antiaircraft

You crawl forward through the spreading puddle of water and seize the string of the charm. Instantly the flow of water ceases, and -
 
Another terrific bang rings in your ears as wax explodes from your clothes and skin, sizzling and smoking. But quickly you realise it has not touched you; you feel no pain. Even the sound was slightly muffled, as if heard through a thick pane of glass. You are no longer on fire. The charm is protecting you.
 
Renewed in confidence, you rise, a little shakily, and approach the door. The crack runs almost two-thirds of the way down the door. The monstrous eye stares straight ahead, both halves of its pupil missing you. But the gap is only a few centimetres in width; you can't even see what is on the other side.
 
Hoping to prise it open, you grip the two sides of the crack and pull - but the door has no hinges to hold it in place, and it topples towards you.
 
Reflexively, you push it back, and it slips out of the frame in the other direction. You see it fall away, and vanish.
 
For on the other side are a single doorway, streaming bright light, no more than a few metres distant, and - your mind shivers with the resonance of recognition - and nothing else, no walls, no floor, but instead a formless abyss that has no end, because even the maker of this door has never seen what lies beyond it.
 
When your gaze passes into the void, the void grips it and tugs; you stagger, and brace yourself on the doorway.
 
So it reaches into your eyes - through your optic nerves - wraps itself around the base of the brain and the spinal cord - gathers up the ends of your sensory neurons - and pulls you, with immeasurable force, out through the door and into unreality. The light vanishes.
 

= o =
It spreads you out like a boxful of toys and you can feel yourself coming apart: fur uprooting, skin peeling loose, muscle fibres unravelling, bone dissolving, organs detaching, everything drifting away and becoming part of the void; for gravity and electromagnetic attraction, the ropes that hold ordinary matter together, snap at its touch. You know this void, this placid emptiness. Why is it hurting you?
 
Who are you?
 
Your pain, lost. Something else's pain, now. The pain of a coat, the pain of a book, the unfelt pain of a child waiting to come into being.
 
You were so close. Who are you?
 
Your anger, lost. Your fear, lost. Your cauldron of bubbling memories is upturned, and its contents are flowing away...
 
But with the last of your determination you reach out and grasp at them. You had been thinking about them, tentatively joining one thing to another, forming connections and correlations; you cannot give up now.
 
Who are you?
 
You are hated by the fays that represent Neopia's elements, and imprisoned by them in a garden of their making. (They decorated it with yellow carnations.)
 
You are familiar with magic and with the unfathomable arts and powers of Faerie.
 
You are a Xweetok with spotted fur.
 
Who are you?
 
Clues and hints and ideas drift away as the void erodes at your brain. It is absorbing you because it does not know that you exist. You are missing the central keystone that differentiates form from formlessness, and which separates you from the void. As it destroys you, turning you into mist, this sole conviction remains: what you are missing is a name.
 
 
 
What is your name? Who are you?
 
> _

Hmm... I could propose an alternative approach, although I have the feeling trying to be clever will only get us horribly killed twice as fast. :P
 
I may as well put it out there anyway. First things first:
 
> Ask Caecilia's opinion.
 
And if she doesn't have any immediately applicable insights:
 
> Ask Caecilia if she can cast some sort of elemental linking spell on both of you, so that elemental effects applied to one of you will also be applied to the other. If she can, have her cast the spell, then split up with one of you going through each of the first two doors (burning and drowning).

[The screen starts off as snow, which slowly fades to a color image of the newsroom. Lydia is talking on a headset, presumably to an off-site cameraman.]

I think the image is sorted out now, though for some reason it's feeding to the newsroom rather than you guys. We'll get the feed sorted out so they can see you. Kads in the box - again.

[Lydia walks off-screen and the image fades through psychedelic colors for a moment, before fading back into snow and then to Hanna at the Colosseum.]

That worked? That worked! This is Hanna, reporting live from the Colosseum. We'll get straight into the results of the day, starting with the Alabriss Bracket.

The Haunted Woods flaunted their might once again this afternoon, destroying Tyrannia in all events. After the acceptance speech for an 8-4 win in Yooyuball, we went behind the scenes to get an exclusive interview with Zo Junior, the Centre Forward, and investigate the secrets behind the Haunted Woods' successful season so far.

Hello, Zo! Thanks for sitting down to chat with me this afternoon. I know you still have a lot of preparations to make before tomorrow's game.
The honor is all mine - I've always enjoyed being interviewed; hopefully I can answer all of the questions you might have.

Well, you're tied in first place in the overall standings with only one loss so far, and landed the number one spot in your bracket today. What do you feel is the secret to your success?
If I told you, it wouldn't be much of a secret, would it? Just kidding! My team has worked night and day - well, mostly night - to prepare ourselves for this year's Cup. After finishing in 9th place last year, we looked back at the coverage and determined our biggest weakness was predictability. We've come up with our own unique plays to give us the edge over our opponent.

Obviously it's working! We have time for one more question. Do you have any words of encouragement for the young Altador Cup fans who wish to compete in the future?
Keep on your toes! Speed and agility are some of the most important traits captains look for when drafting new players.

Thanks, Zo!

In the third match of the bracket, Darigan Citadel mopped the floor with Shenkuu. After a rocky start with Round 1, they are still in the process of picking up the pieces that began near the end of the round, and the question remains: can they can recover from last week's instability? Shenkuu had a bad start on the third day of Round 2, knocking them down to 12th place in the overall standings.

For the third match of the bracket, the Lost Desert seem excited to finally win their first Yooyu match this round, despite leaving the stadium this evening under the burden of losses in all three side games. Meanwhile, Krawk Island's seemingly unpredictable results have been leaving fans seasick.

Now, over to Midtime with the Minitheus Bracket!

[View of the stadium, some distance from the pitch. Cheering is clearly audible. A snack bar can be seen to one side. The reporter's voice is slightly hoarse.]

Greetings, viewers, once again! This is Midtime of The Daily Neopets' news crew, reporting on the Minitheus Bracket results from the place where it happened. [Indicating the general concentration of people further down.] As it is impractical for the microphone to wear earplugs, I will regrettably have to ask you to appreciate the Magmas' excitement from a little further away than usual. I swear, they haven't gotten any quieter since the match ended...

Moltara have continued their spectacular winning streak, firmly securing their superiority on the playing field and trampling the Wizards into the ground in the side games. While most people consider this to be business as usual, their fans don't seem to be any less excited than they were the first time. Brightvale's support seem to have been ready for this outcome, and count themselves defeated, but not demoralised; they will indeed keep reaching for the stars.

Faerieland have always been the best at keeping their spirits high, and while their supporters' current mood seems no different from their usual good-natured resignation, you should have heard them shout hurrah as their heroes' unorthodox tactics brought the team closer to victory than the Wizards found comfortable. While team play that was ultimately more co-ordinated and robust saw Meridell through to another fine victory, this was by no means a forgettable match.

