Moving out for the first time.

[CurlyFreys]

I am looking into finally getting out on my own. I am currently 20, not attending college because I got bad grades in high school because of how severe my depression and anxiety was at that point. So I've kind of been stuck in limbo for the past two years not being able to do anything with my life.

 

I know nothing will change if I continue living with my Mom, who I do not get along with, nothing is going to change. So I need to get out.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any tips for me?

 

I won't be moving out for a few months as I still have to figure out where I'm going. [i don't want to live in the same city as her or any of my family, possibly not even the same state.] I need a fresh start. Something different.

 

I currently live in Florida though I'm not the biggest fan of it down here. Before that I lived in Ohio, before that Indiana and before that Illinois.

 

I am considering Cleveland as I really like it there and Austin because I've always thought it seemed cool there. [i even considered Alaska.]

 

 

Any cities you guys would recommend? Hell, even a different country if you know anything about their immigration policies.

 

Any tips on how to get going?

 

I'm scared because I don't want to fail and end up back here with no direction, but I can't keep living like this.

[.Brianna.]

Moving away can be so liberating, but make sure you think things through completely before you pick up and leave. I moved out of my parents' home officially (I went away for 4-year college) last summer. We've got a great relationship so not too much changed on that front, but that meant I was now living ~45 minutes away from my now mother-in-law and that was terrible. She's got a lot of personal issues she needs to work through and unfortunately it seems like she can't function without relying on her son for everything (including money) - which was really taking a toll on our relationship. Anyway...last month we moved from Pennsylvania to North Carolina and the hubs and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery to jumpstart your life again :) I'm not saying that moving will solve all of your problems, because it won't, but sometimes one change is all you need to start making more changes for yourself.

 

As far as moving advice goes, definitely start looking for a job before you move. When you get to wherever you are going you'll most likely have a lot to straighten out and looking for a job is time-consuming. If you work now, I would even look into wherever you are working now to see if they could find you something in your new location.

 

Best of luck to you and keep us posted ;)

[x_emrys_x]

I lived at home until I had my bachelors degree. It was scary and exciting at the same time. It was 2 hours from my parents, and I had the quest of finding the grocery store, post office, etc. As long as you have a job lined up you'll be fine. Good luck, and keep us posted!

[rntracy1]

I am looking into finally getting out on my own. I am currently 20, not attending college because I got bad grades in high school because of how severe my depression and anxiety was at that point. So I've kind of been stuck in limbo for the past two years not being able to do anything with my life.

 

I know nothing will change if I continue living with my Mom, who I do not get along with, nothing is going to change. So I need to get out.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any tips for me?

 

I won't be moving out for a few months as I still have to figure out where I'm going. [i don't want to live in the same city as her or any of my family, possibly not even the same state.] I need a fresh start. Something different.

 

I currently live in Florida though I'm not the biggest fan of it down here. Before that I lived in Ohio, before that Indiana and before that Illinois.

 

I am considering Cleveland as I really like it there and Austin because I've always thought it seemed cool there. [i even considered Alaska.]

 

 

Any cities you guys would recommend? Hell, even a different country if you know anything about their immigration policies.

 

Any tips on how to get going?

 

I'm scared because I don't want to fail and end up back here with no direction, but I can't keep living like this.

Bad grades in high school doesn't mean college is out of the question. That is the beauty of community college. I never took SATs or went away to a 4 year school like the rest of my friends, but here I am now, a Registered nurse with a 4 year degree, thanks to community college. They don't look at high school transcripts other than to verify that you did indeed graduate. You can focus on a career that would require only a two year degree like Nursing, radiology tech., dental hygiene, paralegal, Computer tech, or physical therapy asst. If you plan to go on for a 4 year degree, you want to do well in your college courses (obviously :S ) then you can get in to a pretty good college, without SATs, mediocre high school grades, and good community college grades.

