Parenting.

[April]

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this topic. Especially after seeing that graphic video of the Judge and his daughter.

 

So I want to hear your opinions? Don't worry about answering the questions, those were just to give you some ideas of what I am talking about or just ideas to think about. But feel free to answer them as is.

 

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

Pretty straight forward. Do you feel parents should be looking into their online activity and such?

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

This is also debated. That teenagers are spending too much time online. Also include thoughts on video games/tv ect .

 

How involved should parents be?

Should they get involved with school events? Check up on their kids homework?

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

When I was a kid, I never had either. My parents watched TV all night, all week. I made my own breakfast, lunch and dinners since I was 7. When I was 6 it normally meant having toast for dinner.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Put them in sports? Watch what they eat? A lot of children are over weight. Should their parents be doing more?

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

A huge controversial topic.

 

 

 

Now, I want to share my thoughts on all these.

 

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

I firmly believe that a teenager should not have their own cell phone until they can either pay for it themselves or they are about 15.

I also believe that their online activity should be monitored. My cousin was 11, not monitored went on an online chat room and got a stalker.

Definitely not safe.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

I also believe this should be limited. I would have thrown a fit but so many teens that are on the computer all the time are detached from their family.

 

How involved should parents be?

My parents were never involved. I hated it. They never checked up on my homework, even when I was younger.

Then they would get upset when I brought back my B grades. I always asked for help but they were "too busy."

I wish they had been more involved and come to my Sports Days in Elementary and my events throughout all school.

If you are going to have children, you should be prepared to sacrifice a lot of time for them.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

When I was a kid, I never had either. My parents watched TV all night, all week. I made my own breakfast, lunch and dinners since I was 7. When I was 6 it normally meant having toast for dinner.

I definitely feel my parents should have had more time with me. The only time either would spend time with me would be when they were fighting.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Absolutely. When you see a majorly overweight child, the parents should be doing something. They should have been doing something the whole time.

I wish my parents had forced me to be active or made me watch what I eat. Not to a huge extent but not allowing me to eat mojos, fries, chocolate all the time.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

I think spanking is okay. Up until a certain age.

And ONLY with hands. No belts even.

And not for extreme amounts of time. By my being okay, I mean maybe two. Just to get the message across but not to hurt really bad.

 

 

Those are my opinions. What are yours?

[domsim]

Alrighty, interesting topic

My thoughts

 

Privacy

Computer should be in the family room, and then at the age when they get a laptop they can use it in their own room (maybe around 15-16)

 

Time and Access

Hrmm I think it should be a reward sort of thing, such as if you've got your homework done you can or if you've behaved badly you are banned for a night etc. And school homework doesn't count as using up time

 

Parent involvement + Active children

I joint these topics because I think parents should put their kids in sport, and have an active part in it (bake food for the all the kids at a soccer match, that sort of thing). Parents are also the most important people to set the example I think. If they want their kids to eat and be healthy, they have to do it too.

 

Quality time

I think I'm a bit like you, parents work a lot as dad works primarily overseas and mums got a lot on her plate too so family time is, and was hard to come by. We now try and aim for every Sunday night to be eat at the table night. But I think we should have more time as a family, and especially when we were younger.

 

Spanking

Nup. Not a fan. I just think if you're trying to teach your children that 'violence isn't the answer' then you shouldn't use it. I can understand why people do though. And I wouldn't be totally surprised if I had kids and I occasionally did it but I'm just not a fan. Sends a weird message I think. Or something.

 

Soo all in all I'd say my thoughts are quite similar to yours :P

[April]

I agree with the earning time and having it taken away and such.

 

I think I may do that with my children. Set a time limit, say a half hour to an hour a day. And if they do their chores, homework without being asked or without complaining I can add to it. But if they do something disrespectful and give attitude, I take away that time.

 

And I feel terrible about spanking but I do agree with it as long as it's just with hands and not a ridiculous amount.

[Yuika]

These answers are probably biased, since I'm 19 and still live with my parents, and they still treat me like a 13 year old. Haha. ("Where are you going?? With who?? Give us the address! You better get home before 1 AM tonight!")

 

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

I think privacy is a basic right for anyone, once they are mature enough to handle it. This age would be different for everyone, but 15 seems pretty fair. (I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone until I was allowed to get a job...when I was 17.)

