Grief.......

[Musical_Shoyru]

I've never really gone through losing someone really close to me, I've had relatives die, best friends leave, but none were extremely close.

 

 

Just recently, I lost someone who was very close to me for more than 7-8+ years and the last 4 were when we were at are closest. They're not passed away... but they chose to step out of my life after making so many promises to me.

 

I'm a positive person, I fight, I go on when all else drags me down. I've hit rock bottom before, I've been abused, I've been cast out, made fun of, lost my home, lost everything, barely made ends meet before, been threatened by family members both emotionally and physically, so why is it that this has broken my load carrying ability?

 

It's been 2 months and I still can't seem to be okay. I'm trying, I'm a Christian and I look to God for everything, but now I don't even want to do that (That sounds bad I know). Worship use to be something I did everyday, but now singing breaks my heart, playing guitar and playing piano breaks my heart. Everything reminds me of this person, no matter how hard I try to forget. I've come to terms with the fact that they don't want me in their life, in fact I don't know if I would want them back after what they did to me.

 

Is it normal to feel like this after 2 months still? So much is attacking me from every direction, but this seems to hurt the most. I'm fighting to survive this everyday and I feel like my efforts are meaningless because the very next day I have to start from scratch again....

 

I never made this person my life or my "hero" , but they were still someone I loved very deeply, why does it feel so empty without them when I truly know God's who my hope rests in?

 

I just want to be able to recover from this and get back to not just acting like myself and being there for others, but feeling like that on the inside.

[Scoobert_Doo]

I think may be harder because of how long you've known the person (7-8+ years) and because the last 4 were the closest. Plus, whatever promises were made, may make the hurt more. Everybody grieves in his or her own way. Some think, "Hey, it's their loss." and they are able to move on quicker, but others may think, "What happened? Was it something I did or didn't do?" and it just takes longer for them to process it and get to a point where they can move on. Or if they spent most of their time with the other person, and now with them gone, it can feel lonelier, especially if you are still doing the same things. I'm not too great with advice and I have a bad habit of "putting my foot in my mouth" and on occasion have put both feet in my mouth, but now may be a good time to connect or reconnect with friends or make new ones or maybe find a new hobby or something different to occupy your time. Each day that passes, I believe, is a day closer to you getting back to your "old" (or new) self. How long will it take, I don't know, but that for you to decide in your own way and your own time. Remember, you are still human. I hope, and believe, you will someday find the happiness you are wanting/looking for.

[casperiscaptain]

I am a child of God also and I know as good as anyone that it is very difficult to keep going on when you have been hurt like this. I'm sorry that this person has chosen to walk out of your life when it seems like you need them a lot. Maybe they didn't realize how much they meant to you? which is sad, because it sounds like you let them know that all the time. I had a best friend in high school, we graduated together, went out together, talked every day.. and out of nowhere, she just disappeared on me. She started hanging with new friends, a party crowd not that I'm judging, and would answer my texts with very dismissal responses. I thought for so long that I had done something to defer her.. or that we had lost our common interests.. but I soon realized that it wasn't me who had changed, it was her. I wasn't ready to take that path with her and I was deeply upset by how "easy" it was for her to drop me. I think that is the betrayal that you are feeling also. Wondering if they miss you as much as you miss them?

 

I also honestly hold tight to the phrase "It is the dark times when God's light shines brightest". You see, the devil knows you are hurting. In fact, he is dancing around, enjoying it. But he can't win. He has already lost and when you deep down truly believe that God will make things better is when things will turn around. Trust me, I know. I was so ashamed with myself and how I doubted that God could make things better. But when you get so far down, you can only go up. And I truly believe that God has beautiful plans for you. He's just letting you get your mind right first.

 

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, even though I do not know you, you are a sister of mine in Christ. When you are doing your daily chores, lying in bed, brushing your teeth, just know that I have said a special prayer for you. You are on my mind and I will ask God to restore hope and peace and happiness in your life. And that He will provide a new joy for you, possibly a new friendship or a new hobby? Maybe he will restore this friendship that you think has been lost?

 

First things first, you need to forgive them for this hurt they have caused you. They may not know how they are affecting you, or they may know wholeheartedly, but for yourself, for your own sanity, you need to forgive them. That way, when you see of them or think of them, it won't be the resentment that I know is inside of you right now.

 

Again, I am so sorry for this hurt you are suffering through. Things have never been the same for my friend and I. I still see her smiling pictures on facebook and instagram having fun with her "new" friends while I am sitting at home alone.. I miss the laughs and the inside jokes and the way I could talk to her about anything. But I have learned to forgive her for hurting me, even though I know she has no clue how much more I cherished our friendship than she did. I still have my days where I get sad and depressed, wondering why me? what could I have done differently? But I also now have my coworkers, whom I met at my new job this year, and my boyfriend, whom God set in my path when she and I stopped being friends. I also reconnected with a very old friend from my childhood and things couldn't have went better. We hit it off like we we're still 5 year olds playing with our pokemon cards and miniature horses. None of these people did I see coming in my life when I was at my darkest. I thought I was going to be friendless and alone forever. But I never stopped praying, never cut that thread that God had holding me to him.

 

If you need a friend, message me. I will talk to you at all hours of the night (though we might be in different time zones LOL). I'll care about what's happening in your life, I'll offer you what awful advice I can muster, and I'll even fly to wherever you are and give your old friend a good swift kick in the booty. ;) But remember, I'm praying for you.. and there is power in prayer, just as there is in the almighty God who knows that you are suffering and while it is hard to believe that he has a better plan for you until it starts happening, don't give up hope. Let your faith be tested and smile when this passes and you know that you fought your way through it all!

 

God bless! ... sorry for the novel <3

[chknlimbosthe1]

I believe I've went through something similar and sought out professional help, my therapist is a fantastic lady. She really knows what she is talking about so let me just pass along her kind words that allowed me to get past all hardship.

You have to grieve the loss of a person who walks out of your life as though they did pass away. The sudden absence of their existence, especially someone who promised to always be there, can be as catastrophic to someone as a beloved person passing away. So never let your emotions or anyone else tell you how you feel is unreasonable, feel how you feel. Obviously if you could control how you feel you would opt to be happy all the time.

Then I was given an analogy. Several big changes were going on in my life at the time, so I was told to imagine myself in a house. My parents were getting divorced, and my partner of five years and I were also separating. I went from having an entire house, roof and walls, and feeling pretty safe in that house. Then suddenly the roof vanished, and so did the walls. The analogy was great because I literally felt like I was left just with a plank of wood to help me feel secure, and I just felt lost. The point of the house analogy is to help you realize that you can feel safe again. You can slowly find things to help you rebuild your house. You can slowly let people in so that you can regain some of that old stability. It doesn't necessarily have to be other people. Make a list of ten things that make you happy, or even make you smile, do at least 3 of those 10 things every day. Suddenly you will have a solid foundation, and slowly but surely you will have your new "house" again. Because you shouldn't NEED other people in your life, that's how you lose everything. You should WANT people in your life to share this awesome house that you were strong enough to build on your own.

 

You will be okay, it just takes time! Hope this all made sense to you, because it really helped me.