I can't stand my dad.

[Lady Lyuba]

All I did today was simply state the fact that a peach was going bad already. That it had to be eaten soon. And what did Dad take that as? A COMPLAIN! I DID NOT GRIPE I WAS SIMPLY STATING THE OBVIOUS! All this monster does is take every thing I say as a gripe or complain. So now he tells me he'll never buy peaches again. I love peaches and now I'll never get any more! Excuse me for simply stating something obvious. Excuse me for simply speaking my thoughts out loud. Things happen FAR less often than he thinks. He thinks stuff like this happens a TON when it only happened once or twice. How can my mom stay married to this demon? How? He's horrible, and I want him gone. I'm now wanting to cut my tongue out. Dad would actually LIKE me if I couldn't speak. So if I can't talk anymore, this would stop happening.

[leverhelven]

I know all too well how it feels having such kind of father. You have to focus on either leaving home or waiting for a divorce (if that's even a possibility). I won't say "just ignore it" because I've heard this all my life and I know it's not nearly as simple.

 

If you need anything, you can talk to me.

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

I don't have a dad but things like that happen with my mother quite a bit but all I can suggest is to go in your room and just stay in there although that may not work if you are not an only child though but maybe talking it out with him might help but that may not work if he's like that sorry that I don;t really know of any ways to help.

[Lady Lyuba]

I won't cut my tongue out of course, but I may have to practice just not speaking very much anymore when my dad is around. *sigh* My mom is kind of a translator for my dad and I, and she's away most of the time anymore now.

[Shelley]

hey, your dads not going to stop you from going out and buying peaches on your own :)

 

I've had problems with my dad as well. But the best thing that happened was going to college. Independence it key! I mean now we get along, but it was real difficult at one point. I would get so angry I would be screaming into pillows. I've never had to deal with an abusive dad though. I hope you can find some way to deal with your situation. The best thing is going out for a walk, or a nice drive (granted you have a car/licence). Maybe there's a friend you can call and you two can go out for some peach ice cream :) Independence is key!

 

Some ridiculous arguments with my dad I've found that I have to act like the adult. Much like your peach fight, I had a fight over cookies. I had to step back and be like wait. this is over COOKIES.

[Neechan]

I understand this better than a person should. For the longest time I felt trapped in my own home because no matter what I would say it would either be ignored or taken the wrong way. And then when I gave up they got mad at me for never spending time with them. It was hard, but I learned to hold my tongue and keep to myself more often than not. And ultimately I was able to get out of that poisonous environment and move on. I'm still having troubles moving on completely, but my life is much easier now. Of course, keeping to yourself about your problems can be hard- so find someone you can really confide in who won't think you're just complaining. A trusted friend or someone who knows how it is. Tell them how you feel and talk through it with them. And if you really have a hard time keeping it in, then try sitting down with your dad and explain that you're not trying to complain and you don't mean to make him mad quite as often as you do, but you feel he takes what you say the wrong way sometimes. The worst that can happen is an argument, right? =)

[wanderwisp]

Yeah, your dad doesn't sound all that bad. Like, you could have a dad that beats and abuses you, but that seems to not be the case. If you want peaches so bad, buy them yourself. You're being extremely overdramatic.

[Navy]

I know the feeling, my father is very emotionally abusive, and he used to be physically abusive to my mother.

He's an alcoholic and my childhood wasn't very pleasant because of him. My mother would be better off without him, but she refuses to leave him.n

I know it sounds harsh but I'm just waiting on him to croak so my mother can live the rest of her life in peace.

 

Yeah, your dad doesn't sound all that bad. Like, you could have a dad that beats and abuses you, but that seems to not be the case. If you want peaches so bad, buy them yourself. You're being extremely overdramatic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallacy_of_relative_privation

The discussion wasn't about peaches, the discussion was about her father twisting her words around and then using them to threaten her.

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE PEACHES I'LL NEVER BUY PEACHES AGAIN"

Said behavior is destructive, aggravating, and depressing.

