What's your damage?

[~Xandria]

Hello everyone! I wanted to start this topic as a support system for anyone who is living with an illness that interferes with there quality of life. So anything regarding your health, whether it be an invisible illness, misunderstood illness, wide-spread illness, drug abuse, anorexia, self-esteem issues, cancer, autism, food allergies, tourettes, etc. Whatever the case, I urge you to share your stories and offer support to those who are inflicted.

 

I'll start off by saying that I suffer from GAD (general anxiety disorder), agoraphobia, panic disorder, and severe clinical depression.

 

Right now, I'm just at a loss. I keep expecting a miracle, but one never comes. I keep hoping I'll get better. I live in the US and I cannot afford medical care. There are no reduced cost clinics in my area. No assistance whatsoever for people like me who don't have much money to speak of. It's time like these I really wish I lived in France or Canada. That's a bit off topic though.

 

I cannot believe I am actually typing this. I normally don't share such personal things with complete strangers, (I'm terrified of being judged) but I think it can be therapeutic in a way.

 

Do you have something that interferes with your life? If you would like to share, please do. I'm here to lend a non-judgmental listening ear, who can hopefully offer some advice. As I'm sure many other members here can. We are all dealing with something.

 

<3

 

(Please keep this topic drama-free. So no judgemental comments to any of the members, etc.) Thank you for anyone who posts! I know sometimes it takes a lot of courage to talk about things that are so personal.

 

Notice ~ This post was edited because I am now including my name in my TDN screen name and was afraid someone may come across this post. (My name isn't all that common) Thank you for understanding. If you would like to message me, please feel free.

[Rebecca~]

-hugs- (if you want them!)

Sweetie, I am so sorry about everything you're going through. :( I wish I could adopt you and bring you up here, or something. You really are very brave for being open about all this- people are all too often silent about mental illness, and other issues, and it leads to many others thinking that it's a no-go topic, which doesn't help anyone. :(

(Not that any one should have to talk about anything that they're not ready to discuss, of course. It doesn't do to harm yourself by discussing things you're not ready to yet.)

 

I have the all-too-common problems with self esteem (thank you, society, for all those terribly messages you have made me internalise. I'm not feminine enough, too fat, not lovable, etc.). My wonderful girlfriend is helping me with that though (mostly by telling me that it's all nonsense, haha <3).

 

I haven't been diagnosed (and likely never will be), but I am quite sure that I have Asperger's Syndrome. (Funny story ? err, maybe? When my mum first heard about the syndrome, she emailed me a link to the wiki page, and said "Hey, this is so much like you it's scary! LOL". Er, thanks? :/) I've become higher-functioning as I've grown older. I am better able to understand non-verbal cues, but they do puzzle me more often than not. I still find social situations highly stressful, and I've never been able to make friends very easily. When I was young, my parents sent me to a therapist to deal with my lack of friends, and basically all my therapist did was tell me that I shouldn't read a book during breaks at school, but instead to go and try to join in with the games of other kids. This ended in a lot of teasing, and I finally made some 'friends'-- abusive ones. :| Thanks for that, therapist. I think I was better off with my book.

 

I don't have any substance abuse issues, mainly because I got scared away from touching anything. I come from a looooooooong line of alcholics, and my brother was a meth addict. I seem to have a very addictive personality, and I don't trust myself to go anywhere near ANYTHING just in case. :| So, I have never smoked pot, I haven't had any type of alcoholic drink, and I even try to avoid over-the-counter pain medication. I saw what my brother went through, what my entire family went through, what he put me though (as unintentional as it was!) when he was an addict, and I just can't abide by the thought of being like that. I have seen most of my family members and their relationship to alcohol, and I NEVER want to be like that. My father was border-line abusive to me my entire life because of his alcoholism, and it nearly killed him this year. I just don't even want to go there.

Though, it's not helpful that my friends mock me for my lack of drinking. We went to a gig a month or so ago, and I went to the bar and got a cup of tea. The bartender, being polite, asked me if I was the designated driver for the evening while he was getting it. My friends thought this was absolutey hilarious, and they proceeded to make a facebook update announcing it. One of my friends, S, also keeps telling me that when another friend, M, gets engaged, we're going to Las Vegas, and I am so going to have to drink while I'm there, OMG.

Ugh. Just give it up.

 

Erm. This ended up longer than I had intended. But yeah. All the hugs to anyone that wants them. <3

[karmacow]

I've had psychological issues my entire adult life and teen years. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I haven't researched it a whole lot, because I'm afraid that it will be spot on. In another thread here, someone described some of the symptoms and I recognised a lot of them. I'm not going to name names even though it was written publicly, I'm sure if they feel like sharing again, they will do so. Currently I'm on medication and I wish I could get out of it, because I hardly feel my emotions, except when something causes me to feel really sad or angry. My doctor says that after having taken the meds for so many years, my body won't know how to function without it. Hopefully my dose can be reduced. I'd rather have the bad days if it means that I can also have good days, rather than all "meh" days.

[lindorie]

Oh my! I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through! I don't think I would have ever realized it, you just seem so bubbly :)

 

I myself, I wouldn't call it an illness, but I was mentally abused for the past 16 years by my grandmother and it has really affected who I am today. I have not always been completely open and honest, and like you wrote don't normally open up to people I don't really know so well but I feel like I can be honest here. My grandmother as much as I used to love her played insane games with me ones I would prefer not to go into, but they made me into a person I hated (I still can't believe I was the way I was). Perhaps I'm confusing someone right now, let's just say that I had to play into these games to make sure I still had a roof over my head, to make sure that this woman was happy but the whole time I was BEYOND miserable. It's tough growing up in horrible situations, but I think that's what makes us stronger and who we are at this very moment in time.

 

Xandria, I just can't help but want to give you a huge hug and tell you that everything will be okay and you will be okay *hugs*

 

Rebecca, Oh my! I'm soooooooo so so sorry about all of that you have gone through! that is terrible how people tormented you like that, honestly you are such a beautiful person (just based on the personality you have) that anyone who says all that to you is crazy! You are one of the sweetest people Ive met in quite a while :) I just can't believe how cruel some people can be!