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

I don't believe so, unless their studies are suffering. Basically, like what was said before, you can earn your online/technology time by getting your other responsibilities done.

 

How involved should parents be?

I don't know about school events, because that can potentially be very embarrassing for the teen. However, they should be aware of how much work their child should be doing in school and extracurriculars.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

I had a similar childhood. I made my own meals from about age 8. I think families should at least try to eat dinner together, and parents should cook for their young children.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Parents should feed their children healthy meals, and teach them about a balanced diet. They should also encourage their children to be active without making them feel badly about their possible lack of skill.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

We had a huge debate about this in my Human Growth & Development class. I personally don't think it's ever okay, except in very extreme situations where a very extreme punishment is needed. Otherwise, other methods can and should be used. I was spanked quite a bit as a child, for small reasons, and those spankings make up a large percentage of my childhood memories.

[April]

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

We had a huge debate about this in my Human Growth & Development class. I personally don't think it's ever okay, except in very extreme situations where a very extreme punishment is needed. Otherwise, other methods can and should be used. I was spanked quite a bit as a child, for small reasons, and those spankings make up a large percentage of my childhood memories.

 

The last one, I agree with. I got spanked for every little thing.

 

I can see it in cases, like if your 8 year old steals from a store, gets expelled, breaks windows for fun that kind of thing. But I'd get spanked simply for not finishing my chores on time. Which I don't think works.

 

I do feel for you. I'm 18, I do NOT live with my parents and they always ask where I'm going, my mom freaks when I don't answer her texts or facebook messages. Even if it's possible I'm in the shower. And I'm still doign errands and such for them. Ugh. XD

[Naamah D.]

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Whenever they are mature enough to earn it. I think 14 is when you should get your full privacy if you can handle it. What I can't stand is when parents feel the need to go through their kids diaries/journals.

 

 

Should teens have limited online time and access? I don't think so unless their grades are going to crap. Or if they pick up violent behaviors from video games and internet

 

How involved should parents be? My parents are involved in my education. My mom mostly since she is a certified special education teacher

 

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children? My parents cook for and spend time with me but I'm 18 and need to learn how to be independent. Quality time is very important

 

 

Should parents force their children to be active? This is a touchy subject for me. Some parents view their kids as overweight and push them to be thin. I'm very lucky I don't live with parents like that because I am super duper happy with the way I look and wouldn't change for anyone. However I eat healthy and exercise. Note: I'm not overweight I just happen to be heavier.

 

 

Spanking- Okay or not? NO! Spanking is not okay. It's barbaric and completely unnecessary

[Russ]

All of the stuff about the level of involvement parents should have and how much privacy teenagers should have and all that is really subjective and situational so I wouldn't comment on it.

 

But spanking is disgusting.

All it does is set an awful example for the kid. It says "You're wrong, but I won't bother to tell you why. I am right. You are wrong. The proper way to deal with people who are wrong is violence." Kids are crazy impressionable and having an authority figure react to misbehavior with violence instead of explaining why the behavior was wrong doesn't solve anything. It just makes the kid see that and think that violence is okay, and even on a subconcious level it leads to kids growing up to be more aggressive and hyper. Spanking is awful, outdated, disgusting and I don't see why people are still defending it beyond clinging to awful traditions. Violence in general is stupid - "I'm bigger than you and can hurt you more" never, ever equates to "I'm right" - and violence against children is wrong.

 

The effect that it has on a kid is still the same regardless of what the misbehavior was in the first place. Telling a kid "Explaining why you misbehaved is a waste of time and I am going to hurt you instead without showing you how this correlates to your actual behavior" is bad parenting, plain and simple, whether it's because the kid stole or because he cussed. Ugh. It just pisses me off how people mistreat their kids like that.

[April]

I was spanked. Honestly, I turned out okay. I hated it at the time but when I got spanked for something I never did it again. And my parents weren't brutal about it.

 

We always sat down and talked about why I was spanked. And I never did the things I did again. Not all parents just spank their kids and don't tell them why. My cousins were spanked and they turned out great.

 

All my friend's parents did was send her to her room and take away her computer and TV and such. She's turned out really awful. We're not friends anymore. So you can debate. Lots of kids do turn out okay but a lot of kids don't get the message.

 

Needless to say it's not illegal here. I am firmly against belts, paddles and all that stuff. I am against anything that would leave lasting damage.