The Kikos' Yooyuball performance has gone from good to phenomenal this week, and the mood among the following seems to reflect this fairly well - though unfortunately most of the fans have gone off once again to celebrate, and can't be found in the stadium. But the Moons' own small victories were no less a sight to behold, and much more a surprise: the services on that side of the stadium were smooth and efficient, and helped by a successful advertising campaign, filled their seats somewhat beyond capacity; while Team Kreludor's clutch performance - though not sufficient to win them the game - put them far ahead in the shootout, yielding scores in the side games unprecedented in their history this year. Centre forward Ealyn Hawkshanks was heard to call their performance "personally satisfactory", adding as a caveat that they were "still working out the details".

[To some one offscreen.] What? No, I said 'as a caveat'. There is no such thing as a zacavy hat. What do you mean, I've said it before?

I am talking to - Aren't you the cameraperson? Well, who, then? No, that's a rock. It is grey and sits on the ground. It's a rock. Rocks cannot operate cameras. Yes, if you are helping to operate the camera while looking through the lens to see whether the angle is correct, you are in fact the cameraperson.

For goodness' sake, will those people quiet down? None of us can hear each other properly.

[The reporter seems to remember that the camera is still running.]

Oh. Er. Goodbye - I mean, that's all for the Minitheus Bracket. Thank you very much for listening - I'll send you back to, to Matt in the studio for the results of the last bracket of the day. Pax vobiscum!

[The studio. There is no trace of the chaos of yesterday's events except for a large, glossy fake moustache lying on the desk, apparently unattended to. Matt is frowning a little at his video feed, but as he comes on screen gives a professional smile.]

Thanks, Midtime! I enjoy it when you're out on the field - Lydia keeps you trapped in your office far too long! This is Matt reporting live from the newsroom, where I'll be covering the results from the Vaeolus Bracket. Let's jump right into it.

Virtupets continued their winning ways today with a sweep against Altador. The Suns weren't quick enough to keep up with the Robots' fast-paced maneuvers and their incredible solid defense, and as a result they were defeated on the Yooyuball field once again. The enthusiastic supporters of Virtupets were riled up, or geared up, I should say… anybody? Anybody at all? No? *Sigh* Ahem. Anyway, the Robots' fans were excited at the prospect of another sweep and cheered at their hardest, netting them the win in Make Some Noise. The accuracy and precision of the Robots also allowed them to kick a high number of goals past the dreaded jelly Chia. Slushies were flying everywhere today at Virtupets' station as the Robots mass-produced slushies like mad! At the end of the day, an insane amount of extras were made that ended up being given to shopkeepers to appease them for our large amount of broom puns. Almost any opponent that Virtupets faces will most likely end up swept, while the opposite holds true for Altador. However, there's still plenty of time for Altador to get back in the game and contend for a good position on the leaderboard this season.

Underdogs Mystery Island and Terror Mountain fought a long and grueling battle today. It looked like Yooyuball was going to end in a draw, but Teylor Nix, the Natives' left forward, expertly stole the ball from the Chillers' center, evaded center defender Rinok Fitel, and shot the winning goal past goalkeeper Minae Mitora. With the final score tallying 5-4, the Natives cheered for their victory, taking Make Some Noise and segueing straight into an impromptu celebratory party for the second day in a row! They've certainly been happy with their performance these last few days. The Natives managed to round out the day by taking Slushie Slinger and Shootout Showdown as well, albeit with very close margins, resulting in a full sweep against the Chillers. Only time will tell if Mystery Island can keep up this good positive vibe and continue to win their matches.

Last but not least, we had the Mermaids and the Rooligans go head-to-head! It was a difficult battle for the Mermaids today as they struggled to keep up with the Rooligans. However playful they may seem, you'd best be careful around this particular squad of Yooyu slingers. They're cheery for the cameras, but deadly on the field. This was demonstrated in today's match as Roo Island swiped three games from the Mermaids. Shootout Showdown, the one game they weren't able to take, ended in a draw as the jelly Chia left and headed over to Virtupets' tents for some slushies. We managed to catch up with Lilo Blumario and asked his thoughts regarding today's performance. "We did really amazing today. We were able to pull off some victories against a tough team. Elon and his squad put up a fantastic fight today - it was definitely a pleasure. We want to keep this good momentum up today against the Chillers - it'll be an interesting one for sure, but then again, when is it ever a dull moment here in the Altador Cup?"

Well said, Lilo. Plenty of interesting matches to keep your eyes on today! Powerhouses Krawk Island and Tyrannia are facing off today. Both teams have done fairly well this season; which one will prevail and come out the victor? Mid-tier teams Lost Desert and Shenkuu will be battling it out as well! Be sure to keep a lookout for these matches. There are plenty of surprises waiting to be had this season. For now, this is Matt on behalf of the Altador Cup staff here on The Daily Neopets, signing off!



Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).

Hello and welcome, everybody! Matt here, with the results from today's games! It's certainly been an interesting day, filled with unexpected results. We take a look at the results from the Alabriss Bracket first, where all of the games were nearly one-sided.

The Pirates were able to take the lead early on in the game against the Ninjas. With the Ninjas flustered, the Pirates took advantage of the situation and scored goals with finesse you wouldn't have thought a pirate had. Despite their losses in the other games the Ninjas were extremely optimistic, full of energy as they cheered Shenkuu on. Shenkuu's captain, Mirsha Grelinek described the scene as awe-inspiring. "It was amazing to see that our fans were cheering as hard as they could, despite our team being the underdogs in this match. Truly heartwarming!"

A similar story occurred in the match between Darigan Citadel and Tyrannia. The Fossils were able to muster up their inner fuel and blow away the Minions. Get it? Fossil fuels? No? Ahem. Moving swiftly on, the Fossils took Yooyuball, Slushie Slinger, and Shootout Showdown. The Minions' consistent scores of 5 just weren't enough to stop the Fossils from beating them back to the Paleolithic Era! The Fossils slacked off in Make Some Noise however, allowing the Minions to sneak in and draw with them. Loryche, Tyrannia's center forward, describes today's match as a redemption of sorts. "Today we showed that despite the supposed winner's curse that haunts our team, we can still defeat one of the best teams in the Cup. Really amazing effort from our team as a whole today."

For the last matchup of the Alabriss Bracket, we had the Haunted Woods and the Lost Desert on the field. It was a great battle of the undead today as the Zombies and Mummies went head to head. In the end, the Zombies were able to come out the victors, snatching all four games in a decisive sweep! The Zombies are still the leader in their bracket, and they look to be in a good position for another first-place finish.

