Boo on being an adult

[babayaga67]

I just need to vent for a minute and, since I have no friends in real life, I am going to do it here. There is no reason to read this, it just feels better to write everything down.

 

As I'm sure many of you know, I am a stay at home mom of three. Well, I used to be. The week before Christmas I got myself a part time job as a hostess because I need a break every now and then from the chaos. I love my job. I only work 11-3. It is the place where I worked right before I had my first kid, and they have asked me to come back on a few occasions. My husband wouldn't buy me a gym membership, so the only other thing that I could think of to get my mini vacations was a job.

Before I even was able to work one day I received a call from my youngest's doctor trying to schedule my son for a cranial ultrasound on my second day of work. I asked for a different day, and they told me that I would have to wait a month and a half for the next available day. Well, I wasn't going to push out my babies brain scan that long. I called my work to tell them that I was going to have to take my second day off, and had to talk to the new manager who I had never met. It was SO embarrassing. BTW, everything was fine, the doctor was trying to cover all bases just in case. All of my kids have really small heads which they get from me. I wear a child's M in hats, and toddler in glasses frames.

My second week of work my kids had two separate appointments that I had to go to before I had work, so I was running around like a mad man two out of three days that I had work.

Last week something happened with my husband and he was in bed crying/screaming for three days straight. I went to work because he didn't want to go to the doctor until he was able to walk on his own (stubborn ^&*$&^*$&%*#$&@). I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but my husband was bitten by a brown recluse last Aug. That's right, over 15 months ago. He STILL hadn't been to the doctor! He finally relented when he began to worry that his kidneys were failing. So he swore to me that we would go to the doctor on Wed to see what was going on and to have someone look at the bite on his foot. He doesn't have a primary doctor, so I tried to take him to the Urgent Care facility. He had his wallet stolen two weeks ago when he dropped it in the driveway. (We have a security system and watched playback of some random person grabbing it about fifteen minutes after my husband came inside on day) The Urgent Care won't see you without a picture ID. I tried to get him to go to the ER instead, but he knew that they were likely to check him in for a few days because of the damage to his foot so he tried to strike a new deal with me. (stubborn &%&^$^#%$) Thur was his birthday, and he didn't want to spend it in the hospital, so could we please wait until Fri? I relented.

Then, because the universe is trying really hard to mess everything up for me, all three of my kids caught some bug. I called their doctor three times on Fri, leaving messages because no one answered before I remembered that they were closed on Fri. My husband had gone to work (real smart guy), and didn't return until after 6 pm. My kids are all asleep right now, but as soon as they wake up I am going to get them dressed and take them in to see someone [They have fevers and BAD coughing fits. They are having trouble eating because it hurts to swallow. My middle one can't afford to loose more weight as she is already in the 14th percentile (out of 100 girls her age she is only bigger than 14)]. After that I get to take my husband in to the ER and have him checked in.

I have also caught whatever my kids are passing around, so I might have to call off of work this week.

I am still doing everything at my house too. Three meals a day (I pack lunches in the refrigerator for them on days I work), all of the cleaning in the kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, living areas, laundry, dishes, bathing the kids, feeding the dog and cat, cleaning up the yard three times a week (dog), dusting everything twice a week, vacuuming, sweeping and mopping the whole house AND take care of three sick kids and a sick husband. All on 3-5 hours of sleep a day, for the past 6 months. Yeah, so easy being a stay at home mom.

I'll be darned if I give up my job though! I NEED my three/four breaks a week.

I am also what is called a CB, or Cheap B (I hope you can figure out what the B stands for since I don't want to write it out). Feeding five people is expensive, so I coupon and hunt for deals like you would not believe. I don't pay full price for anything except, occasionally, milk or meat. I capitalize on one day sales a lot, and there was one today for 8 oz cheese for .99 that I had to go and get. I had a few other coupons that I was able to add on that, so I bought 5 lbs of cheese for 6 bucks this morning. Silver lining!

Yeah, THANKS UNIVERSE!!! I really appreciate how easy you make everything!

 

My kids are stirring, so it's time to get them started!

[jellysundae]

Wow, just wow . . .

Life's REALLY got it in for you at the moment, hasn't it.  :^/ Also your husband really needs to get his head out of his behind, doesn't he.

Let's just hope that fate takes an interest in someone else now and gives you a break.

Maybe the cheese fairy has changed your luck?

[acmerasta]

Wow. I don't have words. You're amazing!! But I hope things improve though and you get a break. 

