional abuse before, but at the hands of a boyfriend. I imagine it was a lot easier for me to distance myself from him than it will ever be for you to distance yourself from your father - but it's still something you should strongly consider.

I really think you should, once all of the legal trouble is over, look into moving out. It will be hard, but you really need to put some serious distance between you and your father. Don't let him beat you down or make you feel worse in the meantime. Honor thy mother and father can only go so far when one of your parents are abusive (emotional abuse is still abuse), and you need to focus more on taking care of yourself ensuring your own mental and physical well-being rather than worrying about the opinion of a man who will never be satisfied with anything you do.

 

My mother is fond of the saying that God will never give you more than you can handle - I've never been sure if that's true, but I have to agree that although things are terrible right now, I firmly believe that you'll be able to get through this. 

Know that I (and the rest of TDN) are always here for you. Let us know if you need anything, and we'll do our best to help.

 

 

I don't know you very well, but I've seen you around, and I think you're a good person. It takes a big person to open up like this even on a relatively anonymous forum, to admit that you have done wrong and seek support. It also takes a very very great person to do the right thing and admit to their crime, instead of waiting to be caught.

 

Your father is way out of line. I was raised Christian, and I know for a fact that God wouldn't forsake someone who had done their very best and who seeks forgiveness. You were backed into a corner and didn't see any options available to you partly because of the actions of those around you, and you've admitted what you've done wrong. The only thing left is to try and get yourself out of such a bad situation with regard to your father's abuse and try to move on to have a life of your own, and the other comments above have had more and better advice about that than I could give. Always remember that you are worthy of love and you're entitled to be treated with respect and dignity, just like any other living being. You DO deserve to sleep and to eat and to exist, please never doubt that! There are people out there who will (or already do, think of your boyfriend!) treat you well and value you, regardless of any mistakes you've made.

 

 

Hello, you don't know me and I don't know you, but that will insure that what I say is unbiased. I know you must feel guilt for your sins and I'm sure you will forever carry some of it with you for as long as you live, just as we all do when we make mistakes. However, you need to look past your court date and consider how you are going to survive in the future. During your hardships, know that you will always find love and compassion in your savior. He died for you, and He knew you would not be without sin. While you cannot undo the events of the past, you can ask forgiveness for them. I am a Christian, but not a church goer, so please forgive me for not knowing exactly where this comes from in the bible, but my father has always told me that if you ask forgiveness from Christ, He will forgive you even if you are not forgiven on Earth. Know that you are not alone in this, and never will be even if you stray from God's path. He will watch over you, but you must do your part in shaping your future. When your legal troubles are over, apply for government housing. Rent is cheap and the apartments are livable. If you need welfare, get it, but work to get back on your feet. There's no shame in accepting help when you need it, just know when you're ready to get off of it. You're still in your prime and you can recover from this.

 

As for your boyfriend's mother.... you owe her nothing. It's her job to watch out for her son. She's upset you're stealing him away from under her wing, and she'll have to get over it. I know you feel bad, because you love him, but you didn't commit yourself to a relationship with her. Both of you will get through this together, in time. It may take awhile, and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but your struggles will pass.

 

 

Musical_Shoyru, it takes a very strong person to be able to tell people about the abuse and emotional harm that your father has caused you.  I am a devout Christian and the first thing I did after reading your comment was to say a prayer for your well being.  The second thought that came into my mind was what Jesus said about the prostitute when the people yelled for her stoning, "Let he without sin, cast the first stone."  I am so sorry that your father doesn't practice this when it comes to you.

Mistakes happen in this life and Jesus does forgive you when you come to him with an open heart asking for forgiveness; it is given.  We are human and do make mistakes, especially when we have been cornered by things that happen in our lives.

Your actions with your job seem to be a direct result of the treatment you receive from your father, but I can't judge him.  What I can do is keep you and your family in my prayers and pray that the courts and Payless are willing to work with you to make it right.

Thank you and God Bless you for your strength in sharing this. <3

 

 

Musical_Shoyru, I am SO sorry for what you are going through.

You're right, you made a bad decision (re the store), but people who are scared and feel alone make mistakes. It is human. The fact that you acknowledged these and came clean is SUCH A BIG DEAL!!! So few people would be brave enough or have *that* strong a moral compass to admit their mistakes and be willing to do whatever it takes to atone for them. I can only imagine that right now in this situation you feel terrible... but it WILL pass and you should feel proud of your decision. Not everyone is put in a position where they are tested like that - not knowing how to make ends meet. It is easy to not make a mistake if you aren't struggling. This experience can be, if you choose to learn from it, one of those things that shapes you as a person and allows you to grow.