Now we take a look at the results from the Vaeolus Bracket! It was an exciting day for the Natives today as they squeaked out a win against the Mermaids in Yooyuball! Volgoth from Mystery Island scored the last point, bringing the total up to a close 6-5. The Yooyuball win propelled fans to cheer, the Natives essentially muting out Maraqua. The Mermaids retaliated, however, and took the remaining two side games. While I wasn't able to get an interview with Mystery Island's team, they did tell me that they were overjoyed with today's match against the Mermaids, and that they hope to do just as well tomorrow.


It was no surprise today that Virtupets swept Terror Mountain. They have yet to lose a single game, and they aren't going to in the near future, most likely. If anything, it seems like only Haunted Woods or Moltara could stop them, and even then it would be a difficult feat to accomplish. All three teams are in a separate bracket, and there's still a while before the brackets get reshuffled. Meanwhile, teams will just have to make do!

The Suns have been struggling to do well this season, and today was no different as they were swept again, this time by the Rooligans. Lilo Blumario's excellent leadership today allowed them to surpass the Sun's level of gameplay. The Suns have yet to win a match this season, and with Virtupets being their opponents for today, it looks like that streak will continue. The joyful spirits of the Rooligans showed today however as they cheered neverendingly for their teams' success today. Slushies were handed out, and a spontaneous party was started! I think I'll head down there when this broadcast is over - don't forget to save me a slushie, guys!

Now let me just power through this bracket and I ca-

[As Matt finishes up the rundown on the Vaeolus bracket, a loud boom is heard nearby. There is shouting in the distance, but words cannot be made out. Amid the confusion of the newsroom crew, Matt tries to keep the broadcast going. Suddenly, bursting through the door, a familiar face appears.]

I'mmmmmmmmmm baaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaack!

[Pushing Matt aside while shouting "TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES", the man sits in the chair and faces the camera. He swipes his hands through his dashingly beautiful mustache and pauses for a second to allow what just happened to sink in.]

Goooooooood morning, Neopia! This is your FAVORITE newscaster, Austin, and I am here to give you your results for the Minitheus bracket this morning!

Ahem - In a bit of a shocker, Kiko Lake pulled off a win over Moltara in Yooyuball, while getting swept in the side games. Moltara, who had previously been undefeated in Yooyuball, falls to 4-2-1 on the year. Moltara captain, Aldric Beign, had a few words about the disappointing match, saying "Oi, mate, we gotta get out there and play some better slingball. I'm sorry about th' way we performed out there." No players from Kiko Lake were available for comment, as they appeared to have headed to Altador Alley for some post-game celebrations.

Brightvale and Meridell renewed their age-old rivalry with a match last night. The play was heated, and many scuffles broke out between both teams. In fact, the match got so bad that the referees almost called it early. The game ended in a 5-5 draw, a somewhat ironic result, considering how hard these two fought to win. The rest of the games went the way of the Knights. This near sweep could give them the momentum they need to jump to the top of the bracket.

Faerieland continued its dismal play against a far superior Kreludor team. The Faeries couldn't defend against the Kreludor attack at all and stumbled to an embarrassing 1-0-6 Yooyuball record. The only positive thing the Faeries brought out of last night's match was the prevention of a sixth straight sweep, as they were able to draw even with Kreludor in Slushie Slinger. Kreludor is having a nice start to the season. It will be interesting to see if they can be the first team to win multiple championships.

That's the Minitheus bracket in its entirety. Matt, it is an absolute blast working with you…

[Nothing happens…]

Hahahaha! You guys thought I was gonna blow something up! Nope. The only ones blowing anything up this year are the Robots from Virtupets and the Zombies of the Haunted Woods. Watch for these two teams as they continue trying to blast their competition out of the water. The Robots take on last year's runner-up, Altador. Although the Suns have looked bad this year, they've always been the team to pull off shockers.

Haunted Woods gets the match of the day, as they take on the defending champion, Tyrannia. Tyrannia is once again putting together a solid year, but the Haunties will look to shut them down and continue their rampage of terror. It's going to be a really fun match to watch between two exciting teams. If you miss this one, you're probably a bad sports fan.

Of course, these two matches aren't the only important ones we have coming up. Today should be full of exciting play and potential upsets. Thank you for tuning in to TDN for your Altador Cup coverage. I'm Austin, and it sure is great to be back. As always, Neopia, stay cool... and have a blast...



Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).


"Next up on the TDN news channel: in the letters-to-the-editor segment, we reply to an angry letter from an Altadorian janitor, who claims that our repeated usage of broom jokes in the headlines is ignorant and irreverent…"

https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2014/news/broadcasters.jpg" />
Hello and welcome, everybody! We're back! This is Matt reporting on what seems to be another day of sweeps. With only two matches not resulting in complete dominance, the leaders of the pack are starting to become clearly visible!

https://images.neopets.com/caption/caption_481.gif" alt="Ruki is Not Amused Either but is a Better Pic Choice than that Kadoatie was" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-width: 180px" /> First we turn to the Alabriss Bracket, where the powerhouses Haunted Woods and Krawk Island duked it out on the Yooyuball field! Although the Pirates have been doing well this season, the Zombies were able to take the victory in all games by a significant margin. Especially in Slushie Slinger, where the Zombies, despite their supposed sluggishness, were able to serve four times the amount of customers the Pirates did. Many happy Neopians had their slushie craving satisfied over at the Zombies' area.

https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2010/news_5.gif" alt="At Request of Matt" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px;" /> Lost Desert and Darigan Citadel butted heads on the battlefield as well. It was down to the final minute with the Mummies and the Minions tied, but Layton Vickles, Darigan's team captain, scored the final goal of the game, bringing the tally to a close 6-5 in the Minions' favor. Darigan Citadel was also able to snatch up the remaining games, posting up the same consistent 5s as they have the entire Cup.Last but not least, Tyrannia and Shenkuu! Stealth was not enough in this matchup, as the brute force of the Fossils allowed them to snatch all four games from the Ninjas. Currently, the Haunted Woods is leading the Alabriss Bracket, with Tyrannia and Darigan Citadel following. The Zombies will be fighting hard to maintain their lead, while the Fossils and Minions will be pushing equally hard to take their position.

https://images.neopets.com/tcg/cotd_hwoods/0022_RI20.gif" alt="ATTACK BROOM ZOMG" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-height: 200px;" /> The Minitheus Bracket also saw its fair share of sweeps today! The underdogs of the Minitheus had a tough time against each other, with only a one point margin in all games. However, the Brightvale Wizards were able to pull through with a complete victory. Their opponents Faerieland are notorious for stealing a side game once in a while, but we've not yet seen that happen. Will they be able to rally together and work as a cohesive team?

