I posted my support ticket number to a thread on the Neopets boards that supposedly gets you help faster... AND IT WORKED!
I'm honestly floored. I've been bugging them about this for years, and after being locked out of this account completely this week, because I cleared my cookies and have an old email, I tried again.
I now have access to my account, and for the first time in years I can change my email address to one that actually exists! And change my profile! It's like five years out of date.
THERE IS HOPE!
Thanks so much for your suggestion, hbw. ?