 

It didn't have a bad effect on me.

 

When a parent loses their temper and slaps their kid in the face, that I object to. When I was five I used to run out on the road. My mum would tell me not to. I always did it. It was only when she gave me a swift swat that I never did it again. For me it was never my parents going "We're bigger, it's violence." It was one swat and it wasn't hard. It was just shocking really. I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

I probably would have been a brat if they'd just sent me to my room.

[hrtbrk]

Good topic! For most I'd say it depends on the child but...

 

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

I think parents should have their kids on an "e-leach" (if you will) but to give some slack. Let them explore. Don't give them their own login until you think they are mature enough. Until then, a family account with parental locks from the dirty stuff.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

Limited access, for sure. In my opinion, an unlimited amount of time is fine as long as it is not affecting their school life or social life. If it does, time to cut back.

 

How involved should parents be?

Parents should be involved but not invasive. Genuinely be interested in what is going on, otherwise it comes across that you think your child is up to shenanigans and you can't trust them lol If they like graphic design, programming, photography, makeup, fashion -- whatever it is they are looking up - GET INVOLVED!

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

As much as is appropriate. As mentioned, genuinely be interested.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

I don't think they should force them into sports or to be active, but I think they should force them to be social. Parents should ask which activity their child wants to partake in or do it together.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

You can't lay a hand on the worst serial killer that you can think of. They have rights. But it's okay spank your on child?

I was spanked, punched, wooden spooned etc as a kid and the ONLY thing it taught me was that the adult is too frustrated to deal with it and this is the quickest/easiest way to get it to stop the behaviour for the time being and it makes them feel better by letting their anger out.

 

Studies show that children who were spanked often use violence when frustrated, too.

 

Based off of my experience, I say no to spanking.

 

The judge wasn't "spanking" his daughter, in my opinion, he was full out beating her. If you don't want your kid downloading music or if you feel they've been on the computer too much... PUT A PASSWORD ON THE ACCOUNT! Derp.

[Trig]

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

I think that teens should have a large amount of privacy after the age of 15 or 16, maybe even 14 (but I'm probably bias because I'm still a teen). However, I think it's acceptable for parents to ask to see their children's facebook page, or ask what they do online. Even parental blocks I'm not against (within reason obviously) because I understand why some parents don't want their children viewing some things that are online. However, I think that parents shouldn't be constantly monitoring what a teen does online, and for the most part should trust their children. Having open lines of communication seems like the best solution to me :)

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

I definitely think that teens are spending too much time online, many of us suffer greatly from technosis (ooo. fancy term I learned this year in class :nerd:) and I think that it affects school. Personally, I would be okay with my parents checking to see if my homework was done and then allowing me on the computer, but I don't think that parents should be like "okay. Only half an hour of computer time" because when you limit something, the child/teen will want to engage in it more. However, I don't agree with the parents that allow their like...6 or 7 year olds on the computer/internet. I don't know, maybe I'm really old school.

 

How involved should parents be?

You know, I think it's important if parents are involved with their children's lives, but as their children dictate. I think it's important to go to parent teacher interviews and attend sports games or school events, but if the child says that they don't want you there or they are outgrowing having their parents constantly around, the parents should respect that.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

I have dinner with my family every night, and we have a family dinner with my grandparents every Sunday. I find I appreciate my parents and grandparents and respect them more than some of my friends that never see their parents. I'm able to see where they are coming from when enforcing rules and restrictions, and I think it's important to form a good bond with your child.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Kind of. I think that parents should ENCOURAGE their children to take part in activities that represent a healthy lifestyle, and NOT serve McDonalds for dinner 7 nights a week. However, if a child clearly does not like a certain activity, they should not be forced to take part in it because the parents want them to.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

Nope. Like, maybe a small tap on the hand if your child is touching something you don't want them to, I could see that. But spanking, absolutely not, there are many other effective methods of dealing with misbehaving children :)

[Jacky]

I'd really like to know what you guys mean when you are talking about spanking. For me, the above mentioned tap on the hand or a soft smack on the butt are perfectly ok. But I do not see that as spanking, really. If you are trying to teach a kid something, pain isn't going to stop them, and might even make it worse. just a soft smack or a tap, doesn't hurt, but it makes them aware of the fact that they did something wrong. I also totally agree with telling the kid why it is punished, how is it otherwise going to understand what it did wrong?

