Nay for life being totally overwhelming :(

[jennybean]

So last year, this was around the time I joined TDN forums, and I came here because I was in a really rough spot and I just needed some support. I disappeared for a while because life just kind of got so overwhelming that I didn't even have time to take care of myself and do the things I liked and wanted to do. And now, I'm just procrastinating (30-page literature review due in less than 48 hours!).

 

But, I really am just super bummed right now. And I love this community to no end. I've lurked around other neo-communities, but not a single one I've found is as nice as this one.

 

Long story short, here's my life right now. My mom's spine broke, turns out it was cancer in her bones, insurance wouldn't pay for the full dosage of hormones, now she needs chemo. She got sick last week, probably from stress that her mom was hospitalized. My dad's mom is currently in intensive care, and she has lung cancer (the two are unrelated). He can't go visit her because he's the only one taking care of my mom right now, and with everything going on, my family just doesn't have the money right now (though I think he plans on going over the holidays if he can work something out with my aunt for some financial help). He's wanted to go since this summer when my cousin passed away.

 

Holidays are coming up, and it's always a stressful time for me. And I know exactly why. I'll be blunt. An uncle of mine has been doing things to me since I was a young child (without going into details, I'm sure many of you can imagine). Last year, I saw him during a family gathering, and he threatened me. I may see him again during the holidays. Of course, there's no guarantee. He goes back and forth between the states and Mexico, and he's actually over there much more often.

 

And to top that off, I've been absent from school so much (because of stress/anxiety/panic attacks) that the head of my Ph.D program got in touch with ALL my professors to check up on me and see how I was doing. I've pretty much been labeled a struggling student despite my solid A's and generally good performance (really, it's one course I've missed four times). Now, I don't even want to be at school anymore. And they'll be keeping a very close eye on me next semester. I'm just a really private person (which is exactly why I'm posting all of this to a public forum :b ) and I don't appreciate being obligated to share updates on my life all the time.

 

Since this is public, this is super condensed. I sent a long, long email to one of the graduate student instructors for one of my courses explaining everything because I just felt like I needed someone's support. Seriously, it was practically a novel. But here, I just kind of want to get across generally some of the stuff going on and why I always seem so bummed during the holidays. I know it's not fair to just come to you all when I'm having a rough time, but it's hard to share with a lot of the people around me because everyone seems to be struggling with their own things right now, and they look to me for support. My instructor told me not to spread myself thin and to take care of myself, too, and I think it's an excellent (and pragmatic) bit of advice, but in some respects, it would be a bigger burden NOT to be there for all these people I care so deeply about, even if it means spreading myself thin.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening, TDN. I'm sorry I'm such a baby, and I'll do better to be here more often. Life just really, really messed me up these past 6 months. But now, I'm back. Ish. Mostly. No promises. I need to finish my assignments, first.

 

But, to offer some happy thoughts: my brother's 21st birthday is coming up, and my parents were able to save up enough money for a short weekend trip for him! So we've got that :)

 

TLDR; mom has cancer, grandmothers are sick, I'm dealing with abuse/anxiety/panic, and school sucks because of everything.

 

Thanks a lot, TDN, seriously <3

[Musical_Shoyru]

So last year, this was around the time I joined TDN forums, and I came here because I was in a really rough spot and I just needed some support. I disappeared for a while because life just kind of got so overwhelming that I didn't even have time to take care of myself and do the things I liked and wanted to do. And now, I'm just procrastinating (30-page literature review due in less than 48 hours!).

 

But, I really am just super bummed right now. And I love this community to no end. I've lurked around other neo-communities, but not a single one I've found is as nice as this one.

 

Long story short, here's my life right now. My mom's spine broke, turns out it was cancer in her bones, insurance wouldn't pay for the full dosage of hormones, now she needs chemo. She got sick last week, probably from stress that her mom was hospitalized. My dad's mom is currently in intensive care, and she has lung cancer (the two are unrelated). He can't go visit her because he's the only one taking care of my mom right now, and with everything going on, my family just doesn't have the money right now (though I think he plans on going over the holidays if he can work something out with my aunt for some financial help). He's wanted to go since this summer when my cousin passed away.

