Do you pity those with disabilities? Are you afraid?

[CanineGoddess]

First of all, I am disabled (PM for info as I will not discuss it here). I am very stubborn and cannot STAND pity. I also get irritated when people seem afraid of disabled people. So, are you afraid? Do you pity? Or do you try to look past disability?

 

Please note that I will not try to change anyone's views unless they wish to change.

[̊ ˉˉ ̊]

I'm also disabled, & I mainly just try to look past disability.

[Secre]

I have never looked at disabled people with either fear or pity. Some of the best people I know are disabled, and many of them are a darn site better at a lot of things than I am. There is no reason to fear or pity disabled people because they are disabled. However, there are some people I fear who are disabled as a secondary issue - but that's due to their personality not their physical abilities.

[Unstream]

First of all, I am disabled (PM for info as I will not discuss it here). I am very stubborn and cannot STAND pity. I also get irritated when people seem afraid of disabled people. So, are you afraid? Do you pity? Or do you try to look past disability?

 

Please note that I will not try to change anyone's views unless they wish to change.

I wouldn't say that people are afraid of the disability itself, but they don't want to get caught staring at a physical disability, like a lost limb. It might pass off as rude, and society has conditioned us to not want to be rude. That and simply because it may be out of the ordinary, and some people don't have the mental maturity to take it in.

 

Now it depends on what you mean by pity. I mean, say I lost both of my legs. I can't be held to the same mobility standards as normal people. I shouldn't be forced to run the same number of laps as other people in a PE class. And like if I was in that wheelchair and someone held the door open for me, I wouldn't use the word pity for that, it's just being nice. Sometimes I feel like people get pissed at for getting sympathy, when really it's just people trying to help and be nice.

 

I dunno, you sounded really angry in your post, and I can't really tell why. People can be nice to you and treat you special sometimes just to make things easier. It's not always pity (which I'm associating with them looking down on you), it can be simply because they care about you. I think most people just have good intentions.

[CanineGoddess]

I wouldn't say that people are afraid of the disability itself, but they don't want to get caught staring at a physical disability, like a lost limb. It might pass off as rude, and society has conditioned us to not want to be rude. That and simply because it may be out of the ordinary, and some people don't have the mental maturity to take it in.

 

Now it depends on what you mean by pity. I mean, say I lost both of my legs. I can't be held to the same mobility standards as normal people. I shouldn't be forced to run the same number of laps as other people in a PE class. And like if I was in that wheelchair and someone held the door open for me, I wouldn't use the word pity for that, it's just being nice. Sometimes I feel like people get pissed at for getting sympathy, when really it's just people trying to help and be nice.

 

I dunno, you sounded really angry in your post, and I can't really tell why. People can be nice to you and treat you special sometimes just to make things easier. It's not always pity (which I'm associating with them looking down on you), it can be simply because they care about you. I think most people just have good intentions.

Your association with pity is exactly what I meant. I understand that people usually have good intentions and I am very grateful for those people.

 

And I'm not angry, just trying to express how important this issue is to me. I suppose it came across as anger.

[Ashbash]

So I'm a bit confused. Are you saying holding a door open for someone who is disabled fits what you mean by pity? Because i do that all the time but I don't see it as anything different then holding a door open for someone who isn't disabled. I hold doors open for everyone just as a common courtesy.

[celticheavens]

I think it's more of the attitude towards those who do not have disabilities versus the disabled.... I personally can't help but feel a surge of pity when I see them, and I do try to make things easier for them when I can (like giving up a set for them or just helping them up stairs etc). I think it's more of lending a helping hand, for if I'm the one needing help, I'm sure there will be others who help me. Other than that, I don't treat them differently or scrutinise them like animals. Other than situations in which they are greatly disadvantaged, I won't grant them extra leniency for they are just like us in any other way.

[tempdisplay]

Guilty as charged of both crimes. But I admire Disabled People, and is saying Disabled People kind of like singling people out?

[CanineGoddess]

So I'm a bit confused. Are you saying holding a door open for someone who is disabled fits what you mean by pity? Because i do that all the time but I don't see it as anything different then holding a door open for someone who isn't disabled. I hold doors open for everyone just as a common courtesy.

I just meant pity as in looking/talking down to them.

And Blue, I personally don't think so, but I can't speak for others.

[Nyssa]

I know it's wrong, but I feel very uncomfortable around disabled people. I do feel for them, but I don't pity them. However, I do try to avoid them as much as possible...

 

What annoys me the most though, is that a lot of disabled people I met pity themselves, and become their disabilities. There's this girl in my class who's in a wheelchair because she's spastic, and she just expects everyone to push her and in projects she doesn't do ANYTHING "because she's handicapped", which I just think is Kaucrap.