 

As far as moving out on your own. Relationships with parents usually improve drastically once that happens. I know right now it seems like you want to get as far away as possible, but once you are out on your own (no matter where) it will get better. My advice right now, stay fairly close by. You never know when/if you might need some help. Get a full time job and take a couple of courses at a community college. My advice on courses, basic, core courses that are necessary to complete any, and every degree. Intro to Psychology, College Algebra, Computers, Communications, English Comp & Lit 1 (yes there is English Comp & Lit 2). Start there.

 

Get a small studio or 1 bedroom apt. that you can easily afford, but stay close to home. You can move away once you get stable. Good luck.

[Marissa Beee c:]

Well first and foremost i wanted to say i am so happy you could open up and share that with all of us. It takes a lot of bravery to do so. I must say i agree with Brianna's post in regards to the fact that you need a job in whatever area you are going to be moving to. In all actuality you can move anywhere depending on your financial situation. Some nice areas i know of east coast are charlotte north carolina and myrtle beach south carolina. Thats speaking from opinion however. My advice on how to get going? Start stacking your money while you are still under your parents roof, if only for a while, until you have accumulated enough funds to move wherever you choose. I wish you the best!! Keep us updated <3

[FooMama]

While moving away is very far into my future, I suggest Texas, because the economy there is booming and the cities are growing, with cheap real estate.

[snowqueen]

I thought I was the one writing this post until I saw the part of you not getting along with your family. I too have been in some sort of limbo for more than two years now. Only that I am 22 already and I will have to make decisions with what I want to happen to my life real soon. The good side though is that I have a very supportive mother and a loving boyfriend, they let me try things out myself first. Being in an almost the same situation as you, I suggest that you find someone first who you could talk to(best if in person) about the things that bother you and bounce off that person the ideas you have with regards to getting your life back on track. It would be great if it's going to be someone who you really trust and knows you well and would want only the best for you. I can say this because sometimes we realize a lot of things but we have to voice them out to be able to really understand ourselves. Do not rush into things, take your time. A fresh start doesn't always mean you have to move far away or detach from the people around you right now. Sometimes it just needs you to have a different view of things. I know that we will both be okay in the near future. :)

[Naamah D.]

I know the feeling. I'm 21 and my brother thinks that I'm mentally crazy. He talks about how selfish I am and how I ruined his life. I have aspergers and sometimes I get upset and then he tells me what a nuisance I am to this family.

 

So don't feel alone, If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here when I'm not crying and bullying myself while being told that I'm crazy.

[TheNeonHyena]

Brave decision, but an admirable one. Sometimes a drastic change can be a great way to push your life in a new direction. Don't be afraid of making mistakes and having to clean up a few of your own messes. Not many middle aged responsible adults will just come out and admit it, but they were in your shoes once, making bad decisions and struggling to get by. I'm going to write you a novel and let you know all the things I seriously wish someone had told me when I was starting out on my own.

 

Be prepared for a bit of culture shock. You're going to be roughing it a lot. There's nothing quite like that first month of "oh my god I'm responsible for myself." A few things I can't stress enough are don't overextend yourself. You'll probably have to have either roommates or a reeeeally crappy apartment for a while unless you come from affluence. Learn how to cook CHEAP (there are tons of super tasty really nutritious ways to save yourself some money if you'll just learn a few cooking basics) and shop smart. If you want some cooking tips and easy ways to exchange a little time for savings let me know. It's one of my passions, and I can talk about it for days.

 

Pay your bills FIRST. I don't mean budget it out and save the money, I mean the moment you have the money together to pay the bill, go do it. If you get behind it will stress you out and you can accrue some nasty late charges. Don't rely on credit cards... I learned that one the really hard way. If you're a forgetful person, get one a wall calendar (banks usually give them away for free, or you can get one for really cheap at a dollar or discount store. Just make sure it isn't one left over from last year.) Write down every expense you have and what day it has to be paid. If you can, pay your bills before the day they're due, not only does it cut down on "Oh gods did I pay that bill" freakouts, it will give you a sense of accomplishment and let you feel like a "real adult." Not saying you aren't, just sometimes it won't feel like it... seriously, sometimes I still am amazed I'm allowed to be without adult supervision and I've been living on my own for years.