 

Holidays are coming up, and it's always a stressful time for me. And I know exactly why. I'll be blunt. An uncle of mine has been doing things to me since I was a young child (without going into details, I'm sure many of you can imagine). Last year, I saw him during a family gathering, and he threatened me. I may see him again during the holidays. Of course, there's no guarantee. He goes back and forth between the states and Mexico, and he's actually over there much more often.

 

And to top that off, I've been absent from school so much (because of stress/anxiety/panic attacks) that the head of my Ph.D program got in touch with ALL my professors to check up on me and see how I was doing. I've pretty much been labeled a struggling student despite my solid A's and generally good performance (really, it's one course I've missed four times). Now, I don't even want to be at school anymore. And they'll be keeping a very close eye on me next semester. I'm just a really private person (which is exactly why I'm posting all of this to a public forum :b ) and I don't appreciate being obligated to share updates on my life all the time.

 

Since this is public, this is super condensed. I sent a long, long email to one of the graduate student instructors for one of my courses explaining everything because I just felt like I needed someone's support. Seriously, it was practically a novel. But here, I just kind of want to get across generally some of the stuff going on and why I always seem so bummed during the holidays. I know it's not fair to just come to you all when I'm having a rough time, but it's hard to share with a lot of the people around me because everyone seems to be struggling with their own things right now, and they look to me for support. My instructor told me not to spread myself thin and to take care of myself, too, and I think it's an excellent (and pragmatic) bit of advice, but in some respects, it would be a bigger burden NOT to be there for all these people I care so deeply about, even if it means spreading myself thin.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening, TDN. I'm sorry I'm such a baby, and I'll do better to be here more often. Life just really, really messed me up these past 6 months. But now, I'm back. Ish. Mostly. No promises. I need to finish my assignments, first.

 

But, to offer some happy thoughts: my brother's 21st birthday is coming up, and my parents were able to save up enough money for a short weekend trip for him! So we've got that :)

 

TLDR; mom has cancer, grandmothers are sick, I'm dealing with abuse/anxiety/panic, and school sucks because of everything.

 

Thanks a lot, TDN, seriously <3

You REALLY need to report your Uncle! He'll just do what he did to you to other people (unless you've already done so than good!)

 

You're not a baby, that's a lot to have to go through! It sucks when family member fall ill, it's agonizing because it's something you can't fix and you wish you could! :(

 

I'll be praying for you and your family this Christmas and New Years season. Things will turn around, I promise :)

[nightfall8705]

I have to echo Musical_Shoyru's comment in mine. You are going through a lot, and I don't know how religious you may or may not be but I will tell you what my mama always told me, nothing will ever happen to you that you cannot handle. The strongest of people get handed the strongest tasks. I know it's hard right now, but this kind of thing happens to us all, and the best thing we can do is keep our head up and keep going, or we'll stop and get stuck, and it's okay to get stuck sometimes, as long as you have the will to keep going.

 

You do need to report your Uncle. You need some kind of justice and closure. I know how you feel. My own family members did things to me when I was younger. It's a terrible burden, but it is one that a person can overcome. My mama used to say "You have to appreciate the dark times in order to appreciate the light. The strength to overcome the dark makes your light stronger... There are times in your life where your light is very bright, but there are also times where your light is very dim, and there are times when it seems your light has burnt out. That isn't so, because that light can never go out unless you blow it out yourself. As long as there is an ember that sparks a flame to your light, your light has the will to be bright again, and it is only then when your light will fully glow again, outshining them all."

 

Things WILL get better. It just takes time, faith, and patience. See everything as a learning experience. You will come out much stronger in the end for having endured this trying time. Just don't give up, and know that we here at TDN are behind you, cheering you on, okay?

 

Praying for you and sending you love, my friend.

