Physical beauty or Intellectual beauty?

[The_Warblers]

Admit it, we ll tend to be more attracted to cute girls / guys. However, when choosing your boyfriend / girlfriend, should we choose a physical beauty or an intellectual beauty?

 

Or even, when we pick our friends, do you care much for appearance?

[karmacow]

While personality definitely is the most important thing, there does need to be some physical attractiveness when it comes to being romantically attracted to someone. Something to catch the initial interest. And when you get to know the person, they can be the most beautiful (physically) specimen of the human race, it won't make a difference if their personality is crap. So I'll say that it's a balance between the two, tilted in favour of inner beauty. That said, I'm typically not attracted to what's considered classical beauty, it's just not interesting a lot of the time. Charm and the way someone carries themselves is more interesting to me. Sense of humour is a big one too.

 

For platonic friends, looks don't matter.

[Welcome Back Apathy]

So many people likes to claim that they're more into intellectual beauty. Including me. But when it comes down to it, there's usually at least a piece that's based on physical beauty.

 

With my husband, at least, though...I feel like it was his personality more than anything. I was NOT attracted to him at first, in fact, although he is a very good-looking gentleman. But we became good friends, and then we started going out, and it all spiraled out of cuteness control from there. Woooo.

[LizyMarie]

When you are frist attracted to a person, first pulled to looking at them, what was the factor?

 

For me it can be the sound of their voice or how they look. But unless I meet someone online (with no pictures) as someone I talk to and get to know, I will always be attracted initially by a person's looks.

 

This is nearly fact for people as most of us are attracted to what we believe to be a superiour match to mate with. I know I always look for a certain type of person based on what I need, friendship, relationship, companionship, ect. I look for certain qualities physically that can match, and then go on to the personality.

 

This is not very shallow as I have a broad view of interest in physical appearance depending on what I'm looking for.

 

It's natural to judge. We all do it. No point in lying about it. :)

[Rebecca~]

It's personality that makes it or breaks it for me. My girlfriend is an amazing person- kind, funny, a feminist, political, caring, geeky... everything I ever wanted in a partner. That was what attracted me to her first. We were at the same geeky knitting group, and we both walked in wearing a Fourth Doctor scarf- we joked about how we couldn't touch because it would warp the fabric of time. We became friends, and for a year we hung out a lot, and every time I saw her, I learned more about how absolutely gorgeous she is as a person.

 

I do think she is beautiful, but I know that by conventional standards, she is the far from what others would consider beautiful. But that doesn't matter. Every time I look at her I see the amazing person she is, and that is what makes her beautiful.

 

It's like the Ronald Dahl quote:

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

 

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

[gingerew]

Even if someone is super hot, if they aren't compatible with you intellectually, you'll just end up getting bored with them and the relationship will end anyways. I think it has to be a mix of both intellectual and physical beauty. I'm not shallow (at least I don't think I am!) but I do believe that you have to be physically attracted to your partner. That being said, it's much much more important to be attracted to their mind and personality than their body.

[lilllisan]

I actually think looks are more important. You wouldn't go up to the city drunk because he has a good personality. :/

[Angeló]

why can't it be both ? looks and brains !!

[karmacow]

I actually think looks are more important. You wouldn't go up to the city drunk because he has a good personality. :/

 

Probably not, but more because of the smell and terrible lifestyle. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic.

[~Xandria]

If all of us here were ONLY judging on looks then I think we'd have some pretty unhealthy relationships. :laughingsmiley:

In all seriousness though - There is no one size fits all for beauty. All people are attracted to different things. Someone you may consider unattractive could be someone elses model beauty.

[vyvren]

I agree that there - in most cases - have to be a physical attraction for us to even vaguely start to consider a relationship, but like Karma said; if the personality doesn't match the looks, for me, the attraction will fade immediately. And vice versa, if a person has an amazing personality (like a great sense of humor), he - or she, if it's a possible friend - will look attractive in my eyes.

 

And I think it's pretty easy to find at least one feature that looks attractive, even if he (or she) isn't what I'd normally fall for.

...Smiles, for instance *huge grin*

[hanalways]

There has to be some physical chemistry, whether it's inherent or it grows. My boyfriend wasn't entirely attractive when we first met, but we definitely grew on each other (not only growing up together haha), and now he is the basis of what I compare all other male anatomy to. :D

 

But, as stated before, I think a person becomes more or less attractive by their personality.

