CAV of Gang Green Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks guys. I don't want to talk to any family whatsoever for the next few days. It'll be hard, but I'm going to attempt that. I'm just in no mood to talk to any of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Awww, does that mean i'm not your non-biological brother? I think I am. I'm atleast your pet squirrel which still counts as family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livvy Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 CAV, I really am sorry about all the crap that's going on in your life. The worst type of tough situation to be in is one with your parent, because there are all kinds of parent excuses that must be valid because they're the adult and they said so. And it's frustrating. And the only thing you can really do is just try to keep your temper. A fight can only escalate as far as you let it. Also, I think your idea of getting out of the house might be a good one, if not necessarily a responsible one. It might not have the effect on him that you're looking for, but it will at least give you time to calm down. I wouldn't expect him to be calm when you get back though. Either he really doesn't love you and will just be mad as heck, or (and this is more likely) he really does love you and will be frantic and upset. But you'll be calmer. I've found that when I'm frustrated with mum, it helps me to take a random glass jar outside and smash it against the concrete. Sure, it's not exactly mature, but it's satisfying, and as long as I clean up the pieces, no one gets hurt. (That might not work so well in New York though.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I've found that when I'm frustrated with mum, it helps me to take a random glass jar outside and smash it against the concrete. Sure, it's not exactly mature, but it's satisfying, and as long as I clean up the pieces, no one gets hurt. (That might not work so well in New York though.) For some reason, the thought of you outside, smashing glass jars is hard to imagine, though rather amusing. I don't remember what I did when I was frustrated. I think I just locked myself in my room and read or listened to music until I calmed down, and my mom had calmed down. Then we had the round of apologies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livvy Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I don't do it often, of course. We'd run out of glass jars. :P What I usually do after a spat with mum is storm off to my room and listen to really loud music through my headphones to cut myself off from the world, and sometimes work on something creative. The second most common alternative is listening to really loud music until mum comes in and then we share in a cry-fit for as long as the tissue box allows. Unfortunately, that's not really an option for males. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 True. I don't think my family even had glass jars. It does sounds kind of fun. With me and my mom, the time between the fight and apologies didn't last long. We'd just both be upset, and then we'd talk about it and work it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domino Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm sorry that you're having problems with your family CAV. Tis...yucky. Honestly. Luckily, I don't fight with my family too, too much. But when I'm mad, which happens....ehhhh. Once a month or so... :laughingsmiley: I either go into my room and just blast music through my headphones until I can't think or hear anything, or go for a long drive. And blast music. Although that's not really an option if you can't drive. Or write. Or call and vent through a friend. Thats usually the best way. :/ Edit: I actually had a real fight with my mom for the first time a little bit ago. We talked it out. It was weird. I've never really talked like that with my mom before. o_O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 My mom and I do better with talking first now, but I swear, her first thought when we talk, is to lecture. Or to bring up something that has nothing to do with our current conversation, just so she can lecture me about that. :laughingsmiley: I stand there like... where'd that come from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domino Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 My mom and I do better with talking first now, but I swear, her first thought when we talk, is to lecture. Or to bring up something that has nothing to do with our current conversation, just so she can lecture me about that. :laughingsmiley: I stand there like... where'd that come from? Yeah. I think my mom and I understand each other more now that we actually talked...she's not really much of a lecturer. Or much of a talker/yeller in general. The only time she really gets mad is when she doesn't know where I am. Which unfortunately happens more than ideally. :| Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 My mom loves lecturing me. Or lecturing me about something my husband does. (I especially love when me/he/us are already doing what she said, but she tells me anyway, even though she knew that.) But it's okay. We still enjoy spending time together as much as we can. (It's a lot more limited now that I'm married and she's sicker.) Like today, she just picked me from work, we went to the library and had lunch. That's it, but it was really nice. I think we also get along better and appreciate the time together more ever since I moved to Denver in 08. I wasn't around as much, and even when I moved back to town, I never moved back in with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domino Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Well. Considering I still live in my house, spending time with my mother is not something that is a...hot commodity shall we say. I mean, I do enjoy spending time with her, and I probably should spend less time holed up in my room on Neopets doing homework. :laughingsmiley: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Before I moved out, we spent a ton of time together. Whether we were home or out. But when I was home, I was generally in my room on the computer. But I'd go to the living room with her while she was reading and stuff. But we've always been close, ever since I was little. (Which made it harder when we started arguing a bit.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livvy Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Mhm, the closer you are, the more it hurts when you argue. =\ I'm experiencing that with mum. I mean, we're still close, but we do blow up at each other now and then, and it's very painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Exactly. My mom and I went through it for a couple years, but it seemed we just needed a little distance. She's just a worrier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livvy Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 My mum's a planner, and I'm a worrier. She makes all these plans and gets really irritated when things don't go exactly as she wants them to. So of course I start stressing out because she's upset, and then I mess more things up because I'm stressing, and... it devolves into an argument, which generally consists of me saying I'm not as perfect as she expects me to be and her not denying it. Fun stuff. I'm sure we'll grow out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 My mom and I just had different views on how my life should be. I lived at home until I was 23. So she was still trying to control a bit, what I did. My parents went by the whole, you may be over 18, but you live under our roof, thing. But still, I was 23. