My Possible Neopian Times Article

[Naamah D.]

I wrote the first part of what I want to write for the Neopian times. However, I worry about it being to heavy and some other owners might get mad(even though that's not my intent). So here it goes!

 

Neopia News 9-An Interview With Todays Neopets

 

Naamah: Today I am visiting the home of the Pirate Draik, Shayla. I will be interviewing Shayla and her owner in their luxury Shenkuu home.

 

:Interview with Shayla

 

Naamah: Hi Shayla I'm Naamah.

 

Shayla: Hi, Naamah.

 

Naamah: So Shayla, what's your average day like?

 

Shayla: My owner wakes me up in the morning feeds me jelly, then she plays games to earn more NP.

 

Naamah: Do you have a favorite plushie, Usuki, or toy?

 

Shayla: Nah, my owner says toys are a distraction.

 

"Shayla's response was unnverving to me. Sure I some of my pets in the Fleapit Motel in the Neolodge but, I buy them toys and play with them."

 

Naamah: Distraction from what, Shayla?

 

Shayla: Winning Notable Neopet. My owner buys me so many wearables!

 

"I seriously wonder, how much of that money used towards wearables, could be used for food outside of Jelly and Tombola food?"

 

Naamah: Okay Shayla, thank you, it was a pleasure. Now I'm off to talk to your owner.

 

::Owner interview, the owner has asked to remain anon::

 

???: Yeah, Shayla. She's won so many awards. I guess I could be proud of her.

 

Naamah: You...guess?

 

???: It's not like she's a Faerie pet or anything but she works.

 

Naamah: If Shayla were a Faerie pet would she have more than she has now?

 

???: More of a chance to win the beauty contest that's for sure.

 

Naamah: You do realize that Shayla is a Neopet, right? She's not a doll or supermodel.

 

???: :face goes blank:

 

Naamah: Look, I have 20 pets. All of them are given what a pet should have. Toys, food....

 

???: But Shayla does get food!!!!

 

Naamah: When's the last time Shayla had a real food? She's not getting anything out of omelettes, jellies, and fish pops.

 

???: I've been terrible!

 

Naamah: So my only advice to you, is if you are too busy to take time out of your day to look after Shayla book her in the NeoLodge.

[Lady Kakata]

To be honest, I opened the thread about mistreated Neopets (those that are starving/sick yet smothered in wearables and shown off) as it's a subject that really needs to be talked about more without the usual 'why do you care? They're not real!' argument

 

I'd say go for it, but do a considered essay on it

[Naamah D.]

To be honest, I opened the thread about mistreated Neopets (those that are starving/sick yet smothered in wearables and shown off) as it's a subject that really needs to be talked about more without the usual 'why do you care? They're not real!' argument

 

I'd say go for it, but do a considered essay on it

 

It does need to be talked about! What the society of Neopia is doing to their pets is no different than what female celebrities do to their Chihuahuas. It's no different than child pageants.

 

I'm terrible at essays:(

[Lady Kakata]

It does need to be talked about! What the society of Neopia is doing to their pets is no different than what female celebrities do to their Chihuahuas. It's no different than child pageants.

 

I'm terrible at essays:(

 

Well, thanks to you, I'm actually writing an essay with thoughts on the subject right now called 'The Hollow Tiara : A Musing on Pet-Owner Relationships in Neopia' XD

 

I'm in the middle of describing loving a rare pet BECAUSE it's rare, or loving it because you genuinely love the species. Some people want Draiks just because they're hard to get a hold of, while others (like the denizens in the Draik's Nest!) want one because they love the species.

 

I personally love Xweetoks. Nothing about their rarity, just beause they're beautiful. And I utterly spoil Moorlough and Nimhue. I don't understand how people can have an UC Faerie Krawk with a New Years in Faerieland background and yet let it starve!

[Naamah D.]

Well, thanks to you, I'm actually writing an essay with thoughts on the subject right now called 'The Hollow Tiara : A Musing on Pet-Owner Relationships in Neopia' XD

 

I'm in the middle of describing loving a rare pet BECAUSE it's rare, or loving it because you genuinely love the species. Some people want Draiks just because they're hard to get a hold of, while others (like the denizens in the Draik's Nest!) want one because they love the species.

 

I personally love Xweetoks. Nothing about their rarity, just beause they're beautiful. And I utterly spoil Moorlough and Nimhue. I don't understand how people can have an UC Faerie Krawk with a New Years in Faerieland background and yet let it starve!