Kiko Lake emerged the overall victor in their match today against Kreludor. They were able to snag all games except for Shootout Showdown, which the Moons narrowly won. These little munchkins once again demonstrate the dangers of assessing them by their stature instead of their indomitable tenacity!

https://images.neopets.com/caption/caption_1185.jpg" alt="Get out of the kitchen BAHAHAHAHAHA" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px;" /> The stadium was jam-packed for the matchup between Moltara and Meridell today! Thousands of fans came out to watch today. It's a classic story, really - the weakest of the pack magically gains new skills and become one of the best overnight! Well, this underdog team is an underdog no more, as the odds were in the Magmas' favor today. The Knights' considerable experience was no help to them, as they could not handle the heat brought upon them by the Magmas. And if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. Right? Right? Nobody? It's like I'm talking to a camera operated by a rock…I think I need to pay a visit to the doctor, I swear I'm becoming more and more insane every minute! Sooner or later I'm going to surpass Austin in insanity! Back to the report, though! Moltara was able to cleanly sweep the Knights. That's all for the Minitheus Bracket. We turn the report over to-

https://images.neopets.com/nt/ntimages/82_tonu_tv.gif" alt="Television rots your brain" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-width: 200px" /> [The feed cuts in the middle of Matt's sentence, then switches over to a view of the stadium.]

No, no, I said 'immediately', but when I say that, I don't mean - oh!

Ahem. Salvete, viewers! This is Midtime, ah, from The Daily Neopets, reporting on the results from the Vaeolus Bracket and giving all you lovely people a wonderful view of the audience as they celebrate - or commiserate over, mustn't forget - those same results.

[The camera zooms in on a large crowd of cheering fans.]

https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2012/games/862.png" alt="Dis Techo Be Cray" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px" /> Behind me at present is a considerable force of Virtupets supporters, helping themselves to refreshments and a bit of mutual praise - well-earned in light of their sweep to-day. The Robots' victory was no less overwhelming than any one expected: their service was perfect, their penalty shots were true, and every one of the team's eight Yooyuball goals was heralded by a fanfare that easily deafened the audience on the other side of the stadium - a contribution the fans do well to be proud of. Although some unsavoury rumours (and a good deal of hearing damage) have arisen around their as-yet insuperable performance, it seems nothing can dampen their spirits to-day. [The reporter gestures across the stadium.] Their opponents opposite are rather less sanguine, and though many of Maraqua's supporters emphasise that they gave a good showing, team captain Elon "The Black Hole" Hughlis addressed those remarks thus: "No one remembers who was good - only who was better. And just you wait: we'll be the best yet."

[The reporter indicates a brightly-coloured motley of pets not far away, whose exuberant voices can be faintly heard amid the Virtupets din.]

The Rooligans' supporters, a sight to behold at any time, still seem to be riding on the adrenaline rush of their success. It is difficult to approach them without getting drawn into the revelry. Dancing! I never could stand dancing. Either that, or I can't dance - I can never remember which. It's easy to look at their record so far and conclude that a single win, and a win only by majority in the side games at that, is hardly anything to cheer about; but Rooligan fans, famous for their unending positivity - an attitude that may well have won them to-day's match - are confident this is only the start of an upward trend. Those in the camp of the Natives, by contrast, are only pleased to have avoided a side-sweep by their victory in Shootout Showdown; they hold that if performance on the playing-field were all that mattered, the victory would have been theirs.

https://images.neopets.com/nt/nt_images/567_icecrystalshop.gif" alt="Cold and sweepy" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-width: 200px" /> Among Altador's fans the outlook is less than good heavens I can't make this pun with a straight face. Never mind. After the Suns' astonishing performance last season, they can't help but be discouraged by this apparently inexplicable return to the norm of previous years. The Chiller support groups strike a sharp contrast, however, being just as pleased as they ought to be by their accomplishment, and certain that they can recover from the unfair hand they feel they were dealt in the first round. Captain Prytariel's official comments to reporters showed the same hopeful sentiment: "This isn't the first time we've had to climb up from the bottom."

https://images.neopets.com/sponsors/altadoralley/macandcheese/msnicons/msn_colliseum.gif" alt="Apparently this is a mac and cheese sponsor image" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px" /> Well, that's all the humdrum stuff done. Now I'd like to invite you all to appreciate the fine architecture of Altador's most famous colosseum. Much of its design can be traced back to the era of the myriad kingdoms, where-

[The reporter's words are thoroughly drowned out as loud music starts blasting from speakers set up somewhere in the middle of the Virtupets crowd. The reporter apparently raises his voice, shouting into the microphone, but to no effect. As the music really starts up, he storms off towards them.]

[After a few seconds, the video feed switches back to the studio.]

Thanks, Midtime! A rare occurrence to see you out on the field. Well, since the results from the Vaeolus Bracket have already been covered, let's move on to the interesting matches of the day. Mystery Island and Maraqua will be facing off today, and both teams are evenly matched in terms of score recently. It'll be interesting to see who emerges the victor. You may also want to see the match between Darigan Citadel and Tyrannia. It's a fight for second place in the Alabriss bracket. Both teams will be giving it their all against each other.

This has been another news report from yours truly! On behalf of Midtime and the rest of the Altador Cup staff here at The Daily Neopets, this is Matt signing off!

https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2014/popups/rank/game-characters.png" />

Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).

Hi Tivsy! It's good to see you again! :D You probably won't spot me posting much these days, I mostly lurk and do behind-the-scenes stuff - but I am still around. xD I hope you enjoy your stay!

Hello, wonderful TDN people!
 
My handle on here is Tivsy, but you can call me any nickname-y variation thereof. :) I was browsing Buzzfeed and stumbled upon an article mentioning Neopets. I logged in, starting browsing and catching up on everything, and I spotted a familiar username pop up on that "neofriends online" widget. Who should it be but dear AA aka Theo! I talked to him for a bit, then headed over to TDN.
 
I've popped back and taken looooong breaks before, but it seems it's been quite a while since I last logged in here. Sooo... Yeah. This is just my way of saying I'm still kicking around in this crazy world, and I have super fun memories of this place! <3
 
If you remember me, then hello and thank you! If you don't, then hello and it's nice to meet you! :D

Hello and welcome, everybody! This is Matt, reporting to you live from the newsroom. The third day of exciting competition has passed, and we have received the results. Slushie Slinger was the bonus game for today - let's see if the teams were able to take advantage of that. We’ll first take a look at the Minitheus Bracket. Yesterday, the Minitheus Bracket was sweep central, and today was no different - all of the matches ended in a one-sided victory.

Darigan Citadel and Virtupets fought a rematch today. However, the outcome saw no variation from yesterday, as the Robots were able to cleanly sweep the Minions yet again. It seems the Robots have been able to regain their momentum they lost after their victory a few years back. The Minions have a lot of work ahead of them for the next few days if they want to overtake Virtupets and become first in their Bracket.

