Advice on a 2-year old

[The_Warblers]

So, I have a 2-year old brother. I love him really much. He is good, smart, cute & loving in general; however,

 

1. He likes to say no to everything. For example, if I say, "I got to go out", he will say "I don't want you to go out". Or if I say "Don't turn on the TV", he will turn it on with any price?

2. He will cry / roll on the floor / throw stuff whenever he asks for or want something and we don't give it to him

 

Do you guys have any experience on this?

 

Well, of course he's not my son & I don't have as much responsible of raising him as my parents. But still, we are really close, I love him & he loves me very much. So I want him to grow up good

[Ashbash]

Ahh, the terrible two's. My little cousin was like that as well. I think the best thing to do is just don't give in. If you give in every time he cries or throws things, he will never stop because he knows he'll get what he wants. Kids are pretty smart. Eventually I think my cousin just got tired of whining and realized it wasn't getting her anywhere. Good luck!

[xrainbowxrose]

That's really what two year olds do. Just be firm with him. If you give him something when he cries then he'll learn that he gets what he wants when he cries so don't do it. I'm big on time outs. Make them sit, if they get up then put them back but be firm with it. Don't give up. And just wait until they're 3. Then they really start pushing the limits. ;) I have a little sister and she's five now and much better. The toddler years aren't very fun.

[The_Warblers]

Ahh, the terrible two's. My little cousin was like that as well. I think the best thing to do is just don't give in. If you give in every time he cries or throws things, he will never stop because he knows he'll get what he wants. Kids are pretty smart. Eventually I think my cousin just got tired of whining and realized it wasn't getting her anywhere. Good luck!

That's really what two year olds do. Just be firm with him. If you give him something when he cries then he'll learn that he gets what he wants when he cries so don't do it. I'm big on time outs. Make them sit, if they get up then put them back but be firm with it. Don't give up. And just wait until they're 3. Then they really start pushing the limits. ;) I have a little sister and she's five now and much better. The toddler years aren't very fun.

 

Well, yes, we (my family) have tried to be firm with him couppa of times. But we usually give up before he does because it seems like there is no way to him to give in. He can whine for hours, cough and hurt his voice terribly. He just simply does not drop it!

 

Rose: do you mean to wait until 3 or should not wait until 3?

[xrainbowxrose]

Well, yes, we (my family) have tried to be firm with him couppa of times. But we usually give before he does because it seems like there is no way to him to give in. He can whine for hours, cough and hurt his voice terribly. He just simply does not drop it!

 

Rose: do you mean to wait until 3 or should not wait until 3?

 

Well, when they're 3 they start getting really bad because they're more aware of things and so realize they can start testing your boundaries. At least, that's been my experience with a few kids.

 

As for giving in, honestly, that's the worst thing that you can do with kids. They learn that as long as they scream and cry they'll get what they want and so he won't ever really stop screaming. He'll give in eventually but not if he knows that he'll win. Kids have great willpower and so you've gotta just have more!

[lilshadowdweller]

I know that your brother's behaviour is probably very annoying and that it tests your patience. It's great to hear that you want him to grow up good, and trust me, he will!

 

That behaviour is normal. He's growing up and learning. He's testing his limits and his independence. It's a good thing, although terrible to deal with!

 

As the adult, you do have to set the example. You must not give into his whiny, otherwise, he could grow up badly. He learns by how you react to him. If you do give in sometimes, it's not probably going to do that much damage. But try to keep your restraint. Time outs are the best, you can also place him in his room when he has a tantrum. He'll start understanding that if he calms down, he'll be able to come out. So he can learn positive behaviours.

 

And remember to reward good behaviour!!! Let him know when he's done good.

[Rebecca~]

Super normal. All kids love saying no to things- that's why, instead of asking "Do you want milk?", you ask "Do you want milk or juice?"-- so no isn't a possible answer. :P Kids are a pain when they're two (I'm bracing myself, my niece will be turning two in just a couple weeks. Ahhhh)

As others have said, don't let him get away with stuff like that. You (well, your parents, moreso) have to set boundaries.

[Mouseykins]

LOL (sorry) but that is beyond normal. XD My daughter is only 16 months and the defiant behavior is already starting.