 

That's awesome! I have a RoyalGirl Bori but I don't use her as a trophy or a collectors item. I treat her just like I would any other Neopet I take in.

 

You are a wonderful person for treating Nimhue and Moorlough(beautiful names btw)the way you do. Good luck!

[Lady Kakata]

Your Bori is looking good ^_^ Plus it's obvious from threads here that you adore her!

 

Whatsay we collaborate on this? I'll write the bulk of the essay, send it to you when it's finished for pointers and thoughts, then when it's finished we send it to Neopian Times? It's something that really needs to be brought up but somehow I doubt TNT will publish it since it seems to chastise people who play games, and they need the ad money

[Kaana]

I think you're very brave to be tackling an issue like this head on. Like Lady Kataka said, an essay would probably allow a more in depth scope, if that was what you wanted. But from what I see here, this format suits your purposes fine. If this is the final form you're going to be submitting it in, these are just a few of my thoughts from a writing perspective.

 

1. Have you done a check on the pet's name? Especially for something like this, it would be fairly awkward if there was a pirate draik named Shayla...

 

2. The dialogue feels a bit stiff. Either a bit of expanded dialogue or some more description of the emotions of everyone would make it more immersive - e.g. When Shayla says about wearables, is she giggling (that's my first impression, personally)? Sad? Angry?

 

3. I think the "bad" owner came around too quickly. I don't really know how to expand on that, just I think that they came around to your point of view too quickly.

 

4. Your closing line is "put them in the Neolodge," but is that really what you want to achieve? From the way it was written, it sounds like you want more focus on playing with and spending time with your pets, not just feeding them.

 

~*~

 

Whew, ok sorry, I just love critiquing stuff. I really really like where this is going, what's the rest of the article going to be like? :3

[Sw33tz]

I think the reporter/ interview concept is a good idea. It just needs some revising. WHat Kaana said here... 3. I think the "bad" owner came around too quickly. I don't really know how to expand on that, just I think that they came around to your point of view too quickly.

I agree with that

[Lady Kakata]

People who only have pets for status aren't going to be won round or guilted into taking care of something that doesn't exist in a real form. Heck, even REAL bad pet owners aren't shamed into caring for their pets better. They'll just be stubborn and angry and defensive about it, as well as unrepentant

[Naamah D.]

People who only have pets for status aren't going to be won round or guilted into taking care of something that doesn't exist in a real form. Heck, even REAL bad pet owners aren't shamed into caring for their pets better. They'll just be stubborn and angry and defensive about it, as well as unrepentant

 

The "it's a game" thing is a terrible excuse if you ask me. And yes I will collab with you on this, Lady Kakata.

[Lady Kakata]

I think someone on this forum commented on the original thread dealing with starving/neglected Neopets that the site is called NeoPETS. The PETS aspect is what the site is built up upon, and I suspect for some people it's got the Tamagotchi reason for playing (they personally cannot have a pet for various reasons so they get a virtual one instead)

 

Excellent :laughingsmiley: I'm still working on a basic outline for the essay and working on keeping it short and safe for Neopets (because I can write essays to shame textbooks if you let me. My essay on why I hated TLK2 is HUGE and that's just the bare bones)

[Naamah D.]

Wait a second...if TNT doesn't publish it for "chastising" owners that play games will we get frozen?

[Lady Kakata]

Hm, I see no reason why we should. I mean, we play Neopets, we're not telling people to NOT play nor telling them that they're stupid/evil for not treating their pets well. We won't be stirring up rebellion, most people will just tell us to shut up and go back to playing Battlefield Legends

[Naamah D.]

Hm, I see no reason why we should. I mean, we play Neopets, we're not telling people to NOT play nor telling them that they're stupid/evil for not treating their pets well. We won't be stirring up rebellion, most people will just tell us to shut up and go back to playing Battlefield Legends

 

If I or you or the both of us are possibly gonna get frozen for this maybe we could spread our ideas another way.

[Angeló]

you won't get frozen

 

but I don't think TNT would publish something like this

[GlitteryCupcake]

2. The dialogue feels a bit stiff. Either a bit of expanded dialogue or some more description of the emotions of everyone would make it more immersive - e.g. When Shayla says about wearables, is she giggling (that's my first impression, personally)? Sad? Angry?

 

3. I think the "bad" owner came around too quickly. I don't really know how to expand on that, just I think that they came around to your point of view too quickly.

