NightShift

I like all your ideas. :santa: I recently gave a NeoFriend a Lost Desert Paintbrush. I had won it as a newbie player from the Fruit Machine. Back then, it was worth ten times more than everything else I had. I kept it for sentimental reasons. But when I noticed how much this Friend wanted one, and how hard she was working to get one, I realized it was time to let go and let someone else enjoy it more (and actually use it). (I have an adopted Lost Desert pet already anyway.) She thanked me so much, :happydance: and I felt very good too. :D So if you're sure the person is truly deserving (as she is) then I highly recommend giving like this. 0:)
An added thought: there is a balance here on Neopets between earning wealth through work and winning things randomly. Each is fun. I think there is a thrill :woot: :cool: from those surprise prizes, but a feeling of accomplishment of gaining riches :medieval: :business: over time on your own. :pope: :king:

Hey CurlyFreys. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I have complex PTSD (with a plethora of other junk) and definitely know what excruciating anxiety and hyper vigilance feel like :( It is terrible, and I greatly sympathize. It can be very hard to make sense of such strong emotions. But know that you are not alone!
 
It is too bad you can not afford medication right now, but that may not be a bad thing. I've experienced serious complications with medication (and I've tried many, many different kinds) and regret taking them. So, I am also focussing on non-medication approaches. The gym sounds like a great place to start, good for you. As you try new things, It'd be great to hear what works and what doesn't for you, if you don't mind. For me, music can be very healing, however, I have not found any 'solutions.' I do believe that strength comes from pain though, and that everything in life is about perspective.
 
Something I am learning is to always be my own best friend (which is very hard) and to always question EVERYTHING, thoughts and emotions included. I can't make my anxiety go away forever right now, but I find that when it does pop up, I need to take time to really analyze the emotion, the situation, what the healthy emotion SHOULD be, why am I feeling an exaggerated emotion, etc. This has helped me because it has taught me that not everything I feel is real (in reality, I mean, I'm not trying to minimize your experience). Just as a basic example, just because you feel you're in danger, does not mean you are. Many people think (and until recently, myself included) that what they feel is real. It is not. Your emotions are real, but that's different. Your emotions can exist and not be supported by reality. This can be OK if they are positive emotions, but nobody wants to experience persistent negative emotions. By checking the facts and comparing them to your emotions, you can see there are discrepancies between your emotions and reality. And that can actually be very comforting with repeated practice. Once you have checked the facts and thought the situation through, the best thing is to distract yourself from all the chaos in your mind by participating in the present moment. If you're riding the bus, read your book and focus on the words. Look out the window and focus on the things you are seeing. A hint is to engage your senses when participating to make it harder for your mind to wander to the default PANIC mode. It gets better the more and more you practice it. Don't be discouraged if it's hard at first... I find it very hard! Look up mindfulness if you struggle.
 
Something I learned from the trauma unit: If you're in the middle of a panic attack and you feel like there's no saving you, hold ice with your bare hands and keep holding it. This will break the harmful emotional cycle because it is impossible to ignore physical reality in this situation. I have found this extremely helpful. No matter how fast my thoughts are racing, this will snap you into the present.
 
I hope some of that makes sense and is helpful! I wish you luck!

*throws up hands* There are so many things wrong with your argument I don't even know where to begin picking it apart. I've seen many people, mostly white cis het men, complain about stuff like this. Crying about how women no longer need feminism because they're the ones doing the oppressing and whining about how the poor white man is becoming the new oppressed minority. That's not how it works. The things you are complaining about with double standards is an indirect result of the patriarchy. As Anime (and a few others said), the double standard exists because men view femininity as weakness, it is 'less than' masculinity, it is inferior. So a man 'sinking down' to the level of femininity is worthy of ridicule because he is suddenly 'less than' a man. With a single stroke of femininity, masculinity crumbles in the eye of society. I find it ironic. But whatever. I'm not here for your cries of unfairness, because it is usually that people like you would like to 'fix' the patriarchy so that you no longer have any ill effects from it, while still keeping it in place to hold others down.
 
"Of course, I could create a whole other topic about how minorities have switched, and while minorities like blacks have fought for equal rights, they got a bit more, and now white males are actually forced into being minorities, but I'll save that for later..."
I think you should keep that post to yourself before I rain down my feminist fury on you. Men, especially white men, are not minorities. Y'all don't even know what true oppression is but you're so quick to claim it. Get outta here with that nonsense.

i think anyone and everyone has a right to basic respect about how they self-identify. ill use any pronoun someone wants, without a blink, in specific interactions - though i strongly agree with neekers that expecting anyone to know automatically is unrealistic.
 
however, were i being honest, when i see most of the things listed here (or, to be fair, any general post i see on a forum or fb etc), my first thought is that it makes me very sad that some people even see these things as being male or female identified to begin with. if you are on a path to examine your own gender identity, my personal advice would be to throw out everything about colours, clothing, movies, makeup, jewelry, jokes, toys, etc - all of it - and get down to what you really feel inside. you cant get to your own truth while you have a bunch of manufactured gender identified bs in your way.