[Nicole C]

I feel that physical beauty has to be present for you to be attracted to the other person, but whether the attraction is sustainable and able to develop into something deeper depends on intellectual beauty. It is so tough to carry out a conversation with someone who is lacking in the intellectual beauty department, things get boring quickly and the physical beauty can never make up for it.

[passiflora]

In all seriousness though - There is no one size fits all for beauty. All people are attracted to different things. Someone you may consider unattractive could be someone elses model beauty.

This is exactly what I was going to say. :) I think it's impossible to deny that appearance does play a role, but everyone has different tastes. For example, I can think of many celebrities that people drool over who I don't find attractive at all. :P

[Naamah D.]

If all of us here were ONLY judging on looks then I think we'd have some pretty unhealthy relationships. :laughingsmiley:

In all seriousness though - There is no one size fits all for beauty. All people are attracted to different things. Someone you may consider unattractive could be someone elses model beauty.

 

I completly agree with you. I'm a size 18/20 and I feel like nobody will ever be attracted to me. When I think about it there a plenty of guys who are attracted to plus size women.

 

Keep in mind that they way you dress also attracts people. I'm an Emo-MallGoth and guys who dress the same way as me are probably gonna be more attracted to me than they would a girl who wears Dior and Abercrombie.

 

I also think that personal interest also plays a good part in the role: what video games you like, what music you listen to, anything like that.

 

Personally I'd rather date a guy with long hair and not to mention physically fit(I work out and would like a guy who also works out).

 

So looks do count, but I think in relationships, you have to have common interest as well. Unless you want to be bored of each other.

 

Also I look from a guy's perspective. If I were a guy, I'd rather see a girl who eats properly than a girl who doesn't eat at all. I'd like to see a girl be herself and eat the burger and onion rings. That's what I'd expect from a guy to just be himself in any situation.

[lilipooh]

I agree with everyone in the point that, in the majority of cases, there has to be some degree of physical atracction for us to get atracted to someone the first time, and then getting to know his/her intellectual beaty and personality, but it's really annoying when most of the people we meet nowadays only think about the looks we've got, and they care less about personality, and I think that when a person's got the three "beauties", it can really be like a karma sometimes. So here's my personal case...

 

I consider myself (And not to brag or something like that, it's just my opinion...) a preety girl. Nice face, nice body, everything in it's place, proper height, you know all that stuff, so I kind-of-meet the beauty standards here in Chile... But, I'm also and A student (I'm only a junior :P ), I've won writing awards singer, folkloric dancer and I practice fencing at the national olymmpic comitee, and the thing is that... it's really sad to realize that people first talk to me at parties, when with friends or simply at school they only feel like it because they see a preety face and a big "rear end", and when I tell them "You know, I got a 98 on my phisics finals" they're completely stunned, and most people don't believe it at first, because the beauty stereothype is absolutely not related to intelligence in most of people's minds. I've been told, and I'm not joking, I HAVE been told "Really? an A+ on all your subjects? But you look so... erm... you're so hot!" (No need to say that my face at that point was something like this o_O hahahahahah)

And in the other hand, there are other boys and girls that just for the fact that i'm smart, think that i'm not a nice or fun person, and now I'm really good friends with people that I've met for years, but had never made the try to find out if I was a good person, but were only guided for the "nerd" Stereothype

[Doozy]

I believe that inner beauty is much more important than outer beauty. Let me just start by saying that.

 

However, the way society has morphed, nobody really looks past appearances anymore. Here's an example: there's an obese man and woman. They're walking down the street, they're both lovely people, destined for greatness... personality-wise, they're a perfect match. They come across each other and ignore each other, don't give each other a second look, and I'd be willing to bet that they think, "wow, that person's chunky". However, they come across a thin person that looks pretty or handsome, and they're gonna think, "wow, he's cute" and maybe even start talking to them. It happens in schools all the time. When I was growing up, I was a chunky kid. I was fat in high school. I'd try to talk to someone, and they'd brush me off. Or, I'd talk to someone, we'd start making friends, and they'd suddenly shy away from me. When I asked why they weren't talking to me, they would say, "because you're flirting with me and I don't want to be in a relationship" or "because I don't want to hang with you anymore". Really, what do you think the real reasons are? I don't flirt with people, and I definitely don't cling. They just don't want to be seen with somebody that society has deemed unworthy because of their appearance. It's in the media, too. Only pretty women and handsome men star in the commercials for anything, from juice to cosmetics. Fat people are usually villains, creeps, geeks, or rich people living lonely lives. The media makes fat people out to be gluttons, and maybe that's true for some people, but a lot of fat people are more active and eat less than the thinner people that I know. It's just bad luck with genes or build.