[queen_hatshepset]

Hang in there mama's. You are an inspiration! I hope it will get easier. Just know that a time will pass and you will have adjusted to this new life style and it should become easier. I hope your husband will be able to realize he lives in that home too and can help around a little bit. He is not a guest and that he also dirties dishes, clothes, and the bathroom too. Parenting and living together is a joint effort and one should not expect praise or congratulations for cleaning up after ones self. I am still working on that with my husband, thankfully he does his own laundry and will shop and cook with me. Just know you have good friends to listen here!

[Mouseykins]

Wow your husband sounds like a real stubborn person. I hope he gets some medical attention ASAP!

I'm sorry your year is off to a craptastic start.

I have some advice that may help you retain some of your sanity. I'm a mom of three as well so I know how rough things can be with just the kids. My oldest is 6 now and my middle is 3, with the youngest only 9 months old. The biggest piece of advice I have for you is to not worry so much about those growth charts/curves. Not every child is the same and all grow at different rates. I'm a small lady, so my girls are small. My 1st child constantly fluctuated on the growth charts causing me to worry unnecessarily. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her. I caved and started formula feeding her to boost her weight and get the doc and health unit nurses off my back. That is a decision I regret. She was weaned from me at 7 months! Far too early! My middle constantly dropped percentiles at EVERY checkup! I was almost referred to a specialist because she wasn't "gaining" as to the normal "standards". She was perfectly healthy and still is. I never once formula fed her either. My 3rd has been fluctuating a bit and with her, I'm not even bothering to take her in for the 3-month checkups. She was seen 1 week after birth, at 6 weeks and again at 6 months. I'm not bothering with her 9-month check-up and won't be bringing her in until she's a year old. As long as I know she's gaining weight and is healthy then I'm satisfied. Now unless your child(ren) have a medical condition I wouldn't stress about that so much.

As for your kids being sick, depending on their age there may not be anything specifically marketed on the shelves for them. Ignore that! Find something like Tylenol Cough and Cold for Children. It should have a cough suppressant in it. This will help stop the coughing. My girls when they start coughing they will continuously cough until they make a projectile mess! This stuff was a lifesaver! Because it has acetaminophen in it, don't give regular Tylenol or other meds with acetaminophen. For my 6-year old we gave her the full dose since she's 6 and that was what the product was labelled for. My 3-year-old we gave her half the dose for a 6-year-old and about every 8 hours or so instead of every 4-6 like it said on the bottle. I was very careful not to give her too much. I had my husband bring her to the hospital one morning when he went in for a chest infection because she was still coughing and it did not sound good at all. The doctor even said to get that type of medicine and give it to her. I told him I already have been giving it to her. He looked at me and asked if I was giving her the correct dose. I told him I halved the normal dose and he said that was perfectly fine. Last school year was a HORRIBLE season for us with being sick constantly! I'm grateful that this year has been better. Just something for you to try and consider.

I'm also a stay at home Mom too. I'd love to get a job for a few hours and get out of the house, but our schedules just don't allow it, plus being in a small town there's nothing here for me. For now I am perfectly content spending every waking moment with my girls. I hope things settle down for you soon and you can light a fire under your husband's rear (figuratively, please don't actually set him on fire ) to get him to shape up and start being a bit more responsible for his health and maybe give you a hand around the house when he's home a bit more so you're not so busy.

My husband works 10 hour days 8 days in a row and he gets 6 off. On those 6 days he basically looks after the older ones if I'm resting and he'll cook supper and help me with things I didn't get a chance to do while he was at work. I don't have to ask him and he never complains. He understands how hard I work around here to keep everyone fed and happy. He should be waking me up if I sleep late, but he doesn't. I'm supposed to get up around a certain time to give our pup her medicine. He let me sleep in twice last week and Mouse missed her medication until later in the afternoon. She won't take it from him, it has to be me. She sees him grab it and she tucks her tail and books it up the stairs. With me, she'll just hang her head and pout as she saunters over to me so I can medicate her. We do this twice a day and she's gotten used to me doing it.

Maybe since you're husband is so great at bargaining you can bargain with him. Ask him to do something around the house while you're away etc. Whatever you need to be done. If he doesn't do it then you won't say cook for him or do his laundry, something that he relies on you for. If you take away that power, he may smarten up and realize he should be doing more to help you out. This is, of course, implying that he doesn't help out, so if he does then disregard. Your post wasn't too clear on this fact.

Feel free to PM if you want to discuss anything further. My door (inbox ) is always open!

