Extremely Worried...

[ThroughMyEyes]

This is kind of a long one...

 

Throughout my life, I've had quite a few friends. They came and went, so that's no big deal, since it happens to all of us. But as you get older, you realize the friends you've made aren't like you. They're different. Whether it be their home lives, conditions they may have, things like that...This is what I'm worried about.

 

In recent years, I've had my share of roleplaying partners. Usually before we start, we'll greet each other, ask how one another is doing, etc. Just having a normal chat. Sometimes this lasts a while before we actually start roleplaying. One of my partners in particular just... has a lot of things going on in her life at the moment. I listen to what she have to say, and show her that I care. But my problem is that it gets to the point where I can't even talk to her. Sometimes she gives away just a little too much info about her private life (which I will not post on here or anywhere else), and it makes me feel bad for her because I know I can't actually help. And the fact that I'm not physically there for her worries me that one day she'll be gone. I've lost one friend to suicide, and I can't let it happen again.

 

I do this all the time. I feel like the only things I can say to her are "I hope you feel better" and "I'm sorry". I know, it's stupid to worry about someone you've met online, but I talk to her every day. This is how I am. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to worry about every single person that comes into my life like this. I feel guilty that I can't help, whether I know them in real life or not.

 

If anyone is willing to share advice, I'm more than happy to take it.

[Guest awkwardnormalcy]

Firstly, let me say there is nothing wrong or weird about getting emotionally attached to a friend. A couple of the people who have made the biggest impact in my life have been online friends (who I also met through roleplaying online!) friendship is not reliant on seeing someone face to face.

 

Secondly, I think it is also not unusual to feel awkward or at a loss when people unload a big emotional burden onto you I am that way with people in person and online because it feels like nothing you say will be adequate to what they are going through and you know what? That's okay. You shouldn't feel guilty about your own limitations, you are only human as are they. Everyone is different , I won't pretend I know what she is going through and I can't say what she in particular needs to make her life better but as someone who has been suicidal and depressed in the past; someone just being there and willing to listen had more of an impact that I can put into words. That is often a huge driver for depressed people; being lonely, or feeling like you are facing huge obstacles without anyone by your side.

 

But she's not, she has you.Support her, tell her she is awesome and just listen. Don't underestimate the impact that can have.

 

I hope I didn't overstep my bounds, and that was at least somewhat helpful :) feel free to message me here anytime, about anything at all~

 

I hope I wasn't

[Breaziecat]

It's sweet that you get so attached.

[wolfponies]

Been in your situation maaaaany times.

Now I don't know about you and your friend's connection but judging your post I believe she trusts you.

I myself also get far too attached to people over the net and it's been like that since I was a little kid. Because of this, I've built quite a few super strong bonds over the years and I've been the receiver of many deep stories. Now, how one responds in such conversations depends a lot on personalities. I would personally never ever stay passive and go with replies like "don't worry. I'm sure everything will be alright!" and I would be truly disappointed if one of my friends replied in that way. Such a line works in real life when you can hug your friend and never let go but I believe the net requires other actions. A part of my personality is that I love to solve problems. That is, when a person opens up to me I'm likely to devote a lot of spare time in order to solve his/her problem. This means I have to dig deeper and most important, give my view no matter what. This is sometimes good, sometimes bad. There are two kinds of people. Those who can take a kick in the butt and those who can't. I could go on and tell you a couple of stories but I rather not. Instead, my advice to you is that, while helping people over the net, don't be boring and shallow, join her team, share her quest for happiness and satisfaction. Good luck!

[nightfall8705]

You and I are the same way regarding the feelings for people we meet, whether or not they are online or in our real life. It's not stupid to care about another human being. It's not a fault to want to be there for someone, even if they are online friends. There is a face, a body, and a world of feelings behind that screen, behind that username, and a lot of people forget that. It's not easy to understand the situation she is in, but one thing is for sure. The fact that you care makes you human. It's that little thing called compassion, and its friends empathy, sympathy, and mercy that you have for others.

 

It seems like it's not enough, but just being there, giving her a non-judgmental ear is the best thing you can do in your situation right now.

[Xepha]

I'm going through similar things with someone I have met recently (also through roleplaying.) I can't really do much to help this young lady because she has severe anxiety problems. She is hyper sensitive and burst into tears for trivial things. Some of her crisis are sometimes lasting hours. So all I can tell her is that I'm there if she needs to talk about and sending her virtual hugs or pictures to distract her, until her medication kicks in. It seems to work a little bit, but I wish there wasn't an ocean between us because I feel so bad for her. Anyway... I had other things happening with other virtual friends : breakup stories, sickness stories, deaths etc. I often feel like I'm not the best person to address their issues, but if it makes them feel better to talk to me, than I'll be there to listen and make little suggestions if I have any idea.

 

Anyway, like pretty much everyone said so far, it's not stupid to worry for someone you have met online. She is your friend ; it's normal that you care and that you would be devasted if something bad happened to her.

[Sinvanor]

Been in your situation maaaaany times.

Now I don't know about you and your friend's connection but judging your post I believe she trusts you.

I myself also get far too attached to people over the net and it's been like that since I was a little kid. Because of this, I've built quite a few super strong bonds over the years and I've been the receiver of many deep stories. Now, how one responds in such conversations depends a lot on personalities. I would personally never ever stay passive and go with replies like "don't worry. I'm sure everything will be alright!" and I would be truly disappointed if one of my friends replied in that way. Such a line works in real life when you can hug your friend and never let go but I believe the net requires other actions. A part of my personality is that I love to solve problems. That is, when a person opens up to me I'm likely to devote a lot of spare time in order to solve his/her problem. This means I have to dig deeper and most important, give my view no matter what. This is sometimes good, sometimes bad. There are two kinds of people. Those who can take a kick in the butt and those who can't. I could go on and tell you a couple of stories but I rather not. Instead, my advice to you is that, while helping people over the net, don't be boring and shallow, join her team, share her quest for happiness and satisfaction. Good luck!

This.

 

Agreed with the kick in the butt thing. Statistically speaking people who really want to commit suicide don't say anything and usually give no sign. If she's saying or doing things that point to it, then it's a huge cry for help. Best thing for her would be therapy and more then likely something to help depression if that's what's causing her issue. Depression is a terrible, terrible thing and while meds won't fix it, given how depression works, they may allow her to live every day life better.

 

If she's not getting better no matter what is going on in her life, then there might be something else going on too, like depression or something.

 

I have a good friend who's mother tried to commit suicide for attention, then one of her attempts succeeded. Before this happened, she herself would talk about suicide like it was something to sneeze at. She now has a very different view on it and feels it's her responsibility to live because what she does effects others. I know that when I feel suicidal (due to depression and really dumb RL stuff), I forget how it would effect others.