 

Now, I've gotten off topic with my rant, but, while I feel like inner beauty is most important, there is no avoiding the appeal that is only skin-deep because of the way we've been conditioned since children to be prejudice against "ugly" people.

 

- Doozy

 

Also, please don't rip into me for having an opinion. Thanks!

[internalxorgans]

Whether you are for looks or brains, you have to admit every single person ever born thought someone was gorgeous. To say we have not once liked someone for their looks, you are a liar. I like this guy, I thought he was cute and he dress really nice but....I found out he was a idiot and he clearly knew nothing. He was too immature so I immediately stopped liking him. And liking someone because they have brains or their are "smart" that's also just as ignorant. Because they can be smart but not be street smart or that's the only thing they know is to read a book. I like boys because of both. But honestly, who wants a gf or boyfriend who is psychically unattractive and by that I mean their breath smells, or they smell, or literally do not know how to keep themselves clean.

[sarria33]

I say neither because I am a teenager. I don't care how smart someone is or how good-looking. I just want someone kind. Although, I will say for marriage, it is important for the person to be smart or else the person might not make good decisions for you and your family.

[livvy]

Porque no los dos? (Is that even spelled remotely correctly? I speak French, not Spanish, sorry.)

 

I like to look at people who look nice. Yep. I'm much more likely to stick around and fall in love with your brain if I like looking at your face. But when it comes down to choosing friends, or boy/girlfriends, the thing I'm going to fall in like with is your mind. I like to hug wild theorizing on the nature of life; I'd cuddle with scientific discussion of evolution. The outside - including the external gender bits - is much less important to me than your ability to hold a conversation with me.

[maikofire]

It's gotta be a mixture of both. I'm really smart myself, so I'd want someone that is as smart as me. But looks do matter a little to me... I mean you don't have to be the prettiest flower in the field, but being attractive helps. If you like someone, you'll think they're the most attractive person in the world to you (at least, that's how it is for me)

[coltom]

Oh foolish youth.

 

The body ages, wrinkles appear, sag, all the little beauty marks become ugly moles. If you only care about that, than it will never last.

 

*Sigh* No, find someone that you can love, someone that laughs with you, someone that when she talks you want to hear her words, that you love to hear what she has to say. You'll have to hear that voice in good and bad times, in times of pain, doubt, fear. If you do it right, and always remember that you may not control whom you fall in love with, but sure as the Fire you have a choice to either keep the Love alive, or let it die. If you do it right, you renew that Love over and over again, even if looks fade and flexibility aint what is used to be.

 

Aiyeee, I should also mention that I was a fool, and let my own Love fail, and forgot to keep trying. She left me, and it was the right thing. I should also tell you I was a hero, and did not let my despair and anger spoil the memory of what we'd had, that we'd thrown away. Until the time a decade of being apart I tricked her into taking me as her husband again. She's a great person but such bad choices for men. Aiyee, I love her because I will to love her, and remember I will always love her. Her and that delightful child she gave to us. Now and Forever, she is my beloved. May I always be worthy of her.

 

But honestly, things age.

[siniri]

Coltom's post reminded me of a poem/song from the early 19th century. Supposedly, the author's fiancée wrote to him while he was travelling abroad, to let him know that she had been scarred by smallpox, asking if he could still love her. His response was "Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms."

 

Physical attraction is important; it's actually based more on genetic diversity in immunological genes (which is important for survival of potential offspring) moreso than appearance. For me, someone's physical attractiveness changes considerably once I get to know them (it's changed in both directions). So personality (not intelligence specifically) influences physical beauty, at least for me. I suppose my answer is "both, but the former is dependent on the latter, so personality is much more important."

[Zorse]

Of course it has to be a mixture of both, but I care much more about physical beauty. Physical attraction is incredibly important to me... I need to find my partner irresistible and I need to know that they find me quite irresistible as well. :p

[ChelseaJ]

Physical appearance is what draws us in first. If it's the first time meeting the person, you're only going to see that. You can't just see them and know their personality right away. Physical appearance helps us weed out undesirables. That's not to say that it's only about physical appearance, but it's what causes us to get to know a new person to see if there intelligence/personality is what we are looking for. Everyone's relatively shallow this way but this is how it's been forever. Evolution has taught us that.