 

Don't be ashamed of having to ask for help too. If you're legitimately struggling, don't be scared to look into avenues to get assistance. There are tons of programs out there meant for people that are trying to get a hand up. When I first moved out on my own I was relying on my significant other's part time fast food job to pay all the bills and feed us... it was humiliating for me and we lived on a pathetically small amount of money, but it was a great experience. I ended up on food stamps and shopped primarily at secondhand stores and we bought our groceries at a "salvage store" (if you're unfamiliar with them, they buy up out of date or exceedingly cheap items and sell them at a fraction of what you would normally pay. Do not buy canned items more than three years out of date... no matter how cheap. Also learned the really hard way...) I fed my ex and I on ten dollars a week eating primarily out of date and really cheap items. Get involved in your community as much as you can too. There are frequently, even in smaller places, churches and groups that will host occasional free or very low cost dinners and such. They can be a great way to get out and do something social without having to break your bank.

 

If you're ever seriously in financial hardship and cannot pay a bill, call the company and get your options. Most utilities will work out a program to either get your some assistance, work with you on ways to lower your bill and sometimes offer what is called levelized billing. That means they'll average your utilities over the last few months so you won't ever have a sudden spike in your bill and pay WAY more than usual. Sometimes if you're in dire straits local organizations like Salvation Army or the Catholic church in your are (I'm not Catholic but I'm not ashamed to say I have accepted help from a concerned family.) will help get you back on your feet. When you do get stable and are able to do so, you can pay it back. Maybe not to the exact people you were helped by, but by helping other people that are going through similar situations.

 

The last bit of advice I'm going to give is this: Lose the luxuries first. If you have to choose between cable and eating... take the smart route and ditch the cable for a month or so. Try to avoid any kind of contracts for phone service, cable, Internet... whatever services you do not have to have to survive. That way if you have to drop service for a month or two, you don't have to pay a huge fee to get out of a contract. Most companies have a pay per month or no contract route these days simply because so many people are realizing that they probably won't stick with the same service for two or three years. I know way too many people that will half starve themselves just to keep their smartphone or internet connection. If you have a laptop or tablet there are a lot of places with wifi connections you can use for free (try your public library, they have so much more than just books.)

 

Anyway, sorry for the novel. I hope you can glean at least a tidbit of useful information out of it.

[Venus0523]

First, it's great that you have realized you need to change the way things are for you, very brave, as others have said!

 

My advice would be to look for a live-in Nanny job in an area you might be interested in moving to. That takes care of many of your expenses, helps you feel needed and useful and makes you self-sufficient without as many stresses.

 

Also, as stated in another reply, not being good in High School, doesn't mean you will be bad at college. My son (now 30), was terrible in high school, but made excellant grades in college...A bit of it is your "state of mind" in my opinion.

[siniri]

You've gotten a lot of great advice here, some of it conflicting. I recommend the book "48 Days to the Work You Love." It's got exercises to help you figure out what kind of life you want to lead (and not just employment), based on what's important to you and what you're passionate about.

 

My sister became a traveling nurse not long after graduating from undergrad. For the first year or so, she worked in the same department where she'd done her clinicals at the university hospital, but she wanted to see the world, and the travel nursing program helped her do that. She went to a small town in Texas, followed by Indianapolis (where she was offered a full-time, permanent position, which she took). She's very introverted, so meeting new people was hard for her, but she loved her time as a traveling nurse, and found a place to settle she never would have considered.

 

You're young and unattached, without mountains of debt (I assume). Go explore the world; it'll never be easier. If you do decide to come back home, it won't be a failure. You'll return with education from the school of life, so much richer for the experiences, no matter how bad they might have seemed at the time.

