Two funerals, a wedding and Twins

[minniemeggie]

Okay this is really, really long and pretty depressing, so don't feel bad if you don't want to read it all.

 

 

I can't really talk to my family and friends about all of this right now because we are all so overwhelmed talking to each-other about it just makes it more tense. I haven't been super active on this forum but with a three year-old, chickens, a cow, a blind diabetic dog and a home business its hard to make time to play games but with some recent changes I hope to be more active and everyone here has always been so nice to me I figure here is a good a place as any to let it all out.

 

Basically 2013 was coming to a rocky end, my now husband Zach found out for sure his mother has huntingtons (we suspected for quite sometime) and didn't have much longer to live and the time she did have, she would become increasingly worse and loosing herself quite a bit. A month before the new year we found out his father was also extremely ill, we suspected cirrhosis of the liver due to his symptoms and life long alcoholism, but he claimed they didn't know what was wrong. We assume he told us that because if we knew how ill he was we would drop our lives to take care of him as he lives on his own.

 

In light of this news we sat down and discussed our future, we had never been the 'marriage' type and have been together for 8 years, we have a son, Jericho, and have lived together quite peacefully for the past 6 years. My father is a miracle to science by surviving 2 major strokes and 8 mini-stokes with only short term memory less and occasional nerve spasms both of which are improving with rehab, he has also beat cancer twice and is a diabetic. All that said he seems to be doing well but his health is not ideal and with facing the soon certain death of both my husbands parents, I had to face the facts that my father may not be along for very long either.

 

We realized in talking that we did want to get married, and that our parents needed to be a part of it. So we got engaged and planned a wedding for June 07th.

 

2014 was off to a great start, as an early wedding gift my father and aunt bought us plane tickets to Puerto Rico in March to go on a trip with them to visit my fathers home and see the half of my heritage I had never seen before (I am half Hawaiian and half Puerto Rican.) Midway through our trip my aunt offered us a week at one of her timeshares anywhere we wanted for our honeymoon. It was perfect and we had an amazing time until the last day when we got news our dog had passed away. It was sad but we took the dog in knowing we were basically her hospice care until she passed, I still spent weeks crying though.

 

After Puerto Rico Zach was offered a partnership at the bike courier he worked for, we were so excited for his job opportunity and a week in San Francisco (my birth city and where we decided to utilize my aunts gift) we couldn't wait to share the news with Zachs parents. The following weekend we were back home we went to visit Zach's dad and when we saw him we had to pretend not to be shocked.

 

The last time we saw him, a few months ago he looked okay, not well, but not terrible. He had a huge bloated belly (sign of cirrhosis) and the rest of him was all skin and bones, he went from looking 60(his age) to looking 95. When we left that evening we barely spoke until finally I asked if Zach had signed the contract for the partnership, when he replied no, I knew we only had one choice. So once we got home we talked and we were both in agreement. We were moving back to San Antonio even though we both hated it there to take care of his father who could barely walk.

 

Zach had made arrangements with his work to take a hiatus in three weeks until further notice, they promised to hold his job for two months but after that they couldn't make any promises which was more than we expected. Unfortunately two weeks in I received a phone call from the hospital informing us Zachs dad was in the hospital. I packed an overnight bag for all three of us and we rushed to San Antonio.

 

Once there it became apparent that we were moving a lot sooner than anticipated. Zachs dad was released from the hospital to in-home hospice care. He was home for less than 24 hours until he passed away, that was on May 15th, just a few weeks before our planned wedding. Initially we wanted to post-pone the wedding but Zach promised his dad he wouldn't so we powered through the next few weeks best we could.

 

My matron of honor and beautiful sister gave birth to twins on May 25th and I spent the first 6 days staying with her helping her with the babies. Talk about a lot of stress!

 

The wedding went on without a hitch and for a night our lives were normal. The next day is a different story. As we were packing getting ready for our trip to San Francisco, Zach received a call from his old job asking when he would be able to return. Unfortunately since the death of his father and being the executor of the estate, once we came back from the honey moon he would be in and out of court, meeting with estate sale people, trying to sell the house and a million other things. We wouldn't be able to move back to Austin until at least the court and probate side of things were completed so we were looking at another month. Which understandably they would be unable to hold off for. So now we were relying fully on my small business which I had put on hold since all my supplies were in Austin. Luckily we had a decent savings we could use and tons of cash gifts from our wedding which we used in San Francisco, so we wouldn't touch our savings.

 

We had an awesome honeymoon and I dreaded coming home, I missed my baby so much I wanted to extend our trip and fly him and my mom out to snuggle him. But alas we decided to be responsible since we were unsure how long this would all take and currently had no income.

 

Its a good thing we didn't because when we came back we found out our bank accounts had been frozen. You see before we moved down to San Antonio to take care of Zach's dad we had added him to our account since he was no longer working and disability is a joke especially with his insane medical bills. For some reason when we had the lawyer freeze all of Zach's dads accounts they froze ours as well since he was on the account. So here we are living with my father no money, stressed out beyond belief and the banks wont touch our frozen account even though my husband is the primary, until we go to court which wont be until June 30th.