[wanderwisp]

Okay, but that's the equivalent of a parent saying that if a child doesn't stop acting up they'll "turn this car around and go straight back home". I personally feel that the OP is over reacting because there's honestly so much more that could be going on that apparently isn't. They're freaking peaches. Grow up and buy your own peaches if you're so concerned, or eat the one that's there.

[Lady Lyuba]

I understand this better than a person should. For the longest time I felt trapped in my own home because no matter what I would say it would either be ignored or taken the wrong way. And then when I gave up they got mad at me for never spending time with them. It was hard, but I learned to hold my tongue and keep to myself more often than not. And ultimately I was able to get out of that poisonous environment and move on. I'm still having troubles moving on completely, but my life is much easier now. Of course, keeping to yourself about your problems can be hard- so find someone you can really confide in who won't think you're just complaining. A trusted friend or someone who knows how it is. Tell them how you feel and talk through it with them. And if you really have a hard time keeping it in, then try sitting down with your dad and explain that you're not trying to complain and you don't mean to make him mad quite as often as you do, but you feel he takes what you say the wrong way sometimes. The worst that can happen is an argument, right? =)

 

I can't. My dad and I cannot communicate, and both of us have a disability in that area. We have barriers in the same places. Even if I were to sit him down and talk about it, he would STILL blow up in my face and start yelling at me. He refuses to listen to me. And when he blows up like that, I blow up, and we continue to blow up at each other and make everything worse.

 

Okay, but that's the equivalent of a parent saying that if a child doesn't stop acting up they'll "turn this car around and go straight back home". I personally feel that the OP is over reacting because there's honestly so much more that could be going on that apparently isn't. They're freaking peaches. Grow up and buy your own peaches if you're so concerned, or eat the one that's there.

 

You sound just like my dad. You also would probably think I overreact to everything and am a drama queen. Maybe YOU'D get along with my dad, I don't know, you don't know me, you don't know my dad. Dad easily takes offense to anything, and he should grow up. And you, too. My dad is a twister of words and is easily angered. As am I. Minus the word twisting. Like the person above said, he was twisting what I said and made it into a gripe and a complaint when I was simply stating some fruit was going bad. He takes everything I say this way. And you seem to be taking my dad's side and blaming this on me. Just like my dad would do.

 

I made the first post not too long after this happened, so I was of course upset, and when I'm upset, I am an irrational monster. If anything I got this all from him. It's his fault I was born this way.

[decchild]

I totally understand, since my father is like that too, except worse. (Mine was both verbally and physically abusive to my family as well, and even being at uni a continent away didn't allow me to escape it. Despite what wanderwisp says, stuff like what your father is saying is meant to hurt you and make you feel guilty for nothing, and you shouldn't be upset that you are upset.)

 

I know it's hard, but you just have to bite your tongue and be the bigger person, even though it is incredibly difficult. If you can move out, do it, but if you can't, just try to get into as little contact with him as possible, whether it's avoiding having the same meal times, the same routines, etc.

 

Like leverhelven said, if you need someone to chat, please feel free to NM me.

[Duskitty]

Okay, but that's the equivalent of a parent saying that if a child doesn't stop acting up they'll "turn this car around and go straight back home". I personally feel that the OP is over reacting because there's honestly so much more that could be going on that apparently isn't. They're freaking peaches. Grow up and buy your own peaches if you're so concerned, or eat the one that's there.

That is not the equivalent of a parent saying that. Her dad was twisting her words and making them so he could have an excuse to get angry at her.

[nightfall8705]

I think your dad could benefit from counseling or a talk with his doctor. There could be a medical reason why he does what he does. It doesn't make the actions right or any less damaging, but it's a step in the right direction to remedy the situation if there is treatment involved. Nevertheless, I hope things get better for you, hun. If you need a virtual shoulder, feel free to message me too. <3

[leverhelven]

I think your dad could benefit from counseling or a talk with his doctor. There could be a medical reason why he does what he does. It doesn't make the actions right or any less damaging, but it's a step in the right direction to remedy the situation if there is treatment involved. Nevertheless, I hope things get better for you, hun. If you need a virtual shoulder, feel free to message me too. <3

 

I don't think he'd accept that because such kind of people also believe there's nothing wrong with them; it's everyone around them that has a problem. It's a classic behaviour, unfortunately.

