Some secrets should stay secret

[Puzzles]

My best friend decided yesterday to tell me that he was homosexual..

But, of course, he did not stop there. (Like he should of!)

He also decided that it'd be for the best to tell me that he has feelings for me.

I'm actually quite upset that he decided to throw away our friendship ----

Years of friendship, down the drain, all because of his selfishness.

I should be thankful --- I guess.

Now I can cut him out of my life.

But it still hurts that he'd do this to our friendship.

 

I'm honestly, starting to hate people.

 

{ ` how long before he realizes that our friendship is over?

i'm going the nice road and simply ignoring his phone calls, and facebook messages.

[arkwright]

From the outset, that post sounded a little bit homophobic. Not the cutting him out of your life part, but the "he should have stopped there" part. You might not like my opinion - but if he is your best friend, surely you`re the one person in the world he could tell such a thing to. Its not something you can easily tell your parents, and if he told anyone else you may have eventually found out.

Being homosexual isn`t anyone`s choice, and if he was such a great friend to you - I really think you should just overlook all that part and just be nice to him over it. Explain you`re not into that, but still be his friend.

Look at it from his point of view; he`s possibly in love - had been rejected, whilst maybe finally spilling the most hidden secret in his life to the one person he trusts the most, and on top of it all he`s losing his best friend. No doubt he knew exactly what was at stake in telling you.

Maybe, just maybe it hurts him that you`d do something like this to your friendship? You are the one cutting him off afterall.

[Rebecca~]

Wow. From the sound of it, I think your friend is better off without you in his life.

You clearly have no idea how hard it can be to tell someone you're queer. It took me years to tell my closest friends, and years more to tell my family. It was hugely traumatic- I kept having nightmares that everyone I cared about would reject me, and I would have no one left to turn to. I was lucky- no one did.

 

A friend of mine told me that she had feelings for me as well, and I am so glad that she did, even though I did not reciprocate the feelings at all- it explained why she had been a little weird with me, and I appreciated that she cared about me enough to be honest with me.

 

If you want to cut off ties with your friend, then do him a favour and tell him that. Don't just ignore his facebook messages and phone calls. That is low, and mean. Your friendship should have meant more.

[Puzzles]

If he was my best friend --- he would of never done this to me.

Go ahead and tell me that you're homosexual.

But to go as far as admitting you have feelings for me..

 

Either way ---

He did not need to tell me about his feelings.

He should of known it'd strain our friendship.

 

Edit: Ignoring him is the easiest route for me.

Telling him that I'm ending our friendship or not.

He's going to hurt, and so will I.

[Rebecca~]

If he was my best friend --- he would of never done this to me.

Go ahead and tell me that you're homosexual.

But to go as far as admitting you have feelings for me..

 

Either way.

Ending our friendship/not ending our friendship.

He's going to get hurt.

If he was your best friend he wouldn't have been honest with you? I don't think that's how friendships are supposed to work.

He probably expected that you would not feel the same- queer people usually don't think their straight friends will suddenly want them. He probably just wanted to be honest with you, share something that has been troubling him. If I were you, I would be happy that my friend trusted me so much.

So, while he may have been a bit hurt that you didn't reciprocate the feelings-- unsurprised, but unrequited feelings always hurt-- losing your friendship is going to hurt him a LOT more.

[andaraen]

If he was my best friend --- he would of never done this to me.

Go ahead and tell me that you're homosexual.

But to go as far as admitting you have feelings for me..

 

Either way ---

He did not need to tell me about his feelings.

He should of known it'd strain our friendship.

 

Edit: Ignoring him is the easiest route for me.

Telling him that I'm ending our friendship or not.

He's going to hurt, and so will I.

Ignoring him will only make it hurt worse.

And it sounds like your friend would wind up hurting whether he told you how he felt or not.

[Saxen]

This happened to me with a best friend of mine, I didn't reciprocate her feelings (not because I'm straight, I just didn't like her like that), but no way would I have ever thought her selfish for saying she loved me. It must have been such a hard thing for your friend to admit, and it's not as if he's done it out of spite to hurt you or your friendship which is what you seem to think.

 

I agree with Rach*, he's better off without you.

 

*Wow, having an off day XD Rebecca!! - blimey, I'm awful.

[Puzzles]

And it sounds like your friend would wind up hurting whether he told you how he felt or not.

 

Yes, either way he would of still ended up getting hurt.

However, ignoring him will still be easiest for me.

Its not easy to tell someone you're ending your friendship.

& besides, I rather not get punched.

[Rebecca~]

Yes, either way he would of still ended up getting hurt.

However, ignoring him will still be easiest for me.

Its not easy to tell someone you're ending your friendship.

& besides, I rather not get punched.

It would hurt HIM more if you just ignore him. Clearly you're showing how little you care about him.

Your poor friend. He doesn't deserve this.

[Puzzles]

It would hurt HIM more if you just ignore him. Clearly you're showing how little you care about him.

Your poor friend. He doesn't deserve this.

 

Yes, but when it comes to it.

I will do whats easiest for me.

