Naamah D. Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I've been struggling with depression. Ever since I graduated I've missed high school so much. I miss interacting with the teachers and staff. So my mom brought up that I be put on depression meds. I heard that some depression meds make you gain weight. Normally my mom doesn't let me wear dresses. I asked her why she doesn't let me and she told me that I have cellulite on my arms and then she brought up that I have a belly. She actually used to tell me to suck in my gut when she took pictures of me. I worked so hard to actually love my body, but now I feel like I have to wear baggy shirts and baggy jeans now because I feel like I'm not worthy of dresses and heels. My mom is 40 something and I'm 21. I actually mentioned something about her not wanting me to get attention from guys and she said that one of the reasons she doesn't wear makeup is she doesn't want me to hate her. I love my mom, but I feel like throwing out my dresses, v-neck shirts, skinny jeans, skirts and everything feminine. I'm comfortable in those kinds of clothes, but what's the point if your mom doesn't want me wearing them in public? She also whines about my having split ends when really, my hair naturally frizzes up in the humidity. She also talked about how beautiful one of my cousins is right in front of me when we were on vacation two months ago after she told me that I was the prettiest of the three nieces. My feelings are so hurt right now. May I also add that I'm a size 18 pear shape. Isn't the waist a good feature of a pear shape? My waist measures 41". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mouseykins Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I'm sorry your mom is putting you through all this. As a mom of two girls I would never treat my girls like this. I want them to be raised to be comfortable and secure with their figures and love everything about them. Sure my body may have it's flaws, such as not being in total shape, stretch marks, acne and such. But I honestly do not care what other people think of me. At first I was a little thrown off about my stretch marks on my tummy, but now I absolutely love them. They are a constant reminder of the two separate 9 months I carried my girls and the reward of seeing their faces for the first time. they have faded a lot over time and now just look like faint flamey scars. I think it's awesome that you've learned to accept yourself for who you are and love your body. :) If my mom was pulling these stunts I would honestly tell her to shove it and leave me alone. But that's me. I think you should talk to your mom and maybe lay things out for her like how you don't appreciate her comments. These are the things you like to wear and you are going to no matter what she says. I would just stand your ground and not change who you are to please her. As for the cellulite, if it's something you want to treat, there are creams and serums available at most drug stores. Personally I would recommend Vichy just for the simple fact that everything I've gotten from them I've loved. They are a good brand, but a bit expensive. But you can explore your options and talk to someone about it if you like. Vichy Products There's probably other things too that you can try/do at home if you like. Lots of information on the interwebs. Good luck with your mom! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Brianna. Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I feel you. I've never been a twig, but I've always felt "skinny enough" and comfortable in my own skin...but I'm extremely hippy, as are most of the women on my mom's side of the family. My mom used to be super tiny - like 5'7" and 110 lbs tiny - but after she had me she put on a lot of weight. I think her own weight gain has caused her to project on to me and so she has this crazy talent for making me feel horrible about myself. "Why aren't you wearing makeup?" "Don't you think those pants are a little tight on your thighs" etc. etc. As I've gotten older I have learned: A. If I like it I'm gonna wear it because that's what really matters. B. Don't take mom shopping with me - it will result in me feeling miserable about myself. C. The older you get the less concerned you become with wearing what is "trendy" which allows you to dress for your own body instead of what everyone is wearing. D. If you feel comfortable and healthy that's what is important. Size and weight are just numbers. And one particular weight doesn't look the same on every person anyway. I'm guessing because you are 21 you may still live at home? I promise you that as soon as you move out your relationship with your mom will probably change drastically. My mom and I used to fight all the time but now that we don't see each other constantly we've had this amazing relationship shift. Even now if I go home for more than a couple days we bicker - that's just how moms and daughters are...but as a whole I think it has made us appreciate each other more so we tend to be nicer to one another. Don't be afraid to tell your mom how you feel - you might be surprised at the results :) Best of luck doll <3 Don't give up your feminine side because you feel like someone else is telling you to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightfall8705 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I agree with Brianna, but I'm sorry that I have to say this: your mom's attitude sucks. She needs a new attitude, stat! You're 21 years old. Your body and your appearance is your business. You're of age, you can wear what you want. Your mom can't make you do anything. If I were you, I wouldn't listen to her. If all that comes out of her mouth degrades you, tune it out. Say "Mom, I am who I am. You don't have to accept my appearance, but I am happy with me being the way God made me. At least bite your tongue out of respect of not putting me down, because I won't listen to it anymore." And stick to it! If your mom has such an issue with your cellulite and body, that is HER problem, not yours. Nevermind what your mom thinks, what do YOU think? If you and your doctor are fine with your body, then mom needs to butt out. Your mother is passing on to you her own bitterness/envy or low self-esteem issues. If she is constantly pointing out your flaws, it is because that doing so makes her feel better. It's a form of manipulation of ego and projection, and it also has a diagnosis and medication. It's common symptoms of having grandiose delusions and a compensatory narcissistic personality disorder. Those narcissists who have been diagnosed with