OH NO!!

[babayaga67]

I am not a big crier, but I had a terrifying experience a few hours ago that I just have to share. The entire situation didn't even last 20 seconds.

I was walking home from the park with all three of my kids. Across the street from where we were was a gas station. There was a couple having a very loud and heated argument. It is uncommon, but not super rare so I was just ignoring it. My kids were tired and wanted to get home, eat, bathe and take a nap (which is what they are doing right now).

I heard the man start to yell, "HEY! HEY LADY!!" I turned a little to check on my son who was two or three steps behind me and I noticed that the man was yelling for me. The woman was still yelling profanity at him as the man was j-walking across a busy street. The man holds up something in his arms like he was offering it to me. I need new glasses and was unable to immediately identify what was in his hands. He yells at me as he continues walking away from the woman and towards me.

"Do you want this baby? Just take it!"

I froze. In his hands was a tiny little baby that couldn't even hold his head up. I had one hand on my stroller and the other on my oldest son. I was in complete shock. My mind didn't process the situation fast enough and the man turned away from me to follow the woman down an alley.

It wasn't until the man turned away from me that I realized my mistake. I regret not taking that baby. I grabbed my phone and immediately dialed 911. I was watching the entrance to the alley that they had disappeared down. Before my phone had even connected to 911 I saw a police cruiser pull over to watch them and then to follow them down the alley. I hung up with 911 since there was already someone there.

I took my kids and continued our trek home. I was rounding the corner when I saw the police cruiser come out the other end of the alley. I flagged him down and asked if he had caught up with them. The officer told me that they were a stressed out couple who were walking home from the hospital. That baby wasn't even 48 hours old. They live in the apartment complex that backs up to the alley. Because it was only a verbal argument the officer couldn't do anything except advise them to head home.

I am so upset. I know that if my kids had not been there I would have been able to do something. When my kids are with me I am in full defense mode. My thoughts are only about protecting my own kids. Now, because of my inability to act that baby might be in serious danger. What kind of life can that baby expect to have with parents who are willing to just throw the baby at a complete stranger when it is not even two days old? I wish I had run into the street to save that poor little guy. I know that I have to put my kids first. I will always put my kids first. That doesn't mean that I don't feel horrible right now.

You better believe that I am going to be taking several walks a day looking for those two people. If I see them I will give them my number and let them know that they can call me any time, day or night, if things become to stressful. 

I did ask the police officer when I was talking to him. It is not illegal for me to take the baby if they offer or if it is in physical danger.

[Oganagey]

What a strange and stressful experience! If it's any consolation I think he wouldn't have let you take the baby, and was just doing it to upset the woman involved or perhaps to make a point. So even if you had acted immediately and told the man you would take him, the outcome would probably have remained the same. However it's a great show of your caring character that you would take on that responsibility, and also very admirable that you'll look for the couple and offer protection to that child if it needs it. I hope you're ok!! 

[babayaga67]

I did almost cry when I went to the grocery store and saw a woman pick up her son and give him a kiss on the cheek. I think that this is going to stay with me for a while.

@Oganagey I love babies. The way the man was shaking that baby scared me. My husband, mother in law and friend all agreed that I should have grabbed the baby. I think that once you are a parent it is just a natural reaction. It's not something that you think of as being an additional responsibility. I still have all of my kids' baby stuff, so it's not like it would really cost me anything.

[Mouseykins]

I think you did the right thing in the moment. Whose to say that the man or the woman wouldn't have gotten physical with you or your kids. As you said you went into defence mode. Your first priority is your children. You did the right thing and called 911 and spoke with the officer. In your situation I would have done the same I think. As heartbreaking as it is to see another helpless life threatened, my kids are more important. I probably would have doubted my decision afterwards like you're doing. You acted on instinct and that's our most important mom superpower.

Here the hospital staff and public health nurses make sure you have a support system when you leave the hospital. Having a baby is not something you adjust to overnight even though you've had 9-10 months to prepare for it. I hope this couple can manage their issues and care for their child properly or do the right thing and turn the child over to family services.

Still scary you had to witness that!

[jellysundae]

Wow, I'm not confident for that child's survival. His shaking of a child too young to support its head could have done permanent damage, couldn't it : / But the incident will be on record with the police now, won't it? Not that that counts for much really, this sounds like a man with considerable anger issues and I imagine both the mother and child are at risk if they stay with him. 

I also pity their neighbours in that apartment building if that baby turns out to be a cryer because he's NOT going to take kindly to that . . . but at least that will mean more reports to the police about the situation.

[babayaga67]

@Mouseykins Thank you. I have been telling myself that I did what was right by my kids. A part of me will probably always feel bad for not grabbing the baby, but I can't change what happened.

We do have 24 hour medical help in our town. The hospitals have dozens of programs, classes and people who are there to help new moms. The only catch is that the moms have to want the help. The nurses don't know that a new mom is stressed out after leaving the hospital if she doesn't say anything.

@jellysundae I am not worried about the mom. She was giving just as much as she was taking. She had quite the potty mouth on her. I don't know that there was an actual police report filed since there was no violence. The police officer was just stopping to have a quick chat. He was not dispatched to the situation. I technically did not call 911 since the phone never connected.

I hope that in the future the couple will be able to become actual parents, not just some people who have a kid. There is a difference.

[Kute]

I can only imagine what a terrible and stressful situation that must have been. That is awful. I hope that guy was kidding.  You seem like such a kind and caring person to react the way you did.  I wouldve been too freaked out and cried running home or something weird. I hope the child is able to be cared for properly.    

[babayaga67]

Just in case anyone is  wondering, no, I have not seen either the man or woman involved since Thursday. I am still keeping a lookout though. I don't take my kids with me when I go to the convenience store. I walk along the alley where I last saw them twice a day. No crying babies in dumpsters. I hope that that is a good sign.

I don't think that the couple have family in town to help with the baby because they had walked over a mile from the hospital to get home. No one in my family would let me do that when I tried. I felt great after my third and was ready to go exercise and show my baby the world! No one else thought that it was a good idea (including my doctor) so I sat in the wheelchair and waited while I was rolled down to the lobby and assisted onto the car.

[phill]

On 5/18/2018 at 4:31 PM, babayaga67 said:

@MouseykinsI am not worried about the mom. She was giving just as much as she was taking. She had quite the potty mouth on her. I don't know that there was an actual police report filed since there was no violence. The police officer was just stopping to have a quick chat. He was not dispatched to the situation. I technically did not call 911 since the phone never connected.

I hope that in the future the couple will be able to become actual parents, not just some people who have a kid. There is a difference.

 

Would it be possible for you to lodge an official report or complaint now, after the fact?  I don't know, it may be useful down the line to document that there have been prior problems with this couple and their baby. I know I would feel happier if it happened to me if I'd made official channels aware of the problem.

And honestly, I know you are beating yourself up right now, but I think it was the right thing to do not to take the baby from the man in the street right there and then in the heat of the moment when they were obviously arguing about the baby. I think there would have been a strong chance or one or both of the parents turning up at your door in a few days bringing trouble for your own family.