 

(Please note that I do not mean to offend anyone and if I do - I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that, and like I said, I'm sorry that I feel uncomfortable around people with disabilities).

[CanineGoddess]

I know it's wrong, but I feel very uncomfortable around disabled people. I do feel for them, but I don't pity them. However, I do try to avoid them as much as possible...

 

What annoys me the most though, is that a lot of disabled people I met pity themselves, and become their disabilities. There's this girl in my class who's in a wheelchair because she's spastic, and she just expects everyone to push her and in projects she doesn't do ANYTHING "because she's handicapped", which I just think is Kaucrap.

 

(Please note that I do not mean to offend anyone and if I do - I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that, and like I said, I'm sorry that I feel uncomfortable around people with disabilities).

Thank you for being honest, :) I think that the disabled people who pity themselves have yet to come to terms with the fact that their handicap makes them just as capable, maybe in a different way, or with help, but still capable.

[CAV of Gang Green]

I hate to be offencive, but I feel uncomfertable with disabled people. I feel like I might say something that will offend them, and that's why I tend to stay away from them. I guess I fear to make enemys.

[Shane for Wax]

I'm not DISABLED, I'm handicapped. Disabled makes it seem like you can't do things. I also hate it when people give me weird looks when I walk because I have a limp. It's not a disease, I'm not some zombie, you can't get my disability by being around me. I have my brain, which is more than some of the people who look at me can say. So long as I can still outsmart them, I will always be superior.

 

Looking at a handicapped person any differently than you do any able-bodied person is wrong. I expect people to hold the door open for me, but i would if I was perfectly able-bodied cause it's a courtesy. But I don't whine and stuff like that. I am also someone who gets mad at those who park in handicapped spots and they aren't at all handicapped.

 

I have never asked to be pitied. The day I do is the day I get struck by lightning and fry.

 

I absolutely despise other handicapped people who take advantage of their handicaps to use other people. I don't mean the fact that you can't reach the top shelf in your wheelchair, I mean moving yourself around, stuff like that.

[Unstream]

Your association with pity is exactly what I meant. I understand that people usually have good intentions and I am very grateful for those people.

 

And I'm not angry, just trying to express how important this issue is to me. I suppose it came across as anger.

I thought pity was more of a "feel sorry for" type of thing. I do feel sorry for people with disabilities. It's unfortunate, and I wish it didn't happen to them.

 

I can honestly say though that I'm not uncomfortable with people with disabilities. I have a friend that goes to my church and she lost her forearm in a car accident when she was young. I see her as just any normal person, and she functions as one too.

[Masaryk]

I neither fear nor pity people with physical handicaps. Everyone's body is different. We don't all look the same or work the same, so I don't look down on people for their physical differences. When I was a massage therapist, I treated many people with a wide array of physical issues - everything from reduced range of motion from a broken neck, to fibromyalgia, to lost mobility due to stroke. I find it somewhat fascinating to explore the function of the human body. It's a big part of why I want to be a doctor.

 

I can't say that I know anybody that has a "perfect" body. Everybody does everything with a varying degree of ability, so just because someone has a harder time doing something than I do, it doesn't seem like a valid reason to look down on them. I also applaud people for finding innovative ways to help themselves.

 

I also don't look down on people with mental handicaps. When I got my teaching degree, I immediately specialized in Special Education. Spec Ed classes are the classes I enjoy teaching the most. I find that the students are very appreciative of having people around who are interested in helping them to succeed. And I don't find them to be scary at all, though some people can be a little unpredictable if they aren't approached in a specific way.

[aloudervoice]

personally, i've found that people with disabilities are some of the greatest people i've ever worked with. i'm a social work student and i would never pity or fear someone becuase of a physical/mental disability. once you get past the outside, i've found they have more interesting and motivated personalities than "normal" people. a difference in looks or speech can seem scary unless you take the time to care about the person.

i do find it sad that some people cannot do what they want because their bodies aren't capable of it, but i've known people in wheelchairs who've been on the crew of sailing boats for months at a time - and i'd be way to scared to do that.

[Gaia]

I don't feel "pity" necessarily, but I do feel empathy. I think that it stinks that a person has become or was born with something that makes their life more difficult.

 

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[Ro-]

I think some people here are confusing 'pity' and 'condescension'. Pity is feeling sad for someone, and condescension is disrespecting them by talking down to them, or assuming they are invalid in various ways because they are disabled or handicapped or whatever. I feel pity for people who are disabled, because it makes their lives harder. Depending on the disability, I do not judge their minds based on it, so I wouldn't talk down to a paraplegic, but I might simplify things for someone whose brain is stunted, for example. There have been so few disabled people around me, I'm really not sure about my daily interactions with them. I might be uncomfortable at the novelty - how does one act around someone with no arm? Does one not mention arm related activities? - and worry about offending them, but fear certainly doesn't enter into it.