Mirandaell Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 It's my birthday, and I'm finally 16, I'm super excited because now I can get my license and find a job :woot: ! Today has been so far good, My friends hugged me, I received a very sweet present from a bestie, but sadly, My father has simply forgotten. You might say well, there's still so many hours left in the day, he is working etc etc. But the reality is my father is a very bad father, not simply because of this but many things. He usually text me to complain at least once a week around 5-6 in the morning when he gets ready for work, but he hadn't texted me on this special day, nothing. Not even his evil girlfriend who hates all of his kids. I saw him saturday and sunday for his visitation, and my birthday, he did nothing, we were able to go out to eat which i was happy about, but he invited the woman who hates me (and will tell it to my face) and her brother in law and sister. (Whom have no connection to me). They didn't even know that we were going out for my birthday. They said nothing to me the entire time, Last year the same thing happened my dad got me a present though and they asked why i got a gift after spending 5 hours with me at my "party". They don't know or care, and when they found out not a word. My dad just asked me yesterday what i wanted, because i swear he forgot. And if you're thinking I'm too hard on him consider this, He cheated on my mom, ending their marriage, all he does is yell at us and blame everything wrong with his life on my 20 and 24 year old siblings, he forgot my sister birthday three years in a row, and last year gave her an emergency gift of a random gun from his closet, the gun WE bought FOR HIM that same year. He has yet to even contact me, or anything. He doesn't even know what year i was born, or the date and it's the same as his father's. He always tell the pharmacist my brother's birth year. He doesn't try at all, and sometimes It's just a bit too much. I'm sorry for the rant, I just needed to say it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siniri Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Mirandaell, I'm sorry you're hurting on your special day. No matter how many people love us, we always crave love from our family, especially our parents. It sounds like you already know this, but I'll say it anyway: your dad choosing not to be an active part in your and your siblings' lives is 100% a reflection on who he is, not on who you (or your siblings) are. He's the one who's truly missing out. Maybe he'll realize it one day. Maybe he never will. Try to focus on all the people surrounding you with love, and celebrate your relationships with them. And Happy Birthday! I hope the rest of your birthday celebrations are full of happiness and love. Xenobia, jellysundae and Mirandaell 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranaki Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 First off - Happy birthday ^__^ Secondly: People like that, I have no respect for, what-so-ever. I understand he's your blood-related father and all, I never knew my father and the very few friends I know, I only take one of their dads as my "adopted" father since he's a really great guy. It has been a few years since we were last in contact though being I moved and am pretty far away now. I would say to move your heart on from him and not worry about it so much, but the only blood relation I know is my mother - our relationship isn't that great either - and I don't tend to get to close to other people. That is however, my own opinion. I will say, however, that it is better to have an emotionally neglectful father than a physically abusive one. He made his way when he did what he did to your mother, meaning that he doesn't really care what he does to you or your siblings' feelings. I may sound harsh by saying that, but I mean no offense at all. I'm quite a cold person. *icy hugs* Mirandaell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psmucker3 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hi. First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) Sweet sixteen is definitely a fun and exciting time for you. Also, I am very sorry to hear about your father. Personally, I can't relate because I am lucky to be close with my dad, however my ex boyfriend was going through the same issues with his father. He was constantly depressed and would tell me all about the constant fights he and his dad would get into. His dad also cheated on his mom but strangely continued to hang out around and almost mooch off the family. It also hurt me to see my ex boyfriend being treated this way, and I never got along well with the father. I found that when my ex was able to rant about the problems with his father he always seemed to feel a little better. He went to a therapist…perhaps you could consider this as well? I know it is hard to contact for help, but I am actually considering doing this for myself as well for other reasons. I think it would be helpful simply to chat through problems with someone who I know is there to listen. I am sure you are a fabulous person, and I really hope things get better for you. I'm always around to chat on the forum! Mirandaell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirandaell Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I really appreciate the nice things, and stories you all shared with me,At the end of the day, He should have no say in my mood. I'm very thankful for everyone who chooses to have part in my life, and I'm happy, I will no longer allow him to hurt me. Thank you very very much <3 Psmucker3 and siniri 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady_noel Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Happy Birthday dear i hope its a super fantastic great day!!!!! I bet your best friends wont forget! Mirandaell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 your dad choosing not to be an active part in your and your siblings' lives is 100% a reflection on who he is, not on who you (or your siblings) are. He's the one who's truly missing out. Maybe he'll realize it one day. Maybe he never will. This is so true! People tend to realise these things too late, too. Though another viewpoint will say it's never too late, but I'm on the fence about that. I wish I had a dad. I have a father but that's not the same at all, is it. He's never been an active part of my life, I haven't seen him for 25 years, our communication is christmas and birthday cards. But what can you say? Family can be amazing, but it's often a weird and often awkward dynamic, you have this