During the day when she's getting into things and not listening I'll plop her onto her couch and she can watch TV while eating a snack and having a drink. Yes she does have her own couch lol, she kind of claimed it. My advice for the tantrums is to stay as firm as possible and try not to give in. I know it's hard with all the screaming, but it's really the best thing you can do. Toddlers need structure.

 

As an alternative to saying no to him all the time, try rephrasing it like, "I don't want you doing that, what about this" and just give him an alternative. That's what I do with my daughter even though she hasn't learned the word no yet. Sometimes when she's really testing my patience, her playpen is awesome, I can just plop her in there without any toys and wait for her to calm down.

 

If you can still use a playpen with him I'd suggest plopping him in there until he calms down and go to him every couple minutes and tell him he can come out when he calms down, gradually increase the time you go to check on him and eventually he'll get the idea and calm down.

Definitely reward good behavior. :)

 

Toddlers will be defiant, that's just how they are. They're still exploring and testing their limits. I like to think of them as tiny humans with big personalities. :)

[lilllisan]

I have experience of 2 year olds. What I try to do is give her like a decision. Instead of asking if she wants milk, I would ask her if she wants milk or water. I guess it helps because se gets to make a choice and feels like she is in control. Or that's what my mother says. For the screaming part you have to stand your ground. It's not okay. If she starts screaming she goes to her room and come out when she's ready to be a big girl and play again. That's just what worked for us though. :)

[The_Warblers]

I feel so relieved that the kid I have is not the weirdest around. By the way, the ideas of "giving alternatives" & "giving choices to her" are excellent. I ll try to see if it helps if I put my words differently to him. However, sometimes when I ask him, "do you want milk or juice", he says "No milk, no juice". I guess the choices are not tempting enough then

 

Timeout does not seem to work. Because we have tried to left him alone for let say, 2 hours? And he just cries, screams, whines, throws stuff ..... for 2 hours! We thought he could totally make it to 4 - 5 hours so we gave up!

[xrainbowxrose]

Timeout does not seem to work. Because we have tried to left him alone for let say, 2 hours? And he just cries, screams, whines, throws stuff ..... for 2 hours! We thought he could totally make it to 4 - 5 hours so we gave up!

 

My advice on that is to only put him in timeout for two minutes at a time. At the end of two hours, he barely remembers what he's in trouble for. Each time he's in trouble, put him in timeout for two minutes. If he gets up, just pause the time and then continue once you put him back. And he's definitely not the only kid who does that! The kids who don't do that are the minority I think!

[The_Warblers]

My advice on that is to only put him in timeout for two minutes at a time. At the end of two hours, he barely remembers what he's in trouble for. Each time he's in trouble, put him in timeout for two minutes. If he gets up, just pause the time and then continue once you put him back. And he's definitely not the only kid who does that! The kids who don't do that are the minority I think!

 

Ahh, I see why our timeouts did not work out. Okay. I ll try a timeout to see if he gets it

[Duskitty]

Ahh yes. My dad's girlfriend has a 4-year-old (we're not related, thank goodness) whose birthday was in late Oct sometime, and he used to throw tantrums a lot and use a high-pitched squeak/squeal/screaming noise when he wanted to prove something. <_< Toddlers... -sigh-

Anyways, if he says no all the time, say something like "What is it that you want?" and if he doesn't know, make suggestions. And don't say stuff like "Don't do that." Say "Can you do something else, please?" :)

Oh, and with the tantrum thing- when I was 2-3 and I had tantrums and would scream/cry, my mom used to hold me gently, but firmly, until I stopped screaming. (Not sure if that works, if he's having two-hour-long tantrums o_O)

Hope that helps! :D

[~Xandria]

Timeout does not seem to work. Because we have tried to left him alone for let say, 2 hours? And he just cries, screams, whines, throws stuff ..... for 2 hours! We thought he could totally make it to 4 - 5 hours so we gave up!

I think timeout for that long is way too harsh. Toddlers have really short attention spans and as someone else mentioned - they are likely to forget what they even did and just become really frustrated. I'd say 10 minutes in time out is a good amount of time. I reccommend you explain exactly what he did, why it was unacceptable behavior, and then put him in time-out. I think it's good for young kids to have this explained to them beforehand.

