Kindness: Inborn or learned?

[KyokoHateshinai]

So it popped up in my mind today about this question. Are we born kind? Or is it something that is taught? Is being kind a "luxury"? Say, if someone donated a lot of money to charity would you say they're "kind"? But on the other end of the spectrum, if you're on the streets and you worked super hard to get a piece of bread but the other person on the street has none and you don't share it with them, does that make you not "kind"?

 

For me I would say it's inborn. It's kind of complicated but I know some people that are downright unkind. It's not that they beat up people but deep down they want you to suffer. They might not show it or do anything but they want you to suffer. Your happiness is poison to them. But it doesn't mean a kindness trait will make people kind. But for me, these "downright unkind" people usually will make me feel uncomfortable, and I wouldn't know why until later on.

 

I don't think I phrased the best way I wanted to but I hope you guys know what I'm talking about. Just wanted to know what everyone's thoughts are on kindness. How do you perceive it?

 

[precieuxly]

I think it's a little bit of both. Human beings are driven to help one another and that's how we thrive as a species. Some people just help more than others which is where their background, experiences and learnt abilities come from. I watched a special on it once on TV and talked all about it ethics class! :) If I remember the what channel or what the show is called I'll post it for you!

[Pascalla]

I think kindness is learned, or rather humans choose to be kind since it's better for their own well-being.
Take children for example, children are cruel and uncaring monsters that at first believe that the world revolves around them.

Later, they learn that it doesn't and when they don't share a toy they're often yelled at.
Anyway, the point where they realize that the world doesn't revolve around them is when it's up to them to decide whether they want to continue living as if they're the center of the universe or not.
I mean hey, if someone's going around being mean all the time then they won't receive many benefits.

Humans eventually learn, as they grow up individually, that kindness or at least behavior that isn't flat out terrible will gain success of some sort most of the time.

 

Something comes to mind when I was typing that; social contract? It's worth a look up I suppose, but I think it applies more to having rules/laws. I think it mentions having unsaid laws though, which goes into the kindness thing just a bit. I don't even remember though.

[rinoa812]

I have to agree with the person above me. I think that kindness is taught and learned. Some people do take to it better than others though.

[Raichi]

I get what Kyoko is trying to say, and I also agree with pascalla.

 

I think it depends on birth whether or not you enjoy being nice. Some people enjoy making other feel happy, some people enjoy making others feel bad, that part has nothing to do with how someone's raised, you either enjoy one or the other or you're not really excited about either of the two.

 

Overal I think most people either enjoy being nice or are neutral about it.

People who enjoy being mean are often sociopaths or have some sort of disorder.

 

Whether you decide to do a lot of nice things or not doesn't matter, your deeds don't define how "nice' of a person you are in my opinion. It's whether or not you enjoy being nice is what defines how nice you are. If doing something nice or saying something nice irks your very being then you know for yourself that you're not truly kind, and even that isn't a bad thing, as long as you keep a neutral font.

[brynchilla]

Take children for example, children are cruel and uncaring monsters that at first believe that the world revolves around them.

~

​But they hate everyone equally.

 

I think people are born knowing how to survive, and to do what's best in order to survive. If being kind is best, then they'll be kind. If being selfish is best, then they'll be selfish.

 

 

Speaking of being kind and doing nice things for someone else, is it possible to truly perform an unselfish act? To do something and expect NOTHING from it? I think most people expect a 'thank-you', which is expecting something in return, which doesn't really make it thankless.

[yasha]

Personally, i think it's something that's taught. I believe humans are naturally " evil" (by societies standards since evil and good is really all about perspective) and selfish.

What Pascalla said makes sense to me though

[MyMyMyLittleMy]

I think its both. Every single baby that's born has amazing potential for kindness and empathy, its just a case of whether anyone is willing to nurture it. Having said that, Brynchilla makes a good point. Does kindness even exist? Like if you jump into a river to save someone from drowning can you ever know if you purely did it out of kindness or out of a fear of living with the guilt of not doing it or disapproval from others, or as you've said because there was a reward.

[Lady Lyuba]

I have to say no, there seem to be far more unkind people than there are kind, especially throughout history. When you start off as a little child, you act selfish, thinking the world revolves around you. You have to learn how to stop acting that way, to let go of the toddler's mindset of "me me me". You have to learn how to be polite, you are taught the benefits of charity. In today's world, it definitely seems learned rather than halfly inborn. While I can see why both is a common viewpoint, I just can't see it as clearly I suppose...then again I can be pretty pessimistic about humans, as I predict our extinction, our apocalypse, will be at our own hands.

[zorna]

I think everyone is born innocent and we are taught to be kind and carrying

[emily_speck_15]

I think that kindness is learned. When you are a child, you learn to mirror those around you. Growing up I was surrounded by a family where kindness was everywhere. It becomes second nature.

[AJ11]

I beleive that being kind is something you are born with, you can learn about being kind and that its wrong to be unkind but that is a different thing.

 

I believe that most people would think of me as being kind because I do a lot for other people but in fact the truth is I get a lot out of that too. I feel good when I help other people, so in a way I am still being quite selfish.

 

When you give money or food to a beggar do you do it for them or do you do it because you will feel better knowing you did that.. or to avoid feeling guilty that you didnt help?

 

I think that is the key

 

There are people who get pleasure from others being hurt or upset, maybe because they need that to make them feel more confident, I really do not understand people like that...especially people who hurt animals or children or let them suffer .. it scares me a bit that some people are capable of that and I live amongst them.

[beruichi]

I answered that it is both inborn and learned. That's always my stand in these nature vs. nurture debates, no matter what the topic is.

 

Yes, it's inborn because our brains are normally hardwired to feel emotions like empathy. I'm not sure if I just saw it in a medical drama (i.e. House MD) or it was actually taught to us in one of my Psych classes in college (most likely the former, lol), but there's supposedly a part of the brain that handles such processes, and if for whatever reason those parts are damaged or simply wired differently since birth, then those people will process emotions differently, or not at all. There was a study on serial killers (which is definitely something I watched in TV) where they compared brain scans of 'normal people' and convicted serial killers. As far as I can recall, there was a substantial difference in the brain physically (I think the serial killers' frontal lobes were much bigger), and they were not using the same parts of the brain under similar situations. Why am I talking about serial killers? Well, some of them are unable to empathize with their victims, not only because they are cruel people, but because their brains cannot process that emotion. As empathy is likely needed to express kindness, then the inability to show empathy would likely result into a person not being kind.

 

With respect to kindness being a learned trait, it's just a matter of the environment the person is exposed to during his/her formative years. I'm working on the premise that the default brain can process empathy. If kids, or even teenagers, are always exposed to acts of kindness, chances are that trait will be ingrained in them, and they would display it as well. As opposed to those exposed to cruel and abusive acts, who will likely express such behavior themselves.

 

Basically, what I'm saying is it's not black and white; there are many variables involved in human behavior, which makes it dynamic and unpredictable to a certain extent.