blood bond with a group of people, some of whom you might not even like if you met them as a stranger, and that's the crux of it for me. You choose your friends, but you can't pick your family as the saying goes. I hope you still managed to enjoy your special day, and can learn in time to not let your father's behaviour towards you spoil your life. Mirandaell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rntracy1 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 What everyone has said is so true. Also, any man can be a father, but it takes someone very special to be a daddy. I would say, stop crawling to him and let him come to you. You are giving him every opportunity to see you. DON'T!! If HE wants to see YOU, then let him pick up the phone, let him drive over and pick you up, let him do something special for you. If he decides not to do that, then it is HIS LOSS. You are too good of a person to let anyone treat you that way. You wouldn't let a boyfriend or a friend treat you that way, right? What gives someone the right to do that because he got your mom pregnant? Then treated her poorly. Believe me, once you stop letting people treat you that way, you will feel better about yourself. I used to have really low self esteem. I was hospitalized for 3 months, at age 16, for anorexia, I clung to guys, etc. because I felt worthless. Well, I dated this one guy, who couldn't hold a job, I supported him by working 3rd shift while he laid on the couch, didn't clean up after himself etc. I would come home in the morning and have to trudge the garbage cans, through the snow, out to the road, while he slept. The final straw was when I asked him to check the oil in the oil tank and have some delivered if we needed it. That night, I wasn't working (I had a 16 mo old baby too) it started getting really cold in the house. I turned up the heat but it got colder and colder and colder. It was 46 degrees in the house that night. The pipes in the bedroom froze! I took the baby and cuddled up in front of the electric heater. (he tried to cuddle up with us!! I was like-GET AWAY FROM US!!) I asked him if he checked the oil and he said that he FORGOT!! FORGOT!!!! How could he forget????? He didn't do anything all day long!!!!!!!!!!!! That was it!!! I was done with him. BUT, the thing was, the whole time I dated him, (and he obviously knew what he was doing and did it for HIMSELF, but it backfired on him) he would tell me how beautiful I was, how great I was, how I deserved everything in the world, etc. etc. Well, when you hear something enough (good or bad) you start to believe it. I started to feel, "you know what, I am beautiful, and I do deserve a lot better than this!!!" And from then on, I wasn't going to put up with anyone treating me like dirt again. If someone wasn't going to pull their own weight, and then some, I was going to move on. He gave me something that no amount of money or anything else could give me, my self worth. From then on I knew what it felt like to love myself for who I am, and NOBODY was going to treat me badly because I wasn't going to ALLOW it. Nobody can treat you badly either. Mirandaell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Tracy, what you've just said makes me think if a line in a book I'm reading at the moment. This woman's talking about bad partners and she says,"he says he'll take care of me, but really he just wants someone to cook his dinner and wash his shorts". A lot of guys are lazy, because mums don't teach sons to look after themselves the way they do with daughters : / I guess the way some dads are towards their kids is a version of the same thing. Mums do the majority of the nurturing, so a percentage of dads just don't bond with their kids :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanxcas Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 First off- Happy Birthday!! :D Second: I'm going to get a little harsh in this post because I had a similar relationship with my mother at your age. And luckily it's just me and my dad (and siblings) now. We're much happier that way. Let me give you some advice- based on my own experiences and opinions. Blood relation is meaningless. "Family" doesn't get love/time/whatever from you unless you want to give it. If a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend treated you horribly and then demanded you continue to love them, you would (hopefully) tell them to get out of your life. The same goes for family. Just because they're related by blood doesn't mean you have to care about them if they've never cared about you. Your family is who you decide it to be. I know it might seem difficult because society/religion/etc drills into us our entire lives that our parents are perfect and we should love them no matter what. But it's not true. You didn't decide to come into this world, you didn't get to chose who your parents would be. Your parents made that decision themselves. Just because he's your father does not give him the right to treat you like trash or to blame you for anything or make you feel guilty and upset over his choices. You are not obligated to continue to care for him just because he's related to you. Nobody should be allowed to make you feel so awful, even more so on your birthday or any happy day of your life, not even your father. So don't let him. He's not worth your time. Mirandaell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirandaell Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 You're all right, and thank you so much.If he wants me then he'll have to prove it, and I can't allow him to ruin days for me, or hurt me anymore. I've talked to my mom ,and I'm stopping his visitation untill he gets his act together. I really appreciate all of these kind words and advice thank you <3 Psmucker3, siniri and deanxcas 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psmucker3 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 You're all right, and thank you so much. If he wants me then he'll have to prove it, and I can't allow him to ruin days for me, or hurt me anymore. I've talked to my mom ,and I'm stopping his visitation untill he gets his act together. I really appreciate all of these kind words and advice thank you <3 I know it may be hard, but I think you are making a wise decision. Best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellysundae Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Yeah, very much the best of luck to you! And to your dad, with getting his head out of his behind... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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