 

Also as most others have already said - They are trying to see what they can and can't get away with. The phrase "terrible twos" was came up with for a reason. :P If you're not firm with them and you always give in - they will associate bad behavior with a reward. This can lead to a spoilt child so it's important for them to have a clear set of rules that they are always reminded of. (It's easy for them to forget) This is completely normal behavior at this age though. You have to keep in mind that at this age toddlers are just now learning how to express there feelings. They don't yet have the ability to control there feelings and they definitley don't understand why they aren't allowed to have everything there little heart desires. :)

 

So basically:

 

- Never give into a tantrum. I think many people make a huge mistake here by giving there child attention during a tantrum. They think that if they play with them, hold them, or give them something else to get there mind off of whatever they are screaming about - then everything will be fine. If you do this then they will quickly learn to associate tantrums with attention. Not good.

 

- Always reward good behavior. This is just as imporant as punishing bad behavior. :)

 

- Stand your ground no matter where you are. No matter if you are at a store, friends house, mall, whatever. This isn't to say you should never buy a toddler a new toy, but it definitley should not be bought if they are begging, yelling, etc.

 

Oh, and one more important tidbit. Try and always find the source of the childs tantrum. Talk to them after they have calmed down and ask why they did it. His answer may surprise you. Sometimes random tantrums can be because the child is not feeling well so always make sure you check. :)

 

Best of luck! It does get better with age as long as you learn how to nip it in the bud!

[miemieh]

I agree with Rebecca.

Let him choose.

 

I have two 2-year old nephews, who react excactly the same. Don't worry, it will be over. Here in the Netherlands we say that 2 year olds are in the Toddler-puberty.

[Mouseykins]

Also another thing I neglected to mention. I'm not sure if this will still apply to you, but it is a possibility.

It can take a child up the 3 years old to have all their primary (baby) teeth. This means that those little buggers could be working their way up and then back down, drawing out the entire process, making a very cranky, fussy and inconsolable toddler. My daughter gets like this some nights and it's usually when her worst tantrums are. During the day she's a complete gem, at night time she can be a complete terror.

 

If teething is still a possibility look for signs of a sore mouth. If he has a sore mouth it could explain a lot and can be easier to deal with once you know about it. Sometimes a cold snack, like yogurt is a good choice for a calm down and to see if that's actually the problem. If it's not then the snack won't help and you're back to square one.

 

Just something else to take into consideration. I only thought of it because my daughter is having a rough time with 4 molars working their way up. :(

[djandemmy78]

My kids are ages 6 and 7 and both are ADHD my daughter used to pitch fit to the point where she would hurt herself and the best thing you can do is ignore him. Yes its hard but from personal experience it does help. Eventually my kids stopped when they realized it wasn't doing them a bit of good.

[Riverus]

I'm studying early childhood education and I'd just like to throw some things out there.

 

The options point is key. Always give the child options that still lead to what you want. For example, there was one child in my preschool room during placement who did not like putting her sleeping toy away after nap time. If I just said, "Okay, it's time to put your toy away" she'd throw a fit. If I said, "In one more minute it will be time to put your toy away" and came back in one minute and said, "It's time to put your toy away now. Do you want to put it away, or do you want me to put it away?" she'd make her decision and happily move on to the next thing. Children are small people in a big world and they often are forced to do what the big people tell them to do. They need their little moments of control.

 

I'd just like to state for the record that time outs are not developmentally appropriate. In fact, if I put a child on a time out, I would fail placement (at this stage in life) or be fired (once I get a paying job in the field). Time outs do not show a child what they did wrong or what they should be doing. Ignoring the child doesn't help because a two-year-old is still learning self-regulation. They don't yet know how to deal with their emotions on their own and they need someone to help guide them through it.

 

It is very important to use positive language with children. This means telling them what they should do, rather than just what they shouldn't do. You must also explain why you don't want them to do the thing that you don't want them to do. For example, we don't say to children, "Don't hit," we say, "We hurt people when we hit. We use our words when we don't like something. You tell her, 'I don't like that' instead of hitting" If you just say, "Don't hit" the child knows what not to do, but not what they should do.