Yes All Women

[siniri]

Since this has been trending in other places, I thought we might like to discuss the "Yes All Women" campaign that's started to bring awareness to what it's like to live as a woman in many societies. In danger of mixing my online personae (oh no!), I made a post on my Tumblr account outlining some of the experiences I've had as a woman in the U.S. (I don't think there's anything inappropriate there for younger eyes.)

 

After writing this post, I feel angry that I've gotten so used to this kind of treatment that I've had to edit the post three times to add significant events. I've gotten angry that I've been told "that's no big deal" (in words and actions) for every single incident listed (with the exception of my sister's wedding, where I had to hold back my big brother -- who's also my godfather -- when he found out what happened, and convince him it wasn't worth making a scene over it). In just about every single situation, I've removed myself quietly, trying not to make a scene, knowing that if I did make a scene, I would be told once again that it was "no big deal."

 

Women deserve better treatment. We need to learn that it's okay to say no vehemently and loudly. And we -- all human beings -- need to stop acting like this kind of behavior is okay. Because it's not. And we need to stop saying "no big deal." Because it is a big deal. And if my experience is at all typical, which I believe it is, I don't want the little girls I know to grow up dealing with these same things.

[AJ11]

It is a big deal.

 

I can confirm that life in the usa for a female is pretty much the same as life here in the uk for females, at least in my experience.

 

I find it disturbing that this is the norm and I also find it worrying that it doesnt seem to be getting better..there were some great steps forward for females in some societies in the last century but now it seems that we find it hard to change the underlying prejudices and equality is still far from in our grasp

[blueberrykiwi141]

I read your post on Tumbler and loved it! I hope change comes, but I am also not holding my breath.

It is sad to say that, but I that is the way I feel. I sure do hope it does change, it would be nice.

[Batgirl]

One thing to consider (or not as suits you) is rethinking the order you present in. The first two are relatively easy to dismiss, so anyone who isn't already aware of how complex the problem is can easily fall into thinking it will all be about the same. If you opened with some of the stronger ones and sprinkled the 'lighter' ones or less accessible ones after that, I think it might help a little.

[siniri]

Batgirl, I actually tried to put it in chronological order, but I see your point. Since I don't have a lot of followers and mine is technically a Fitblr, I wasn't expecting anyone to read it. I know that some of them are "easy to dismiss" or might be seen as paranoia -- but that's part of the point, that women have to be vigilant, because sometimes when we ignore those warnings, bad things happen.

[stupidyou3]

I've discovered the movement trending on twitter by my close friend, and I heard her stories there, and let me tell you....

 

I fully, absolutely support this 10000%. I wish for change, I truly wish that everyone will be treated equally and with respect...

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

I agree I haven't personally dealt with anything but I hear and see articles about things happening to women and little girls. I don't see why men treat women as objects sometimes and why women are mostly the target of crimes and such. A year ago there was a man at this park who would "expose" himself near women and the next day they would go back and then they would be found dead a week later and they were killed by a man and when the news interviewed their family members they said they should just ignore it and look and see what happened. 5 young women died and they didn't have the chance to enjoy life to the fullest. I wish it would change because women and little girls are reported missing or dead almost every day. When me and some other girls I knew were little they almost got kidnapped multiple time when they were in parking lots with their parents in daylight and nighttime and it was either men or elderly women. Hopefully in the future women won't have to worry so much about being targeted for crimes.

[Shelley]

I had to stop reading all the aticles (example:CNN) that talked about this issue and the tweets that have been trending. I just couldn't look at the comments anymore. They really aggravated me >.<

 

Almost everyone I know has been in situations similar to yours. I remember my first year of college coming back from a party once. It was around 1am and it was my first real college party. When I was walking back to campus with a group of two other girls, we were stopped in the middle of this street when no one else was insight by three older guys. They asked us why we were leaving the party so soon and that there was another party going on at their place. We were clearly not in the right state of mind and they kept insisting we go to their house. When we tried to walk away they would just stand in front of us. I remember being really scared. They went from being friendly with smiles on their faces, to anger in just a few seconds. Once we got out of it we walked as fast as we could out to the main road. One person looked back and said they were sill looking at us as we walked away. Creepy.

 

I have also had incidents that were supposedly "no big deal" example: a boy shouting out a rating to me

...women have had to work so hard for the place we have in society today, which is still not even equal. No, not all men are like this, in fact I have soo many male friends that are nothing but respectful to women. This is not an attack on men, but a movement towards awareness.