 

 

Karmacow, I hope it can be reduced too at least so you can have those much needed good days, everyone needs a good day every once in a while :)

[~Xandria]

Rebecca - You are such a sweety. I knew before I even made this thread that there would be a non-judgemental, kind, response from you. :wub_anim: & Thank you for the comments on my courage. It has taken me a LONG time to be able to come out and say "Hey, this is who I am. I can't help it. I know society sees me as a complete outcast, but I refuse to be looked down upon by others who do not understand my illness". I've had all of these issues since I was about 10 years old. They got worse once I hit pubertry. I ended up dropping out of highschool my sophmore year because of this. Now I can't leave my house without my anxiety meds. I have body issues (as I know most woman do) but it's too the point where I'm terrified of leaving my house because of the way I look. I have had my boyfriend to help me in that department as well Rebecca. So I'm glad you have also found someone who lifts you up.

 

Btw, aspergers syndrom is nothing AT ALL to be ashamed of. I've done some reading on the subject. May I ask why you think you will never get diagnosed? Is it because you are afraid to be diagnosed with it? You live in Canada, right? I'm assuming it would be relatively cheap for you to get a diagnosis, or if not - find out what is wrong. I am still not able to afford the medications that would help control my symptoms because that would require pricey doctor's visists. (one of the reasons I self-medicate). I really wish there were more affordable options available to me. I think I want to move to France or Canada just so I can find relief from my mental issues.

 

Oh, and haha... you thought your post was long? I'm on a freaking rant tonight aren't I? Lol. Thank you to anyone who is actually reading my VERY long drawn out posts. I just really needed to rant tonight... and I feel much better after hearing your story Rebecca. Even though I don't know you in real life, I'm glad I've had the chance to meet you virtually. You are such a beautiful kind person. I really hope you know that. :*

 

Karmacow - I can relate to you so well. Before I got cut-off of medicaid I was being given a new anti-depressant every 3 months to try out. I've probably tried more than 10 different kinds. None of them worked, and if they did the side effects were way to unbearable for me to just suffer through. I am unsure if they are treating you with anti-depressants or physcotic meds, or something else? Please excuse my assumption. Anyways; I found no benefit from them so I'm really hoping to give alternative treatments a try in the future when I have more money or if I've moved to France by that point. (I'm not just being funny by saying that, I really do aspire to live somewhere in Europe eventually.) That's a bit off-topic though.

 

You don't have to listen to your doctor, if he refuses to budge on the issue. I understand that it is bad to come off of anti-depressants cold turkey, but he should really be taking your concerns into account. Have you considered seeking another opinion? Mental illness or not, I don't think it's worth it to walk around feeling emotionless. If he isn't going to at least try a different treatment route for you then perhaps you should look elsewhere? You may have to be on medications for your condition and I know first hand how exhausting it can be to find the right one and/or combinations of meds. In the end though, I figure it's worth it. Everyone is going to respond differently to different treatments. Have you tried physcotherapy? When I was able to afford it, I found physcotherapy to be quite helpful in calming my state of mind and reducing depression symptoms. You do have to find the "right" therapist though. Someone you feel you can connect with and talk too. A good therapist will give you advice on things you can do at home to calm your symptoms, natural remedies to try, etc. They also help if you have no one else you can really talk to about these things. I'm hoping to go back to therapy soon, because I know it helped me so much more than A/D's did. I know it can be difficult for people, especially so if you are inflicted by BPD, but anything that can help you at this point is worth a try. You may also want to look into alternative treatments? Just google "BPD alternative treatments". You may be surprised on what you come up with. I also suggest reading reviews on these treatments as well as studies that show there success rate. I don't know if any of this is something you would be interested in or not, I'm just throwing some ideas out there. I am no doctor and I'm not suggesting you stop taking your meds of course. I just hope that you have a doctor who will listen to your concerns and try to find the best possible treatment approach for you. I am wishing you the best of luck, and I truly hope I didn't offend you by this! (hugs) ^_^ <3

 

Lindoria - Lindoria is your name, correct? I just wanted to make sure because we talk frequently and I didn't want to keep calling you that if it was just a username. If your name is Lindoria, that is a really beautiful name. I seriously love it. Is there any specific meaning behind it?

 

& Yes, I actually had no idea that I came off as "bubbly and friendly"? :eh: I do tend to open up more online, to strangers, because I don't have many friends thanks to my agoraphobia. Idk, it's just like when I go out in public I feel like people are judging me, immediatley noticing all of my flaws & then I'm afraid I'm coming off as stupid or crazy because people can see that I'm anxious... I know that probably doesn't make since to people. But yeah, it can be really frustrating. :sad02: I'm really deeply sorry to hear of your childhood abuse. I hope that (if you haven't already) will find peace in your situation and learn to grow from it. :wub_anim: (Lots of hugs to you!!!)

 

& You're right. I am hoping one day I will finally get the treatment I need and that I will be okay. I don't want to get worse. I know I need to take pro-active steps in the right direction, but sometimes it's just so hard. I need the will-power and the self-dedication and the courage. But those are all the things I am lacking and need to work on. I have dreams I want to fufill and I just don't want this anxiety to keep me from them my whole life, ya know?

 

Ugh, I am sorry. I think I've been here writing for like 30 minutes now. If you've made it this far without falling asleep on my little rant, thank you. ^_^ I want nothing but peace and happiness for all of you. You all deserve it. <3 So glad I found this wonderful little community.

[karmacow]

Is fibromyalgia a recognised illness now? I remember that it wasn't for a long time and not all doctors believed that it was its own disease. I feel so bad for you, because you have to endure this. It's especially bad when you have to deal with both physical and emotional pain.