[charelan]

I sure can't say it better than any of the other posters - you do a TON and your family is so lucky to have you. I can't even imagine having so many demands on you at all times. You are amazing to be so on top of it all. I'm glad you have a job that sounds like not only a good spot to get some time to yourself, but that is very accommodating. You may not have friends "in real life", but please know you do have friends here, and we are always willing to lend an ear.

But PLEASE somehow get your husband to have that spider bite checked out/ treated!!! A brown recluse is terrifying! I'm imagining all sorts of terrible things and I'm sure the longer he goes the worse the tissue damage could be.

[babayaga67]

10 hours ago, Mouseykins said:

Maybe since you're husband is so great at bargaining you can bargain with him. Ask him to do something around the house while you're away etc. Whatever you need to be done. If he doesn't do it then you won't say cook for him or do his laundry, something that he relies on you for. If you take away that power, he may smarten up and realize he should be doing more to help you out.

I already took away the laundry because our washing machine broke a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, me not doing something in order to force my husband's hand has serious side effects...

I thought that the dryer would be the first to go because it is terrible, but I was wrong. I was having to wring out clothes by hand and hang them up around the bathroom overnight just so that my dryer could handle it. I told him to replace the thing because I was hurting my hands on the towels (you try wringing out fifteen full size towels by hand enough that they don't drip everywhere!).

Remember, the universe hates me.

My husband placed an online order for a washing machine on Wed. The delivery date was the next Thur. I woke up the Sun morning after he had ordered the washer but before it was delivered and tried to make breakfast. My fridge was broken. I kicked it a few times and it did restart, but I was freaking out. I have a big family and I try hard to get food as cheap as possible. Most things are a one time chance price wise, so it would cost a lot to replace everything in there. My husband found my a beautiful new fridge as a warehouse deal. It has a few dings on one side, but that does not effect how it works. So, new fridge on Sunday, new washer to come in on Thur, I was very happy. Then, on Tuesday, one of the burners on my stove wouldn't turn off. We had to unplug it completely. Needless to say, that was also replaced.

I don't know if the universe just hates me, or it was trying to help me. All of our appliances were horribly outdated, but in one week I got 3 out of 4 major appliances replaced. Yes, it was expensive, but oh how I don't care! They are SOOOO nice and make my life way easier.

On 1/6/2018 at 10:26 AM, jellysundae said:

 Also your husband really needs to get his head out of his behind, doesn't he.

My husband did go to the hospital yesterday. He waited in the ER for about two hours before giving up and coming home. He is going to try to go back again today, but has some work to finish up first.

[hpb63094]

Oh jeez! I think you've had all your bad luck for the year in the last few weeks. You're handling it like a champ, though, and there's a bit of a silver lining already with getting the new appliances (although expensive), your husband finally getting medical care, and the cheese. Hopefully more silver linings on the way! We're all here to support you and listen to you vent when you need to!

[babayaga67]

2 hours ago, hpb63094 said:

Oh jeez! I think you've had all your bad luck for the year in the last few weeks.

Oh aren't you optimistic! Thank you.

Unfortunately, the universe is rarely kind to me. Don't get me wrong, I do love my life (a lot of that is thanks to my kids and husband), but it has taken a lot to get here. Here's just one example - I was kidnapped three separate times when I was between the ages of five and eleven. Different people in different places for different reasons. (That might be part of the reason that I have so many trust issues and don't have any friends in real life...)

Odd as it sounds, I'm not resentful that the bad things happen to me. It's not fun, but I have learned to handle it and move on. Now I also have kids, so I just don't have time to care about people being jerks. I have been through many bad situations that I would NEVER wish on anyone else. I have watched family members fall to drugs, sexual promiscuity and severe depression from just a fraction of what I have dealt with. I don't know if I am stronger mentally or just plain stupid, but I have never had those temptations. I honestly never understood why anyone would consider that an option. My brain just doesn't work that way.

Don't take it personally, but one of the things that I love about TDN is that I never HAVE to meet anyone personally. You guys are all REALLY nice. I am awkward with relationships, but no one here gets their feelings hurt if I just disappear for days or weeks at a time. You guys are great, thanks!

My husband has gone back to the ER to try again to see a doctor.

I am just super chatty this weekend - Let's learn about babayaga's insane life!

Sorry

[Mouseykins]

Wow, that's some insane appliance malfunctions there! Hopefully, nothing else goes on you *knocks on wood*.

Bargaining with your husband was a thought at least.

Hopefully, he actually stays long enough at the hospital to see a doctor.

[babayaga67]

40 minutes ago, Mouseykins said:

Hopefully, he actually stays long enough at the hospital to see a doctor.