[Duskitty]

I'm not quite old enough to have had experiences like this, but I'm getting close to that age and it's a little scary. I know I could most likely defend myself if physically assaulted - I have the knowledge and skills to do so - but it would most likely do emotional damage, and that I could not deal with.

 

I'm sick of seeing women objectified, scared to go out for fear of assault, being taught that "boys will be boys" and that you must try not to get raped, instead of teaching boys to not rape women, and that a short skirt or otherwise "revealing" clothing is "asking for it" and it's the girl's fault for being attractive. I'm sick of seeing guys complain about how a girl "friendzoned" him after he was nice to her or complimented her, and how they feel as if they're entitled to the girl for doing something so simple as holding the door for her or saying she had nice hair. I'm sick of the advertisements that depict how women are "supposed" to look, with hourglass figures, extremely long legs, flawless skin, long slender arms, a full bust and hips, and an overall over-sexualized pose. I'm sick of men treating women like they're simply fanciful things for them to play with and treat as they please, and not have a care if they break them.

 

I'm sick of this patriarchal society as a whole, and I feel it needs changing.

[decchild]

I was on Twitter last weekend reading all the tweets and articles, and I felt really sick to my stomach. Some of the comments on the articles made me so angry when there were people who pointed out that Elliot Rodgers killed more men than women, he used guns, etc etc. It's amazing how many of the people (and mostly men) suddenly developed selective memories. Rodger's first goal was to kill the women in Alpha Phi sorority, but when they wouldn't let him in, he proceeded to kill anyone who was in his way. His primary motivation was full of misogyny. He blamed women for not being attracted to him when it was blatantly obvious he was the creep. And there were tweets by people who said that the femnazis had struck again which annoyed the living daylights out of me.

 

Siniri, I totally get how you feel, especially after reading your tumblr post. I went through a rough patch (to put it nicely) at uni where a group of floor-mates, all male, started to sexually harass me. I lost so many friends that semester who believed them and helped them slut-shame me, even though the only thing I did was voice my opinions on a political issue that I was passionate about (public education). When I brought it up to the student advisor and the head of my house, it took them months to fix it (because I threatened to file a lawsuit against the school and all 3 of the idiots). The only thing they did was to tell them not to talk to me. The head gave me a choice to move or stay, except I couldn't move because I had severe allergies that required I be in that sick dorm to begin with. I spent the entire rest of year miserable since they still threw stuff at me and say things under their breath as I walked past and therapy didn't help at all. I was later diagnosed as clinically depressed and on meds for several months.

 

A year later, when I was walking across the street to go home, one of the guys tried to run me down. I later found out that the guy who did try to run me down pulled the same stunts to his ex-gf, and she avoided him by switching friends groups.

 

I wish I had sued them at the end, and it's something I regret. But I am glad that I stood up for myself, and I'm lucky that I had a parent who taught me to fight back. Even though it wasn't very successful, I at least learnt to not let this type of behaviour pass and to call people out when they made nasty comments to me or my friends (sexist or otherwise). And I'm super proud to be called a "ball busting brat" because I stood up for myself.

 

Anyway, tl;dr, I just wanted to share my story also.

[Saxen]

If I still used Tumblr I would definitely reblog that post.

 

I completely agree that people don't see the majority of those sorts of things as a big deal and when we mention them, a lot of people (and not just men), will say that we're 'overreacting' and being 'too sensitive'.

 

I used to work at a nightclub and for the most part while I was there I was working downstairs in the cloakroom by myself. All that's between me and whoever is checking in their coat is the bottom of a dutch door, and the cloakroom itself is situated around a corner from a small dancefloor which rarely has a lot of people on it. Every night I worked it I had a man hanging around that area and talking to me, trying to get my phone number. It made me quite nervous 'cause I was always alone down there and you can't see into the back of the cloakroom from the door, and that always worried me. A couple of them wouldn't leave until I gave them my number/agreed to go on a date with them, and on a few occasions I've been grabbed and kissed forcefully, at which point I've gotten the bouncers to throw them out. One of them waited outside for 3 hours until the end of my shift which was pretty scary. I got a friend of mine who's one of the bouncers to tell him to .... off, and he walked me to the bus stop.