---

I think I've been pretty lucky in terms of family compared to some of you. My relationship with my parents was not great, to say the least, before I moved out. But things have mellowed out a lot since then. They still don't really get what's the matter with me, and I don't really want to talk to them about it. In part because it's hard for me to explain, but also because I think it makes them feel like they've failed me. I'd almost rather have them think that I'm just difficult and maladjusted (though I play it straight when we're together, mostly). And while I know that it would probably be a good idea to talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist, I am very hesitant to do that. I hate talking to those types. It's hard for me to open up. Though it's easier here :D

About the medication. I've just transferred to a new doctor and he had not yet received my journal when I talked to him. I have another appointment next week and he should have gotten it by then. He didn't want to make any changes before he had read my journal. I do have the right to say "no, I want off the meds completely", but he's the doctor and he's got the expertise. So I feel like I have to listen.

[SidtheSnail]

Wow, I think this is a really intense topic. but okay, here goes.

 

My names Sid, I'm 20 years old, 270lbs and have tried killing myself 14 times since I was 14. Openly gay (but never once been bullied about it, or cared if someone said anything), both me and my brother have been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and I am colour blind.

 

My real name is Cassidy, and I've been bullied my entire life "oh thats a girls name, you're not a girl, blahblahblah".

 

My dad buggered off when I was 5, then randomly showed up in my life exam week of grade 10. From what my mum told me, he was a loser. I said what the hell might as well give him a chance. He lives 2 provinces over. Whenever he came to visit, it was always about my sister and her kids. He would come pick me up, bring me over there, and tell me to babysit while they go do stuff like the casino, or drinks or something. Because I was underage I was always left out. Basically it got to the point where the relationship made me feel like total garbage that I had to cut him out of my life. So, to make myself feel better, I took a picture of him that I had in a drawer and burnt the face out of it, threw it to the ground and slid around on it on concrete to mess it up.

I know that my relationship has given me trust and abandonment issues, and I'm trying to deal with them. But sometime I feel like I don't connect with anyone. I love my boyfriend to death. But I honestly ask myself whats the point sometimes. eventually someone is going to die, or leave, and I'm going to be left alone. I hate that this is what he's left me with, and I hate that I can't just turn it off.

 

I still get moments where I feel like there isn't a point to living, but it's something I have to work on.

[~Xandria]

Karmacow - Yes, it actually is now recognized although very controversial. Which makes it even more hard to relate to people. I was diagnosed by a Rheumotologist because of my symptoms of wide spread pain, major depressive disorder, anxiety, lack of sleep, fatigue, and pressure point test. Fibromyalgia can mimic a lot of other conditions, so it can be difficult to diagnose unless you have the expertise. (Some docs refuse to believe it's real). Apparently 75-90% of people diagnosed with the disease are women, especially white women. (I have no clue why, just random statistics I've found from research). But, I fit the criteria. I am excited that there are new treatment options underway for this disease. More and more scientists are studying it and trying to find a way to better deal with the symptoms. The current anti-depressant/beta-blocker/muscle relaxers aren't all that efficient. So, I'm excited to see what researchers come up with.

 

& Yeah, I understand your hesitation with seeing a therapist. I was the same way through-out my entire childhood. Until I finally gave in because I had no one to talk too, no one to point me in the right direction, my thoughts were completely ruining my life. After about 3 sessions I was feeling a bit more confident, more hopeful. I just really hope that I can afford to go and get help soon.

 

Sid - I will admit I have also thought about suicide, but I've never attempted it. I feel so terrible that you are in so much pain to consider death as being the only way out. From what I've read about aspergers is that it makes you unable to read facial expression or understand others emotions? Is this true for you as well? It sounds like it might be. I don't know of the treatments available to people with this disease but I really hope you decide to make a step in the right direction and seek out any options you might have available. I'm glad that you have your boyfriend to lean on during these times. Honeslty, (without being too pushy, I hope) I'd like to urge you to seek medical help or therapy. Attempting suicide that many times is very scary to me. If you feel you have nothing to live for then you need some kind of outlet until you get better. Someone to point you in the right direction and help you confront your past and then move on. These things are possible with talk-therapy as well as other methods of therapy such as Cognitive behavorial therapy which has proven beneficial for people who suffer from this illness. Please do feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk if you don't have anyone else to talk to. or just pop in and message here. Please keep us posted. You are in my thoughts. <3 Btw - thank you for having the courage to share that with us. I cannot even imagine how difficult it would be to come out and talk about it. But it's a step in the right direction. I hope you find the help you deserve.

[SidtheSnail]

Qullaso - I haven't actually thought about suicide in almost a year, I think slowly but surely I am working through my issues.

 

Because of my Aspergers I do have issues reading peoples social cues, and it frequently does put me in awkward positions, but I've learned to kind of laugh it off and make a mental note of how someone reacts to what situation. Usually it turns into a joke taken too far, or a joke being misinterpreted.

I used to see someone, but unfortunately he was through my highschool and I graduated, so his services were no longer available to me. We still meet up for coffee every once and a while though. After I graduated, I never really set out to find someone new.

 

Thanks for the offer for someone to talk to, I will for sure keep that in mind, and the same invitation for yourself. If ever anything is on your mind, feel free to unload in my direction.

 

<3

[karmacow]

@Sid I agree with Qullaso about seeing a therapist. Maybe hypocritical of me since I'm not willing to do the same, but it sounds like you could really benefit from it when you say why bother with life. I hope that whatever you choose to do, you can get so far that you feel okay with yourself and your situation.

I suck at advice :P But I mean well and I sympathise with you. And this goes of the rest of you as well :)

[paperdoll66]

Last year, I was diagnosed with chronic pernicious anemia. A few months ago, my doctor lost months of blood tests. Even though people with chronic pernicious anemia often will have normal blood tests, he decided I was fine this whole time on the basis of the three tests he still had. I still have a variety of symptoms, and he still has me taking a random combination of prescription medications to reduce symptoms. For some reason, I don't need to take vitamin supplements, but I still need an antidepressant, something for motion sickness, and something else for the neuropathic pain. I thought I might not be having to take any of those medications after a few more months of normal vitamin levels. I don't go back to the doctor until the end of next month, but I'm already miserable. I look like I haven't slept in months, and I wake up everyday feeling like my skin is crawling. I'm exhausted, and I literally can't feel much of anything below my knees as I type this. There are tons of other symptoms that pretty much annoy me all day. I've been seriously considering calling him in the middle of the night the next time I wake up trembling badly so that I can go to the hospital and maybe get some real help.