He is at the ER right now, and he just messaged me to let me know that he is heading on back to the patient rooms 

[Mouseykins]

Good for him! I'm glad he stayed long enough to be seen!

Honestly, a 2-hour wait in the ER is nothing. Normally when I go I'm waiting 4 hours minimum until I see my doctor.

[jellysundae]

13 hours ago, babayaga67 said:

Don't take it personally, but one of the things that I love about TDN is that I never HAVE to meet anyone personally. You guys are all REALLY nice. I am awkward with relationships, but no one here gets their feelings hurt if I just disappear for days or weeks at a time. You guys are great, thanks!

THIS!

This is where the internet is REALLY beneficial!

For all the people out there who say having no friends and/or shutting yourself away, and only talking to people online is unhealthy etc., that's just too narrow a viewpoint, because for some people it enables them to interact with others in a way that they might not be able to in RL, for any amount of reasons.

I'm SO glad hubby's finally getting some medical attention. Here's hoping things turn out ok!

[babayaga67]

He was at the ER yesterday from 6 pm to 2 am this morning. They ran dozens of blood tests. According to the paper work he is a perfectly healthy 36 year old. All of his numbers are spot on. He has no infections, no diabetes, no auto immune disorders (there are dozens of different auto immune disorders and I do not mean the AIDS that you develop from HIV, but he doesn't have that either), not a darn thing is wrong. Until you look up and see the giant gaping hole in his foot. They don't know why his foot hasn't healed, so now he has to call a podiatrist today after I get off of work.

I am actually very relieved. I was so worried that he was going to have to get his foot cut off. No infection means that it is just a waiting game with no imminent threat of death or loss of limb.

I am out of reactions today, so here-

@Mouseykins like

@jellysundae like

[jellysundae]

Oh wow, seems he's been super lucky to NOT have some serious problem incubating because of that bite? That's a huge relief, and hopefully he'll not bury his head in the sand so much in future.

Hope life does cut you some slack now, it's pretty ridiculous the amount of bad it's thrown at you, though it's honestly inspiring how you don't let it grind you down, you go girl!

[babayaga67]

I am a firm believer in the idea that it can be ALWAYS be worse. I get to be home with my kids every single day. Yeah, there is always crazy stuff happening, but the people that I love are here for me and I couldn't ask for anything more. Well, maybe a winning lottery ticket, but who doesn't want that?

4 hours ago, jellysundae said:

Oh wow, seems he's been super lucky to NOT have some serious problem incubating because of that bite? That's a huge relief, and hopefully he'll not bury his head in the sand so much in future.

The doctors were so surprised that it was almost comical. They said that he should have at the very least had a staff infection.

[jellysundae]

13 hours ago, babayaga67 said:

The doctors were so surprised that it was almost comical. They said that he should have at the very least had a staff infection.

Pretty intriguing that he didn't then . . . does he truly realise how lucky he's been?

And yeah, you're so right about how it can ALWAYS get worse. Life has an infinite capacity for that, doesn't it. But it can also always get BETTER!

Hmm, just wondering, how did the bite happen, wandering somewhere in bare feet I take it? Or had the spider bedded down in his work boots or something?

[babayaga67]

I don't know if he realizes how lucky he is, but everyone else around him sure is shocked.

We have an unfinished basement that my husband used to use as a office. He was down there wearing flip flops while working when it bit him. He has since moved his office out to the garage. It's miserable during the summer and annoying to trudge through the snow in winter, but at least he hasn't been bitten.

[etrnldarkness]

I am glad to see your husband had some positive news from the ER. I hope the next doctor is able to sort out what is up with his foot and get it healing properly.

I echo the sentiments of many people here and sincerely hope things start to go better for you (the universe has to be nice some times!). Such a great thing that you don't let this tear you down and send you down a spiraling path. <3

A lot of what I read in the original post felt like just bad timing with preassigned appointments before your took the job, but then after...oh boy, so many things coming your way! Have you ever considered writing a book about the things that happen to you? What you are comfortable with anyway.

[babayaga67]

On 1/10/2018 at 7:10 AM, etrnldarkness said:

Have you ever considered writing a book about the things that happen to you? What you are comfortable with anyway.

People used to tell me that when I was in High School... Now I have another decade of crazy stuff that I could add. I have thought about it, but I just don't have the time. Plus I wouldn't want to get my facts wrong from something that happened when I was younger and I don't remember as clearly as something that happened last month. If I tried to label it as a memoir I'd get in a lot of trouble if I got anything wrong, and I have enough to deal with without adding in legal problems!