I should have stood up for myself more when men wouldn't leave me alone, I never got anyone thrown out because of that, but as women we're taught that if he doesn't touch you, you have no right to be upset; after all, he's just "paying you a compliment". I'm ashamed of myself for not asserting myself more in these situations.

 

Also, almost every time I go out clubbing my bum is touched. I've never been able to find out who it is because most of the time it's really crowded and there's a steady stream of people trying to get from one place to another so it's hard to figure out. Every time it's made me SO ANGRY I want to punch something (preferably their face) and it's completely ruined my evening.

 

I wasn't aware of this campaign before because I don't use twitter, but I can imagine a lot of misogynistic responses to posts like ours, and it's ridiculous. It's 2014 for petes sake, these are things that should no longer exist - or at least be somewhat rare! It seems that pretty much every woman on here has a story of being assaulted or mistreated by a man.

[Azurablue]

It sickens me that in this supposedly enlightened day and age that we have a need to talk about things like this. There is nothing at all civilized about our so-called modern civilization. Especially when there are men around that would have us all back in the Dark Ages (or worse). Too many of them around the world believe that men own everything, have a right to do as they please, and frequently use religion to back it up.

 

Sadly, I am a bit of a dreamer. I believe in utopian ideals and that the human race really could work together for the betterment of all living things. The problem is that we, as a species, have not yet evolved to the point where we can let go of baser instincts, embrace reason, and truly become enlightened. Some day, but not yet. Maybe in another thousand years. Until then, we have neanderthals clumping around with their figurative clubs in hand, dragging us women around by our hair and doing unspeakable things to us.

 

Now, before someone accuses me of being a man hater: I don't believe that all males of our species are cavemen. Just a large number of them. They can usually be found in control of things somewhere, finding new and better ways to oppress people (usually women) and gain more power for themselves. I regret that many of them have women at their sides who have been brainwashed since birth to believe in the nonsense that men have all the rights and that women should be put in their place. Either that, or they see a way to empower themselves financially, materialistically, and will put up with almost anything just in order to have the prettiest pair of shoes on the block. Again, not all. Just a large number.

 

Please don't get me wrong. I am not trying to make light or little of the hashtag campaign. It's just that I don't see any point in it. It won't make a difference. Actual change makes a difference and that's not happening because of a trend or fad. Look at the Occupy Wall Street movement. Where did that get anyone? The rich are still obscenely rich and the rest of us are slaving under their oppression. It made no real difference. The human race needs to grow up and stop acting like small children fighting over a toy in the sandbox in order to make a real and lasting change. I wish I could be there to see it, but I figure it's going to be at least a millenium before it happens.

 

(Now for the apologies: sorry to anyone that I've depressed by my somewhat pessimistic opinions. Also, sorry to anyone that I may have offended; that was never my intention. Lastly, sorry for such a long-winded post.)

[Guest Sabs]

Saxen- I'm sorry that happened to you at the night club! Those guys were creepy, and horribly disrespectful. :/ I'm glad you aren't working there anymore. I get very upset when some random guy tries to touch me inappropriately.

 

It's sad that this type of behavior is still going on today. I used to deal with that in high school. This one guy would always touch me inappropriately, or try to find me alone in a hallway or something. At one point I thought he might try to do something more. He was a large guy, so there was no way I was going to defend myself and win. I had to tell a teacher.

[leverhelven]

I had to stop reading all the aticles (example:CNN) that talked about this issue and the tweets that have been trending. I just couldn't look at the comments anymore. They really aggravated me >.<

 

 

Yeah, pretty much all of this stuff is triggering to me :( But hey, mysoginist comments on feminist posts are pretty much living proof of why we need feminism.

[Welcome Back Apathy]

It's interesting. I keep thinking "You know, this doesn't actually happen to me that much. Wow, I'm lucky." Then someone says something that triggers my memory. Not like I repressed the memory or anything, but I'd just stopped thinking about it. In fact, I was in the middle of writing a story that wasn't COMPLETELY sexual harassment (as in it wasn't altogether sexual), and then I remembered another detail that yes, is absolutely sexual harassment.

 

Here are a few stories from me.