 

I especially agree with these two points that Kaana made. Even in the introduction, when Naamah and Shayla are introducing themselves to each other, use that opportunity to inject more personality into the characters, and to create more excitement! A simple exchange of "hi's" is a little bit stiff, like Kaana said, and boring.

 

Also, about the "bad" owner coming around too quickly - totally. Something bigger needs to happen, that gives the owner a true revelation. I don't think being told that omelettes and jellies aren't doing much for the pet is enough to get the owner to do a 180. (Btw that's all I feed my pets and I don't think there's anything wrong with that)

 

Another thing I wanted to say, it takes a while for me to figure out who the characters are. When I started reading it, I was wondering "What makes Shayla important? Why would someone want to interview her? What's the point?" Maybe you could begin your piece with an introduction that explains your motives for conducting "the interview," or explains why Shayla is a big deal! If there's something important about her, or she has an intriguing story, give me (at least) a hint as to what it is, so that it reels me in from the beginning.

[Naamah D.]

I especially agree with these two points that Kaana made. Even in the introduction, when Naamah and Shayla are introducing themselves to each other, use that opportunity to inject more personality into the characters, and to create more excitement! A simple exchange of "hi's" is a little bit stiff, like Kaana said, and boring.

 

Also, about the "bad" owner coming around too quickly - totally. Something bigger needs to happen, that gives the owner a true revelation. I don't think being told that omelettes and jellies aren't doing much for the pet is enough to get the owner to do a 180. (Btw that's all I feed my pets and I don't think there's anything wrong with that)

 

Another thing I wanted to say, it takes a while for me to figure out who the characters are. When I started reading it, I was wondering "What makes Shayla important? Why would someone want to interview her? What's the point?" Maybe you could begin your piece with an introduction that explains your motives for conducting "the interview," or explains why Shayla is a big deal! If there's something important about her, or she has an intriguing story, give me (at least) a hint as to what it is, so that it reels me in from the beginning.

 

I'm not writing it anyway. It was just an idea. If TNT isn't gonna publish it, why waste my time? Not to mention I have to put up with English class that tells me how to write and my writings not good enough.

 

I'm not attacking you or anything, I'm just saying, why do it?

 

 

Lady Kakata: If you want to write it, go ahead I'd just rather stay out of it.

[Lady Kakata]

Hm. It could be written as a piece about WHY owners choose to feed their pets/treat their pets the way they do. But not make one side seem superior/stupid for what they do

[lovedwallflower]

to be honest i think you need to define mistreating a neopet to begin with. im with another person upthread who feeds their pets purely jelly and omelettes and i really dont think that is bad at all.

 

maybe you could have a group interview of pets who all chose to remain anonymous who spoke about the issue in more detail. A quick example:

 

Interviewer: How do you feel about a diet exclusively made of jelly and omelettes?

Pet A: Well, to be honest, I don't mind it - it keeps me going, but I do love the odd *enter gourmet food here* on special occasions!

Pet B: *laughs* special occasions? I'll be lucky if I get the jelly and the omelette to begin with! *tummy grumbles*

Pet C: The thing is, us pets understand that some foods can be quite expensive, it's just that we value some variety that's all..

Pet D: That's true *nods in agreement* - though I'd rather have jelly and omelette than starve..

Pet B: *cries*

[GlitteryCupcake]

I'm not writing it anyway. It was just an idea. If TNT isn't gonna publish it, why waste my time? Not to mention I have to put up with English class that tells me how to write and my writings not good enough.

 

I'm not attacking you or anything, I'm just saying, why do it?

 

Aw, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings hun. I just assumed you were posting it because you wanted to know our opinions. I don't think it's a bad idea at all anyway! I just think you need to polish it a bit more. Why do it? Because it's something you care about! I can tell you're passionate about the topic, and that's a great reason to do something proactive! I don't think you should give up. ;)

 

P.S.

Are you in middle school or highschool? Unfortunately, English classes at that age are about teaching you writing fundamentals. I know it can be frustrating when your teacher tells you how to write, but it really is important stuff! He/she is just trying to help you improve, not put you down. If you decide to go to college, you can take creative writing type courses that will give you much more freedom!

 

Lovedwallflower: Heh, I think your idea is super cute!

[Kaana]

If you want to consider still going on with it, I would recommend signing up here and asking these people -> http://ntwriters.proboards.com/index.cgi

 

It seems to be a pretty strong Neopian writing community, and at least one of the boards is/was hosted by Snowflake, so you can get a response from an actual (former? maybe? Kind of out of the loop in these matters) Neopets employee/NT article approval-person.