 

Qullaso: Ugh, healthcare in America. Right now, I'm able to be covered under a family member's plan. If Obamacare's repealed, I'm going to have to take out additional student loans or get a second job just to pay for my medical care.

 

Could I recommend a 12-step program? I know that a lot of people criticize the structure, rules, and religious aspects, but they can be really helpful in providing a support structure. My father was very involved with Alcoholics Anonymous when I was growing up. We never could have afforded rehab or any sort of professional help. They helped my dad find jobs, stayed with him when he was undergoing cancer treatments and helped clean the house, and pretty much kept us from starving. I understand that attending meetings might be very intimidating, but they will send someone to meet with you individually or in a very small group. Someone came to our house when he was undergoing cancer treatments, and they tried to send someone when they realized he left the organization because of mental health issues. If you attend Pills Anonymous, they should be very accommodating in allowing you to chose a sponsor that you feel comfortable with and understands your situation. Even though I only know you from here, I've gotten the impression that you're very kind and sympathetic, so I think you'd really thrive in one of these programs.

 

Rebecca: I hate when people tease their friends that don't drink. I just stopped spending much time with a friend, because she would do stuff like that. She was one of the few friends that I've had since before college that knew about both my dad and my health issues. It wasn't until my best friend called fuming over a comment she had made on facebook that I realized that I had a good reason for feeling hurt when she would tease me about not drinking. I live in one of those areas that are pretty much just bars and churches, so I'm always the weird one drinking water.

 

Karmacow: Good luck with your appointment next week. There are a lot of different types of therapy. When I saw a therapist a few years ago, I really didn't like the first person I was recommended to. They had no problem recommending another therapist after I told them that I didn't feel very comfortable. When I started seeing the second therapist, I felt more comfortable, but therapy still kind of stressed me out. Apparently, I was just very picky about what approaches I liked. The second therapist was insanely well-trained, and she tried a few different approaches until something worked. If you have the opportunity, seeing someone that specializes in BPD might help. I know someone with BPD that had a terrible time finding a therapist that worked until they saw a specialist.

 

Sid: I'm sure people have told you this before, but it's true so I'm going to say it anyway. An actual parent would want to see you, instead of just using you as a therapist. It sounds like your father wanted to still spend his time gambling and drinking but still feel good about himself because he was "visiting" with his kids. Your dad isn't involved in your life because he stinks and sounds toxic. Just because he began to realize what a mistake he made abandoning his children, he doesn't deserve forgiveness if he doesn't change his behavior. I can really relate to how much it hurts to be abandoned by a family member, especially when you're struggling to fit in with your peers.

 

Also, even though my relationship with my mother is now pretty good, I still took a golf club to her sewing machine a few years after she left.

[Rebecca~]

@Karmacow

I’m so sorry about how your medication makes you feel. I really hope that your new therapist will be able to help you out, and give you some options for different types of treatment. Just feeling ‘meh’ all the time blows. :(

 

@Dani

Oh my god, sweetie, I can’t believe you had to deal with that when you were young. You are such a sweetheart! I hope that you’ve been able to extract yourself from your grandmother completely- it can be hard to do with family, but it’s hard to move on from abuse when you still have to deal with the people that caused it!

-hugs- And thank you! You’re so sweet. <3 People can be really cruel sometimes. :( Luckily, I haven’t seen any of the people that have acted abusively towards me (aside from my father) in years, so at least they’re out of my life! And my dad isn’t nearly as bad now that his drinking has been cut down to almost nothing, so at least none of his crap is ongoing still. :3

 

@Xandria

-hugs- I’m so glad that you’re doing better now that you’ve moved out! Moving creates such a lovely clean start, and it’s so nice to be away from any toxic people that were in the house. And my god, your parents sound SO TOXIC. D:

I’m so glad your boyfriend is lovely and understanding-you really deserve someone who is! You are a beautiful person- definitely bubbly, and so sweet!

Ugh, I’m sorry you can’t afford to go to the therapist anymore. :( Are there any available on a sliding scale that are more within your price range?

 

I don’t think that Asperger’s is anything to be ashamed of! Assuming that I do have it (and not some unrelated, very similar thing) it has been an aspect of me forever, and has shaped me into the person I am. I am far from the societal ideal, but I have friends that love (mocking :P) me, and my girlfriend, and none of them would be in my life if I was someone else. :3

I could go to a psychiatrist and have it be covered under MSP, but I would have to get a referral from a doctor first. And I donno. Going to see a psychiatrist/therapist was a threat for a number of years, and I just feel... uncomfortable going to one, even though I’m sure they would help a huge amount. When I was 13/14 I was a cutter (I felt depressed, but again, no diagnoses), and when my mum found out, she told me that unless I stopped, I would be sent to a therapist. Most reasonable parents would just, you know, have sent their kids to see someone when they found out they were self-harming. But not mine!

This was happening at the same time as my brother was doing really badly- he wasn’t going to class at all (he would drop out a year or so later), and it was obvious that he wasn’t okay- so I think she was kind of feeling like she would be judged as a terrible mum because both of her kids were screw ups?

So, I could go get diagnosed, but I think it would be really stressful just GOING (assuming that I could get a referral from my doctor), and I don’t know if it would help enough to be worth the anxiety it would cause?

I would so sponser you to come up here. Our health care system has some serious flaws, but compared it the travesty that is the U.S.’s system? Urgh.

 

I feel so fortunate to have met you as well. You are just so lovely, and your posts usually make me smile! You are so brave- I really hope you’re able to get the treatment you need, sweetie.

 

@Sid

Wow, your father is a douchebag. I’m sorry you had to deal with him- no one should be treated like that by their parents. I am really glad you’re no longer suicidal- and I will echo the others- I am always willing to be a listening ear if you need one!

 

@PaperDoll66

Oh my god. I’m sorry about everything. I was diagnosed with a mild iron-deficiency anemia earlier this year- luckily it’s being treated with just iron supplements, and I should be fine given a bit of time. But while I was waiting for it to be diagnosed, and for the treatment to start kicking in, I felt so terrible- I was always exhausted- taking a shower was like running a marathon. But I only had to deal with that for a month or so. I can only imagine how terrible this is for you. I really hope you’re able to get some actual help soon!