• When I was nineteen, I went to my apartment complex's pool. My roommate had taken our pool key because it doubles as the laundry key and clubhouse key, and we only have one for the apartment. A family let me in, and I didn't realize you couldn't get out without the key, so if someone lets you in but doesn't let you out, you're trapped. The family left, and when I wanted to leave, the only person with a key was an older guy (think mid-twenties, not like middle aged). He told me I had to give him a hug (in my wet bathing suit) before he would let me leave. I thought he was joking. Turns out, he wasn't, and after a while, I finally gave him the hug so I could get out. I thought the story would end there, but a few days later, he left a puppet on my windshield. I have no idea how he knew which car was mine, unless he was watching me while I didn't know. He followed me out to the bus stop a few times, and one time he had his fire juggling sticks (YES THIS IS A REAL THING) so I got uncomfortable and walked as fast as I could to another bus stop. He didn't follow me. I don't think he was actually going to try to hurt me with those sticks, but I was not about to take chances.

 

• When I was twenty-one, I'd been living with this one guy and another girl for a year and a bit, and we had nearly another year to go on the lease. Both of them started spraying this air freshener that kept triggering a reaction from me. It got worse, so I asked them to use a different air freshener and even gave them one to use. The girl stopped. The guy didn't. The story so far has nothing to do with sexism, but it's the reactions that make it a sucky story. Even after I went to the hospital and told him he really needed to stop, he kept doing it--and he actually told me it was my fault for coming home when I wasn't supposed to. (So he was going to insidiously kill me with the settled stuff fro that air freshener instead, thanks.) The victim blaming was really out of control, and I had no choice but to leave and live in my car--even though I had paid my rent and bills. But if it had been left at that, it STILL wouldn't be a really sexist story, even though he was asserting his dominance over my very existence and telling me I had no right to be in my own apartment. Here we go: we're both active members of a theater community, but he is a guy, and I am a girl. He faced absolutely no repercussions for doing this, repeatedly, on purpose. I have. Because he's male and I'm female, and it's harder to get men in shows, people figure that buttering him up by hating me is the best way to go. I've gotten turned down for shows because he wants to do them, and he's male. It is now five years later, and it's STILL happening to me. And people keep telling me that I overreacted, or even if they're my friends, they keep trying to tell me "Well, we know how it made you feel, but you can see how in his eyes it's overreacting!" I didn't sue him or report him to the police, but the fact that I tried to make him explain to me why he refused to stop sending me to the hospital was an overreaction.

I have other stories that are not violent or sexual but are still examples of overbearing patriarchy that is damaging. I'll talk about them later.

[leverhelven]

I totally feel you, Welcome Back Apathy. I think it's part of that terrible culture of ours that insists on saying "meh, boys will be boys" as they grow up doing things they shouldn't be doing.

 

People expect boys to be rude and break the rules, so they end up thinking it's okay and that we're the ones causing problems by not accepting it. It REAÇÇY sucks.

 

Your hug story also reminded me of this great article: "Stop asking my daughter to give you a kiss".

[siniri]

This thread got so big, I want to personally respond to everyone, but I'm afraid of leaving anyone out. So here's to everyone.

 

First, thanks for reading, thinking, and/or sharing your own stories. I'm sorry for everything that you've had to deal with. Your stories really moved me, and I can't believe some of you have had to put up with situations for so long, and that people take the perpetrator's side. Thanks especially to stupidyou3 for reading and thinking about this issue -- I wish more guys would take the time to understand.

 

Second, I noticed that most of us (myself included) make excuses and/or apologies for our stories, qualifying them as "not that bad" or "not that many," or apologizing for them being a downer/pessimistic/triggering. I think we need to change the tone of these conversations. Sure, some people have had it worse. But all women experience misogyny and sexism to some extent or another; it permeates our culture. And I think it's important that we start to paint a picture that encompasses the full range of our experiences. Because these microaggressions add up.

 

Third, I think this awareness campaign is important. It's different than posting your bra color on your Facebook page (which does not help raise awareness about hissi cancer). Most people know the risk factors of hissi cancer and the importance of screening (which the bra color campaign doesn't even address -- during BC awareness month, I always post a link to the current ACS guidelines). But I think most men do not realize what it's like to be a woman in society; they have no idea how often we're harassed or frightened or inappropriately touched or demeaned. I do think the campaign needs to do a better job of reaching and engaging men in the conversation. As one father said (I think in an article on Slate), "I started reading these because I have a teenage daughter, but now I realize I need to read them because I have teenage sons."