I have to admit that this is the first time I have scrolled further down than the Neopets Categories in the TDN Forum Topics.
 
Wow.
 
I don't quite know where the line is drawn so far as language/images so I will try to be respectful of the TDN rules...but, it seems to me that this is a subject that is more important than rules (so long as decorum is upheld).
 
Let's start with the fact that I am a guy.
 
I am in my 40's...so, while not from a generation where most believe a woman is a second-class citizen...I am also not of the most recent generations who (imo) have advanced even further in embracing the fact that women are not just 'not second-class', they are EQUAL and deserving of every respect.
 
The newer generations really do amaze me (and give me faith in humanity).
 
I am a son, a brother (with a baby sister...heh who is 29), and a husband. I have 3 nieces. My best friend of over 20 years is a strong woman. I have aunts, female cousins, female co-workers, female neighbors, and female clients.
 
TO A ONE...I know they have each dealt with bigotry and prejudice and misogyny. Because they are female.
 
It makes my heart ache.
It makes me angry.
It makes me feel guilty...for, if being absolutely honest with myself and everyone else, I am sure that I have in my life shown bigotry, shown prejudice, been misogynistic...whether with intent or not.
 
We can all do better...and we should...and if the arc of time is evidence, we shall.
But it takes awareness.
And it takes action.
And it takes speaking out.
And it takes being willing to learn...and to teach.
 
I am probably rambling a bit at this point...but, I just want to say that I support the Yes All Women movement (if that is the correct word) and support any effort to see a safer more fair world for all women.
 
Now, this is all fresh in my mind because of an image I saw recently.
I thought of my mother. My sister. My wife. My nieces. My best friend. My co-workers. My neighbors. My clients. I thought of all the wonderful amazing women I know and just wanted to weep.
 
I am going to post it here.. It is not meant to offend or to trigger.
 
It was so jaw-droppingly direct...and sad...that I thought some of y'all might want to see it and/or share it with others.
 
IF IT IS AGAINST SITE RULES PLEASE REMOVE IT WITH MY APOLOGIES.
 

With regards to the Not All Men thing--
 
When we bash "Not All Men", it's NOT when the "not all men" thing was used in response to grouping all men with murderers. If someone calls you a murderer just because you're a man, you're free to use the argument. But that's not how it's being used. It seems a woman cannot have a conversation about rape, or about anything without some man taking things personally.
 
Case in point:
Woman: I feel really uncomfortable when I'm walking to the bus stop and men catcall me.
Man: I'm sorry SOME MEN do that to you, but you have to understand that not all men do that. It hurts my feelings that you said all men say that.
 
Notice that in the example I mentioned above, it does not say it is all men. It just says that the woman doesn't like it when it happens.
 
This was a made-up example, but I remember a case where a guy had fired a woman because he said he couldn't control himself around her. One woman said "If a man cannot control himself around women, what's to stop him from raping his patients?" TWENTY MEN jumped down her throat for not specifying that she was talking about one man. She then got a bunch of rape threats for having said it--from the very men who claimed that not all men are rapists.
 
Not All Men derails conversations, period. Nobody thinks it's all men, so it's a pointless argument that takes the focus off of actual victims. To even HAVE the "not all men" conversation is demeaning to the intelligences of men and women alike.

This thread got so big, I want to personally respond to everyone, but I'm afraid of leaving anyone out. So here's to everyone.
 
First, thanks for reading, thinking, and/or sharing your own stories. I'm sorry for everything that you've had to deal with. Your stories really moved me, and I can't believe some of you have had to put up with situations for so long, and that people take the perpetrator's side. Thanks especially to stupidyou3 for reading and thinking about this issue -- I wish more guys would take the time to understand.
 
Second, I noticed that most of us (myself included) make excuses and/or apologies for our stories, qualifying them as "not that bad" or "not that many," or apologizing for them being a downer/pessimistic/triggering. I think we need to change the tone of these conversations. Sure, some people have had it worse. But all women experience misogyny and sexism to some extent or another; it permeates our culture. And I think it's important that we start to paint a picture that encompasses the full range of our experiences. Because these microaggressions add up.
 
Third, I think this awareness campaign is important. It's different than posting your bra color on your Facebook page (which does not help raise awareness about hissi cancer). Most people know the risk factors of hissi cancer and the importance of screening (which the bra color campaign doesn't even address -- during BC awareness month, I always post a link to the current ACS guidelines). But I think most men do not realize what it's like to be a woman in society; they have no idea how often we're harassed or frightened or inappropriately touched or demeaned. I do think the campaign needs to do a better job of reaching and engaging men in the conversation. As one father said (I think in an article on Slate), "I started reading these because I have a teenage daughter, but now I realize I need to read them because I have teenage sons."
 
I was kind of shocked at how long my list was, and I know there are a number of other incidents that I've just forgotten about. Like WBA said, it's not that I was trying to repress the memories or anything, but it's just something I experience in so many big and small ways on a daily basis, and so does every other female I know, that it's almost like trying to remember every bus trip you've taken.
 
