Nemireth
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Posts posted by Nemireth
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Hi guys! Not sure if anyone recognizes me, I don't really post at all and I'm really more of a lurker... I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to though; I originally joined the forums because of how lonely I'd been feeling, and I wanted to feel like part of some kind of community. That sort of all went down the drain because of my social anxiety though; there's been so many times where I'd type out a post or response but then just delete the entire thing and forget about it. But anyways, the reason I'm writing this is because I've been going through some things for a while now and I really just need someone to talk/vent to and possibly get advice on. I have two major problem areas, my academics and personal issues; I'll divide my post into two sections so maybe you could pick/talk about one or the other if you'd like?
-Academics: I'm currently a junior in college (psychology major, graduating Spring 2018). I haven't exactly transitioned well from high school into college... Gosh, where do I even start? So, all my life my parents have basically tried to convince that I wanted to be a doctor, and as a child I sort of just went with it without a second thought. This continued on to junior year of high school, when I finally had to start thinking seriously about college and what I wanted to do in life, and it sort of just hit me like a train and has overwhelmed me ever since. I wanted to be a doctor, right? But...why? When did I decide this? Was it even me that decided this? Would I really be okay with life as a doctor? What does a doctor even do?!
While I was trying to figure all this out I was taking a class in psych at the time, by the time I finished high school I had taken three total psych classes. Just before fall semester of college started I realized that I actually liked psychology! A-ha! But what would I tell my parents? I talked to them a bit, and with them still thinking I'd head to med school I changed my major to psych (they were aware of this change but kind of protested to each other about me not doing a biomed major instead, as was originally planned). The more time passed, the more I was turning away from med school. The reason why I'd thought that I actually wanted to be a doc in the first place is because I've always had this desire inside me to...well, help people. And that led me to find clinical psychology! Which I've been looking into and really liking...the trouble is that I'm almost a senior and I have nothing, and I mean nothing, on my resume that would get me accepted into any graduate schools!
When I got into college I was going through so many personal issues (that I'll explain next) that I just shut down when I entered college. I didn't talk to anyone, didn't volunteer, didn't get a job, didn't build relationships with my professors, didn't join any clubs and now I hate myself for being such an idiot. The only thing I have is my grades, which are thankfully good... I graduated high school with the International Baccalaureate diploma and already had about 40 credits when I first got into college; so I started as a sophomore and am doing college in 3 years rather than 4. This has actually added pressure for me, as all of a sudden everything's so rushed. People normally start getting volunteer hours and such here in their second/third years and can sort of just adjust in their first year. I spent my first year trying to adjust (and failing) without realizing that I'm on more of time crunch than other students are... So now I'm so close to graduating and I'm panicking because I may not be able to get into any schools to pursue what I want! So overall, I'm being really overwhelmed my college/careers and I have no source of guidance, I was sort of thrown into the mix and told to figure it all out myself. I haven't even fully covered it all here. On top of all of that, my true, true dream career doesn't have anything to do with psychology...in an ideal world, I'd have loved to somehow find a career in writing (I'll get into that next)
-Personal Issues: For a long time, I've been dealing with issues that have hurt me on a personal level that I'm not quite sure how to deal with. I used to be quite confident and bubbly when I was small, but once I hit middle school I sort of just shut down... It started getting better in high school, but it's been worsening again ever since I started college. Possibly worse than it was before? I was sort of bullied in middle school for two years by three different sets of people, it was mostly verbal abuse/mocking but 2/3 weren't all that severe (I would never compare what I've been through to others who have been seriously bullied). But 1/3 was particularly salient and followed me a bit into high school as well.
I honestly don't want to get into it to much, lot of how this 1/3 treats me seems to fall under verbal abuse. It involves: being called names, given the silent treatment, told harsh/sarcastic jokes about me (then being yelled at for reacting to them), teasing (crosses the lines), verbal threats about harming themselves or me, being compared to others ("why aren't you more like..."), overall isolating me from others, called me selfish for spending time with others. The thing about this 1/3 is that this isn't a 24/7 thing, it's a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type act, and Mr. Hyde comes out randomly and unpredictably, while Dr. Jekyll is much nicer and all together normal towards me. Usually the Mr. Hyde part comes out when it's about something I'm supposedly doing wrong in terms of my behavior/actions/goals, and it normally only lasts for an hour or so maybe once or twice a month. So most of the time, it's okay. Something to keep in mind, this 1/3 has problems with depression, which I suspect are related to how they sometimes lash out at others (not just me) unpredictably. I try to understand this and control my responses, and it has helped a little.