 

But I agree with people that say you should buy your own peaches. Maybe you can even hide them from your father so he doesn't create even more problems from the fact that you're buying them.

[Lady Lyuba]

 

I don't think he'd accept that because such kind of people also believe there's nothing wrong with them; it's everyone around them that has a problem. It's a classic behaviour, unfortunately.

 

But I agree with people that say you should buy your own peaches. Maybe you can even hide them from your father so he doesn't create even more problems from the fact that you're buying them.

 

EXACTLY. My dad thinks he is the only sane man and everybody else is the world is stupid and has something wrong with them.

 

Another problem: I have no car or good method of transportation to get to the nearest market. Buying my own has its own problems. Plus the best market for produce is too far out.

[minniemeggie]

Yeah, your dad doesn't sound all that bad. Like, you could have a dad that beats and abuses you, but that seems to not be the case. If you want peaches so bad, buy them yourself. You're being extremely overdramatic.

 

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size." Mark Twain

Some things in life cannot be measured, if you feel that what she said was over dramatic then IGNORE her and move on. Your response only drudges up more negativity and anger. I don't understand what you were hoping to accomplish with your post other then making a lot of people angry.

 

Lady - I can't exactly empathize with you because I personally have a fantastic relationship with my father, but my step-mother and I have a similar relationship. When I got married in my fathers backyard she left town for four weeks because she can't "DEAL" with me. I have an amazing relationship with my mothers new husband and I had a great relationship with my previous step-mother but shes delusional and thinks its because she's 'stole' my dad away. But uh no, I will always be a daddy's girl. Anyway we have been staying at their house while my husband deals with his recently deceased fathers estate here in town. Anyway last night I made dinner, like I do every night, my dad asked me to make some rice to go along with the roast. My EXACT words were "Poppy, there are loads of potatoes in with the roast, I'm concerned about your starch intake, you doctor said to cut back, no rice tonight okay?" My step-mother (I call her Jabba because she looks like a frog and is close to 300lbs I know its mean but whatever I hate her. My mom used to be that big too but she wasn't a terrible person haha) started screaming at me, telling me I was ungrateful and rude. Saying that I was being a selfish B- and etc. Now I don't allow screaming and especially not curse words around my kiddos so I stood up, motion to my kids and started for the door, silently. OOOOH man that made her crazy angry but we left and stayed at a hotel.

 

I wish you had the same luxury I do and be able to just leave whenever your dad starts getting crazy on you. sorry love :<

[Sinvanor]

All I did today was simply state the fact that a peach was going bad already. That it had to be eaten soon. And what did Dad take that as? A COMPLAIN! I DID NOT GRIPE I WAS SIMPLY STATING THE OBVIOUS! All this monster does is take every thing I say as a gripe or complain. So now he tells me he'll never buy peaches again. I love peaches and now I'll never get any more! Excuse me for simply stating something obvious. Excuse me for simply speaking my thoughts out loud. Things happen FAR less often than he thinks. He thinks stuff like this happens a TON when it only happened once or twice. How can my mom stay married to this demon? How? He's horrible, and I want him gone. I'm now wanting to cut my tongue out. Dad would actually LIKE me if I couldn't speak. So if I can't talk anymore, this would stop happening.

That's abuse. Flat out to make someone feel bad for no reason is mental abuse and isn't something to mess around with. I would get therapy as he's probably made deep seated scars over time, if not though, that's awesome because it's really rare that people like him don't do that.

 

He probably has psychological issues himself if he treats people like that. My guess is one of those people who never takes responsibility and blames everything on others.