I've left off some things related to dating (back when I still dated) that were too personal and that I'm too ambiguous about to articulately share with anyone else. Just instances of me saying no -- or at the very least definitely not saying yes -- and having boundaries pushed. (My boundaries are pretty conservative, so it wasn't rape or anything... but still. Wherever the boundaries are, they should be respected.) I know so many women who have similar stories.
 
I was going to post a link to a New Zealand date rape PSA (called "Who Are You?") but I think it's too intense to post here, so I'll summarize: it shows a woman going to a bar with her best friend, getting drunk with a stranger, and him bringing her home and going into her bedroom. It then rewinds through the evening and shows all the people who could have stopped the assault: her flatmate, asking where he's staying the night, and when he says "here" she says "I'll get you a blanket for the couch"; the guy in line at the bar, who asks the bouncer "is she okay," and then the bouncer stops her and asks if he can get a taxi for her; the bartender, who notices she's too drunk when the guy is ordering drinks for them both, and asks who she's here with and calls her friend over; her friend, who steps in and asks her if she wants to go home when she notices she's getting drunk.
 
Leverhelven, I think your "don't kiss my daughter" story is a good example of what women can do. We can't make men listen if they don't want to (but our male friends and family members who want to? we can start sharing with them). But we can start changing the tone, standing up for ourselves and each other. Forget "social norms" and civility. I'm resolved to not let something slide the next time I'm harassed. For example, at the library last week, instead of giving up my computer, having to close out all my work and wait for a new one, I could have said "It's not okay for you to keep harassing me. Please leave me alone now." If that didn't work, I could have told the librarian what was happening.
 
I'm going to ask the high school youth director at my church if we can discuss this issue one evening. Because I know those girls are already experiencing these kinds of things, and I want them to have better tools for dealing with it -- to not feel that they have to just let things slide for the sake of social norms. And I want those boys to have a better understanding, so they'll respect the women around them -- and stand up to the guys who aren't.

It sickens me that in this supposedly enlightened day and age that we have a need to talk about things like this. There is nothing at all civilized about our so-called modern civilization. Especially when there are men around that would have us all back in the Dark Ages (or worse). Too many of them around the world believe that men own everything, have a right to do as they please, and frequently use religion to back it up.
 
Sadly, I am a bit of a dreamer. I believe in utopian ideals and that the human race really could work together for the betterment of all living things. The problem is that we, as a species, have not yet evolved to the point where we can let go of baser instincts, embrace reason, and truly become enlightened. Some day, but not yet. Maybe in another thousand years. Until then, we have neanderthals clumping around with their figurative clubs in hand, dragging us women around by our hair and doing unspeakable things to us.
 
Now, before someone accuses me of being a man hater: I don't believe that all males of our species are cavemen. Just a large number of them. They can usually be found in control of things somewhere, finding new and better ways to oppress people (usually women) and gain more power for themselves. I regret that many of them have women at their sides who have been brainwashed since birth to believe in the nonsense that men have all the rights and that women should be put in their place. Either that, or they see a way to empower themselves financially, materialistically, and will put up with almost anything just in order to have the prettiest pair of shoes on the block. Again, not all. Just a large number.
 
Please don't get me wrong. I am not trying to make light or little of the hashtag campaign. It's just that I don't see any point in it. It won't make a difference. Actual change makes a difference and that's not happening because of a trend or fad. Look at the Occupy Wall Street movement. Where did that get anyone? The rich are still obscenely rich and the rest of us are slaving under their oppression. It made no real difference. The human race needs to grow up and stop acting like small children fighting over a toy in the sandbox in order to make a real and lasting change. I wish I could be there to see it, but I figure it's going to be at least a millenium before it happens.
 
(Now for the apologies: sorry to anyone that I've depressed by my somewhat pessimistic opinions. Also, sorry to anyone that I may have offended; that was never my intention. Lastly, sorry for such a long-winded post.)

I had to stop reading all the aticles (example:CNN) that talked about this issue and the tweets that have been trending. I just couldn't look at the comments anymore. They really aggravated me >.<
 
Almost everyone I know has been in situations similar to yours. I remember my first year of college coming back from a party once. It was around 1am and it was my first real college party. When I was walking back to campus with a group of two other girls, we were stopped in the middle of this street when no one else was insight by three older guys. They asked us why we were leaving the party so soon and that there was another party going on at their place. We were clearly not in the right state of mind and they kept insisting we go to their house. When we tried to walk away they would just stand in front of us. I remember being really scared. They went from being friendly with smiles on their faces, to anger in just a few seconds. Once we got out of it we walked as fast as we could out to the main road. One person looked back and said they were sill looking at us as we walked away. Creepy.
 
I have also had incidents that were supposedly "no big deal" example: a boy shouting out a rating to me
...women have had to work so hard for the place we have in society today, which is still not even equal. No, not all men are like this, in fact I have soo many male friends that are nothing but respectful to women. This is not an attack on men, but a movement towards awareness.