 

But where to go? What to do? How do you find that thing you want to do and get the skills necessary to do it?

• Start saving as much money as you can. You'll need enough to pay for moving costs, deposits on your new home/utilities (often 1-2 months' of rent, and $100-200 for utilities, depending on your credit history; it could be as little as zero), vehicle insurance/tax/title (if you have a car -- when I moved to NC, I had to pay "sales tax" on my car, which was several hundred dollars, just for moving it into the state), renter/home insurance, health insurance, travel fees (I really recommend visiting a place before moving there if possible), temporary housing (if you can't visit first, while you look for a place), and all the household items you'll need (dishes, cleaning supplies, a vacuum cleaner, etc.). Plus you'll need an emergency fund in case your car breaks down, etc. Besides, your budget's going to get tighter, so saving now helps you adapt to that more frugal lifestyle and gives you experience living off a budget.
• While you're saving, make a list of places you've always wanted to live. Then look into average cost of living, employment opportunities, weather, public transportation, crime rates, cultural activities of interest (love skiing? live near a ski resort...), educational opportunities, etc. For overseas places, look into visa requirements.
• Also start exploring what kind of job you want (both temporarily and long-term). Exploring various career options helps you figure out what you do and don't want, but it's nice to live somewhere where you can explore multiple options. If you might want to become an actor, for example, you should go somewhere like NY, LA, or even places like Atlanta (with a burgeoning film industry and cheaper cost of living). Look into traveling jobs, like flight attendant, cruise worker, etc., if that floats your boat. Be careful of seasonal jobs (e.g., beach lifeguard or river guide). It's okay to take a temporary job, but make sure the economy is strong in all seasons where you're going (or have a plan to move elsewhere), and try to line up your next thing as quickly as possible. (For example, in Vermont, some people are summer camp counselors and work at the ski resorts in winter, but there are a few weeks in spring and fall between gigs; Myrtle Beach lifeguards, on the other hand, find it tough to find new jobs in town after the beach season is over.)
• Narrow it down to 5-6 places, and start looking for jobs there. You might consider jobs where housing is included, or various work programs (which give you a built-in support network), such as Americorps (which can give you great experience).
• If you realize a job you'd like requires more education, try to get a job in a related field to really see what the job is like, but also consider taking free online college classes (e.g., from Coursera) or community college classes or certification programs (e.g., if you want to be a personal trainer).
• Once you have a job offer, use an online tool to figure out what your take-home pay would be, then create a budget based on that: food, shelter (rent + utilities -- you should be able to get average costs of utilities from the companies in that area for a home of your size), insurance (car/health/renters), transportation (vehicle costs, public transit costs -- budget for routine maintenance like oil changes, new tires/brakes/etc., but also things like gasoline), healthcare (doctor's visits, prescriptions, include a buffer for unexpected illness), pet care (if you have any), personal care (clothing - including shoes, hygiene, etc.), entertainment... use an online budget calculator, and try to have a buffer of at least $100-200/month (because your estimates might be off, and you can build your savings, which you can apply to retirement, education, travel, a newer vehicle if/once you need one, etc.). Most of these things will be pretty fixed (though there are of course ways to save in each), so you'll probably figure out the "shelter" part of the equation last. Then you'll know how much rent you can afford; hopefully you can find somewhere with that amount of rent (or cheaper).
• Go visit where you've gotten job offers, and look at housing. It can take a while living somewhere to figure out where you want to live, so try to find somewhere safe (you can look at crime maps online), close to work (and to various stores and your preferred entertainment), and within your budget. The cheaper the housing, the more you can spend on other stuff, but usually there's a sacrifice of location/safety/quality. Figure out what matters to you, and what you don't want to compromise on.
• Don't worry too much about the numbers/lists I just told you to make. If you have multiple offers in different places, as long as they're all viable (rent/etc. is cheaper than your pay), go with your gut. If the job doesn't work out, you can find a new one. If the place doesn't work for you after a while, you can repeat the process and find somewhere else.