[-Ryan]

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

Don't monitor computer, texts, or search through room. Thats just a blatant disregard of privacy. But parents should keep a tab on certain things.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

I also believe this should be limited. I would have thrown a fit but so many teens that are on the computer all the time are detached from their family.

 

How involved should parents be?

Just involved enough that the kid wishes you were less involved. Thats how you know you're doing it right.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

Quality time is important. Bonding and all that. Its not that hard to take your kid to a movie now and then or go throw a football around the park. Thigns like that have a really positive affect as far as i've seen.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Lol yeah. When kids are little, they can't control what they're doing as far as being healthy. They're not aware of it.

Its the parents job to get them to be active and to make sure they're eating the right stuff.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

Yeah. Its effective but only until like 8 or 9 when the kid is more concious and you're more able to have a mature discussion about it with them. Before that though, pain is a good motivator for not doing something.

 

 

 

 

I'm 14, and I understand these things from a kid's veiwpoint. I've turned out pretty good I think as far as having a good sense of right and wrong and all that as well as having a fairly good relationship with my parents.

[Trig]

I'd really like to know what you guys mean when you are talking about spanking. For me, the above mentioned tap on the hand or a soft smack on the butt are perfectly ok. But I do not see that as spanking, really. If you are trying to teach a kid something, pain isn't going to stop them, and might even make it worse. just a soft smack or a tap, doesn't hurt, but it makes them aware of the fact that they did something wrong. I also totally agree with telling the kid why it is punished, how is it otherwise going to understand what it did wrong?

 

To be honest, what I meant was simply like "hey don't touch that it's hot" type of tap. Not like a "OMG WHY'D YOU DO THAT YOU BAD CHILD" type of tap. If that makes any sense. More so to I guess protect than scold the child possibly? Like I said, I think there are better, more effective methods of scolding or disciplining children.

[Jacky]

To be honest, what I meant was simply like "hey don't touch that it's hot" type of tap. Not like a "OMG WHY'D YOU DO THAT YOU BAD CHILD" type of tap. If that makes any sense. More so to I guess protect than scold the child possibly? Like I said, I think there are better, more effective methods of scolding or disciplining children.

 

The thing is that the word "spanking" doesn't have the same meaning to everybody. To some people said tap already goes as a spanking and they will freak out if they see anybody tap their kid, where in my eyes a spanking has the goal of inflicting pain (in some degree, doesn't necessarily have to be a really bad pain) . I think a spanking uses pain as a punishment, where a tap is merely a way to get attention/put a little bit of a scare in the kid so they will listen.

[Zorse]

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

By the time a person is a teenager they should know what to do and what not to do online, and so I feel they should have complete privacy online. I also feel the same way about phones and rooms.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

IMO it would depend on the individual teen. I think unlimited is fine, and if they begin spending so much time online that it begins affecting other areas of their life then it's time for a limit. I have no limits and never have and it's never affected me or other areas of my life negatively.

 

How involved should parents be?

I believe parents should show interest and be involved but not to the point of where they become invasive. When it comes to school work I think it's very important for the parent to help the kid if they're struggling.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

I don't know.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

No. I see so many children forced into an extremely busy, stressful sports schedule that they hate and I think that's just ridiculous. Though I do say it's best to encourage kids to try out some sports and activities to see what they have interest in, and then encourage them to join a team/get lessons. As for what they eat, of course parents should serve healthy food and if they need to eat out then at least try to get the kid eating the healthier food on the menu and don't allow them to eat boatloads of it. We had to eat out almost every night when I was a kid, which of course isn't healthy, but it never caused me to become overweight.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

Yeah, I think it's an effective way of parenting, if simply talking to the kid/time out/etc doesn't work. I was spanked as a kid and once I was spanked I was sure to straighten up- I never did that bad thing again, and if I did then I knew the next spank would be worse. It didn't leave me with any damage and I turned out just fine. Though some people really misuse this as in spanking the kid over every little thing or using it as a way to get their own anger out, which isn't right.

 

I'm not a parent, I just pull these things from my own experiences growing up. Really though I feel the answers to these shouldn't be set in stone for any kid or teen, since everyone is different. One thing doesn't work for everyone.