In regards to the 2/3, they would mainly mock my name and my naivety; I was a pretty innocent kid, I suppose I still am... I never curse and am fairly sensitive. I am also absolutely in love with English literature, I love reading, writing, studying, and even writing school research papers on poetry and fiction. I write poetry and fiction myself as well, though mostly poems so far. If I could make a career out of this, I would do it in a heartbeat. I'm the kind of person that gets more excited about giving gifts than receiving them, I love listening to people and trying to give others a reason to smile or laugh. If you came to me in a time of need I would try my best to offer all of my support as well as everything I have in my heart. I also try to be as empathetic and helpful as possible; I've taken several courses about other cultures and about how different people perceive the world differently. I love taking classes in the arts/humanities/anthropology/psychology. I'm introverted and also have social anxiety.
My anxiety had gotten worse since college, since leaving people I know (essentially my safe zones) I've felt extremely lonely and have been unsuccessful in making new friends (hence partially why I joined TDN Forums). Last year my anxiety mounted to be having mild to severe OCD issues, to the point where I'd be in tears almost daily. However, since I do study psychology after all I was able to do some research and apply treatment methods to myself, and my problems with OCD are actually almost non-existent now! My social anxiety, however, is still bad. The last thing I'll talk about that's really been hurting me is something that rears its foul head in the news, in politics, in comments sections, basically everywhere. I'm not going into specifics, but basically I'm part of this minority that isn't exactly treated nicely by everyone. You may be able to guess what it is and you can pm me about it if you'd like, I feel a bit uncomfortable about speaking on it too publicly still. The hatred that comes through in all forms of media hurts. It scares me. And for every one encouraging/loving thing I find, I can find ten more hateful ones. It's been present my entire life and only worsens my feelings of loneliness and sadness.
Well, I suppose that's most of it...I went off topic frequently but hopefully this makes some semblance of sense to you. I guess I won't mind too much if I don't get any responses, it was nice just getting it all out.
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Yay! I really needed this :laughingsmiley: I've been saving up so I hope I can give out a bunch this year!
Here's my own wishlist
Happy holidays! :)
Gifts sent so far:
Musical_Shoyru; ranga_muffin; decchild; just4dailies; Spritzie; .Brianna.; nicolelouise; beenblessed40; singittome; Teganrose1; alexinwonderland; S_A; charelan; DolphinDreams; Snowbell; midnight_spell360; Mouseykins; firaplays; rntracy1;
delshnya; bangbangxviki; chknlimbosthe1; junegal; flcoastallife; Songbirdsara; twilight790; Nielo; paperdoll66; mirandaell; Zafie
(If I listed you but there was no gift please let me know!)
<3 Thank you so much to:
singittome, Teganrose1, Musical_Shoyru, alexinwonderland, S_A, nicolelouise, .Brianna., charelan, ranga_muffin, DolphinDreams, Snowbell, bangbangxviki, decchild, rntracy1, delshnya
just4dailies, midnight_spell360, chknlimbosthe1, junegal, Spritzie, funkydragondiva78, virusus, twilight790, Mirandaell; firaplays; Zafie
(I apologize to anyone I have left out in my thanks, I accidentally missed at least one or two names :()
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Thanks you so so much for the Evening Kougra Set! It's one of my favorites for the Kougra, so adorable :laughingsmiley:
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Hi Musical_Shoyru! May I be added to the list as well? I really don't mind what I get or if I get anything at all, but this seems fun; thank you for doing this! I kinda hope I'll be able to do a giveaway like this one day too :laughingsmiley:
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I had lots of fun doing this back in December! I'll get to scouring all the wishlists soon! I'll link my wishlist right here.
Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who's gifted me! I'm sorry I haven't had the time to gift everyone back yet, but I'm just about to start.
Gifts sent to (so far): Musical_Shoyru; S_A; Nielo; pulpfreeoj; just4dailies; ranga_muffin; Songbirdsara; decchild; Je3jennika; nicolelouise; paperdoll66
If your name is on this list but you didn't get a gift from me please let me know!
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Finally have time to be back on here again! I made an account over break and couldn't return since classes started, so I've barely been around. It's been a bit of a rough year, so I'm excited to get back to Neopets!
