Mothers

[mariaelise]

Since some people have had topics touching on it, I was wondering how everyone's relationship with their mom is. There's the stigma that most adults dread seeing their mothers, blah blah blah. I was wondering how other people interact with their moms/parents/family.

 

For example, I've always had a great relationship with my mom. Growing up, I was never the typical snarky teenager who was too cool for her mom or anything. We always got along, had the same interests, and I've gotten in one fight with her in my life. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that my parents have split custody - I'm at my dads house for one week, then my mom's house for one week. Therefore I get a nice dosage of each, and a break as well.

 

However, recently that's changed. My mother and father are polar opposites, and I'm most definitely becoming much more like my father. I just turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, and I'm starting to realize how irrational of a person she is. I'm a very level-headed, logical person, and she is the opposite. I'm finding it really difficult to be around her now -- I'm trying to become my own person, and she's clinging onto our time together because I'm about to go off to college at the end of the month.

 

Anywho, this isn't about me. I was just wondering how the rest of you get along with your parents. Did it change for you as you grew up? Have you always gotten along? What do you think about your mom?

[neopets98]

I'm 18 as well & I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. I went through that teenager phase you're talking about in middle school. I really feel bad for neglecting/treating my family badly :( I regret it a lot. During my first two years of high school, I didn't get along with my mom as I was a more enthusiastic person, while she was and still is a laidback person. I've grown into a more calm person. Now, we spend a lot of time together and get along pretty well.

 

I didn't see that this question is about parents. I had always had a good relationship with my father up until I started high school. He was probably my favorite, closer parent. We are not very close now but that could improve.

[nightfall8705]

I grew up hating my father because he was never there for me. It took me years to finally be able to forgive him and try for my sake to try to rebuild the relationship before it was too late. He's in a dark place now, but if I had the chance, I would do all I could for him. That's just the kind of person I am.

 

As for my mom. We didn't get along sometimes, but we were definitely close. She always loved me no matter what, and I was able to tell her anything. She really meant so much to me. My life has been so empty without her. The day she died was like the day I died myself. It completely ruined my life, and I've never felt the same. It's been 9 years now, and that wound is still just as deep as ever.

 

The single hardest thing in my entire life was seeing her that last time before they closed her casket and put her in the ground, and then going home only to realize she really wasn't there anymore, and finally having it all sink in.

[Ranaki]

Growing up my mother and I never really got along. Single mother trying to hold down several jobs at once just to support us and keep a roof over our heads. I was always the loner type and she would to pull me out of my room from my reading or drawing to do something when she actually had some free time (my father was never in the picture). I was a good kid in elementary school. Perfect attendance, art & spelling bee awards - come the end of middle school I was just tired of it all. I rebelled, I would sneak out & stay out late with friends, just hanging around the park, we never vandalized or anything (I still had SOME of my morals xP).

 

I digress <.< The relationship between my mother and I is complicated to the very core.

[Mouseykins]

I never really had a good relationship with my mom. She was never really there for me and even when I was living with her, I came second. She would always pick fights with me over the dumbest things. She liked to pull stunts to get attention from me and other people and always made me look like a bad daughter. Constantly putting me under emotional abuse. Things got so bad with all her games and stunts and blaming me for everything that I left. Even after I left she still kept trying to manipulate me. I finally put my foot down and told her off. I haven't heard from her since and frankly I never want to.

 

I'm married now and have 2 little girls. She knows nothing of this, nor where I live and I plan to keep it that way. My life is so much better without her in it. :)

[Ali Cat]

My mom and I do much better now that we're not living under the same roof. Our personalities just clash pretty badly and we can only handle each other for short periods of time before we need to go be alone for a while. Our relationship is better than what it used to be while I was living with my parents, us fighting over small things daily (that's when you know you spend too much time with someone.) My dad and I never had that issue, but he's a much more chill person than my mom.

[.Brianna.]

Well. Basically what Ali Cat said. I'm an only child which made my mom and I butt heads more frequently because there was no one else for either of us to fight with lol. That being said, moving out is the best thing that ever happened to my mom and I and we usually talk for around an hour every day - but I will say that if my hubby and I go visit my parents for more than a few days my mom and I still start fighting again. On the other hand, My dad and I have always got along wonderfully - we're essentially the same person with a 35 year age difference haha :) So overall I would say all good with the parents - especially now that I'm older.

