Neopets poem (obelisk war theme)

[siniri]

I submitted this to the poetry contest, but it wasn't chosen (I ended up reworking a couple of lines relating to the Awakened because TNT might have thought they were too violent, but by the time I resubmitted the war was well underway). It's no longer timely, so obviously TNT won't be publishing it, so I figured I'd share it here.

 

War Ravin’

 

On a prehistoric morning, suddenly without a warning,

Came a rumble and a flash of light on Tyrannian moor.

While I hoped for plotful action, suddenly there came six factions,

Hoping each to gain some traction, traction in the looming war.

Their recruiters tried to gain attraction to their battle corps:

“Join us for the coming war.”

 

First the Thieves Guild came a’creeping, sneaked inside while I was sleeping.

I awoke to find Tark peeping at the treasures in my store.

“Join us Thieves and get protection for this beautiful collection,

Gratitude for your affection, fairly sharing the reward.

Quickness and agility will keep the Thieves Guild safe in war.

Join us now forevermore.”

 

“Do not let the Thieves Guild sway you. Never trust a thief to pay you,

One hand giving while the other’s taking, taking even more.”

Tark retorts, “You’re one to prattle when the Sway treats all like cattle.”

“But we’ll win the coming battle,” smirked Lord Norheim from the floor.

“Though the battle’s fraught with danger, you look handy with a sword.

Join the Sway if you want more.”

 

“Such a greedy thirst for power! Neopia’s fate is dour

If the greedy win the obelisk of power in this war.

Join the noble magic Order to protect Neopia’s borders

From the threat of rank disorder if it falls to greedy hordes.

Magic knowledge will protect you as you battle on the moor.

Join us and be sung in lore.”

 

“While that Hilda may quite mean it, she’s too weak to crush a peanut.”

Buster shouted over all the others crowding round my door.

“Everybody move the rubble, save the planet. When there’s trouble

Call the Brute Squad on the double! We’ve been through these things before.

When that evil power is unleashed, we’ll all need strength galore.

Join us; it’s worth fighting for.”

 

“While our world may lack a college, but for all those seeking knowledge

With full strength of mind and soul, the Seekers have an open door.

Buster’s right: there might be danger, but to that we are no stranger.

We’ve explored the world’s full range – er, far as any dared explore.

We will study this new power; selfishness we have foresworn.

Seek with us the knowledge stored.”

 

From among cajoling voices, when there were too many choices,

Creepy little girls climbed right onto my bed and then implored,

“What are all these people saying? Wouldn’t you prefer us playing?

Join us quick with no delaying. We’ve got candy; who needs more?

The Awakening’s awakened. If you die, you’re still adored.*

Wake up to your love of gore.”

 

Countdown clock is ticking quickly; pets are weak and kind of sickly,

Weapons, codestones, bottled faeries costing ever more and more.

All I want to do is cower under blankets ‘til the hour

When they’ll leave me for that tower. Friends and Neoboards implore,

“Join our faction; it’s more fun. You’ve got to choose a side for war;

Choose mine now forevermore!”

 

Round my bed they clamor loudly; each defends their faction proudly,

Blending to a single chorus: “Join us in the coming war.”

But my conscience gently pricking, to a single point it’s sticking

While that clock is harshly ticking, ticking down the start of war:

Does this battle have to happen? Why no peaceniks at my door?

Prizes beckon; I must war.

*This was the line I ended up changing, although apparently I didn't save the revision. It was a reference to ghosts/zombies/other undead, but I realized TNT might think it too violent for the very young. I think it ended up being something like this:

"Be you zombie, ghost, or monster, the Awakened still adores."

[Aquamentis12]

Nice! For some reason, I kind of had the tempo of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" in mind as I read this.

 

It's too bad it wasn't chosen. But is a really neat piece of poetry! I think maybe it was the use of words that sound like "more" or "war". LOL Definitely clever! And nice job with the rhyming, you got it with the timing. ;)

 

One tiny change I might suggest? In the last line. "I must war", I think "I must to war" is the classic way of phrasing it.

 

Maybe your next poem will be selected. :) Good luck Siniri! You've definitely got talent! :D

[siniri]

Heh, it absolutely was based on "The Raven" (at least the rhythm and rhyme scheme), so I'm glad you picked up on it -- the title is a pun to hint at that (it might have been another reason why it wasn't chosen -- "The Raven" is in the public domain, and you can't copyright rhyme or meter, but TNT has said they're not big fans of parodies).

 

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks also for the suggestion; I went with "I must war" because it fits the meter better, but you're right that "I must to war" sounds more natural. I could have smoothed out the rhythm and made the grammar a little less wonky in places, but I never put too much effort into Neopets poems since I give them the rights to use them however they like for all eternity, just by sharing them on the site.

[Aquamentis12]

LOL Cool! I took the "Ravin" in the literal sense. LOL So it may have been subconcious that I started thinking of "The Raven" as I read.

 

It's cool that you can write poetry about neopets and all. I don't write poetry often, it's usually after some sort of MAJOR inspiration, but usually it's a couple of years between the inspiration for writing multiple poems hits. Then i can get out several of them, but then back to drawing a blank on most things poetic for a couple more years. lol

[siniri]

Wow, I finally got a message from TNT regarding my submission. Apparently they're very behind on reading them, because I submitted the poem twice, the first time right before the battling actually started!

 

Thanks for your submission to the Poetry Contest. We've received a lot of really great entries for this latest edition of the contest, but unfortunately, only a limited number of people can win at a time. Though your entry may not have been posted this time around, we encourage you to not give up and keep on trying.

Thanks for entering!

Sincerely,
Poetry Contest Judges

I didn't realize they give "rejection letters." I guess that means for people trying for the trophy, you should wait to submit another poem until you get a reply one way or another. (When I submitted the first poem I wrote, I got a reply saying it would be held over to the next competition -- within a few days of my submission -- and not to submit anything else or it would replace the one that had been held over. It was selected in the next competition.)