And all of that would be true enough *without* having a mean person to live with and put you down and make you question your ability to make decisions all the more. You did not have a support system to help you get through, and that kind of mental stuff is WAAAY harder to 'ignore' than it should be. I hope eventually your dad's opinion will no longer matter to you. He is just a man, and he is very wrong. I may not be a religious person, but I am certain that your dad's actions are not model christian behaviour. It kind of sounds like he just likes having the power to judge you so he can feel better about himself. Don't let him convince you his opinion is anything more than that. 

You are young and I promise in 10 years this will feel so far away. Just remember that only you have to live with your choices and you are clearly a very special, very GOOD person. Your dad is lucky to have raised you - too bad he's too blind to see it.

 

 

Wow! Dearest, Musical_Shoyru, you are so brave to open up your heart to folks you probably have never met irl. I'm quite a bit older than you, and have been in a place where family members have been emotionally abusive...it gets better. I promise. I am a Christian, and believe that no human has the right to judge another human being...that's between the sinner and God, and He says that if you ask for forgiveness, He forgets it. So you are totally clean...no matter what your folks say. In my early twenties, I had some personal things happen to me that caused my brain to change. I have a small amygdala now, and during mental fugues I would sign up for credit cards that ended up causing me tons of pain when I was "with it" (I paid them off eventually, but it was a LOT of Hell). I tried to kill myself by overdosing and driving off a cliff. In the hospital, the man who towed my truck out, came to see me because he said it was a miracle I was alive (it was a 127 ft. drop).

Basically, I'm saying this, because there was a time when folks told me I didn't have faith enough, that God wasn't helping because I wasn't asking enough...I, like you, was told I was living in sin. Well, newsflash, we all are lol. We are fallible, but with Jesus' sacrifice, we can use our tests as testimonies and view our pain as opportunities instead of obstacles.

You are loved...by God, by me, and more than likely a whole pile of others too. It gets better.

My counselor gave me this acronym for life:

H ang

O n

P ain

E nds.

Be good to yourself, and feel free to message me here or on Facebook (I'll PM you my name) if you need a sounding board.

 

 

Oh my gosh what a nightmare this must be for you! I feel for you!

 

I'm PMing you with a lengthy reply as it's rather personal. :)

 

*hugs galore*

 

 

Hey,

 

I know we haven't talked before, and I may be over stepping my boundaries, but I just wanted to say a few things.

People make mistakes, and I am very sorry that you were put that situation. I know firsthand what it is like growing up in a strict family dynamic and I have experienced a lot of the same issues that you had mentioned. 

I understand that you are feeling upset and depressed with your situation, but you are not a bad person. You, just like everyone, else deserve happiness. I know that it is hard to smile and be happy right now, but things will get better. 

 

If you ever need to talk to anyone, feel free to message me. I'm always willing to listen :)

 

 

OMG!

 

First of all, if I ask anything you don't want to answer, feel free to not answer. And now to my shock and reply!

 

Ok, no offense intended, but I believe your father is the one who needs to be in jail, for browbeating you so badly! (Emotionally bullying for those who haven't heard the term before)

 

Sounds like you've lived mostly a REALLY good Christian life. I can tell you've tried hard up to now. Your dad imho, is going waaaaaaaaaaaay too far with his criticizing.  I'm sure HE'S MESSED UP in his lifetime. I know dads are supposed to be more defensive of their daughters, (generally speaking here) but I completely disagree with the group of either parent, that believes needlessly SHAMING their kid, son or daughter, is acceptable.

 

I'm sorry you're in this position. At least you tried to make up for your mistake(s) as best as you could. Your dad should've been more supportive. Disappointed? Sure, but supportive never the less. But it sounds to me like he's the kind of parent who's worried about appearances. You know, what people in "HIS" family do and how their actions "reflect on him" to others. Is he like, really nice and thoughtful in public? The two-faced kind? Or does he belittle others in public as well?

 

The CHRISTIAN thing to do, kids get stuck with honor thy mother and father, and respect your elders and such. But, I believe it 3was Jesus who said, that it is better to tie a millstone around one's neck and cast themselves into the pond, than to scandalize a child. Turn the other cheek... is one that I feel should be that if you're gonna hold your kids to it, you should hold yourself to it as well.