[Johnna]

:sad02: I agree that you should report your uncle, I'm sure you don't want cause more stress to your family, but its not fair or healthy to you to keep dealing with that, and he could be doing the same things to other family members or people. So you could be protecting not only yourself, but potentially others too. You don't deserve any of this, and I'm very sorry to hear about it.

Stay strong :medieval: remember that you're not alone, and there's always people there for you who care, and love you, who you can talk to. I know its sometimes a lot easier to talk to people you don't know in real life, and there's nothing wrong with that. Personally its easier for me to give advice to someone I don't know. :mario: Don't be scared to tell your family how you feel, they might feel alone right now too and might even feel comfort in knowing someone else is also sharing the burden of their stress. <3 <3 <3 And try your best to have a happy holidays. :santa: :pope: :party: :yum:

 

(This is only my second forum post, andI just learned about the emojis, so I apologize for my overuse of them haha)

[capgal]

oh sweet girl! I know you won't believe this at first, but please, please try.... NONE OF THIS -- NONE --- is on your shoulders. I know it feels that way. I can tell how deeply and how beautifully you care for those around you, and that is to be commended, but NONE of this is on you. People have terrible things happen. People do terrible things. It's a horrible feeling to see things crumbling around and you and feel powerless, but I promise you that you are no powerless. You can do one very important thing: You can report your despicable uncle.

 

I know he's threatened you, but I promise you, promise you, promise you- THAT IS WHAT ABUSERS DO. They create fear in their victims so they can keep doing what they want. PLEASE KNOW you are stronger than this! You can make a positive difference for your life, and for the lives of others. The truth WILL come out- and you are not protecting anyone but your abuser. He is a sick man who is no doubt hurting others- PLEASE stop him.

 

We're all here for you if you need us. I can get you in touch with an advocate in your area. We will put a stop to this.

[jennybean]

Thank you all so, so much (I've reached my maximum likes for the day, or else they'd all have likes from me).

 

I really, truly appreciate the support from all of you. I reported him last year, but unfortunately, that got nowhere since he had left by the time I actually mustered up the courage to do anything. And honestly, I guess it was really not a wholehearted effort. But it makes perfect sense, and it's exactly what I should do. And if I see him again this year, I think I'll finally speak up before it's too late. I'm just kind of tired of being afraid, and more than that, I don't think I could live with myself if I found out he was doing this to anyone else.

 

Then again, I always tell myself I won't chicken out the next time, but it's gotten pretty ridiculous by this point. I started thinking that it's been going on for almost two-thirds of my life now, and I just want myself and everyone around me to be happy. Thanks for the support, TDN <3 You're absolutely right; it's much easier to hide behind the computer and say this than it is to come forward and talk to people in real life. But I'm glad I've got you :wub_anim:

[Koakuma_Heaven]

oh sweet girl! I know you won't believe this at first, but please, please try.... NONE OF THIS -- NONE --- is on your shoulders. I know it feels that way. I can tell how deeply and how beautifully you care for those around you, and that is to be commended, but NONE of this is on you. People have terrible things happen. People do terrible things. It's a horrible feeling to see things crumbling around and you and feel powerless, but I promise you that you are no powerless. You can do one very important thing: You can report your despicable uncle.

 

I know he's threatened you, but I promise you, promise you, promise you- THAT IS WHAT ABUSERS DO. They create fear in their victims so they can keep doing what they want. PLEASE KNOW you are stronger than this! You can make a positive difference for your life, and for the lives of others. The truth WILL come out- and you are not protecting anyone but your abuser. He is a sick man who is no doubt hurting others- PLEASE stop him.

 

Second this wholeheartedly, abusers are weak people who make themselves feel strong by hurting and threatening others. You, jenny bean are better than him and the one thing you can do for yourself to prove it to report him.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through, one of those things alone would be enough, but all combined :(

 

I'm sure it took a lot of courage for you to say all that, even on an internet forum. Don't put yourself down with words like "hide" and "chicken", you're a strong person because you're still here and trying, and the fact that you even thought about and tried to report him matters.

 

We're all behind you. <3 <3 <3