[lilshadowdweller]

I love these sorts of posts because they get me thinking a lot! :D Especially because I intend to be a parent someday. I anticipate my thoughts may alter when I become an actual parent. It's easy for me to have these goals currently, but we'll see how I handle the reality.

 

 

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

 

Teenagers need their privacy. They are at a time in their lives where they are attempt to assert their independence. This is normal and encouraged. They need to feel like they are in control of their lives. At this age, their hormones are all over the place and they are adjusting to some pretty big changes. Invading their privacy only makes things more stressful for them and decreases their trust in your as a parent. They may feel violated and attempt to gain more control by back lashing against you. If you have no reason to distrust them, then don't assume. If you notice a change in behaviour, perhaps try to have a conversation on friendly terms. Balancing out being a friend and a parent to them makes things easier.

 

My parents allowed me a lot of privacy and I turned out fine! I never felt the need to rebel or hide things from them. I trusted them and they trusted me.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

 

If them being online doesn't seem to effect any other aspects of their lives then there isn't any need to restrict access. Kids now use internet to help balance their social life. There are also a lot of good games online (like Neopets!) that they may engage in. However, it's important to encourage your child to participate in outdoor activities and to be social in reality. If they always play sports, continue to support them in sports. If they seem to spending too much time online and neglecting other activities, discuss WITH THEM and try to set a limit TOGETHER. This way, the teen feels as though they have some control in their own lives and that you respect their choices. You could cap it at 2 - 3 hours per night. Unlimited if there's nothing else to do or seems like nothing else to do.

 

When I was 12, I became addicted to an online forum. The reason? I wasn't popular in school and got bullied a lot. Online, I found a group of friends who I could relate with. I felt safe and welcomed. I was obsessed! My parents didn't know why I loved to go online but I'm sure had they known they would have helped me to deal with school and some of the issues. That doesn't mean every kid goes online to fill some void though.

 

How involved should parents be?

 

They should always be supportive and interested in their child and their child's interest. If a child wants to do something, they should encourage it. They should ask about their day and speak on friendly terms. If a parent is asking to just be a parent, a kid may feel isolated and hostile -- but if a parent is asking as a parent and a friend, the kid may open up more. It's best to try not to be naggy.

 

If a child's grades are slipping, but they were good before, before a parent gets angry they should discuss why but bring up that they knew their kid was doing well earlier. Perhaps you both can find reasons together for grade slippage.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

 

Parents and children usually eat/live together. There doesn't have to be an obligated amount of time together. As young kids, there usually is a lot of family events. As kids get older, there may be less, but this isn't a bad thing. It's best not to force them into time together but try to be friendly too and perhaps invite them out to events every so often. They need some attention!

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

 

Force is such a strong word! I would strongly encourage it without it seeming like a chore. Ask them if they see any or want to be involved in any sports. Motivate them and point out their strengths. Practice with them. If they aren't into social events, go out walking together or on hikes. (I always enjoyed hikes!) If you're concerned about video games there are plenty of 'active' games now. (Plenty of Wii games, even Playstation 3 and Kunneck for X360!) Swimming is a fun past time for a lot of kids and it involves a lot of physical activity!

 

And parents also need to watch what they feed their own children.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

 

No. It's not OK. It's not OK under any circumstances to hit your defenseless kid because you can't control yourself. A lot of people agree to spanking because they themselves got spanked. Spanking is still social acceptable but I think over time it will become less so. :rolleyes_anim: Parents do it as an attempt to teach their kids that they will get hurt (by their protective parents) if they do something their parents don't like. They will associate that negativity with you. Not only this, but spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hurt others if you think they are wrong.

 

When I was younger and my Mother lost her temper, she pulled down by pants and gave me huge slaps. These were painful and I remember cringing every time a slap was going to hit. I couldn't do anything to defend myself. I tried to. I put my hands over by bum but to no avail. I never stopped the bad behaviour - only because I KNEW that the punishment was a result of my Mom and not because of the action. She was angry and unable to control herself. I learned that it was OK to hit/fight with my sisters. I mean, Mom hit me, so why wasn't it OK to 'correct' my sisters?

 

I suggest anyone who resorts to hurting their young ones need to re-evaluate their parenting and find other non-violent penalities. Also, parents need to encourage positive behaviour on a regular basis. This means remembering the good and not always bringing up the bad, and complimenting if the child does a good deed. It also means explaining why something may bother you as a parent that your child does.