Sure, you might think he doesn't deserve this.

But I wasn't the one who ruined our friendship. :sad01_anim:

[Finn the Human]

Yes, either way he would of still ended up getting hurt.

However, ignoring him will still be easiest for me.

Its not easy to tell someone you're ending your friendship.

& besides, I rather not get punched.

You cant get mad at HIM, its not like he should hide it from you. Its better he let you know before this gets out of hand.

 

Yes, but when it comes to it.

I will do whats easiest for me.

Sure, you might think he doesn't deserve this.

But I wasn't the one who ruined our friendship. :sad01_anim:

You shouldnt always only think about yourself, you have to understand other people too. Edited August 7, 2012 by sikdersaha1000

[Rebecca~]

Yes, but when it comes to it.

I will do whats easiest for me.

Sure, you might think he doesn't deserve this.

But I wasn't the one who ruined our friendship. :sad01_anim:

YES YOU ARE.

Your friend was being a GOOD friend. He was being truthful, and sharing things with you that were important to him, things that were weighing on him, and were difficult to talk about. YOU are the one that is blaming it on him, and ending the friendship over it.

The end of this friendship falls on no one but yourself.

[Puzzles]

You cant get mad at HIM, its not like he should hide it from you. Its better he let you know before this gets out of hand.

 

You shouldnt always only think about yourself, you have to understand other people too.

 

Im not a hero.

I'm going to do whats best for me.

In my mind --- it would of been best for him to have hid his feelings.

 

 

 

YES YOU ARE.

Your friend was being a GOOD friend. He was being truthful, and sharing things with you that were important to him, things that were weighing on him, and were difficult to talk about. YOU are the one that is blaming it on him, and ending the friendship over it.

The end of this friendship falls on no one but yourself.

 

Sometimes, honesty is not the best policy.

When he gets over these feelings.

I'll consider talking to him again.

Yes, I may be ending our friendship.

But only because of something he did.

[Rebecca~]

Im not a hero.

I'm going to do whats best for me.

 

 

 

Sometimes, honesty is not the best policy.

When he gets over these feelings.

I'll consider talking to him again.

Honesty is always the best policy.

 

Which feelings- his feelings towards you, or being queer? I saw some of your posts in the gay marriage thread- you clearly don't have much respect for people whom are queer. Quite frankly, I would be surprised if he would be able to get over his anger towards you for the way you will be treating him.

[Puzzles]

Honesty is always the best policy.

 

Which feelings- his feelings towards you, or being queer? I saw some of your posts in the gay marriage thread- you clearly don't have much respect for people whom are queer. Quite frankly, I would be surprised if he would be able to get over his anger towards you for the way you will be treating him.

 

If you had asked me a few weeks ago --- I would of said for being queer.

I was raised by people who frowned on homosexuality and as such --- I ended up with their views.

 

 

However, I'm talking about his feelings towards me.

If he got over over them ---- we could possibly be friends again.

[Rebecca~]

If you had asked me a few weeks ago --- I would of said for being queer.

I was raised by people who frowned on homosexuality and as such --- I ended up with their views.

 

 

However, I'm talking about his feelings towards me.

If he got over over them ---- we could possibly be friends again.

I doubt that after this he will want to be friends with you. You seem like a hateful little man. I hope your friend goes on to have a happy life, far away from you.

[Puzzles]

I doubt that after this he will want to be friends with you. You seem like a hateful little man. I hope your friend goes on to have a happy life, far away from you.

 

Ouch....

and people say that I'm mean. :sad01_anim:

[-Ryan]

No offense bro, but you're being extremely selfish.

Hes a person too. He was being a loyal friend, and trying to be honest with who he trusts most.

Now the one he trusts most is throwing everything away(which he was probably terrified of when he told you) when he thought he had a good relationship built up there. He though he had a good friend to count on, but he really cant count on you can he?

So what if he has feelings for you? Has he done anything to make you uncomfortable besides say so?

 

Always choosing whats best and easiest for youself is a horrible way to live life. Think about others first, and you come second.

[karmacow]

I understand that it can be extremely hard for straight males to handle that their best (male) friend is gay AND is in love with them. But you've really got to see things from your friend's point of view. A best friend is supposed to be someone you can tell anything, regardless of whether or not it's good news. You really must have been his very best friend if you were the person he chose talk about it with first. Isn't that food for thought? I really think you should be there for him right now, or else he is going to feel so painfully rejected on a very fundamental human level.

If you can't talk to him in person or on the phone right now, write him an email. Try to express what exactly is bothering you. Remember that nobody is at fault right now. He told you something that's very difficult to even admit to oneself at first, equally hard, if not harder, to admit to other people.

[Jacky]

think about it like this; what would you do if the situation was the same (friend in love with you but you don't feel the same) but the friend was a girl? would you react the same way?I bet you would feel flattered, and tell her you don't feel the same way but you can still be friends.