In both the Meridell vs Faerieland and the Shenkuu vs Altador matches, the victor was just as clear, as the Knights and Ninjas were able to sweep the Faeries and Suns respectively.

Next we take a look at the Vaeolus Bracket, where a full sweep and two near ones have occurred! Haunted Woods, another former victor that seems to have regained their momentum, swept the Brightvale Wizards. The Wizards weren't able to hold on to their hats, let alone avoid an utter defeat.

In the matchup between last year's victor Tyrannia and Kiko Lake, Tyrannia was able to clearly dominate today, taking Yooyuball, Slushie Slinger, and Shootout Showdown. The Kikos rallied back and cheered their lungs out, managing to prevent themselves from being swept.

A similar situation occurred in the matchup between Mystery Island and Terror Mountain. The Natives' impeccable Yooyu handling skills allowed them to net (haha get it?) wins in three of the events. The Natives didn't fare too well in the slushie room, however, as that's where the Chillers' expertise came into play, allowing them to narrowly avoid a sweep.

Taking a look at the last Bracket, Alabriss, we see that there's been more diversity in this Bracket’s results. However, Krawk Island was still able to sweep the Rooligans, who were unprepared for their barrage!

Lost Desert and Maraqua also went head to head for the second time this season. Maraqua pulled off a victory today, taking Make Some Noise and Shootout Showdown from the Mummies. Both teams fought hard in Yooyuball and Slushie Slinger until they were exhausted, resulting in two draws.

For our last match, we saw the Moltara Magmas and the Kreludor Moons clash on the Yooyuball field. Both teams fought their hardest, until they couldn't move an inch, resulting in a draw in Yooyuball. Moltara was able to take Slushie Slinger and Make Some Noise from the Moons, a seemingly unlikely feat for them; they seem to be off to a great start this year. Kreludor was able to moonwalk away with a victory in Shootout Showdown.

This rounds out our report today! As for the interesting matches of the day to come, we've got word from our analysts that they've predicted an incredible number of sweeps! So it's highly unlikely that any team can defy the odds. However, as this is the Altador Cup, nothing is for certain. This is Matt from The Daily Neopets, signing off. We'll see you tomorrow for the fourth day of coverage!


Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).

Hello and welcome everybody! This is Matt reporting from the newsroom! The first day of the Altador Cup has concluded and I have the official results with me right now. We first look to the Alabriss Bracket to find out the first results of the day.
 
Moltara was able to best Lost Desert in a close game of Yooyuball, and their success on the field propelled the Magmas to cheer at record breaking levels, landing a victory in Make Some Noise as well. The Magmas weren’t able to hold off the Mummies completely however, as the Mummies scored goals and slung slushies ferociously, taking victories in the remaining two side games.
 
Roo Island fought valiantly to maintain their status as a top tier team, but to no avail; the Kreludor Moons steamrolled them in today's match-up. The Moons are off to a great start this year - if they can maintain this level of play, they’ll be sure to see the podium. However, this is only the first day of the competition, and since this is the Altador Cup, many unexpected things are bound to happen!
 
The two nautical teams in the Alabriss bracket went fin to stern today, neither team willing to concede an inch. Although the rowdy Pirates were able to squeak out a win in Make Some Noise, the rest of the games ended in a draw. I managed to sneak in a few quick questions with team captain Elon “The Black Hole” Hughlis of Maraqua. Let’s see what he had to say about his team’s performance today!
 
Mr. Hughlis! Matt, Altador Cup reporter for The Daily Neopets. Would you mind answering a few questions?
 
Sure. I have some time before our night practice begins.
 
Great! What are your thoughts on today’s match against Krawk Island? Are you satisfied with the results?
 
To be honest with you, I would’ve been happier with higher numbers. But I’m satisfied nonetheless. Today shows that we have what it takes to compete with the top tier teams, and that we can hold our own against them. Krawk Island is a fierce opponent and I’m glad that we were able to tie with them.
 
Honest words spoken by an honest person! What are your plans going into today’s match against Lost Desert?
 
To play like we always do!
 
You heard it here first! Now we’ll go to Lydia over in the Colosseum for the results of the Minitheus Bracket!
 
"Thanks, Matt! It's good to be back in the field, even if I'm mostly looking for our missing reporter. The results of the first day have created quite the stir, with the second-most talked-about thing being the reintroduction of draws into the system. There was a huge outcry last year when they were removed, particularly when overtime was introduced to eliminate the draws.
 
But that wasn't the thing that really had the stands rumbling. That honor goes to the first match of the Minitheus Bracket, Virtupets versus Shenkuu. In a surprising turn of events, Virtupets swept Shenkuu by a wide margin. Both are former top-tier teams, and neither had fared well under the bracket system. However, the former champions seem to have found their feet once again and have surprised fans and rivals alike. The Robots have made a bold statement and will definitely be the team to follow this year.
 
For the second matchup of the Minitheus Bracket, we had long-time rivals Darigan Citadel and Meridell going head to head on the opening day. The teams proved to be fairly evenly matched, with Yooyuball ending in one of the first draws in two years. However, the Knights managed a solid win both in Slushie Slinger and in Shootout Showdown, for which they were well known last year.
 
For the last match of the Minitheus bracket, another pair of rivals faced off, with Faerieland and Altador going head to head. In a dramatic change of pace from last year, the Faeries swept the Suns in a series of close matches. Altador is certainly the subject of much scrutiny and speculation after their abrupt rise to second last year.
 
With its rivals, powerhouses - both expected and unexpected - and former top-tier teams, the Minitheus Bracket is definitely one to watch. I'm back on the hunt for Austin - hopefully I'll run into him soon!"
 
Thanks, Lydia. If I get any information on his whereabouts I’ll be sure to let you know! For now, let’s go to the Vaeolus Bracket, where we saw two mid-tier teams go head to head against each other. Both Haunted Woods and Kiko Lake have consistently hovered in the middle tiers for the last few years. The Kikos managed a victory in Yooyuball, while Haunted Woods was able to take Slushie Slinger and Make Some Noise. Shootout Showdown ended in a draw as neither team was able to gain the upper hand.
 
The Brightvale Wizards pulled off some serious magic today, completely side-sweeping the Terror Mountain Chillers. But the Chillers held their own on the main field, resulting in a tight Yooyuball draw.
 
In today's star match, the Tyrannian Dinos faced off the Mystery Island Natives. Tyrannia almost completely dominated the field, taking a win in Yooyuball and Make Some Noise. Mystery Island was left scrambling to recover, eventually pulling a draw in Slushie Slinger and a close win in Shootout Showdown. Tyrannia doesn’t seem to be too badly affected by the “winner’s curse” so far, but time will tell!
 