 

My boyfriend never got hit by his parents. He is the most relaxed person whom I know of. He has a great relationship with his parents and turned out to be pretty successful.

[Baixinha]

Spanking? Seriously? I would never spank a kid. It doesn't teach them anything but that you solve problems by hitting people, so they should solve problems by hitting people. So pointless.

[Mouseykins]

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

I think parents should monitor their child's internet activities without invading their privacy too much. The computer should be kept in a family room and when they're old enough to pay for half of their own laptop they can use it in whatever room of the hose they want but keep the door open. There is a lot of bad sites around and I would prefer if my child looks at sites that are questionable with either me or her dad so that we can answer any questions and explain things while keeping her safe. Curiosity should be encouraged in a safe way.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

I believe teens should have limited access online. This would be determined by grades and homework. If my daughters grades are good and her homework is finished she can use the computer for a reasonable amount of time.

 

How involved should parents be?

I believe parents need to be involved with their child's schoolwork and extra curricular activities and in other ways. Help your child with their homework and provide all the love and support you can give them.

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

Parents should spend as much quality time with their kids as possible. I know this can be difficult but to make things a little easier a family game night is a good idea and very fun. When I was in kindergarten/grade 1 my dad would play snakes and ladders and other games like trouble where counting was involved with me and it was fun and it also helped me learn to count.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Parents should enrol their child to be in some extracurricular activity whether its sports, dance, or music lessons. Parents should help their kids make healthy eating choice and allow junk food in moderation. Watching their weight isn't necessary if you help them make healthy choices. The worst thing you can do is ban junk food and pop, when the child grows up this is the majority of what will be in their diet. I know this from experience. When I was a kid I was hardly ever allowed pop and now for the last several years I have been drinking a ton of pop and am now weaning myself off and enjoying a nice glass of juice instead.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

Spanking NO!

I do not believe in physically punishing a child. A firm tap on the bottom is fine, just enough so it's felt, However I would only use this as a last resort. I would prefer to talk to my child about what she did wrong and explain how she could have made a better decision. I would also incorporate a short time out maybe 15-20 minutes depending on what she is being disciplined for and check in and see if she's ready to talk. If not leave her for another few minutes and check back. Time outs should be given in a quiet place and the child should be sitting down, not standing.

 

When I was around 8 my step mom would make me stand in the kitchen for hours sometimes. I could not move, go to the washroom, or get a drink. I was only allowed to stand there and wait and wait. I never did anything to deserve this treatment. Most of the time I either said something wrong of forgot to do something. This to me is unnecessary and cruel way to discipline. Talking to your children is the best way for them to understand what they did was wrong and how they can do better next time.

[GlitteryCupcake]

I hope everyone on here who thinks that spanking is okay does more research. Hyman (1990) and Straus, Sugarman, and Giles-Sims (1997) found that "children who are not spanked do better, and for a significant minority of children, spanking is harmful and abusive" (Fiorello 2001). Murray A. Straus has a fantastic article called, "New Evidence For the Benefits of Never Spanking" (2001).

[lilshadowdweller]

I hope everyone on here who thinks that spanking is okay does more research. Hyman (1990) and Straus, Sugarman, and Giles-Sims (1997) found that "children who are not spanked do better, and for a significant minority of children, spanking is harmful and abusive" (Fiorello 2001). Murray A. Straus has a fantastic article called, "New Evidence For the Benefits of Never Spanking" (2001).

 

Thank you Glittery. It relieves me that many people are "seeing the light" and understanding that just because we got spanked and it's still technically socially acceptable that it's NOT a good punishment. I learned violence was OK at a young age. Don't get me wrong. I had good parents. But their way of trying to "control" me was painful and left me a permanent mental scar. A lot of younger children make mistakes. My one friend, she remembers knocking over a lamp by accident and having her Father corner her down when she was only 3! 3 years old! Still too young to really cause too much trouble without understanding it! And doesn't it seem kind of wrong that adults think it's OK to go ahead and slap a child -- a child who can't do anything! -__-

[Cassia]

Interesting...well:

Privacy

I think that parents should teach their kids to be responsible and trustworthy. When they are very young, it is probably best to keep an eye on them, or have them use the computer in the living room, but once your kid shows that they are mature enough (may be at different ages for different kids), that it is not necessary to look at what they are doing. I think that it is important for them to learn to be mature and independent on their own, because parents cannot take care of and monitor their kids' activities forever.