And thank you! It is hard being the only one in a group that isn’t drinking, but it really shouldn’t be something that gets mocked. :/

[~Xandria]

Paperdoll: I'm really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. My uncle has chronic pernicious anemia, so I do know a bit about it. My uncle would be given a monthly injection of B-12, which helped him function a lot better. I'm kind of shocked that your doctor hasn't mentioned this to you. Considering that the disease impairs absorption of b-12 this is usually the first way to go about treating it. I can relate to you so well on the neurological pain, I deal with it myself everyday because of my fibromyalgia. I don't have any vitamin deficiency but I still talk vitamin b-12 daily because I find it helps my nerves and joints over the long term. It really doesn't make since that he has you on an anti-depressant. It sounds like your doctor is more concerned with controlling your symptoms than he is with preventing them. A good doctor, imo, should be doing both. Do you experience shortness of breath, dizziness, and pale skin? I know not everyone who has this does, but if you are then you should seek treatment asap. I may have misunderstood you though. Does your doctor not think you have this condition so he is just assuming you are depressed? I'm just a tad confused. I don't know how many symptoms of this that you are having, but it may be worth it to get a second opinion. If only for the peace of mind. Here is a link to a website that has all the listed symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment options. - http://www.medicinenet.com/pernicious_anemia/page4.htm

 

I hope you feel better. Please keep us posted. :wub_anim:

 

Oh, and I agree with you! If Obama isn't re-elected it's off to Canada for me, eh. :P

 

Also, thank you for recommending that to me. I might end up giving it a shot. My therapist (when I was going) told me the same thing. I am very intimidated by the idea of it though. I mean, I'm not religious in the "normal sense" and I know a lot of these programs are religious based, especially in TX. I have nothing against other people's religion... it just something I would rather leave out of my treatment options as I feel it would be hypocritical of me. Idk though, maybe I'm being too stubborn. :P

 

Rebecca: You're right it has always been a very toxic environment and I'm so glad I'm not a part of it anymore! I try and count my blessings though. I don't have any family to speak of. I mean, the family members I did have have either passed away or moved away. I think a change of scenery would do me some good. I can't wait until I've moved away from TX. I've been living here far too long and it's just not where my heart is anymore. I want to move somewheren near the ocean, so I can further my studies in marine biology. ^_^ Ugh, I just really do hate this city.

 

May I ask what flaws you are referring to in Canada's healthcare? I know that's a bit off-topic but I really don't know too much about it, other than it's universal... I've watch Michael moores documentary about it and it was really eye opening. People from Canada were afraid to travel here in fear of getting hurt and having to use america's healthcare system. Obama has made some considerable changes like getting rid of the pre-exsisting condition loop-hole, making it to where people can be on there parents insurance until they are 26, making people elligible for medicaid if they make under 14,000 a year, etc. That doesn't go into effect until 2013, otherwise I'd be insured right now. If Romney gets into office, all of that goes out the window. Medicare will become a voucher system and people will go out and buy there own insurance. Problem with that is, insurance companies here are greedy and corrupt. They will do anything to save a dime and not give you the treatment you need, and deny you based on "pre-exsisting conditions". It's terrible.

 

Thank you for the kind words. <3

[Zephyr]

I have a friend in Norway who has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and has been fighting for financial assistance for the past 5-6 years. First it's proving that CFS is an illness, then getting her government to recognize it and that it affects her daily life. That took quite a few years. We all thought it was a victory but her case was just... put on hold and they told her she had to get more tests done. During this time she had to move back to her parents', her boyfriend broke up with her, she had to rely on her family for some of her expenses.

 

She persisted and finally she's receiving some financial aid for her medication. It's an ongoing tug of war for her rental expenses but she's working on it.

She has started visiting some of her friends again and just attended a concert. All I want to say is, cliche it may be, it gets better :)

 

I feel ya Rebecca on that drinking issue. My girlfriend is staying away from alcohol and I'm doing the same to keep her company. But the social pressure, especially during functions and gathering, is tiring. Some of our friends are supportive and switch to non-alcoholic beverages when we're around. But there are also some who like to cajole & tease. But frankly that is getting old and nowadays we work on laughing it off :)

[karmacow]

I'm surprised that this "alcohol drinking tyranny" is so wide spread. Unless those of you who are experiencing this are just particularly unlucky. It seems so fundamental to me that you don't push another person to drink (or do drugs), at least after the novelty of drinking has worn off, which should happen once you're out of your teens. Like drinking is just something you do in a social setting or else you're weird.

[~Xandria]

I'm surprised that this "alcohol drinking tyranny" is so wide spread. Unless those of you who are experiencing this are just particularly unlucky. It seems so fundamental to me that you don't push another person to drink (or do drugs), at least after the novelty of drinking has worn off, which should happen once you're out of your teens. Like drinking is just something you do in a social setting or else you're weird.

 

You are so right. I'd like to argue that they are the weird ones and/or addicts. My mom, for instance, cannot leave the house without a drink. She literally can't do anything without one. Go to the store, the movies, the lake, pool, party... I mean, I'm sure there are more examples but I really do mean ANYWHERE. Despite my pill addiction I am unable to drink, because it makes my anxiety so much worse and I get severely depressed afterwards. There was never any novelty for me. Then again, I've never really went to a party to be honest and it's been ages since I've hung out with a friend. (The friends I used to have stopped talking to me because of my agoraphobia.)

 

Which is understandable, I mean I just can't really connect well with people in real life. It takes YEARS. Even in the case of my bf, it took me probably 2 1/2 years before I wasn't nervous around him. Lol. So making friends is quite difficult for me. I'm not into the "party scene" and most people my age are, so that presents an issue.

 

I can relate on the pressure from others to drink, but that was coming from my mom not my peers.