[Shelley]

I've honestly never had a major problem with my mom. My parents have remained married all these years too. I'm an only child and I obviously would get into trouble at times but I never remember any serious disagreement with my mom. I was never really punished or grounded but I was never spoiled by any means. We did bicker a lot because she was the one to discipline me but she's never been one of those "helicopter moms" either. My dad, believe it or not, is 80 years old and I'm 21. So most of my issues now arise with him due to the aging process. Age really changes a person but he can still take care of himself and is in really good health. lol he sleeps a lot now.

 

My mom is a lot younger..(although she's definitely not as young as my friends moms lol) so we've bonded more. I think my dad's aging has a lot do with that. I was living at college but now I'm back home and my mom has been helping me recover from some medical problems. I'm always just kind of hanging out with her. We have a lot of the same interests and hobbies (besides neo..I told her she's not allowed to play lol). BUT I still like to keep my social life very hidden from her xD I didn't talk to her much when I was at college haha. She knows I make responsible choices so she's never really snooped around my social life

 

I love my mom and I'm thankful that we've developed the mature mother/daughter relationship that we have. (watch, right after I post this we'll have an argument over who is going to make dinner haha)

[Zombiiee]

Well mine might be a long post, but I've realized that the more I can get this out the better I start to feel and I dwell on it less.

My mother was a whore, before me she had 5 kids by 5 different men. Gave her first up for adoption to her own dad. (my sister was raised to believe her own mom was her sister.) Her second child was still born. Her 3rd and 4th (2 boys) she abandoned with the 4th's father. then she had my other brother and then she got with my dad and then finally had me. My family moved a lot. my mother and father brother and I. I was born in Tacoma, WA and by the time I was 6 my father had driven us from WA to NY and from NY to OK. Its safe to say I had NO friends. The abuse started once we got to OK. (or that's when I started to retain it and not forget.) It started with belts across wherever he/she could hit me, but belt left marks so they had a friend carve a paddle and with in a year had broken 3 across my back. My brother btw was actually being spanked and I was being beaten. I figured it was because my brother was learning disabled and my mom wouldn't allow him to be beaten. Around 9 years old it escalated and if I said something wrong My father would grab me by my throat and pin me against a wall and scream in my face while hitting me with his other hand he would do it till my mother said that was enough. That abuse went on until I was TWENTY YEARS OLD. I remember the last time he hurt me very well, he had been screaming at me all day for god know what and I decided I wanted to leave. (oh the reason I still lived with them when I was 20 is because when I got a job they took all my money not some but all so I had nowhere to go, I was working, but had no money so I couldn't leave.) Anyway I walked out the front door tired of being screamed at and he grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me back in the door thew me to the middle of the room kicked me and said I wasn't allowed to leave. So till I was 22 I still had nowhere to go, I lived there and was screamed at on a daily and nightly basis. I wanted to die, but couldn't bring myself to do it. So when he would yell at me and call me a worthless bitch that will never be good for anything. I found myself in my closet later repeating what was said to me deep into my brain where I believed it. Anyway I got away when I turned 23 I had made a friend that I got really close to I could tell him anything I fell in love with him. (We are still together today I'm 26 now.) Anyway just to 24 I just had a son and thought I would give my family a chance to see him. My mother told me I was a terrible mom because, I had to have a emergency c-section and couldn't hissifeed due to having inverted nipples. They were evil and I didn't know why I thought they would change because I was a mother myself. My mother died when my son was 5 months old, I didn't cry. I was slightly relieved only slightly because my father was still alive. Far as I know he is still alive, but I haven't talked to him in 2 years. to me he is already dead. So that's how it was with my "parents." My husband saved me, I still have issues I am working on, like my self hate and how I feel like I fail at everything I do. It sucks but itd getting better. My hubby and son are my whole life and its really great to know what a real family is supposed to be like.

[Wildbreeze]

I'm 18, and the last child in my family at home... I was homeschooled for 10 years, so I've been constantly around my mom for most of my life. We generally get along and are good friends. I haven't always been able to open up to her like I would have liked... but she's been around and done so much for me my entire life.

[WhiteWolf]

My mom and I aren't as close as we used to be. We were okay when we lived in the same house, but 8 1/2 years ago, I moved out. I moved into what you could call my childhood home. Since then, our relationship has been strained. I have become my own person. I don't dress or act like her, and it drives my mother crazy. I'm not even the same size which is a bone of contention between us.

 

She just doesn't treat me like I have any value. Not as a human being, and not as her daughter.