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Listening to "To The Sky" from Owl City. Always cheers me up. I'm pretty sure it's the first Owl City song I heard; I've been hooked ever since!
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Co-writing really can be a lot of fun! It's also nice to have someone with you at every step of the writing process.
And yes, everyone does seem very nice :)
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Yeah, I too feel like Figment's community has improved. The hacking bit sounds scary :sad01_anim:.
Wow, that sounds really cool! I've never really worked up the courage to do anything like that. I almost did once in high school but backed out at the last second; I'm not really sure why.
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No problem LaLune! :)
Hi Moga! Figment is basically this website where people from anywhere post stories, poetry, prose, fanfic, you name it; your stuff can get rated and reviewed; there's tons of contests; and they have these cool mass chats where you can talk with an actual publisher or author. It's very cool!
I write original stories; I'm working on a fantasy trilogy, another fantasy novel, a sci-fi novel, and two more possible fantasy series. The trilogy interlaps with my best friend's series; we even share a character. The sci-fi novel I'm co-writing with another friend; this one is actually based on a series of dreams both she and I had. And then maybe 34 poems? Yep, pretty all over the place o_O.
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Thanks Herp123! I'd love to share my writing anytime :)
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Thank you! I'll be sure to remember that Xd .
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Hi everyone! I'm Nemireth (roughly translates to "water jewel" in Sindarin...at least that's what my sister told me!) a.k.a. Twiggy. I've been on Neopets for 8 years total, I think I had deleted my old Neopets account when I was younger so I started a new one earlier this year. A lot has changed! I've also ventured around TDN for a while and haven't made an account until now. Mostly because of social anxiety :weird:.
Anyways, what are you guys into? I love writing poetry, fantasy fiction, and sci-fi; I used to post some someplace online when I was younger (anybody heard of Figment?)
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Hi guys! I haven't done this before but I'm already super excited to shop for gifts! :D
This is my wishlist: http://items.jellyneo.net/mywishes/nemireth/0/?sort=price
It's really just a collection of the kinds of things I like, which is anything involving snow, sparkles, or flowers really.
And you're very welcome LaLune :)
I need some life advice...(school/personal issues)
in Your Life
Posted
Thank you so much for replying! I'll try to take your advice to heart. The thing is, that 1/3 I talked about? They're someone who's been in my life since birth and whom I will forever have in my life, and while the way they've treated me has gotten a little better they still lash out from time to time quite painfully...I actually live with them, and they've affected the others I live with as well. We all have issues with depression/anxiety. As for my own anxiety, it's basically like I physically cannot communicate in a purely social setting. If it's a work setting I can force it though. I have heart palpitations, my vision blots out, I shake, and I get this out-of-body feeling/experience. I feel like it's best summed up by these quotes by two other people: " Social Anxiety will make you do weird things, such as holding onto an apple core for 45 minutes during a meeting because you’re too anxious to go to the trash can that’s 10 feet away " "or waiting for someone else to throw out their apple core so you know it’s okay but waiting a few minutes after they do so you don’t look like you were waiting for them and trying not to stumble because you know everyone is watching you walk and feeling really proud and relieved when you arrive back at your seat after having successfully thrown away an apple core like it’s a difficult task i feel this too much". Apply this to every situation and that's basically me...it's even impossible for me to eat in public. I've also gone to counselors about my career, and they've told be I need at least 2-3 years of research experience if I want to get into clinical psych. But I'll try different counselors and head to the career center soon!
Thank you for your words! I guess I am a little overly-panicked, it's just that the way I don't really have many people to turn to for advice about this and the way my school counselors frame everything, they make it seem like it'll be really tough for me to make it. I'll try the career center as you say, their site isn't very organized and I don't even know where they're located on campus. And thanks for letting me know about the prior experience thing, that has really been weighing heavy on my mind for a while. I feel as though I need to get experience through internships/research positions, but to get these positions I need to already have experience... *shakes head* it's awfully confusing, and everyone's been giving me mixed signals. I really don't know if I could tutor, my anxiety wouldn't exactly be nice to me in that setting. And I believe there might be one, however I have little time between classes and also live 40 minutes away from campus, and since I don't have a car I have to be driven by my parents (who are on tight schedules themselves). I guess I'd have to just skip class if I really wanted to go? And thanks for the offer! I might take you up on that.