 

Time and Access

I think that parents should show their kids other things to do with their time, such as taking up a sport or volunteering if they spend too much time on the computer. However, I think that if they are still spending too much time online, the parents and the kid should sit down together to discuss what is an appropriate amount of time to be spent on the computer per day. Also, homework always comes first!

 

How involved should parents be?

I think that it is important for parents to be involved with their kid's lives, whether it be school events, parent teacher interviews, or watching performances, until the kid is sick of it, which may not happen. However, I don't think that parents should check up on homework too much, because it sends a message to the kids that their parents don't trust them.

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

I think that it is very important for parents to spend time with their children. It shows children that their parents truly care and love them, which is more important than material possessions any day. It brings the family closer together.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

I don't think that kids should be forced to watch what they eat or put into sports. Many of them don't eat well because their parents don't give them healthy food to eat. When I was young, my mom always cooked balanced meals from scratch, and limited the amount of snacks in the house (most of which were healthy, like granola bars, anyways). As a result, I never had a problem with eating healthy. Furthermore, children often love being active. If they don't like one sport, they can try another, until they find one that they do like. Forcing them into one they hate, will end up making them hate being active altogether. It is also very important to set a good example for kids. If a parent tries to advocate eating healthy and exercise, while pigging out on McDonald's and being a couch potato, it is hard for the kids to lead a healthy lifestyle.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

Personally, I don't think that spanking is okay, because firstly, it shows a kid that physical violence is okay. Secondly, it doesn't help them understand what they did wrong. Ever since I was very young (as in 3 or 4), my parent's would explain to me why what I did was wrong, and what to do next time. As I got older, they instead got me to explain what I did wrong, and what I should have done. Instead of punishing me as a kid, they talked to me like I was an adult. Also, instead of really punishing me (aside from the revoking of some privileges), they praised me when I did something remarkable and right, especially if it was in the same situation where I had previously made a bad decision. This boosted my self-confidence, and made me aspire to getting praised more, thus making better decisions.

[billpika_x8]

Whatever anyone's opinion on how to parent, parenting is definitely going downhill. Take the 7-year old lighting arson fires, the 5-year old bringing in heroin for show and tell, and the kid who took a gun from his house (even though his parents are convicted felons) to school because "he was afraid".

[Dynosaur~Dollie]

Privacy: I do think the computer should be in a family room, currently we have one laptop that remains in the living room at all times. Cell phones, I never had one till almost 16 and honestly I don't see much of a purpose for one before that.

 

Time limits: My son's much to young for computers but when he's old enough time will be limited, and it will remain in the family room. I do though think that the time limit should not include time they were using for school work provided they were only doing school work and not procrastinating.

 

How involved: Being involved is a huge deal and should have already have been being practiced long before they got to teen years. My parents weren't involved much and didn't take much interest which lead to a lot of problems later. Though it was slightly unsual circiumstances, which in retrospect should have made them be there a bit more. Honestly I'd really enjoy being able to help my child with their homework, I love being able to teach my son new things already why would I stop that?

 

Quality time: It's very important, and we set aside time everyday for some qaulty time wether we're going to the park, or building towers. It's just nice to have family time. It helps my son feel safe and connected, and helps me and my fiance enjoy time together and feel closer as a family as well. With my son it's particularly important right now because we are expecting a new baby and I want him to know we love him just as much as the new baby coming. It's great to have that family structure and be able to know you have family support later in life as well. I remember as a kid we used to go on family road trips on the weekend to random new spots outside the city just for fun.

 

Getting your child active: I think if you start them in sports and activities at a young age their generally more active as they get older healthy habits start young. It's great toget them active although I think it's important to be active as well, you're their role model so you got to remember you can't tell them activities & healthy eatting are important if you sit on the couch all day muching chips.. Junk food should be in moderation & it's important to teach them that as well.

 

as for spanking, not a chance. There are a million better ways to teach a child whats right and wrong. I think thats just a lazy way of dealing with it, and doesn't seem to be overly productive. Besides think of the message your teaching your child? If someone doesn't listen just hit them?? I know we see it diffrently but to a young child they may not.