 

Here's one more opinion. You've done MORE than just honoring your folks, even your dad. You may respect him, sounds like you fear him. A child should NOT have to fear either parent. Frankly, I agree with your using the term "abuse." Unfortunately, there's not a lot the law CAN do about emotional abuse, words and all. But, you could inquire about programs that might help your mom. I don't know how old the kids are, but I dunno.... there are abuse shelters and stuff out there, but I'm afraid those mostly cater to women and children, since I am neither, I have no experience with those organizations.

 

My dad became quite the ogre too over the years. So I have some experience being on the receiving end of crap like that. Unfortunately, I stood up to him, a lot. I had to learn how his mind games worked and then not be phased by them, at least not during an argument. I say it's unfortunate, because your dad sounds MUCH more direct and uncaring than my dad was. The direct kind, HMPH! A TRUE Christian forgives, and gives of themselves.  You probably know that already, since it sounds like you've done such things. But your dad, well, where are the nuns with yardsticks when you need them to mete out some well deserved punishment!

 

Your dad is not acting like a Christian. I'm sorry to say that, but what he's doing, well it makes my blood boil. Sure you've made a few missteps, you're human. Perfection is held by God alone, wouldn't you agree?

 

We ALL are imperfect beings imho. More beautiful for the smaller flaws perhaps, but big ugly gashes are still big ugly gashes. I'm afraid your dad fits into my view of what a big ugly gash is. But that's just my gaze through an imperfect prism.

 

My advice is this. Talk to your lawyer, or SOMEONE, about what programs exist for county, state or federal that could help get you out of your parents place. You need to get away from that environment. Honestly? I'd recommend your mom and the kids do the same. Your dad sounds like a volcano. He needs help, and frankly, given that my mom did the leaving when I was a kid, I can't believe I'm recommending the same, but yeah. Your mom, as a parent's priority is taking care of her kids. It's your dad's job too, but he's vacating that imho. Sounds like your family needs help in general... I DON'T know what exactly things are like, but start small, go with asking your lawyer about programs for battered women. I believe they deal with verbal abuse too. If your lawyer can put you in contact with someone at the county, they can help you from there. If your lawyer is useless, check out the county courthouse, or wherever your county health and human services thing is. Ask to see someone who helps with abuse victims. It should start moving from there.

 

I'm really sorry you're having to go through all of this. :( I hope and pray that things get better. Here's one last "line", "God helps those who help themselves". I think you seeking help is the part about helping yourself. Best of luck!!!!

 

 

I'm sorry I just now am replying (Busy with life and most recently AC).

 

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and acceptance. I expected a few of you that I know closer to be rather encouraging, but I have to say I am in awe that I didn't receive even ONE negative comment. You guys are all just amazing and great people.

 

UPDATE ON WHAT'S GOING ON; I showed up to my court date and low and behold there were absolute no charges against me or pending. This doesn't mean that there won't be or that they can never charge me (They have up to 6 years.... Oh boy... or until they decide to drop the charges.) If they don't charge me within 90 days I get off my bond and get my brother's money back for that, I also will be free to live life a liitle bit normally, or as normally as I could. There also the possibility that they will put me in the divergence program from our county; This means I can either pay back what I took and do community service to pay it off and take classes that will keep this off my record for good. That option seems more and more likely as they still have not charged me yet and it takes up to 3 weeks for them to send out the divergence program offer.

  

 I also wasn't sure if I should try to look for I job now or wait, but with bills coming up I need money. Within the last 24 hours I was able to get not just one job but two (which I'll keep for a little while)

 

  My boyfriend is also going back to NYC for 4 days to do a HUGE window job with his family and make a ton of money off that too.

 

Prayer is a powerful thing! Thank you everyone for your support and kindness! I appreciate it!

[MysteryAF]

I totally feel for you on being abused. My mother physically and mentally abused me all of my life and ended up going to jail for 2 years. I agree with Aquamentis12, that is the exact place that your father should be. It takes a lot of strength and courage to come forward like this and I can only hope that your future is brighter than your past. We're all only human and people make many mistakes throughout their lifetime... Always try to smile and keep your head up, because things will get better. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[sahana]

Messaged you my response, keep your head up gorgeous x

[Pastel-Princess]

Sorry I'm posting her almost two months later, but wow. First off, thank you for sharing such a very personal story. I'm sure it was scary for you to let all of this out. It's awful with what you've been through (your parents definitely aren't a great support) and you have a lot on your shoulders to be there for your boyfriend. I agree prayer does AMAZING things, so if you ever need a prayer buddy, I got you! I'm glad that you don't have to serve jail time, but hopefully all will be in the past soon and you can be able to work again and live your life in peace.

