Aloriality Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Ok, I have been talking to this guy, Josh, for a year or three now, he is in the US and he says he loves me. I'm in Canada, and my own home situation is another topic entirely. He and I do always tend to end up in fights over msn, though, and it could be over the stupidest little thing. Right now I am trying to work on myself. And I told him so, and he is all "oh I am so envious of you" I mean, envious of what? That I am working on not drinking because I am an alcoholic, but, if I talk to him about things like self-esteem or self-respect, he is all "Don't give me your rebah" Ok, I am 31, at least until the 22, he is he 32, so he's older >P I try to tell him that I am trying to work on myself, my own life, I am not exactly living all happy-go-lucky kinda lifestyle. and neither is he, and his own mother is a counceller, but he complains to me about how she doesn't wash dishes or stuff, umm, she's off at work, while HE is at home, doing nothing but typing away on the keyboard telling people how useless he is. and even, how useless his mom is because she doesn't clean up after making him dinner, even though she worked full time and does this to please him, I think she's a numbnuts too. But this guy, I talk to him, and I try and help, but it's in one ear out the other, I have had ok, even wonderful days, till I start msn with him.. my own parents know when I have talked with him, cuz it's always fights. That is why I am keeping this as separate topic from my own real life situations. Cuz he is online. and there is only so much I can type. This post has been edited by a member of staff (Spritzie) because of a violation of the forum rules. Please do not use curse words in your posts. These have been removed. Please check your user inbox to see if you have been contacted regarding this incident, then review our rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome Back Apathy Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Honestly, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. Have you ever met him in real life? If not, it might be that he is faking everything. Strange, I know, but always possible. Either way, the effect he's having on you is extremely negative. You're trying to help...but he sounds like the kind of person who doesn't actually want help. He's a barnacle at home--he sticks to home and does not leave and doesn't really do anything. He's abusive to his mother--he treats her like a slave. He needs to grow up. I know, in this economy, it's hard to get a job...but he could start by helping around the house. You know more about the situation, so trust your own judgment on how you should deal with this...but my advice is to DUMP THAT ZERO AND GET YOURSELF A HERO! ...No, but really, let him know that the friendship isn't healthy, and you can't be his friend until he starts acting in a more positive way. LillytheGrundo, ~Xandria and Duskitty 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karmacow Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I agree with Karina. This guy sounds impossible to have a good relationship with, and if anything he needs to work on himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillytheGrundo Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Agree with everyone above! Sometimes, when someone is having a negative effect on you, the best thing is to let them go, or decrease the amount of time spent with/talking to them. It doesn't mean you don't care about the person, it just means you care about yourself more. Just block him on MSN and move on! Life is too short! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca~ Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Anyone that isn't supportive of you trying to help yourself really isn't good for you. Substance abuse problems are serious, and take a lot of work to deal with, and people with them need to have the support of the people in their lives. And really, I would take the way he treats his mum as how he would treat you as well. He seems to expect other people to do everything for him. If you live together, you'll have to support him- completely. That isn't healthy either. You need to focus on yourself first, and this person isn't supportive of you doing that. If I were you, I would get out. It is easier, in a lot of ways, since your relationship is online- I would tell him that I'm not interested in talking to him anymore, and that I need to focus on yourself, and that he's getting in the way of that, and then block him. LillytheGrundo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi_diggs Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Let me get this straight: 32 years old, his mom cooks his dinner, and he has the NERVE to complain?! Sounds like you need to delete this overgrown man-child, and fast. People like him are just a drag on society. Ugh. LillytheGrundo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrtbrk Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Time to call up Nev and Max! They'll get to the bottom of it! Jokes aside, stop wasting your time trying to help someone, if they are not willing to help them self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livvy Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 I agree with the general consensus: Get out of this relationship. It's not a good one. Word of advice from personal experience: Care, concern, energy, whatever you want to name it, is a limited resource. You can only care so much before you burn out. You can replenish your stock when someone shows concern about you, something this fellow is apparently not doing. If you keep talking to him and trying to help him like this, and he keeps shooting down all the opportunities you give him to reciprocate, you're going to burn out one day and realize that you're no longer able to care about his problems, that talking to him takes more energy than you have left. Save your resources for someone who will make good use of them and who is willing to spend their resources on you. karmacow, hanalways, Rebecca~ and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassine Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Some people are simply self-absorbed, and since he won't apologize for his behavior, someone needs to. I'm terribly sorry for his rude behavior and the fact that he forgot to acknowledge your accomplishments. It sounds like you're working really hard, I know some alcohol is a hard enemy to defeat. It may seem rough now, but everything is bound to get better. And please don't forget that you are a wonderful, strong-minded, beautiful woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyokoHateshinai Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 It might be hard to let go of someone, but that doesn't sound like the start of a healthy relationship. Not everyone accepts help because they think you don't understand them well or they just want to rant. I'm not the one to judge because I don't know your situation well enough, but in times like these, follow your feelings. If you don't want to text him, don't. Don't force yourself just because he said he loves you. Even if he truly does, forcing yourself will only hurt both of you in the end. This topic has been edited by a member of staff (Rune Valentine) because of a violation of the forum rules. Please do not bump topics that are no longer relevant. Please check your user inbox to see if you have been contacted regarding this incident, then review our rules. Per the reason above, this topic has been LOCKED. Please contact Rune Valentine if you have any questions regarding this action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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