 

I have two abusive parents, one is a narcissist with memory issues and the other is borderline personality disorder who flat out told me that I was interferring with their relationship (they were divorced when I was 2 and tried to get back together 3 times because they're both really stupid people in many respects). I speak now to neither of them and realizing my mom was just as bad if not worse then my father (at one point he made me so angry and hurt I physically wanted to hurt him, ironically because he was putting down or being mean to my mom, who I once was fericely protective of because she trained me to be so subconsciously) was hard. But she did similar things. Finding any excuse to be angry with me. I know my own issues make me not the easiest person to live with, but then I realized why I have the issues

 

If you can, distance yourself from him and pretend he doesn't exist. If you can, you can flat out call him out on being abusive and also childish. I don't know if he's physically aggressive though.

 

Have you told your mom about his less then adult and right minded behavior? She might be an unfortunate victim if she thinks you're overreacting or doesn't believe you. I really, really hope this isn't the case and I hope she doesn't keep him around because he helps financially. If you're at the point to be calling him a demon, then he's not worth it for any reason.

 

 

Bottom line, blood does NOT make family and parents aren't sacred, there are bad parents out there and it's not just the physically abusive ones either.

 

 

I'm so sorry you have a dad like that. I swear the last generation that were born in the 60's+ were just not really well prepared for adult hood, let alone having children. Empty promises of world peace made them all kinda bitter and for lack of a better term, messed up.

 

 

I know the feeling, my father is very emotionally abusive, and he used to be physically abusive to my mother.

He's an alcoholic and my childhood wasn't very pleasant because of him. My mother would be better off without him, but she refuses to leave him.n

I know it sounds harsh but I'm just waiting on him to croak so my mother can live the rest of her life in peace.

 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallacy_of_relative_privation

 

The discussion wasn't about peaches, the discussion was about her father twisting her words around and then using them to threaten her.

 

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE PEACHES I'LL NEVER BUY PEACHES AGAIN"

 

Said behavior is destructive, aggravating, and depressing.

This may sound harsh too, but your mom has stockholm syndrom ( In a nut shell, in case you didn't know, stockholm syndrom is when someone kidnaps you and tortures you and in defense your brain decides to think they're an alright person or even fall in love out of sheer fear of consequences for leaving them) or something similar if she won't leave him. And it's very rare for someone who is stuck in this abusive rut to get out.

 

You may want to consider an choice to her. Meaning, she chooses a relationship with you or she stays with her abusive and mentally unstable husband. You really don't need her calling you at some point or telling you what he's doing to her, and how she'll excuse it and think he's just misunderstood or something. It's up to you, but I've realized I can't handle people like that. They tend to be toxic with out meaning to because they're drowning in their own mental torment that they can't get out of.

 

Think about it this way, if she really is terrified of him to the point of refusing to leave, I'm not sure it'll be a relief for her when he dies. She may still feel like he somehow has a hold on her and not be able to move on or maybe even sad because she thinked she loved him and to realize what was actually going on would be very difficult at her age (assuming the guy doens't die in a few years for her to take)

 

Also if he is physically abusive, I doubt it won't pop up again. Specially if he won't stop drinking.

 

She needs therapy. This is a classic case of anyone who stays with an abusive partner. You may at some point need to decide if it's an issue you can handle or even want to deal with. I know that sounds harsh, but at this point I think you're the most important thing, because you're innocent in this and you can see what a horrid relationship your mom and dad have.

 

 

P.S. In response to your wiki post, OMG there is an actual word for it! I unfortunately used to use this argument when I'd hear my friends complain about things I found silly. I realize now that even that's a small form of abuse as it's saying their problems aren't worth anything, even if they're genuinely distressed. So glad to hear there is an actual term for this and I can now just comment that exact term when they use that stupid argument.

 

A problem is a problem and if someone is truly distressed should not be taken lightly. Anguish is anguish no matter how it's caused or who's feeling it and should be treated as such.

 

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