 

I think you should really consider the way you are handling this. I agree with everyone else that you are being very selfish and overly sensitive in your reaction. I do understand however that this is still fresh and you are reacting out of first impulse. put yourself in your friends shoes; how would you feel? I can tell you you would feel horrible. So be a good friend and tell your friend (even if it is just in a text or FB message) that you are having a hard time with this and need some distance. I am sure he will very much appreciate it, and give you all the time you need.

[Zombiiesque]

I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for him - it was very brave of him, honestly. I went through something pretty similar with my very best friend years ago, she came out to me as bi and having feelings for me. Now, I think my best friend is stunning, but I just didn't have feelings for her like that - to me I had the "she's my sister" feelings, so although I wished I could change that, because I'd be pretty darned lucky to have her, I couldn't. I didn't stop talking to her, that would have hurt her so deeply I don't know if she could recover from it. She didn't deserve that in any way. I just explained to her that I didn't have the same feelings for her even though I loved her.

You don't obviously have to go the route I did but you could at least be kind enough to respond to him - as suggested above, maybe take a little step back, some time - and then maybe explain to him that you don't have those feelings for him. If he really IS your best friend he's obviously worth having around, so why not make this effort? They don't just grow on trees, I can tell you that much!

Today my best friend is married with two beautiful little girls, I'm married with one beautiful girl, and we are just as close as sisters and our relationship is lovely. I'd be worse for not having her in my life - she's an amazing and wonderful person and I'm so glad to know her.

[Puzzles]

think about it like this; what would you do if the situation was the same (friend in love with you but you don't feel the same) but the friend was a girl? would you react the same way?I bet you would feel flattered, and tell her you don't feel the same way but you can still be friends.

 

I think you should really consider the way you are handling this. I agree with everyone else that you are being very selfish and overly sensitive in your reaction. I do understand however that this is still fresh and you are reacting out of first impulse. put yourself in your friends shoes; how would you feel? I can tell you you would feel horrible. So be a good friend and tell your friend (even if it is just in a text or FB message) that you are having a hard time with this and need some distance. I am sure he will very much appreciate it, and give you all the time you need.

 

Unless, of course I was asexual.

Then I'd be reacting the exact same way.

Although, I do see your point.

[Emily]

Wow. You're a prize. Not even going to try to tell you you're a self-centered human being, because you won't listen.

I have a gay best friend (and actually quite a few other good friends that are gay/lesbian) and they are the BEST people I know. They are the funnest, nicest most caring and, perhaps the best, the most non-judgemental people I have ever met in my life. In the end, I feel sorry for you more than anything because of what you will miss out on by not having this person in your life. Props to them for having so much respect for you (which you obviously do not have for them) to come out to you. I know if it were me, I probably wouldn't be strong enough to do that. It honestly baffles me how, in this day and age, homophobia still exists.

[Welcome Back Apathy]

You know what? I'm not going to jump down your throat. Because I've had the problem a ton of times, only not with gay people. (Lesbians have never been attracted to me.) And I have spent enough time on the internet to see that guys are sooooo sick of being friendzoned. They're nice, they want to date a girl, but she's just not into him and therefore won't go out with him, and then BOOM! She's a terrible person who is toying with his feelings. She has friendzoned him.

 

It's awkward being the girl, and it's really annoying when a guy thinks you owe him something for him being nice. Although I haven't gotten a lot of the nice from it. Whatever. Either way, it CAN feel sometimes like a friendship has been ruined.

 

 

 

The thing is, though...this is your BEST friend. He's being honest. My "friendzonings" were with guys who became friends with me only for one purpose. He's known you for years, hasn't he? He IS a friend, isn't he? And this is the one thing standing in the way. It's awkward. It may drive you apart. But at least give him the choice of getting over it, which is what you want, isn't it?

 

I don't really know why you came on here, though. You knew before that no one was going to agree with what you said. You knew you weren't going to get support for it. Seems sometimes like you are just trying to rile people.

[Puzzles]

You know what? I'm not going to jump down your throat. Because I've had the problem a ton of times, only not with gay people. (Lesbians have never been attracted to me.) And I have spent enough time on the internet to see that guys are sooooo sick of being friendzoned. They're nice, they want to date a girl, but she's just not into him and therefore won't go out with him, and then BOOM! She's a terrible person who is toying with his feelings. She has friendzoned him.

 

It's awkward being the girl, and it's really annoying when a guy thinks you owe him something for him being nice. Although I haven't gotten a lot of the nice from it. Whatever. Either way, it CAN feel sometimes like a friendship has been ruined.

 

 

 

The thing is, though...this is your BEST friend. He's being honest. My "friendzonings" were with guys who became friends with me only for one purpose. He's known you for years, hasn't he? He IS a friend, isn't he? And this is the one thing standing in the way. It's awkward. It may drive you apart. But at least give him the choice of getting over it, which is what you want, isn't it?

 

I don't really know why you came on here, though. You knew before that no one was going to agree with what you said. You knew you weren't going to get support for it. Seems sometimes like you are just trying to rile people.

 

I'm trying to change Karina.

I'm not upset that he's gay.

I'm upset because he has feelings for me.

Once these feelings are gone --- we could be friends again.