[KyokoHateshinai]

I didn't really spend a lot of time with my mother until I was 7 and it was rough. Adjusting to her took a lot of effort. Right now she's like my best friend, but honestly, I can't say I'm without scars. i don't remember much painful memories consciously, but when the memories come back they are pretty painful. It's all about time. It might not get better, it might get better. I remember a counsellor told me, "you can't chose your parents, so you just have to deal with it". It will all pass. -Hugs-

[nousha]

Me and my mom often disagree but since finishing high school I live on my own so it's not hard to get along. Sure, we fight sometimes but it's natural and doesn't last long. I have a friend who's mother is way cooler than mine but one can't choose their parents so they being really decent and good people I'm happy with them. But I know I'll do my best to be cooler as mum if some day I have my own children.

[Spritzie]

My mom and I always got along great growing up. We were always pretty inseparable. I've always said my mom and I were more like best friends than mother/daughter. We did everything together when I was growing up. We went through a rough patch when I turned 16 when she didn't approve of one of my friends and I didn't see the problem with them, so we clashed a lot. But after that passed, things went back to how they were before.

 

I briefly (9 months) moved about 2 hours away and that was really hard for me. I still ended up driving down probably 2-3 weekends a month to see her (and my dad.) I moved back and learned my lesson. I refused to move very far away again. After I got married, I still stayed near by, that was the requirement of wherever we looked at to live. With my job, I saw her at least once a week, frequently more. We fell into an easy pattern once I was an adult. We'd just hang out, sometimes we'd do errands, I'd take her to doctor's appointments, or we'd go shopping. Other times, we'd just hang around the house watching TV shows, movies, YouTube videos, or just talking.

 

With my dad, I've always had a great relationship with him as well, but it was never quite as easy going as with my mom. When I was growing up, he spent most of his time working so my mom could stay home and raise my sister and I. He just wasn't around as much and I don't think him and I have as much in common as my mom and I, but I'm trying my best now to make that connection with him a lot stronger. I know there's a possible move in his future and I'll be following him when that happens.

[rraspberry]

My situation is somewhat similar to yours. My parents are still together, but they are almost complete opposites like yours. My temperament is a lot more similar to my dad's - we don't get angry or offended very easily, we're both easy-going, etc. My mom is a lot more hot-tempered and gets stressed out really easily. I always got a long pretty well with my mom for the most part. I would say I was always just as close with both parents. My mom, having a worse temper than my dad, would always get mad at me more often than him when I was a kid though. But it was probably in middle school and high school was when we argued the most, but never on a severe level. I find that as I grew older, what changed was that I would get more annoyed with her you could say, or maybe more just tired of her nagging all the time. I think I partly just wanted to be more independent though, which is why I moved away for college. Even just being back for a few months in the summer felt too long for me because it has become a bit harder for me to stay at home and I start to miss living on my own and not having to deal with everyone else.

 

Nonetheless, even though we don't agree on everything, I never forget to be grateful for my mom... both my parents really... for providing me with opportunities and supporting me all my life, and raising me with so much love and care.

[eliang100]

I just had a small spat with my mom actually. It's so hard for me to see when I'm being unreasonable so I'm never quite sure when my feelings are justified. I talked to my partner for a bit and he kind of confirmed my opinion that my mom is very aggressive and unhelpful a lot of the time. I wish she would work on this more because it really puts off my dad and I (he doesn't even bother arguing back a lot of the time now).

 

We have an overall good relationship but it's nearly unbearable to spend more than half a day with her alone. I'm very thankful for the sacrifices she's made for me and my brother but she is overbearing and controlling at times.

[Venus0523]

I now have children of my own that are 30 and 35, so thought I'd chime in with my relationship with parents for a diverse perspective.

 

My father was abusive to all in the house and not much to say about him.

 

My mother and I had some issues with arguing when I was a teenager - I can now say that most, if not all were my fault. That said, she was always there for me, I had my daughter VERY young and without her, I'm not sure what I would have done. The older I got, the smarter she got...LOL! I am very thankful that over the past 20+ years, we have been best friends!! I lost her only a few months ago and still find myself reaching for the phone to tell her about things :(

 

@ Zombiiee - First, I'd like to say how very sorry I am that you went through such a terrible time! More importantly though, I'd like to say how VERY proud I am (I know you don't know me, so it may not matter) that you did in fact get out and that you are breaking the cycle and making a good life for yourself and your family! Be proud of yourself and feel free to reach out to me here or on Neo if you ever need a friend to talk to!!