[karmacow]

I have a lot of trouble connecting with other people too. I hardly ever feel like I fit in anywhere, so new friendships is not something I pursue, or feel the need for. I've got my boyfriend and another friend I do stuff with sometimes. I also hate parties, so I only go to those if I feel like I should (big birthdays, anniversaries and such). And when I go, I often drink too much, to deal with everything.

[passiflora]

It has been really interesting to read through this topic. Everyone is so brave to share, and it seems very therapeutic! :)

 

 

I'm pretty lucky - I don't have any known/diagnosed medical or psychological illnesses, and I don't think there's anything present but undiagnosed. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, sad, or anxious when school gets really busy, especially since I'm in a different city away from my family and boyfriend, but I think everybody feels like that sometimes. I have the most wonderful parents in the world, though. I used to feel a lot of pressure from them to do well and succeed and it would really stress me out, but they've been there for all the ups and downs so I don't worry as much anymore. I can't really think of anything noteworthy. I'm just boring, lol. :P

 

Though, it's not helpful that my friends mock me for my lack of drinking. We went to a gig a month or so ago, and I went to the bar and got a cup of tea. The bartender, being polite, asked me if I was the designated driver for the evening while he was getting it. My friends thought this was absolutey hilarious, and they proceeded to make a facebook update announcing it. One of my friends, S, also keeps telling me that when another friend, M, gets engaged, we're going to Las Vegas, and I am so going to have to drink while I'm there, OMG.

Ugh. Just give it up.

I know many others have commented on this already, but I have to agree - this is one of my biggest pet peeves! I drink from time to time, but it really irks me when people stigmatize others for not doing it. It was the same way for me with smoking & other drugs - I've never tried anything besides alcohol, and people bug me about it all the time.

 

Is fibromyalgia a recognised illness now? I remember that it wasn't for a long time and not all doctors believed that it was its own disease. I feel so bad for you, because you have to endure this. It's especially bad when you have to deal with both physical and emotional pain.

It's a recognized syndrome, and it's very unfortunate that people refuse to believe it's real. :( However, I do think it's understandable for doctors to fear things that have a less objective diagnosis. Of course it doesn't mean they should sweep it under the rug, and I hope they make referrals if they're unsure so people can be diagnosed by experts (like in Qullaso's case). :)

 

& Yes, I actually had no idea that I came off as "bubbly and friendly"? :eh:

I'd just like to confirm this! You've always struck me as positive, friendly, and inquisitive. I would never have guessed that you had so much going on - thank you so much for sharing, and I hope things start to look up for you! <3

 

Last year, I was diagnosed with chronic pernicious anemia. A few months ago, my doctor lost months of blood tests. Even though people with chronic pernicious anemia often will have normal blood tests, he decided I was fine this whole time on the basis of the three tests he still had. I still have a variety of symptoms, and he still has me taking a random combination of prescription medications to reduce symptoms. For some reason, I don't need to take vitamin supplements, but I still need an antidepressant, something for motion sickness, and something else for the neuropathic pain. I thought I might not be having to take any of those medications after a few more months of normal vitamin levels. I don't go back to the doctor until the end of next month, but I'm already miserable. I look like I haven't slept in months, and I wake up everyday feeling like my skin is crawling. I'm exhausted, and I literally can't feel much of anything below my knees as I type this. There are tons of other symptoms that pretty much annoy me all day. I've been seriously considering calling him in the middle of the night the next time I wake up trembling badly so that I can go to the hospital and maybe get some real help.

I'm truly shocked by this! One would think that the main treatment for pernicious anemia would be a B12 supplement - treat the cause, not the symptoms!. Oral or sublingual B12 tablets are relatively cheap and you don't need a prescription for them (they're commonly used by vegans, older adults, etc.). However, it would definitely be worthwhile to talk to your doctor about it some more or seek a second opinion. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that! :(

[paperdoll66]

When I first saw him, I pretty much had no B12 in my system at all, which was causing me to have some pretty nasty mood swings. I was pretty much acting like an entirely different person. I was originally taking four oral supplements a day. Most of the injections that are on sale are a lot less B12 than I was taking before. I was wanting to switch to injections, because it was really inconvenient to be taking that many pills and they would make me pretty nauseous. I have pretty much every symptom on every checklist. I even have a lot of the scarier ones like vision problems, numbness of limbs, confusion, and temporary amnesia. Part of me is kind of paranoid that his change of opinion has something to do with the loss of my records. I tried asking for a referral to see another doctor, but he ignored me and said to come back in a few months to see how things are. One month we were talking about getting an MRI, and the next I was fine. I need the referral to be able to see someone else, if I want to be able to use my insurance.

 

Rebecca, I wrote half of this while psyching myself up for the hard work of taking a shower. After I took a shower, I finished writing it while lazily picking out a nice outfit.

 

Qullsao: My dad didn't start going until he decided to support a friend whose attendance was court ordered, because he was worried about the religious elements. He was a soft atheist, which was pretty important to him. The Anonymous programs aren't really supposed to go into specific deities or anything like that. It's supposed to just be vague Higher Power stuff. At the AA meetings, everybody would mostly just turn into really enthusiastic hippies for a couple minutes. They made an exception for one guy, because he was very very old (it was around 2005 and he was old enough to have fought in WWI) and everybody liked him. We weren't in Texas, though, so I can see things being a little different there.

 

I think part of the drinking thing has a little to do with where you live and how much of a drinking culture there is. Here, it's completely normal to go out for drinks after work. Until after the election, my coworkers and the people working for the Republicans have pretty much taken over the nearest bar to the point that half my job is listening to annoyed bikers wanting their bar back. If you want to go somewhere after around 10, there aren't really any options except the bars. Then, I think some people think that the people that don't drink are judging them for drinking, so they get defensive even though they aren't.

[Rebecca~]

Xandria:

I hope you’re able to move to a place more suited to you soon, sweetie! :3 Is there any place you have in mind?

