Long Distance Help

[Psmucker3]

Hi Guys. 

Warning: This is a somewhat rambling and depressing post. But bless you all who are willing to continue reading x 

 

So this past July, I started taking a fancy to a guy I had known for awhile through mutual friends but had never thought was cute or anything. But after getting to know him a little better I realized that he was actually super sweet and down-to-earth. I am used to guys who use me for their convenience and then essentially get rid of me when it's time for them to move on. This guy—Luke—was different. Although he was not the usual guy I would go for, we clicked so well and had a great time together always. 

Literally the day after we first officially hung out alone, I had to leave for India for a month. During that time, we talked a lot and I was surprised that we stayed strong through that time. When I came back, things took off pretty quickly. It felt like we were doing well. Both of us agreed that we did not want a serious relationship but eventually he said that he would like to start dating within a few months time...

 

But... I ended up moving two hours away for work. At first, I did not think the distance would matter. And he constantly reassured me that everything would be ok and we would make every effort to visit each other. Then suddenly within the past week he called me to tell me that he can't do it and that he needs to time to "focus on his school". But he goes out and parties all the time with his friends. 

 

I really don't know what to do. I want to win him back so bad. Am I crazy? 

[suzanoberle]

So....this may not be what you want to hear, but you never really dated except casually hanging out.  There was never a serious commitment, and now you are asking him to commit to a long distance relationship, which is difficult in the best of times.  You want to "win him back" but it doesn't appear you ever really had him.  I suggest you  focus on work and meeting new people.  If he's really the one for you, he'll *want* to make the effort to visit, and vice versa.  You'll both make it work if it's meant to be.   But, if he's not willing to travel 2 hours to see you, or to make time for you when you visit him, then he's moved on, and you should too.

In the meantime, you should work on your self esteem and learning to like yourself.  I'm concerned that you write that  "I am used to guys who use me for their convenience and then essentially get rid of me when it's time for them to move on."   You are worth more than that, and should never allow yourself to be treated that way.  If you don't learn to value yourself higher, you will continue to attract these type of men.  I think you need to work on yourself first, then worry about dating. There are better men out there, and you will eventually meet one, but first you need to do some introspection and figure out WHY you keep attracting (and being attracted to) men who don't appreciate you.   Your self esteem should not be linked to who you are dating.  If you don't respect  and value yourself enough to treat yourself right, they won't either.  

 

[spencerkatty]

The best relationship advice I can give to anyone is TALK. If two people want to get all their issues out, they need to understand the other's viewpoint. Sometimes it requires a counselor or just a mutual friend. Ask him to just talk for a while (potentially visit in person if a phone call won't work) and tell him how you feel about his decision. If you both want to make a relationship work, you can figure out a way for it to work. You just need to talk it out.

[Hana95]

My current relationship actually started as (and still is a) long distance relationship. We live 3 hours apart, but we've been together, happily, for almost 2 years now. The reason we haven't failed at it is because it takes two people to make a relationship work ESPECIALLY a long distance one. If he was as sweet and down to earth as you thought of him he would've made the effort to come and visit or even make the time to text and facetime/skype every other day. Unfortunately, if he's blowing you off all the time for his friends and for clubbing then I don't think he's worth your time. That's his true colors showing.

Men like to lead women on, it's their way of feeling powerful and that they can get any girl they want. Especially men you've met at a club. Trust me, my friends and I had our fair share of experiences.

Look at your moving away as an opportunity to focus on yourself, on your career, and get rid of all the negative people in your life. Guys aren't a main factor of your life. If you meet someone where you live now then good for you, if not, then good for you.