Munchies Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 There's one month left before I begin my second year of college and one week left before my psychology class ends. I've contemplated for some time now whether or not if I should change my major from Nursing (BSN) to Counseling with an Emphasis in Addiction, Chemical dependence, and Substance abuse. From my experience as a crisis counselor and the 6 1/2 weeks I spend in psychology , I feel like I would do more good as a counselor than a nurse. The problem is breaking it to my mom. I'm afraid that she will be mad and undermine me about my decision. I also feel guilty about it because I have this image in my head where I'm this person who has everything planned out to the last tiny detail and will always follow through with that initial plan; it turns out that I'm not that girl in the image, instead there's a 19 year old girl who is still trying to get a sense of what being an adult really is. And she's terrified that things aren't going the way she pictured them. Sigh.. things are scary right now and I really don't know how to handle them. I've honestly been pushing back what'd going on in my mind, but turns out that it's only making things worse. On the bright side, I got a letter from my pen pal in Texas!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranga_muffin Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 go for what makes you happy. If you enjoy psych and can see yourself becoming a qualified counsellor, then why not? Think about why it might make your mum mad, and ask yourself if she might have a point, i.e. will she be mad because you've required a lot from her in order to be able to study nursing etc., and the think about how you can help her feel okay with it, as that'll probably make you feel okay with your decision. This time last year I was finishing my third year of psych, and contemplating whether or not I wanted to continue and become qualified even though I really don't want to be a psychologist (I want to be a forensic psychologist which requires you be a straight psychologist first). I was also contemplating studying archaeology so that I could do forensic anthropology/archaeology. I knew that my mum might not like the fact I wanted to change paths but would support me. I also knew that I didn't want to spend the forseeable future doing something I no longer enjoyed. I chose archaeology and I'm glad that I did. If it makes you happy and it'll actually get you somewhere, and you have the means, then go with it! also, bravo on being a crisis counsellor, that's intense! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 It's your life. It's your decision. Hang on to that fact. Your mum doesn't get to decide what you should do, enough already with the emotional blackmail BS that parents pull in situations like this! If you were anyone other than her child then she'd probably be encouraging you, use that as an argument with her if she fights against you changing majors. Because the majority of parents just can't see past the fact that you are their child, and as parents tend to treat their kids like some kind of possession that isn't allowed to make its own decisions, these kind of situations arise. The kind that every generation resents their parents for, and swears blind that they'll never do to their own kids, then turns around and does exact that... You sound like you've really got your head together, though I suspect you'll think I'm nuts for saying that. But if you can see that you're still trying to find yourself that says a lot to me. Bravo on wanting to become a councellor, you've got my ultimate respect for that, and the very best of luck to you with succeeding with your goals! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xepha Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 If you are sure of yourself, change your major as soon as possible. The more you wait, the more unhappy you will be in what you are currently doing. I know it for a fact because I almost completed a degree before saying out loud this is not for me, going to arts instead. Of course, some people looked at me as if I had done the biggest mistake of my life but my mom was always supportive of all my decisons. If you don't know how to break the news, I'd give you one piece of advise someone gave me recently. There will never be a right moment. So as soon as you are (alone perhaps?) with your mom, explain her how you feel and why you believe you should change your major. If you are rational about it and lay down your arguments, I'm sure she will be happy to listen. .Brianna. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charelan Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 This is one of those times in life where you really need to go with how you feel. If you don't you will probably regret it later and spend the rest of your days wondering 'what if??!!' I know breaking news to parents is hard but ultimately its you not them that has to live with the choice. And as time goes by your mom will get used to it. This doesn't mean you're someone who doesn't follow through - it means you're someone who uses your life experiences to grow up and make the best decisions. I have enough friends who took the paths their parents forced on them and really wish they hadn't... when you're a little older your parents opinions become slightly less important because you realize they aren't you and can't decide what makes you happy. Good luck making it happen! jellysundae 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeyrCat Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I honestly can't give you better advice than what's already here, because I agree with it. Your life is long, and you should be happy and interested in what you're doing. If you tell her you're interested in this other field, she'll get over it. Hopefully. Don't forget that you don't have to pick a job for the REST OF YOUR LIFE (dun dun dun). You can change your mind later. Pick the one that interests you the most, give it your all, and go for it. Tell her WHY you're making the decision, and that's really all you can do. jellysundae 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I totally understand where you are coming from. If I were you I would start the conversation with your mom sooner than later. You don't necessarily have to come out with "hey mom, I'm changing my major!". Just get her opinions on things so she can explain why she may think it would be a bad choice for you. It's really helpful to have an open dialogue with parents throughout the college process. Ultimately it is your life, however I know a lot of parents (including mine) help pay for college and do a lot of work to get us to a place of success. I had an inevitable medical hiccup two years ago that forced me to leave my painting degree behind. I worked very hard for two years to get this degree so it was really disappointing to have to leave. Now I'm on the path to a new arts management degree and I think it is working out for the better. Unfortunately it does mean going to school much longer than expected but the only thing my mother tells me now is- "just get a degree." and I'm enjoying that new philosophy. Things will fall into place :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munchies Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your support! I ended up not talking to my mom about it and just doing it. If she asks then I'll give her my explanation as to why. lizzyjane101 and jellysundae 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Really good for you for going with your heart, especially because what you want to do is so very worthy and awesome. I'm sure your mum's gonna be so proud of you, even if she does have to get a load of finger-wagging and recriminations out of her system first. The hugest amount of good luck to you! Munchies 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzyjane101 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Kudos to you for doing what makes you happy. I mean, yeah, it feels good to be consistent and always follow through with our plans, but circumstances change. If you never changed your mind about anything, you'd never learn anything and it's important to know that if you try something, and you realise you'd rather be doing something slightly different, then that was an important learning experience you had and it was meaningful and worthwhile spending time on. Let us know how the new major goes this semester, I'm sure you'll do brilliantly <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munchies Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 UPDATE: So I told my mom today that I was changing my major and as I predicted she didn't take it very well. Understandable, but she said to me that each time I change my major, it's going to screw me over... I'm not sure how I feel about that statement... Oh well, at least she knows now and it's one less thing to worry about. jellysundae 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 i wonder why she feels that way, is she speaking from negative personal experience? She's accepted that you're changing it without trying to force you not to though, and that's great. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munchies Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 i wonder why she feels that way, is she speaking from negative personal experience? She's accepted that you're changing it without trying to force you not to though, and that's great. :D She didn't go to college, but she may have heard stories from other people who changed their major; my guess would be that those people changed it to something that was completely off the wall from what they were originally studying and had a hard time adjusting to it. I think she's thinking from a financial perspective and her perfectionism; which is something both her and I struggle with. She definitely doesn't see the way that I do, but that's okay. Parents tend to fight more with their kids when they're nearing or in their 20's... right?? I'm glad that she's accepted the change, in general it's hard for her to accept change. I hope she will see my perspective soon.. jellysundae 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 It sounds like she's letting you do what you want, despite it being totally not what she really wants to do, so kudos to her! I'd say you can guarantee that she's looking at it from the money side of things, because that's often the very first thing that parents think about at times like these. Some parents would rather their kid took some dead end job in McDonalds that makes them totally miserable, rather than persuing their dream; simply because their dream isn't guaranteed to give them financial security. Yep, if she's managing to hold back all these parental fears, and not lay down the law and stop you from doing something you really want to do, then she deserves a big hug. :D Munchies 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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