Shenkuu and Faerieland will definitely be an interesting one to watch today. Both teams fared equally well in all events, so it’s a toss-up as to which one will come out on top. This concludes our first day report! The search for Austin will continue. This is Matt, signing off. We’ll see you tomorrow, everyone!
 



 
Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).

The ninth season of the Altador Cup is bearing down upon us, with kick-off scheduled for 12:00 AM NST on June 2nd. TDN's Altador Cup team has been hard at work bringing our coverage up to speed, and we now have global predictions, team profiles, and team songs for this year ready to go over at our coverage home. Click below to check it out!
 


Good luck everyone!

Yay, I'm excited! Go Shenkuu! I don't know how much I'll get to play, with work and all, but most of my shifts in the coming week or so are short. Hopefully they don't stick me with 35-hour weeks after that or I won't have a lot of time. (Although I'd have a lot of money instead. Hmm...)

Does anyone know when the last day is? There are 18 teams, and each team plays each of the other teams, so I imagine it's 17 days, right? I want to make sure I can actually compete each day, because I'm going on vacation starting on the 25th and won't have my computer.

The ninth season of the Altador Cup is bearing down upon us, with kick-off scheduled for 12:00 AM NST on June 2nd. TDN's Altador Cup team has been hard at work bringing our coverage up to speed, and we now have global predictions, team profiles, and team songs for this year ready to go over at our coverage home. Click below to check it out!
 


Good luck everyone!

The ninth season of the Altador Cup is bearing down upon us, with kick-off scheduled for 12:00 AM NST on June 2nd. TDN's Altador Cup team has been hard at work bringing our coverage up to speed, and we now have global predictions, team profiles, and team songs for this year ready to go over at our coverage home. Click below to check it out!
 


Good luck everyone!

The ninth season of the Altador Cup is bearing down upon us, with kick-off scheduled for 12:00 AM NST on June 2nd. TDN's Altador Cup team has been hard at work bringing our coverage up to speed, and we now have global predictions, team profiles, and team songs for this year ready to go over at our coverage home. Click below to check it out!
 


Good luck everyone!

The ninth season of the Altador Cup is bearing down upon us, with kick-off scheduled for 12:00 AM NST on June 2nd. TDN's Altador Cup team has been hard at work bringing our coverage up to speed, and we now have global predictions, team profiles, and team songs for this year ready to go over at our coverage home. Click below to check it out!
 


Good luck everyone!

The ninth season of the Altador Cup is bearing down upon us, with kick-off scheduled for 12:00 AM NST on June 2nd. TDN's Altador Cup team has been hard at work bringing our coverage up to speed, and we now have global predictions, team profiles, and team songs for this year ready to go over at our coverage home. Click below to check it out!
 


Good luck everyone!

[Lydia is in a dimly lit area, with heavy machinery above her head, though everything is currently still. She beckons the cameraman forward, and it focuses on a pen, in which sleeping Yooyus can be spotted. She speaks in a whisper to the camera.]

We're here below the Colosseum, at the Yooyu pen. This one appears to be the painted Yooyus. From what I can tell they keep them in separate pens, alternating between the two during matches.

[Lydia unlatches the pen door and lets herself in, the cameraman not far behind. There are easily close to a hundred Yooyus in this large pen, most of whom are asleep, while others are playing in the corner. She cautiously approaches the awake ones, who stop playing to look at her. She crouches down and holds out a Yooyu treat she had stashed in her pocket. A brave faerie Yooyu comes forward to sniff it, and then takes it from her, rolling up into a ball and flying back to the others. The rest surge forward a group of about ten sniffing at her pockets and chittering at her. A few crawl on her, curling up in her arms or sitting at her shoulder to talk directly into her ear.]

What's all this racket? [A man carrying a lantern enters the pen, a fire Yooyu perched on his shoulder.]

[The Yooyus in the group that hadn't made new best friends with Lydia rolled over to him, weaving in and out of his legs.]

I'm sorry, we were down here to get some footage of the Yooyu pens for later segments.

[He bends down to pick up a mutant Yooyu that was pawing at his leg, hanging the lantern off one of the bars of the pen.] That's fine, they really don't get enough attention. I think sometimes the fans forget that without the Yooyus, there wouldn't be a Cup.

You're completely right. I presume you're their caretaker? Do you have time for an interview?

I am, in fact. I would love to do an interview. I wish I saw more people down here, maybe you can bring people down to see the Yooyus. Despite what the bigwigs say, I'll let just about anyone in to see them.


What's the job like?

Oh, well, you have your good days and your bad. I have a few apprentices that keep me on my feet. The off-season is always nice. Team members typically each adopt a group of Yooyus, one of each type. It lets them practice and the Yooyus have fun exploring the other lands.

I never thought about that. So, can you tell us what really happens with the Clockwork Yooyus?

[He laughs.] Those sneaky little things. They get bored very quickly and so throw up a smoke screen with a loud bang and disappear back into the pen to play with their friends. It gave the players quite the fright the first few times. They escape unharmed though.

Presumably you're not supposed to have favorites, but I think you might. [she nods at the fire Yooyu on his shoulder.]

This little guy? He was the first fire Yooyu, dating back to the first Cup in Year 8. We only had one of each then, with only a few matches a day. All of the originals retired some years ago. It's rumored that the faerie one lives with Queen Fyora, but that's not true. They're all in Altador, and they still meet up regularly. They mostly stay out of the public eye, but you'll see their owners about. Even the famed Angry Yurble has one of them. He's got a soft spot for Yooyus... but you didn't hear that from me!

Definitely not. How often do the Yooyus retire? What happens to them?

Ah, well, different Yooyus like to stay different lengths of time. Rarely we'll retire them due to an injury, though we try not to do more than bench them. They're really resilient, I've only seen two forced into retirement due to injuries - and neither due to a match. Fans come and adopt them after the Cup, typically. Many of them get adopted by players and former players. I can't think of a single player who doesn't have at least one Yooyu as a pet, to be honest.

So why only these colors? Yooyus come in so many different colors. What about the reds, the Christmas

Two main reasons. The biggest is to cut down on confusion. Imagine being mid-game in the big match against your rival. A red Yooyu pops up. Is it fire or is it red? You have a split second to formulate your strategy based on that. Maybe it's easy if you're on the front line, but what about those on defense, or the goalies? They won't know. The other part is that the Yooyus come to us. In Year 8, it was the small band of fire, ice, faerie and mutant Yooyus that approached King Altador when he proposed re-opening the games. The clockwork, darigan and brown Yooyus followed later.

That makes sense. Thank you so much for taking this time for an impromptu interview. I need to head back to the studio, who knows what trouble Austin and Matt have already gotten themselves into. We'll see you around again later this year, hopefully!

Obligatory disclaimer: This news report is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free representation of the parties involved, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. If professional analysis is what tickles your fancy, take a look at our predictions (global/daily).

