antiaircraft Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 At the school canteen, people are lining up to get their food. At the beginning of the line, there is a basket of apples with a sign on it saying: "Only take one. God is watching." At the other end of the line, there was a basket of cookies, on which one of the students had hastily stuck a sign saying: "Take as many as you want. God is watching the apples." If anyone knows any good jokes, just post them here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superfly Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 WOW, that is actually a pretty good one! This should be really funny to read and watch as more and more get added. I am going to add this to my list of e-mail boards. Great idea making a pun topic! If I think of any i will be sure to post them here (and by think I mean remember, if you think I can come up with these things your insane) =)TJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midtime Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Here's one: At the end of the semester, instructors handed out course evaluation forms to the students. In one class, trying to be funny, I (the person telling the joke) asked in a loud voice, "How do you spell incompetent?" "I'm not sure," replied the professor, but I think it begins with an 'F'." The professor means that if you are incompetent you get an 'F'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Oh, here's another one: There's a very important scientist being driven to a seminar by his chauffeur. The scientist is complaining about feeling tired after doing the same seminar over and over again. "I know! I've heard your seminar so many times that I bet I could deliver it for you, and give you the night off." The scientist thought that was a great idea, so at the seminar, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled in the back row to sleep while his chauffeur delivered his seminar. At the end of the seminar the chauffeur said, "Any questions?". One of the scientists in the front row put up his hand and launched into a highly technical question. The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment, but recovered quickly and said: "That's an easy one. In fact, it's so easy I'll let my chauffeur answer it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superfly Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Oh man, these are really good, I liked the chauffeur one out the ther 2nd 2, but all 3 were great, the first one is still my favorite!!! Keep, um comin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meeptroid Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Ah, yes. This topic really attracted me faster than a lightning rod attracts lightning. This board really enlightnings me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superfly Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 We want more... XD :D because they are really really funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meeptroid Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 We want more... XD :D because they are really really funny! Actually, I find them quite punny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 There's an exterminator (a person who uses poison to get rid of ant colonies and such) who is confirming his appointments for the next day. He makes a call and hears a man answer on the other end. "Hello, this is Garry from pest control, Miranda called me, could I speak to her please?" There was a pause for a moment, and then the exterminator heard the man say: "Honey, someone wants to talk to you about your relatives!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOPGhost Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 ANIME! Metroids going to be in pain. I got a horrible one. Once there wqas a guy named ladies. When he got a rich and famous friend someone said ladies and he said thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anime Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I'm always lurking, 'member? I'll deal if he gets too bad. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awesome_Paul Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Hehe if you want to hear a terrible one but very funny at the time, i will tell you my main one from when i was 7, i created it, and its so bad it was funny at the time Q: What did the Seal say to the Penguin A: You're a Penguin That was my main one, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 A faerie gives a quest to a really bad choir: "Where are my earmuffs?" - based on a conversation between me and my little brother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anime Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Ok, now that was good. xDDDD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midtime Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 A teacher was teaching her students how to deal with remainders in division. She gave an example. "If you have 33 eggs and you need to put them in cartons which can hold six eggs each, how many cartons would you need?" "33 divided by 6 equals 5." replied one student. "You would need five cartons." "What would you do with the 3 left over? asked the teacher. "Eat them." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 My, my. This board is punishment! ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mini-Chan Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 hahaha i get it! xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronnie... Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 LOL, some of these are just so funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 If you know any, please post them. The simplest way to defeat Darth Vader: press all the buttons on his suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julie_kofoed1980 Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 ok, so this is the first joke I ever learned by heart: Old Ed was having problems with his knee so he went to have surgery and the doctor replaced a tendon in it. A while after Ed had the tendon put in, he went to see the doctor again to have a rutine check-up, when this was done Ed asked the doctor: 'So Doc, where did you get the tendon from?' 'Oh that was from a dog' was the doctors answer, to which Ed replied: 'Oh that explains why I get this pulling in my leg every time I pass a lamp post' .... :laughingsmiley: :laughingsmiley: ...I know, its bad ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 There's a group of people on holiday driving down a highway, but they're stuck behind a really slow truck. They decide to stop at the next town to have lunch, so when they get there, they go to the nearest restaurant and have some food and rest, and at the same time letting the slow truck get far ahead of them. When they get back into the car and continue their journey, they see another car pull out in front of them from another restaurant. It was the same truck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myriad Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Lol, that's really funny! I'll try find some. =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 A panda walked into a restaurant and ordered a sandwich. When he finished, he pulled out a gun and started shooting randomly, scaring the customers, before turning to leave. The shocked manager said, "Hey, where are you going?" The panda said to the manager, "I'm a panda, look it up." and went off. The definition for panda in the dictionary is: "A tree-dwelling animal of Asian origin characterized by distinct black & white markings. Eats shoots and leaves." Edit: The punch line is in the last sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiance Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 LOL! I found it funny.. a panda holding a gun and shooting lol. I like Julies one as well about when the guy walks past a post and lifts up his leg lmao. :woot: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 An engineer died and was sent to hell by mistake. Hell was very uncomfortable, so he installed air conditioning, escalators, and lots of other stuff like that. One day, God phoned Satan to ask how things were in hell. "Great!" replied Satan. "Our engineer has made all kinds of improvements down here." "What are you doing with an engineer!" thundered God. "That engineer must be sent up to heaven immediately or I'll sue!" "Oh really?" replied Satan. "And just where do you intend to find a lawyer?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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