 

I was kind of shocked at how long my list was, and I know there are a number of other incidents that I've just forgotten about. Like WBA said, it's not that I was trying to repress the memories or anything, but it's just something I experience in so many big and small ways on a daily basis, and so does every other female I know, that it's almost like trying to remember every bus trip you've taken.

 

I've left off some things related to dating (back when I still dated) that were too personal and that I'm too ambiguous about to articulately share with anyone else. Just instances of me saying no -- or at the very least definitely not saying yes -- and having boundaries pushed. (My boundaries are pretty conservative, so it wasn't rape or anything... but still. Wherever the boundaries are, they should be respected.) I know so many women who have similar stories.

 

I was going to post a link to a New Zealand date rape PSA (called "Who Are You?") but I think it's too intense to post here, so I'll summarize: it shows a woman going to a bar with her best friend, getting drunk with a stranger, and him bringing her home and going into her bedroom. It then rewinds through the evening and shows all the people who could have stopped the assault: her flatmate, asking where he's staying the night, and when he says "here" she says "I'll get you a blanket for the couch"; the guy in line at the bar, who asks the bouncer "is she okay," and then the bouncer stops her and asks if he can get a taxi for her; the bartender, who notices she's too drunk when the guy is ordering drinks for them both, and asks who she's here with and calls her friend over; her friend, who steps in and asks her if she wants to go home when she notices she's getting drunk.

 

Leverhelven, I think your "don't kiss my daughter" story is a good example of what women can do. We can't make men listen if they don't want to (but our male friends and family members who want to? we can start sharing with them). But we can start changing the tone, standing up for ourselves and each other. Forget "social norms" and civility. I'm resolved to not let something slide the next time I'm harassed. For example, at the library last week, instead of giving up my computer, having to close out all my work and wait for a new one, I could have said "It's not okay for you to keep harassing me. Please leave me alone now." If that didn't work, I could have told the librarian what was happening.

 

I'm going to ask the high school youth director at my church if we can discuss this issue one evening. Because I know those girls are already experiencing these kinds of things, and I want them to have better tools for dealing with it -- to not feel that they have to just let things slide for the sake of social norms. And I want those boys to have a better understanding, so they'll respect the women around them -- and stand up to the guys who aren't.

[Welcome Back Apathy]

I've been feeling lately like I've been enabling bad behavior--if a guy is hitting on a friend of mine, I'll giggle and watch. So after reading a bunch of these, I decided not to do that anymore and instead check with the friend.

 

A month ago or so, I got the chance. I'm not sure if this breaks rules, so mods, please read and delete anything against rules?

 

I was at piano bar, which is something I do for fun quite a bit. I had had one too many drinks--in other words, two drinks. That's one too many because I am at my most delightful at one drink. This is really not important to the story other than the fact that I am very proud of Drunk WBA for still remembering her goals through the booze. Anyway, this one guy sang a song to one of my friends and then came over and started talking to her. I was giggling, shipping it for a bit (I thought he was a delightful young gentleman, and they are in a musical together right now. Then I realized that he was as drunk as I was--and of course, it had taken him more drinks to get that way, so I checked in with my friend. I pulled her aside, and I asked her "Hey, are you cool with this? Just checking in." (In my most delightful drunken demeanor possible--I am adorable and hilarious. That's not just my own perception of Drunk WBA. I have EXCELLENT references and reviews.) She said she was fine with it. I told her to let me know at any point if she wasn't, and I'd scare him off. (You know, with all my huge muscles and bulk that I clearly have to be able to stomach two whole drinks. No, but really, I can talk really fast and get really intense about stuff and just get in the middle of everything with my amazing presence.)

 

So...I'm glad it wasn't necessary, but I'm also glad to know that I'm able to do that if necessary, even in a state that typically incapacitates mental capacities.

[Azurablue]

Since we're all baring our souls here, I suppose that I might as well admit somethng I never really have before. I used to be envious of the attention that pretty girls get. I was never a part of the cliques, never one of the "in crowd", never one of the "pretty, popular girls". I was the picked on, bullied fat girl that no one liked... and I mean no one. I had all of one friend in school and we weren't close. I admit that I was very jealous of all the pretty girls and all the attention that they always got. I was never whistled at, never paid compliments by the boys.... (wow, this is hard to say).... and I was always left out of everything. So when I started hearing about harassment cases and such, I admit that I blew it off for the most part.