This is LivCat for The Daily Neopets! I am on location in Altador where signups have just begun. After camping outside the Colosseum for the past week it is a relief to finally be able to get inside. I was lucky enough to bump into Feldon Collibridge, better known as Dinksy, and when I asked if I could interview her she was more than happy to cooperate. I am really excited to be conducting my first interview this year.

[beams] Feldon, Feldon! Oh my gosh I am a huge fan, can I please have your autograph?
Arrrr, who should I make it out to?

[hands over picture of Feldon] LivCat! [squeals]
[signs picture: "Ahoy LivCat, Never Doubt Team Krawk Island, Feldon"][hands back picture]

[smiles] Thank you so much! Before you go I was wondering if I can interview you?
I don't much like reporters but you are obviously a big fan so I will make an exception. But I don't have much time, I gotta get aft t' practice.

Great! [beams] Well, I think everyone want's to know how you think Krawk Island did in the games last year?
I think we could have done better. I was quite shocked with th' outcome especially since Tyrannia came first. I thought we was goin' t' win but I be happy that we didn't drop below 5th place.

I see. What do you think you will place this year?
I think we be in with a good shot at comin' first, second or at t' very least third this year. Durin' t' off season we have been trainin' very hard. Especially since we have Coco a part o' our team this year, with this our team really needed t' bond and work out new strategies.

Yes, I saw that Coco had transferred from Team Kreludor. What is it like having Coco on the team instead of Ealyn?
At first we thought it were a hoax, but when we realised it wasn't we had t' work together t' train her in our strategies an' t' make sure that she was at t' very least capable o' bein' an asset t' our team. But I personally be not happy with t' change; Ealyn was a good mate o' mine and she did not tell me she was transferrin' teams.

Hmmmm, do you think this year you have something to prove because of past results and Coco?
We don't have anythin' t' prove, we always overcome challenges and come up on top because we arrr and will always be champions.

I see
Garven Hale: [shouting] Collibridge, get your butt over t' practice immediately and stop runnin' your gob!
Feldon: I'm sorry but I must be goin'!

Wait, I have one more question!
Aye?

Fans everywhere have been wondering why you have the nickname "Dinksy?"
Because I be an excellent player and because I be very hard t' go up against.

I- What do you mean?
Garven Hale: [shouting louder] Don't make me come over there and drag you t' practice
Feldon: I really must be goin'. It was nice t' meet you! [flies towards Garven Hale who starts giving her a lecture]

Before leaving, I stopped at a food stand and ordered some chocolate covered strawberries. And with that I left with a satisfied grin, knowing I had just succeeded in my first interview ever.

Obligatory disclaimer: This news report is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free representation of the parties involved, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. If professional analysis is what tickles your fancy, take a look at our predictions (global/daily).

This is Nadia from TDN live from the colosseum and today I'm here with the lovely Fenny Vail of Roo Island.

Hi Fenny, it's great to be chatting to you today! I know you are busy training for this year's AC.

Yes we have been busy training, I am up at 5 am every morning heading to the gym for a intense workout. During the day we are playing a lot of outdoor sports before heading to work at the pizzaroo where we are honing our slushie slinging skills.

Wow that sounds full on, how are you feeling about this year's competition?

It is a lot of work but the team was excited at being in 3rd place. We don't want to be there and so we are going to give it everything this year! With the support of our loyal fans we know we can move up to the top place, so this is our focus this year.

That answers my next question, which was what is your focus this year.

Well we know we have a long road ahead of us so, we are taking it one Altador Cup at a time and we have to start somewhere.

Which team would you most like to beat this year?

That's a easy one, Haunted Woods. They have had some great successes so a win against them will create great morale. They came from the bottom, where we were, to the top tier - where we would like to stay. Also, it is a realistic goal as we have beaten them in the past.

You seem very focused this year. What wisdom would you and the team like to offer your supporters?

Talent wins games, but intelligence and teamwork wins championships!

Thank you that is very inspiring, which brings my next question: where does the team get their inspiration and motivation from?

Lilo is a big inspiration for the team, he is an amazing leader. As for our motivation it would have to be our amazing supporters, every time we enter a competition we know they are right there along side us.

Which Altador Cup Game do you and the team enjoy the most and why?

That would have to be Shootout Showdown. It is a crazy, fast-paced game with only two team members, the goalkeeper and player. We have found that be our strongest game, making the most of our skills as a team.

I see the team is on their way to Pizzaroo to catch up with some fans before their next shift. I better not keep them waiting Fenny, thank you for taking the time to talk to me today!

To see Fenny Vail and the Roo Island Team in action make sure you tune into The Daily Neopets' Altador Cup coverage!



Obligatory disclaimer: This news report is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free representation of the parties involved, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. If professional analysis is what tickles your fancy, take a look at our predictions (global/daily).

Go Meridell! :D Best of luck to you guys this year. Here's some more awesome graphics for Meridell (courtesy of one of TDN's staffers, who did stuff for every team):
 

Go Meridell! :D Best of luck to you guys this year. Here's some more awesome graphics for Meridell (courtesy of one of TDN's staffers, who did stuff for every team):
 

Go Meridell! :D Best of luck to you guys this year. Here's some more awesome graphics for Meridell (courtesy of one of TDN's staffers, who did stuff for every team):
 

Go Meridell! :D Best of luck to you guys this year. Here's some more awesome graphics for Meridell (courtesy of one of TDN's staffers, who did stuff for every team):
 

Because of recent events, we would like to make it clear to everyone that The Daily Neopets does NOT condone the use or discussion of programs used to cheat on Neopets. This includes but is not purely limited to:
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Thank you for your understanding. If you have any questions regarding this topic, please PM one of our moderators.

I can say with a fair degree of confidence that this is true. It's only an approximate measure (as with all demographic surveys, this kind of thing is skewed by selection bias, social stigmas, etc. - we're also only a tiny proportion of Neopets users), but the demographic analysis for TDN's Facebook page hovers around 79% female, with more than half of users (of all genders) aged between 18 and 34. That said, we have significant representation from all age ranges, from 13 right up to 65+ (of course this doesn't cover kids too young to have Facebook accounts). 
Age
 
I guess I should cover the main topic raised here first - my opinion on age is pretty straightforward, and in line with what most people here have said. As an older gamer, you should be able to play pretty much whatever game you want. What grown adults do with their free time is their own business, as long as they're not harming anyone else. Even in a community there are no rational or ethical grounds for excluding people simply based on their age. We are people, we define who we are, not an arbitrary time period between the present and a birth event. On a personal level, I know many much older gamers who get along just fine with young adults and teenage gamers. They're cool to have around. They're all unique people with different personalities. As far as I can tell, age really doesn't make a blind bit of difference, so there's no reason we should pretend it does.
 