 

 

Needless to say I'm so stressed and emotional I can barely sleep, or eat. When I play with my son I am so overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to be the strong happy mommy he's used to. It breaks my heart when he asks me when he can play with the ickies (what he calls chickens.)

 

/*end rant thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I really needed it. sorry it was so long lol.

[leverhelven]

Take a deep breath and try to think this is only temporary. Yes, it's a huge amount of stress and sadness, but as they say, "this too shall pass". Don't be afraid to show your emotions to your son. It's impossible to be Super-Mom all the time, we're only human. Focus on what can make you happy - your son, your husband, your friends, your new twin nephews/nieces.

 

You can also make a DIY counter for "X days till June 30th". You can scratch the days off the calendar and see how good it feels to see the date coming.

 

I know this is not much, but I really wish for you and your family to be ok.

[nightfall8705]

Patricia is right. Focus what you can on what makes you feel happy. You aren't doing yourself, your son, your husband, or anyone any good by letting the stress overcome you. Take a breath, a meditation, or even a prayer, and try to pull yourself together. It's easier said than done, but I promise you, I bet you have overcome worse than what you are going through, just keep your head up and keep your mind clear. Nothing will EVER happen to you that you can't handle. Take it one day at a time. In the meantime, while it's good to rant, try to channel your frustrations and stress into something positive. It's a means of distraction, but if you put your stress into something else, then it can't pass to the people around you.

 

I don't know what else I can tell you to do, but I can promise you, what you are going through now will make you stronger as a person, and as a family, just stick together and keep your head held high. Keep positive whatever you do. Before you know it, the end of June will be here.

 

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you told somebody what's going on instead of bottling it up. Stress is NO joke. (I should know) so you can't let it consume you. Stress, in my opinion, is as dangerous as a gun as far as harm goes to a person. It will only make things worse if you let the stress make you ill. Stress has a habit of piling up on people, that's for sure, but just take everything one step at a time, that's all you can do because stressing and worrying isn't going to change anything for the better, only for the worse. (Again, I should take my own advice.)

 

Keep your head up and your heart open. You aren't alone.

 

Sending you and your family love, I hope you all will be alright as well. xx

[minniemeggie]

Thanks guys, after I posted this I immediately felt like a huge weight was lifted and I took my son for a bike ride in his baby trailer behind my bike. We had a little snack at the park and I told him that I was sad because of po-po (what he called his grandpa) and not being able to be with my "ickies." He gave me a hug and told me "its o.k. we're having ice cream for dinner." HA.

 

You are all right, I decided tomorrow that I am going to completely dive into my soap-making which is my at home business but also my hobby. I am really going to experiment and try to make something totally unique and awesome, like a sea-salt shampoo.

 

I'd like to paint or make music but since all I have in San Antonio are my soap supplies for my business and my laptop (not even my real computer) I am quite limited.

 

I really appreciate you guys for taking the time to not only read my rant but for responding and letting me know I am not alone. You guys are awesome.

[nightfall8705]

Anything to help! After a while, it's like we're a family here on this forum. We try to look out for each other... since you are into soap-making, you can try experimenting with different scents. Floral scents like jasmine and lavender are really relaxing scents that may help you de-stress! :)

[kaybee92]

If you sell any of your stuff online (like etsy or whatever) and it's allowed by TDN, please provide us with a link whenever you can? I am a HUGE fan of soaps and lotions, particularly the kind of stuff you would never see in a mainstream store, so I'd be more than happy to check out your products and help any way that I can.

[dawnshine]

Hey.

 

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all of the things you are going through presently. You've definitely got it rough. I think you've gotten a lot of solid advice on how to handle it from this threat already. But know you are not alone. <3

[erato_]

First of all: congratulations on getting married!

 

You come across as a very strong person and I admire that, the way you're ploughing through all of this. Many people would have given up but you sound so determined and you should be proud of yourself.

As for your son; I work with kids every day and I've found it's better to wear your heart on your sleeve. If you're happy, involve him in your happiness. If you're sad; that's "fine" too, you can be sad and you don't have to hide it. Children are very sensitive to picking up on emotions and even if you would slap a forced smile on your face he would probably still sense that something is wrong. In being sincere about your feelings, he will learn that it's okay to experience different emotions and will know how to handle them better as he grows up.
As long as he knows that none of it is his fault and that things will turn around eventually you shouldn't feel guilty or worried.

I wish you all the luck, strength and support you need to get through this, and then some.

[minniemeggie]

thank you all for your kind words, it really does help. Y'all rule.

 

If you sell any of your stuff online (like etsy or whatever) and it's allowed by TDN, please provide us with a link whenever you can? I am a HUGE fan of soaps and lotions, particularly the kind of stuff you would never see in a mainstream store, so I'd be more than happy to check out your products and help any way that I can.

I don't see anything about it in the rules specifically, but that sort of thing is usually frowned upon by forums, but I could probably send you a private message if you like. I currently only sell to a few local shops and at farmers markets but I almost opened my etsy shop before all this drama. Now I am waiting on some of this stress to ease before I take on a whole new project. c:

[Lia Seeya]

I don't know what else I can say that hasn't been said by the lovely posters above me, but please know that I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and sending my love from far away. That is a lot to have gone through, especially in such a short period of time. I hope everything goes well in the 30th! *hugs*