Good luck! Most people have more regrets about what they haven't done than what they actually did do, so grab life by the horns and explore!

[CurlyFreys]

You've gotten a lot of great advice here, some of it conflicting. I recommend the book "48 Days to the Work You Love." It's got exercises to help you figure out what kind of life you want to lead (and not just employment), based on what's important to you and what you're passionate about.

 

My sister became a traveling nurse not long after graduating from undergrad. For the first year or so, she worked in the same department where she'd done her clinicals at the university hospital, but she wanted to see the world, and the travel nursing program helped her do that. She went to a small town in Texas, followed by Indianapolis (where she was offered a full-time, permanent position, which she took). She's very introverted, so meeting new people was hard for her, but she loved her time as a traveling nurse, and found a place to settle she never would have considered.

 

You're young and unattached, without mountains of debt (I assume). Go explore the world; it'll never be easier. If you do decide to come back home, it won't be a failure. You'll return with education from the school of life, so much richer for the experiences, no matter how bad they might have seemed at the time.

 

But where to go? What to do? How do you find that thing you want to do and get the skills necessary to do it?

• Start saving as much money as you can. You'll need enough to pay for moving costs, deposits on your new home/utilities (often 1-2 months' of rent, and $100-200 for utilities, depending on your credit history; it could be as little as zero), vehicle insurance/tax/title (if you have a car -- when I moved to NC, I had to pay "sales tax" on my car, which was several hundred dollars, just for moving it into the state), renter/home insurance, health insurance, travel fees (I really recommend visiting a place before moving there if possible), temporary housing (if you can't visit first, while you look for a place), and all the household items you'll need (dishes, cleaning supplies, a vacuum cleaner, etc.). Plus you'll need an emergency fund in case your car breaks down, etc. Besides, your budget's going to get tighter, so saving now helps you adapt to that more frugal lifestyle and gives you experience living off a budget.
• While you're saving, make a list of places you've always wanted to live. Then look into average cost of living, employment opportunities, weather, public transportation, crime rates, cultural activities of interest (love skiing? live near a ski resort...), educational opportunities, etc. For overseas places, look into visa requirements.
• Also start exploring what kind of job you want (both temporarily and long-term). Exploring various career options helps you figure out what you do and don't want, but it's nice to live somewhere where you can explore multiple options. If you might want to become an actor, for example, you should go somewhere like NY, LA, or even places like Atlanta (with a burgeoning film industry and cheaper cost of living). Look into traveling jobs, like flight attendant, cruise worker, etc., if that floats your boat. Be careful of seasonal jobs (e.g., beach lifeguard or river guide). It's okay to take a temporary job, but make sure the economy is strong in all seasons where you're going (or have a plan to move elsewhere), and try to line up your next thing as quickly as possible. (For example, in Vermont, some people are summer camp counselors and work at the ski resorts in winter, but there are a few weeks in spring and fall between gigs; Myrtle Beach lifeguards, on the other hand, find it tough to find new jobs in town after the beach season is over.)
• Narrow it down to 5-6 places, and start looking for jobs there. You might consider jobs where housing is included, or various work programs (which give you a built-in support network), such as Americorps (which can give you great experience).
• If you realize a job you'd like requires more education, try to get a job in a related field to really see what the job is like, but also consider taking free online college classes (e.g., from Coursera) or community college classes or certification programs (e.g., if you want to be a personal trainer).
• Once you have a job offer, use an online tool to figure out what your take-home pay would be, then create a budget based on that: food, shelter (rent + utilities -- you should be able to get average costs of utilities from the companies in that area for a home of your size), insurance (car/health/renters), transportation (vehicle costs, public transit costs -- budget for routine maintenance like oil changes, new tires/brakes/etc., but also things like gasoline), healthcare (doctor's visits, prescriptions, include a buffer for unexpected illness), pet care (if you have any), personal care (clothing - including shoes, hygiene, etc.), entertainment... use an online budget calculator, and try to have a buffer of at least $100-200/month (because your estimates might be off, and you can build your savings, which you can apply to retirement, education, travel, a newer vehicle if/once you need one, etc.). Most of these things will be pretty fixed (though there are of course ways to save in each), so you'll probably figure out the "shelter" part of the equation last. Then you'll know how much rent you can afford; hopefully you can find somewhere with that amount of rent (or cheaper).
• Go visit where you've gotten job offers, and look at housing. It can take a while living somewhere to figure out where you want to live, so try to find somewhere safe (you can look at crime maps online), close to work (and to various stores and your preferred entertainment), and within your budget. The cheaper the housing, the more you can spend on other stuff, but usually there's a sacrifice of location/safety/quality. Figure out what matters to you, and what you don't want to compromise on.
• Don't worry too much about the numbers/lists I just told you to make. If you have multiple offers in different places, as long as they're all viable (rent/etc. is cheaper than your pay), go with your gut. If the job doesn't work out, you can find a new one. If the place doesn't work for you after a while, you can repeat the process and find somewhere else.