[Arklonn]

I'm new here, but I feel your pain. I know this is a late post as well, I just wanted to let you know that honestly, there's nothing to be ashamed of. People have done things in desperate times in order to protect the things they love. Sometimes, these actions are wrong in their practice, but good in their principle. A great deal of things are done with good intentions, or out of fear. We are all human, and we all make errors. Your parents are very likely a product of their time; I'm not religious myself, though I once was, long ago, and I know that a religious upbringing can be stressful. In a lot of cases, there are those who believe in the 'letter' of a faith, and those who believe in its message, and its 'spirit'. The ones who only believe in the letter can be judgmental, harsh, and destructive to others who don't believe the same as they do. Those who follow the letter but believe in the spirit I find are warmer, and often have a view of what they think is right, but also have a live and let live view in their heart. You sound like someone who has the spirit of their faith rather than just the letter, whereas your father sounds more like a letter of the faith believer, These two ways are often hard to reconcile.

 

It's clear you want to protect and care for your loved ones, and feel a great deal of pressure from the family of your loved one..but the world was intent on crushing you in its own way. Between people, situations, hard times, and the like. And whether you believe in God, or the cycle of Karma, or what have you, one thing can be said. The times grow hardest before they look up. The fact is, while you may have done something foolish with good intentions, it seems like the price you paid was small compared to what others might have, and that shows that someone, or something, knows you didn't deserve to be beaten into the ground entirely. When the weight of the world is on you, turn to what you believe, and do what you love. But always remember this. No matter what your upbringing, what's most important is to be true to yourself. It's sad your father is being the way he is, but your life is chosen by you. When you die someday, it will be you that answers to your God, not your father. Remember that your life is your road. Even when you encounter bumps on it, like the ones you've had, follow your instincts. Follow your heart. Not what you're told by someone who's so far removed from you mentally and emotionally that doing so would result in endless pain for you.

 

Keep the people you love, like your boyfriend, close, and cultivate what you have. Love is important in today's world. We desperately need more of it. When you've lost your way, there's always a door out to a better place. You're not a terrible person. You're just one person who made a mistake as many before you have. Keep moving forward, where there's a hand to help pull you up. What his mother thinks, what your father thinks; remember, they will be who they are. Instead of worrying about how they judge you, just pray for their eyes to be opened, and that whatever transgressions against you they've made, that whatever or whoever watches, that they be forgiven.Armor yourself in who you are, who you want to be, and no weapons from the tongues of others will do you harm.

 

This is a song I love from years ago. I think it suits the situation well; the transition from despair to hope, and even if you're aimless, you have someone to share it with.

 

can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
we just keep dreaming of the land 'cross the river
we are always on the way to find the place we belong
wandering to no where, we're paddling
down the raging sea

 

who can cross over such raving wind and water?
on the rolling boat we sit, shivering with coldness
come by an island, come by a hillock,
it's just another place, we paddle on
down the raging sea

 

but in one morning we'll see the sun
bright shining morning dew singing
they who will search will find the land
of evergreen

 

search for the light..light

 

can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
we just keep paddling down the sea, up the river
no destination, but we are together
in the silent sadness we're paddling
down the raging sea
down to no where

[Musical_Shoyru]

Thank you Arklonn that was really sweet. In fact thank you everyone!

 

I'm still trying to  get over this and deal with it. I was slowly starting to forgive myself for all this with it now being 2-3 months sense the occurrence, but just 3 days ago I got a letter in the mail from the courts calling me in for an arraignment. I don't know what this means for me or what's going to happen, but I'm just trying to breathe and take this one step at a time. There's about 5 different things this arraignment could turn out to be and one of them could include jail time. 

 

I just started a new job as a waitress and absolutely love it, so getting this news this week was very saddening as losing this job would really suck. I thought the best thing to do would be to speak to my supervisor and tell her the whole story and everything going on in my life and let her know that something like this would never happen again. I'll tell you what, going into that office sure was scary. I could have lost my job with one word from her, fortunately I didn't, in fact she was happy I told her and felt happy that I could speak to her on a personal level like that. She told me she doesn't have any mistrust in me and actually trusts me more for reaching out to her, letting her know, and just being brave enough to tell her. So it looks like even if I do serve jail time I will just be put on a leave of absence and that I'll still have a job no matter what.

 

The only other thing I'm trying to iron out with my boyfriend is getting a roommate for the apartment we currently stay in, if mine and his income aren't pooled together to help with rent it'll be very hard to get it paid every month, especially for one we can't really afford in the first place.

 

Thanks for everyone's support and prayers! I just ask that everyone please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I have a long next couple of months to figure out what's going to happen.