 

Canada’s health care flaws are pretty minor in the long run. The biggest one that I can think of is how long the wait lists for anything are. For some surgeries, you have to wait for a year to get them done -- non-life threatening ones, but still! It can be pretty hard to live for that year when you’re waiting for a hip replacement or something. :( ER wait times for non-life threatening things are also absurdly long most of the time. This was about ten years ago, but my brother had to wait about twelve hours to get his nose set after breaking it. But, my parents didn’t have to pay a thing. (The surgery waitlists is a problem Canada wide. Basically everything else is just complaints about MSP- the medical service plan. The plan I am knowledgeable about only applies to BC- my province. So this might vary from province to province, but I imagine that most of the stipulations are pretty similar) Also, as I kind of mentioned above, only medical practitioners are covered under MSP. So I could get a referral from my doctor to go see a psychiatrist, but I would have to pay out of pocket to see a therapist. Things like chiropractors and physiotherapy aren’t covered, nor are dentists or optometrists (unless the eye exam is “medically necessary”. Same goes for dentists- if you have impacted wisdom teeth, it’s not covered UNLESS you have to be hospitalised to have them removed. Cleanings are never covered). Prescription drugs, preventative tests, any medical exam required by your employer, school, to get a drivers licence, etc...

Like I said, pretty minor. And I will take what I can get! What we have is amazing compared to the US – I bet that my niece would be dead if we lived down there, so I am extremely grateful. It’s just frustrating seeing all the things that, in an ideal world, should be covered by universal health care, but aren’t. I’m trying to figure out where I can squeeze $200~ from my budget to go to the dentist- I’m about seven months over due for a cleaning already. :/

The USs system is just so ridiculous and corrupt. It boggles my mind that people think that CORPORATIONS have your best interests at heart. Bull! They have their bottom line at heart, and if letting some people die will get them bigger bonuses at the end of the year, that’s what they’ll do! Ugh. Thank god that Obama will probably win (all the predictions I’ve seen recently have him in the lead, so yay!), otherwise I may be opening up my little home to a couple of liberal Americans, lol.

(ahhaa, actual funny-sad true story: The Canadian Border Patrol is keeping a watchful eye and increasing security because they expect there will be an influx of American immigrants after the election.)

 

Zephyr:

I hope your girlfriend is doing well! It can be really hard to avoid booze when it’s ALWAYS around (and I expect it’ll just get harder as we get closer to Christmas. Ouch.)

 

Karmacow:

Heh, well, I’m glad you think it’s fundamental! It seems that because everyone drinks (with the few exceptions for former alcoholics and religious people, and they get their own brand of mocking, I’m sure), it’s fair game to tease about it. :/

 

Paperdoll66:

:( I’m so sorry. I don’t know if this is an option or anything, but can you take someone you trust to doctors appointments with you? You can discuss with them beforehand all the things you want to talk to the doctor about—getting a referral to another doctor, treatment that actually deals with the cause of your symptoms, and not just them symptoms themselves, etc. If you doctor just starts ignoring your requests again, your friend/family member/whatever can step in and be like, “She asked for a referral. Why won’t you give one?”

I have a pretty good idea of how tired you feel, and I know that when I was iron deficient I didn’t have the energy to question the doctor or stand up and be forceful to get what I wanted.

[~Xandria]

First off, I would just like to say a big thank you to everyone who has shared there stories. I think sometimes when you are in a lot of pain (physical and/or emotional) it's hard to think about anything else, except the pain you are in. I think this thread has already helped me in realizing that I need to see things from a bigger prospective. I'm currently studying buddhism and there practices. I think it's really helped me a lot as far as being more observant of other people's pain.

 

You guys are all so very brave & your stories are all very unique, I give my sympathy to everyone here who has posted or will post. Thank you to everyone here has offered there support to me and others. It's made me feel a lot less alone.

 

If you would like to message me because you just need someone to talk to, please don't hesistate. I'm a good listener and can provide advice if needed. ^_^

 

 

Passiflora - I'm very sorry to hear that you are seperated from your family and boyfriend right now. I honestly don't know what I'd do if my bf wasn't around. To be completely honest, I'm a bit on the clingy side (because I don't have friends or family). I'm assuming this isn't the case with you, but I know it can still be rough. I hope you are able to keep in touch fairly well and that your college isn't too far away from them so you can still visit often.

 

You are very right about Fibro. It's hard to diagnose, can easily be misdiagnosed, and there are currently no blood tests to prove it's exsistence. My doctor gave me a diagnosis based on how long I've been experiencing the pain, which is about 4 years now. In addition to that, pain above and below the waist, cervical spine pain, lower back pain, and anterior chest pain must be present. I was also given a pressure point test in which pain must be present in at least 11 out of 18 tender points. My depression, anxiety, fatigue, numbness and tingling in my arms, insomnia, and photophobia were huge indicators.

 

It's a shame I only got to see that doctor twice. Right now I simply cannot afford the medications that will make me feel better and that has put me in a huge slump. If I were to get health-insurance through my job, my bf and I wouldn't be able to keep our apartment. We are barely scraping by as it is. I just keep hoping for a miracle and that I find a better job. I'm only able to work part-time because of college. Luckily my boyfriend is working full-time.

 

Paperdoll - Wow. I cannot believe the nerve of your doctor! May I ask why you need a referral to see another doctor? It seems to me that if you wanted to see another doctor then you should be able too. Please excuse my ignorance though, as I've never had healthcare aside from medicaid before. You experiencing all of those symptoms worries me though. I think your doctor should be more concerned with pin-pointing your condition and not just treating your symptoms. (Which it sounds like aren't being properly controlled anyways) Gosh, I really do feel for you hun. :sad02: I really hope you are able to find a better doctor.

 

May I ask if your current doctor has preformed a complete blood count (CBC) on you yet? Also, how frequently are your B-12 levels being checked? If you're interested here is a website which lists all of the diagnostic tests: http://www.thirdage....nemia-diagnosis

 

I really do feel for you. Please keep us updated on your progress. I'll be thinking of you. :wub_anim:

 

Rebecca - Thank you honey. I really do hope so too. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about the future. It keeps me going. I just try to keep believing that things will get better and that I will realize my dream. (I want to work with marine animals, it's my passion). I'm just terrified of all these set-backs I've suffered. The depression/pain makes me lose concentration which makes it really hard for me to study at times. Sometimes I'll get so depressed I lose sight of my dream and think what's the point? I'm not smart enough or "normal" enough for a job like this. It's a constant battle in my mind between negative and positive thoughts. I'm slowly trying to teach myself CBT techniques through a book I've been reading. I do a lot of reading. :P Oh, and I want to move to California, because they have a top-rated, hands on school that specializes in marine biology. I also want to live in a blue-state. I'm tired of all the back-wards racist, sexist, homophobiac people here. ;) I also have dreams to travel to Australia and France and Canada too, as I heard you can see the northern lights from there? That must be beautiful.