 

Whatever anyone's opinion on how to parent, parenting is definitely going downhill. Take the 7-year old lighting arson fires, the 5-year old bringing in heroin for show and tell, and the kid who took a gun from his house (even though his parents are convicted felons) to school because "he was afraid".

 

Thats not all children though. Saying it's all downhill from just 3 or 4 that show up in media is not overly accurate. The other thing to think bout is that most of these cases involve parents that were not paying attention and took no interest. It's more about teching our children, and educating ourselves as well. It takes a lot of time and patience to be a parent, and some people don't take that role to serious. What we do & say has more influnce than just what we tell a child, they look up to their parents and it's our job to make sure we're paying attention to what we do around them.

[keiwo]

Privacy

kids should definitely have their internet use monitored up until a certain age. they might not like it but the internet is a really dangerous place, especially for the naive.

 

Limited online time

while they're young, yeah. i don't think it's such a good idea for parents to let their children vegetate in front of a computer or tv from an early age. i had limitations on my online time when i was younger (along with my siblings) and i think it did us all a lot of good. we were given extra time as a reward for doing our chores and completing our homework and stuff.

 

Parental involvement

parents should definitely be involved in their children's education in every way they can. it makes a lot of difference to how well the child will do in school and in the future. having parental support is a huge help and influence.

 

Quality time

as above, really. parental support is huge and having a real bond with one's parents is truly beneficial in many senses.

 

Activity

I don't think parents should 'force' their kids to be active but they should be encouraged to play sports and while they are still providing food parents should watch what they are giving to their child. it sometimes requires a bit of effort to keep a balanced diet over just eating takeaways and 'easy' foods, but it's worth it for the child's health.

 

Spanking

I think I may have been smacked a few times as a child (but I may be attributing something that happened to one or both or my siblings to myself.. I'm not entirely sure - my memory does not serve me so well in this instance). I don't think physical reprimand is necessary for discipline and it's hard to know where the line is. I personally wouldn't spank my children for any reason.

[raysmama]

okay so i have a two year old daughter with my boyfriend of 3 years and recently gained a couple step sisters ages 15 and 12 so i have a TON of new experiences to draw from when answering lol this should be fun!

 

How much privacy should a teen be allowed to have? Which age should they get more?

None until they earn it. trust isn't something that is a given, it must be earned. once a child proves they wont abuse the trust i would give slightly more freedom but i wouldn't allow a child of mine a cell phone or laptop until at least 16 when they can get a job and pay for it and they can prove to me they can handle a responsability like that.

 

Should teens have limited online time and access?

Time, no i wouldn't say so. A Child who plays with computers when they're young may grow up to be the next bill gates. It never hurts to have them get into contact with the things that are going to be a big part of their lives such as computers. Technalogy isn't going away, its best to embrace it. However access? YES! The internet is just chalk full of things that are as dangerous as a loaded gun in the hands of someone who doesn't know what they're doing. Its dangerous and until they have a full working and capable knowledge on how to work it they shouldn't be allowed to wander willy nilly.

 

How involved should parents be?

Incredibly involved, my step sisters have shown me where a uninvolved parental attitude leads the children who grew up like this. Granted not all of them turn out bad, but honestly why risk it? I mean i don't want to see a girl who didn't get enough attention from her father dating 20+ year olds at 15. Parents are there to teach, how can they show someone how to be a productive member of society if they leave them to grow on their own?

 

How much quality time should parents try and spend with their children?

My boyfriend isn't big on the QT. I however would spend every moment with my baby if i could. I see it as being incredibly important. To a child quality time is love. The more time you spend with them the closer your bond will be down the road.

 

Should parents force their children to be active?

Eh. Im neither here nor there on this one. On one hand a child learns a lot through sports, how to be a part of a team, responsability and it promotes good hygine, self confidence, and healty living. But if the child is just absolutely against i don't see what forcing them will do. It would be something that would make them feel inferior and self conscious.

 

Spanking- Okay or not?

My boyfriend came from a home where spanking was okay, he spanks our daughter and i HATE it. Its just promoting violence in lue of teaching her what she has done wrong. Children learn nothing through spankings save for violence being an option for them to turn to when handling a situation. My daughter has gotten in trouble several times for just that very thing. i STRONGLY disagree with spanking.