Good luck! Most people have more regrets about what they haven't done than what they actually did do, so grab life by the horns and explore!

 

Wow thank you so much for all this great advice!

 

Thank you to everyone that responded! I am taking all of your advice to heart and I am slowly but surely moving forward with my plans!

 

I will try to keep you all updated as my life progresses! :]

[Koakuma_Heaven]

Everyone here's given great advice, just adding a couple of things from my own experience-

 

Get insurance for your valuables/ contents insurance. Dunno how much it costs in the USA but if it's anything like England it should only be a few dollars a week. It's easy to put it in the 'luxuries I don't really need' category but if you get your phone stolen, or you drop your TV, or your washing machine suddenly starts re-enacting The Exorcist all over your kitchen floor you'll be glad you have it.

 

Remember the necessities-it seems ridiculous but when planning your budget or going shopping a lot of first-time-living-aloners utterly forget that toilet roll and shampoo don't magically restock themselves. Other basics like cooking oil, salt etc. are also things a lot of us just expect to come with the kitchen.

 

Find out how to handle your finances! Some bills can be paid in different ways (Direct Debit, Standing Order, Pre-pay card etc.) so look at the options and find out what works for you, e.g. if your job pays on a weekly basis- say every Friday, then having a Direct Debit that goes out every month on the 15th might not work for you, as you might get a situation where the DD tries to come out one day before payday when you're completely broke, then you get bank charges and a whole lot of non-fun stuff.

Also if you receive money from somewhere in a form you're not used to, go to the bank and ask! - Over here Tax reimbursements are usually paid by cheque, which led to younger me standing in the bank sort of flapping it at a Cash Deposit machine until someone took pity on me and showed me how to pay it in ^^;

 

 

Enjoy yourself! It can be a very scary process, but it's also liberating. The first time you decide to take a shower and find there's actually hot water for a change, or when you can watch your favourite TV show in peace & quiet, or just have a lie in on a weekend without someone turning the vacuum cleaner on at 7am. All those little things (you'll have your own, i'm sure) will help to remind you why you moved out, so enjoy them!

[Psmucker3]

Move to wherever you see possibility. I would try enrolling in some local college courses or even applying for a job before selecting a place. However, it can also be very exciting to move somewhere with the idea of endless possibilities. At the same time, you should try to have some steady source of income before relocating. Are you interested in art? music? what is your passion? I know it can be hard to find motivation but that's what exploring and trying out new things is all about. Perhaps you will find out you don't like living in a certain place, taking a certain major in school, working at a certain job. But hey, that's what life is all about! You have to find out what makes you feel liberated. Everyone is confused and have no idea where their lives are leading. I promise it will all work out. Good luck homie xx