Predatory behaviour is an entirely different subject from age and gaming. If you are using any communication medium (gaming included) to engage in abuse, whether sexual or otherwise, this is disgusting and wrong ethically, morally, and probably legally, and quite frankly you are a horrible person. This is true regardless of your age or the target demographic of any game you use. An older predator finding younger victims through a game made for young children is no better than a teenage predator finding similarly aged victims through a game made for teenagers, and this should have no bearing on an older gamer's right to play games marketed at younger audiences.
 
The question of age appropriate games for younger audiences brings a fair degree of general controversy into the mix. There are many games with mature content, be it violence, sex, or other material, that may or may not be appropriate for younger kids. There are a few very extensive and very well resourced national and international rating systems that for the most part do a pretty good job of labelling this content. They are thorough and backed by a lot of legal muscle to make sure games get rated properly. Combined with the massive amount of information available on the internet, it's not exactly difficult to figure out what is in a game and whether it's appropriate for your kid.
 
And that's where the ultimate issue comes in: parenting. No amount of resources poured into rating systems or game store legislation can do a parent's job for them. It is parents who are responsible for doing the research (even if it's nothing more than reading a rating label) to make sure a game is appropriate for their kids, taking into account all factors - not just age, but mental and emotional maturity, past experiences, potential future experiences, personal preferences, and so on. It is parents who are responsible for actually keeping an eye on their kids and paying attention to what influence it's having on them. It is parents who are responsible for sitting down with their kids and explaining important concepts they may need help understanding (be it sex or financial responsibility). A gaming console, computer, or mobile phone is not a surrogate parent. No rating label can understand a child like their parents can. Whether a child can handle a title meant for older audiences is very much dependent on the child, and only the child's parents are in a position to actually make the call.
 
tl;dr: Older gamers should be free to pick our own games, regardless of age. Young kids may need some help from their parents, and their parents should be ready to provide that help.
 
Coding Ability
 
A brief tangent here because I (typically for me) want to put emphasis on something that should be self-evident: your ability to write computer code has zero relevance to your right to enjoy a game and participate in its community. The truly ridiculous elitist attitudes generally (I both believe and hope) come from people with trivial knowledge of some basic coding, a vague impression of what programming is, and no understanding whatsoever of actual game development. These people, just like trolls everywhere on the internet, latch onto whatever pathetic excuse they can find to feel superior to everyone else.
 
Heck, I'm an experienced programmer, and a darn good one, and beyond general "this is how computers work" facts and some speculation, I wouldn't dare try to speak from a position of developer authority on a game I had no insider knowledge of, let alone discriminate against other gamers based on largely irrelevant additional knowledge. I'm no game developer. Sure, I can write software. That's not the point. Just because you took Coding 101 in college and can throw together basic macros doesn't mean you're more qualified than anyone else to enjoy a game. Just because you're a graduate software engineer working for an IT company doesn't mean you understand game development in all its science, art, terror and glory. Just because you're a 40-year game industry veteran with a pedigree of outstanding titles you've helped develop doesn't make you more qualified to discuss a game than the developers and gamers making up the community around it (granted that one would lend your opinion some weight).
 
tl;dr: You (usually*) don't game by coding, ergo coding should not be a requirement to enjoy a game or participate in its community.
 
* There are some intriguing educational and concept games that actually have an element of coding as part of the game mechanics, but nothing really significant.
 
Gender
 
Ah yes, the big painful issue that's somehow still an issue. I don't think anyone here seriously believes that females shouldn't play video games, or that they're somehow less invested or competent in video games they play, so I won't belabour this point like I did the coding one. It is truly sad to see that sexism is still a major problem in the game industry and among gamers in general. And it's not just games - despite massive strides towards equality and general respect across the globe in all walks of life, sexism remains an issue just about everywhere in just about everything. It's not always obvious and it's not always deliberate, but it's still there. As Azurablue said, attitudes are changing, but not fast enough.
 
And here's the thing: I honestly believe that gamers do comparatively well in this respect. Ranging from religion/traditions to the film industry even to serious level-headed professionals like engineers, discrimination is rampant in the world, whether it's in how women are portrayed, what they're "allowed" to do, or in how much they're paid. Relatively speaking, gaming is one walk of life where women are fairly well accepted and respected. Most gamers are fairly savvy people who will happily game alongside men and women, and I say this knowing my fair share of gamers (granted of course that this view is skewed by who I choose to associate with). They don't discriminate because, well, aside from the English language's somewhat awkward enforcement of gender-specific pronouns, they don't really care what gender you are. And honestly, that's probably how it should be.
 
So why then is there the popular perception of gamers as generally immature and sexist? Well, this and many other issues link back to another deep-rooted issue with gamer communities in general (I'm hesitant to label this as a "problem", at most it's a perception problem). This is the issue of the "silent majority", or the "vocal minority", depending on which angle you prefer. Simply put, we have a few very loud people, and many, many relatively quiet ones.
 
Gamers are pretty vocal people. As far as the various walks of life go, we are among some of the loudest, shoutiest, most determined folks out there when it comes to making our voice heard - when we're upset. When we're content? Not so much. Emotionally charged gamers, or people simply seeking attention, have plenty of motivation to post angry, ranty, rude, or outright discriminatory content on gaming forums and social media. The calmer, more sensible gamers are generally disinclined to invest time and emotion in a discussion (especially an unpleasant one) when they could be, well, playing games.
 
As a result, it's ultimately the ones that shout the loudest who get heard. Sadly, it's often the case that the louder people are the irrationally angry ones, and the loudest of all are the hate groups seeking to stir up "controversy" for the most ridiculous reasons. It tends to be the case that a few people with opposing views get very upset themselves, only serving to make discussions shoutier and even more unpleasant. This occurs in everything from legitimate opposition to bad business practices, to more controversial stuff like balance debate, to completely ridiculous subjects like sexism in a modern industry where it has no right to be.
 
The one comforting point I personally like to take from all this is that the vast majority of gamers really aren't blatantly sexist or otherwise abusive - they just don't want to dive head-first into a crapfest. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean that the world of gaming isn't still terrible. We should be doing far better than we are today but we're not. The painful discrimination Azurablue experienced at game stores is one example. The widespread use of the term "girl gamer", as if the gender-neutral noun "gamer" is exclusively male and a special "girl" pass is needed for a woman to enjoy a game, is another. And then of course there's the sexist portrayal of female characters in many, many titles (it sells well, so studios stick to it - can you really blame them?). We may be ahead of the curve, but we're very far behind where we could be, and I sincerely hope that with a little time we can get to where we really should have been a long, long time ago. I would like to know at least one walk of life where people aren't treated as lesser beings, whether it be by age, coding ability, gender, skin colour, or any other arbitrary factors.
 
And well, last I checked, we didn't operate computers with our genitals.
 
Full disclosure: I am a male.