 

Now, remember that this was when I was young. I'm not anymore and I see it completely differently now, through far more mature eyes. It wasn't for a long time, however, before I saw sexual harassment for the curse that it is. It took seeing it as another form of what I had been going through my entire life. Years and years of bullying and so desperately wanting to be a part of something, yet always being rejected. This is no different. Every time someone smirks at you in the hallway or says something nasty behind your back... every time a post is made online that cuts someone mentally and emotionally.... it's all a part of the same thing. The sad part is that we're all guilty of it. No one is a saint. We've all seen someone somewhere and done something or said something nasty, without thinkiing about how that person really feels. It could have been when still a child and not knowing better.... or it could have been this morning while reading a post on a news site and commenting on some celebrity's dress.

 

The campaign we're here to discuss might be about the inequality of women in our society and how it needs to change, but it should be bigger than that. It should be a fight against bullying and hate in all its myriad forms. Some men grossly mistreat women. Some women do the same to other women. Why is it any less wrong when women cyberbully other women with nasty words and photos? The answer is that it isn't. It's ALL wrong. The problem is our society is geared towards a cult of the young and the beautiful and the wealthy. They are the only people of value and the rest of us are nothing more than trash that feeds their egos. This attitude is what needs to change. ALL people have value. Men need to see this. Women need to see this. Children need to see this. Stop ALL of it, not just the flavour of the month.

 

(Again.... more apologies: long winded post, sounding like I'm preaching, etc. etc.)

[Nubisbully]

I completely agree with you AzuraBlue. I'm getting a little fed up and frustrated with the riots against one thing or another without looking at the big picture and trying to change the mentality of the masses which fosters and creates these disparities.

 

I think one of the bigger issues than the sexual abuse or misogyny is the role of gender and the areas of the country (world) which still hold onto these ridiculous notions of what is it to be a man or a woman.

 

I grew up in the south and loved (still love) so many aspects of the culture there as far as speaking respectfully, allowing someone to communicate why they disagree with you (without being belittled) and even chivalry. On the flip side, I am continuously disappointed and enraged when I hear stories about the south trying to hinder marriage equality, women's rights and even those about good old fashion racism. This mind frame is toxic all equality and devalues everyone.

 

Until I met my current boyfriend (and baby's daddy) about five years ago, I thought that many of the issues you all have brought up were normal.

 

I developed (physically) very early and was made aware of it from a young age, when girls in class would accuse me of "stuffing" and the torment only grew through my school years.

 

With my southern sense of "not bringing attention to dirty details" and to not be a burden to my family or friends, I endured years of abuse from many men and women I met. In high school, I felt that the things that happened to me were deserved, that I somehow encouraged or asked for it. I was treated like a sl*t because I had a huge chest on a small frame (i'm 5'4''.) I got in trouble with teachers for being "out of dress code" because shirts did not fit me well and anything I wore was "exposing too much." I went through middle school and much of high school in men's shirts and long sleeve shirts (in Florida.)

 

I went through college and my young adult life in a haze of aggressive/possessive/psychotic men, overly touchy "friends" and constant stares/glares/whispers.

 

I was always the girl telling the "less endowed" how lucky they were to escape such attention, mockery and fear. I was the girl who would sleep with anyone because my chest took up too much room in my shirt and made my stomach show a little (even though I was actually very prudish.)

 

The fact that I was abused never dawned on me until I met my boyfriend and we started talking about our pasts. He is also a victim of abuse (even though he's 6'4'' and has been on the taller side most of his life) and does not remember much of his childhood. This campaign annoys me if only for the fact that he is excluded. He has been treated like a piece of meat throughout his life (he was very athletic and girls tried to use him, assuming he was a pig like most all-star athletes) and doesn't deserve to be lumped into a "all guys do this." I wouldn't have known or considered how much my past weighed on me and how poorly I had been treated or protected if I hadn't had him to give me the courage to confront it.

 

No one deserves this and I'm not sure how to really address it without a massive overhaul in the way we talk to each other and what we value as a society.

 

It has taken me these five years to start to address some of my own prejudices and fears. I still get nervous when I'm alone around a group of guys just as I still pack-rat food (from years of going hungry but another discussion altogether.) I still get stares from old men, still get comments from cocky young latinos, and it's even worse since I had my baby (as my cup size has doubled.)