narcissistic grandiosity express behavior "through interpersonally exploitative acts, lack of empathy, intense envy, aggression, and exhibitionism." Another type of narcissism is narcissistic vulnerability. It entails (on a conscious level) "helplessness, emptiness, low self-esteem, and shame, which can be expressed in the behavior as being socially avoidant in situations where their self-presentation is not possible so they withdraw, or the approval they need/expect is not being met. I truly apologize if I sound snarky or offensive, but I just can't stand it when somebody puts somebody else down, especially when said person is a parent who is not perfect themselves that think that they have the right to criticize everything about everyone else because their own inadequacies have damaged their psyche beyond repair and they need an outlet to feel better by shaming their flesh and blood. If it were me, I'd send mommy dearest to a shrink to get her own weight-gaining medications, and then we'll just see who has to say what then. Words really do hurt people more than anyone thinks, and a lot of the time, people tend to forget that. /Rant Over Bottom line, who cares what mom thinks? It's what you think that matters. Wear a dress if you want to, and don't let anybody tear you down. Ultimately, its your appearance; your body, your call, your business, no one else's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
circlette Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Wow. She sounds like a piece of work. To echo the post above me, the fact that she points out all of these things to you means that she has some serious self-esteem issues (at the very least). Normally I'm the kind of person to tell others to shove their opinions about me where the sun don't shine, but that's pretty brutal coming from your own mother. It's possible that she's so wrapped up in her own issues that she might not know how much she's hurting you. I would definitely talk to her about it. You're an adult, and if you wanna wear cute stuff because it makes you feel good, then you wear cute stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naamah D. Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 What you all don't understand is my mom is a good mom. We just happened to have a disagreement that day. We got over it and we're happy now. My mom is kindest woman on the planet. She takes me places, gives me hugs, goes on walks with me outside, she lets me have a $175.00 allowance which I get to spend today. She got my VIP tickets to my favorite band's concert and after we argue, we get over it. I have Aspergers and I'm epileptic and when I had a grand mal one time in a grocery store she rode in the ambulance with me. We also eat healthy together with the occasional treat (she's pre-diabetic so probably not anymore :P). My mom has had back surgery. I've had surgery before and she cooked for me. She has helped me clean my room. I appreciate every little thing that she has done for me. If our relationship isn't perfect, that's fine by me because we always apologize and get over it and hug afterwards. After I had all four of my imacpacted wisdom teeth removed, she made yummy soup for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightfall8705 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 The best thing to do is to talk to her about it when she hurts you. Even if there are problems, honest communication is a catalyst in those situations. It's good that the two of you got over your spat, but laying all your cards on the table and just drawing the line of how you feel can help see to it that the same disagreements don't happen again. And out of curiosity, what band's concert are you seeing? :) circlette 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naamah D. Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 The best thing to do is to talk to her about it when she hurts you. Even if there are problems, honest communication is a catalyst in those situations. It's good that the two of you got over your spat, but laying all your cards on the table and just drawing the line of how you feel can help see to it that the same disagreements don't happen again. And out of curiosity, what band's concert are you seeing? :) I finally get to live the dream of seeing my favorite band. The band is The Birthday Massacre :) Their name may sound scary, but look up some of their songs like "In This Moment", "Burn Away", "Forever" and "Leaving Tonight". Those are some of the most beautiful songs ever. Another member likes them, too. My mom and I both like them so we get to see them in concert together :) Ruto 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightfall8705 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I think I've heard of them! I'll have to look up some of their songs sometime! I hope you and your mom enjoy the concert! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mouseykins Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 What you all don't understand is my mom is a good mom. We just happened to have a disagreement that day. We got over it and we're happy now. My mom is kindest woman on the planet. She takes me places, gives me hugs, goes on walks with me outside, she lets me have a $175.00 allowance which I get to spend today. She got my VIP tickets to my favorite band's concert and after we argue, we get over it. I have Aspergers and I'm epileptic and when I had a grand mal one time in a grocery store she rode in the ambulance with me. We also eat healthy together with the occasional treat (she's pre-diabetic so probably not anymore :P). My mom has had back surgery. I've had surgery before and she cooked for me. She has helped me clean my room. I appreciate every little thing that she has done for me. If our relationship isn't perfect, that's fine by me because we always apologize and get over it and hug afterwards. After I had all four of my imacpacted wisdom teeth removed, she made yummy soup for me. I'm glad to hear you have a good mom! Actually by the sounds of it your mom is pretty awesome! :) I would suggest when she's making you feel bad about yourself or you don't like her comments, I would simply just explain to her that what she is saying hurts you. Then work it out. It sounds like your mom is there for you, and you for her which is really great. I don't have any kind of relationship with my mom, but that's a story for another time and I'm glad you have one with yours. :) I hope you have an awesome time at the concert! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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