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Hmm. I guess I've never really had much of an argument with either parent. I do object to plenty of things, but I defer pretty quickly if they're pushed. It might have something to do with my family's Chinese roots, which places a lot more weight on seniority than most people do today (or I'm just a wimp :P ). Now, me and my brother on the other hand... xD CAV, I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with so much right now. I can't really offer much advice, but do keep in mind that sometimes the things we're most explosive and irrational about are the things we care for the most. Emotion screws us all up when something hits too close to home. I respect you for being willing to speak out bluntly and honestly even when others may not approve, but sometimes it really is best just to back down and let the other party sort themself out. That goes both ways, in many conflicts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler. Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I don't talk after a fight, for at least 2 hours Domino, you're alive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAV of Gang Green Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I haven't talked to a family member for the last 2 days, with the exception being my brother, and even still it wasn't much. I've found that when I'm frustrated with mum, it helps me to take a random glass jar outside and smash it against the concrete. Sure, it's not exactly mature, but it's satisfying, and as long as I clean up the pieces, no one gets hurt. (That might not work so well in New York though.) That could work in NY, but I don't have any jars lying around. What I usually do after a spat with mum is storm off to my room and listen to really loud music through my headphones to cut myself off from the world, and sometimes work on something creative. The second most common alternative is listening to really loud music until mum comes in and then we share in a cry-fit for as long as the tissue box allows. Unfortunately, that's not really an option for males. The only way I can calm myself down is by being here, darkSpyro, or playing games. I've tried the count to 10, I ended up making a hole in the wall. I tried to shout into my pillow, it was loud enough that my little brother told me to shut up. I tried pacing back and forth, I threw the TV remote and broke it. And the cry-fits would happen when I was 7 and me and my mother would have a tiny little conflict. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Masaryk Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 True. I don't think my family even had glass jars. It does sounds kind of fun. That could work in NY, but I don't have any jars lying around. Don't pickles, relish, olives, jam, sauerkraut, etc come in glass jars in the US? The only way I can calm myself down is by being here, darkSpyro, or playing games. I've tried the count to 10, I ended up making a hole in the wall. I tried to shout into my pillow, it was loud enough that my little brother told me to shut up. I tried pacing back and forth, I threw the TV remote and broke it. And the cry-fits would happen when I was 7 and me and my mother would have a tiny little conflict. Everyone has something different that works well for them to diffuse anger. For me, it usually involves death metal or viking metal, going for a bit of a drive, and going for a walk in the woods. My husband breaks things. Usually, it's video games he gets mad at. In the past few years, he's broken 2 keyboards, and all of our controllers have teeth marks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAV of Gang Green Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Don't pickles, relish, olives, jam, sauerkraut, etc come in glass jars in the US? Everyone has something different that works well for them to diffuse anger. For me, it usually involves death metal or viking metal, going for a bit of a drive, and going for a walk in the woods. My husband breaks things. Usually, it's video games he gets mad at. In the past few years, he's broken 2 keyboards, and all of our controllers have teeth marks. Yes they come in jars, but I have none of those items. If I did, I would drop the jar from the roof. I don't bite my controllers or smash my laptop.......I just play games and go online.... I wish music would help. But it doesn't. Not nearly enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seliphra Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Have you tried beating the heck out of your pillow? I find that helps...then I hang with my bird or my dog, but if you don't have pets that...doesn't help much ...*Sweat* This post has been edited by a member of staff (Spritzie) because of a violation of the forum rules. Please do not use curse words in your posts, even by replacing letters. The words have been removed. Please check your user inbox to see if you have been contacted regarding this incident, then review our rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sofa Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 When I'm angry with someone I write a letter saying what it is they've done that's made me angry, and explaining my feelings etc, then tear it into tiny shreds. It helps get stuff out of my system to write it all down without actually ranting at whoever it is and making things worse, and tearing it up is kind of therapeutic. I guess everyone just needs to find something that works for them though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAV of Gang Green Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Have you tried beating the out of your pillow? I find that helps...then I hang with my bird or my dog, but if you don't have pets that...doesn't help much ...*Sweat* Tried it. I blanked out while doing it and when my thoughts returned I saw a hole in the wall. I'd try out the pet trick, if I had a snake. When I'm angry with someone I write a letter saying what it is they've done that's made me angry, and explaining my feelings etc, then tear it into tiny shreds. It helps get stuff out of my system to write it all down without actually ranting at whoever it is and making things worse, and tearing it up is kind of therapeutic. I guess everyone just needs to find something that works for them though. I know that won't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spritzie Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Don't pickles, relish, olives, jam, sauerkraut, etc come in glass jars in the US? Yeah they do. But those aren't things my family ever bought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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