 

I fear this has become a disheveled rant and I'm not sure if it's even coherent but I tried. The whole thing is very triggery for me but I'm use to it and I definitely fall into the "other people have it worse, I can deal with what happens to me" but now I have a baby and it's not ok. It's not alright for anyone to have to endure and it is a huge goal for me to make my son respectful and aware of to treat others and how we impact those around us. He's going to be a beast (in size) and I will not have him become a monster.

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

After a bit of thinking I realized something. That something is that the sexist mindset starts very early now. In school one day there were two boys talking about how the one was going to get a new girlfriend (apparently it's cool for 10 to 11 year olds to get a girlfriend to be a part of the crowd and then drop them after a week and vise versa)

and the boy who I'm going to call Bob1 was talking to Bob2 saying that he could get any girl in the school if he wanted to and Bob2 agreed and at that point it was during lunch so I just moved to the other side of the table but that kind of thinking can grow and overtime it leads to the sexist adult male today and girls now are already criticizing each other on fashion and things like that thankfully I'm mostly invisible to them though but then they'll grow up and they still might criticize other women when they grow up. I think schools should bring up this topic at school and hopefully the children will listen and fully understand what the problem is although some schools may call it "inappropriate" for young minds or some such but creating awareness to children would extremely help hoping it doesn't fall onto "deaf ears" and I may be blowing this out of proportion but even then it's still a part of the problem.

[Nubisbully]

I think you have quite a point. It does start alarmingly young and it is ingrained very young to turn on our own gender. How often do you hear about friendships spanning a decade or more, coming to a bitter end over a guy. It's ridiculous. Also, I know of many young boys who play this sort of "game" with "dating" girls and dumping them almost weekly. I'm completely against anyone dating that young, even in jest and am horrendously offended that these parents do not correct such behavior. As if girls were a toy to throw away and buy a new one when you get bored. It could definitely contribute to adults behaving in such a manner. Not that girls don't do the same mind you.

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

I think you have quite a point. It does start alarmingly young and it is ingrained very young to turn on our own gender. How often do you hear about friendships spanning a decade or more, coming to a bitter end over a guy. It's ridiculous. Also, I know of many young boys who play this sort of "game" with "dating" girls and dumping them almost weekly. I'm completely against anyone dating that young, even in jest and am horrendously offended that these parents do not correct such behavior. As if girls were a toy to throw away and buy a new one when you get bored. It could definitely contribute to adults behaving in such a manner. Not that girls don't do the same mind you.

Actually some parents encourage it and some just don't actually care because parenting for some has kinda went out the window but that would be a whole other topic but by that I meant the dating not dropping someone after a week.

[Duskitty]

Blaaaaaaah. I'm sick of the twelve and eleven year olds who 'date' girls for about a week, then dump them and do the same thing a few weeks later to another girl, and so on and so on, acting as if it's a game.

I'm currently in a relationship and have been for nearly eight months, and people constantly tell me I'll have a new boyfriend soon.

 

On-topic: Apparently the creator of the #YesAllWomen tag has received death threats, and has closed her Twitter account. There have been men commenting on #YesAllWomen tweets with insults and death threats and just downright stupidity and sexism.

This is exactly the kind of oppression we're standing up against, and it's disgusting that in this society today, with all its modern thinking and ideas, we're still fighting for women to have equal rights - and men are still going "what about OUR issues though??!?" when the topic of sexism against women comes up.

[HomuraAkemiTheHero]

Blaaaaaaah. I'm sick of the twelve and eleven year olds who 'date' girls for about a week, then dump them and do the same thing a few weeks later to another girl, and so on and so on, acting as if it's a game.

I'm currently in a relationship and have been for nearly eight months, and people constantly tell me I'll have a new boyfriend soon.

 

On-topic: Apparently the creator of the #YesAllWomen tag has received death threats, and has closed her Twitter account. There have been men commenting on #YesAllWomen tweets with insults and death threats and just downright stupidity and sexism.

This is exactly the kind of oppression we're standing up against, and it's disgusting that in this society today, with all its modern thinking and ideas, we're still fighting for women to have equal rights - and men are still going "what about OUR issues though??!?" when the topic of sexism against women comes up.

If men care about dealing with their issues can't they just make their own post type thing and use the creator of the #YesAllWomen tag as inspiration? Now it seems more clear why we're still fighting for rights. I was going to look at the twitter page later on hopefully the creator will make another account or use somewhere else and hopefully she won't have to take it down.