 

Oh, and in regards to your comment about Canada's healthcare, you'd be surprised to know that the wait times here for the ER are not much better. Wait times for surgeries are probably shorter. That is actually the Republicans main debate against universal care. Hilary Clinton tried to fight for universal healthcare, but all the republicans in congress made sure that didn't happen. "Wouldn't want anyone to save a little money, that means less money for us!"

 

I live in a big city however, so I'm sure there are better wait times for the ER in smaller ones. I've had to wait up to twelve hours before when I had my ear-drum rupture. & Since then I keep getting threatning phone calls from the hopsital saying if I don't pay up they are going to sue. I'm a broke college kid! Like there's really any money you can take from me?

 

It's just terrible how corrupt it is in regards to the healthcare here. I'm not going to be able to have proper medical care until after I've completed college and have a nice job with good benefits. Even then, it's not guaranteed that I'll have very good care. I'm just so mad that all these other countries can supply healthcare to there residents, but we can't?! There are currently 36 countries who rank better in healthcare than us. Including Israel and Saudia Arabia! ;) This is based on patient satisfaction, doctor satisfaction, success rates in treating cancer and other fatal diseases, survival rates, preventitive care, among other things. Canada ranks 30 on the scale, I didn't actually know that. France is ranked at number 1, close seconds are Italy, Spain, and the UK. So I might just consider moving over there to save more money in the long run. It would be terrible if my boyfriend or I were to come down with some life threatning disease here. We wouldn't know what to do! & We would be in debt the rest of our lives. One of my aunts is a cancer survivor. She couldn't afford the care, so ended up in a cheap low-grade cancer clinic. She went completely bankrupt, lost her house and job and now has over 70,000$ in debt. It's insane.

 

Random question, but do you have family here in the US? The only reason I ask is because I didn't really think people from other countries really cared to know about our presidents, policies, etc. I hate to admit that I really don't know much about Canada in regards to there political/legal system. :*

 

Sorry, I know that last part was a bit off topic.

 

@EVERYONE. No matter how small, always remember to have that little voice in the back of your head telling you things will get better, because they will. I hope that today we can all take a minute or two out of the day to think about something positive in our lives. No matter how small.

 

^_^

[Rebecca~]

^_^

(I cut it short since it was a long post! x3)

 

 

Awww, that all sounds lovely! And pish, I say! You are awesome enough to achieve any dream you set your mind to. :D And I totally feel you on wanting to move to a more liberal area- the city I used to live in always voted for the Conservatives, and I’ve moved to a wonderful area that has voted for the NDP (our socialist party) for as long as there has been a candidate in the riding, if I remember right. It will be so nice seeing orange flags everywhere come election time!

Canada is really beautiful! But if you want to see the Northern Lights you’ll have to go pretty north, haha. I’ve never seen them myself, though I’d love to one day!

 

Ugh, sweetie, I’m so sorry you have to deal with those jerks. D: And wow, I didn’t know the wait times for the ER were just as bad- I suppose I should have expected that, haha.

 

Yeah... from what I’ve read the US is the only industrialised country that doesn’t have universal health care in one form or another. It’s just ridiculous what you guys have to deal with.

I am so sorry about your aunt! One of mine is a cancer survivor as well- hissi cancer twice, and rectal cancer once – all in the last three or four years. :/ I can’t even imagine how she would have been able to get through the past couple years if she had to worry about the debt she would be left with if she survived as well.

To me, this treatment of the ill and injured should be criminal. They’re charging huge amounts of money to people so they DON’T DIE.

I hope your aunt is fully in remission now though, and that she can focus on getting her life back together.

 

Well, I am certainly crossing my fingers that you and your boyfriend stay in good health. Moving to a country with a better health care system would definitely be nice, but I don’t know how difficult it would be to get a visa (and would a visa allow you to partake in their health care? I guess if you’re paying taxes... I don’t know!)

Ugh. This makes me feel so lucky. I’m in a line of work where I can pretty much expect to never get benefits. A lot of bigger companies will pay the cost of MSP (It’s usually pretty low- 40$ a person per month, I think, and the cost gets waved if you’re low income), for dentist visits, chiropractor, etc, but I expect that I’ll be working for smaller businesses for most of my life, so benefits are likely never going to happen for me. And I don’t have to worry about this.

(Hah, kind of a funny story? While I was living at home, my MSP payments were covered by my dad’s company, since I was listed as a dependant. When he quit, they obviously weren’t paying for me anymore. I called up MSP and was “OMG am I covered? I’ve been to the doctor! Will I get a giant bill? AM I COVERED?!” and the guy on the phone was just like, “.... Uh, yeah, of course you are. Calm down, we will start billing you in a couple months, when we get caught up on the paper work. Don’t worry about it until then.” He responded to me like, why are you asking this? This is CANADA, of course your medical needs are covered! I was reflecting on it later, and realised that I had been reading a lot of American blogs talking about horror stories from insurance companies and stuff, and I got all freaked out.

I am SO LUCKY. Ilycanada.)

 

Heh, nope, no family down south! I just like to keep informed, since so much of what the US does impacts Canada and the world as a whole. I read a bunch of blogs from people living in the US, so I get a pretty good overview of what’s going on.

(And just between us, Canada’s political system isn’t very interesting. Shhhh, my social studies teachers would kill me! :P

Though, I’ve got to say, I’m pretty glad that it’s ‘boring’. Harper (our Prime Minister) tried to have another vote on gay marriage, and it had more votes in favour of it than it did the first time around. One Conservative member of parliament tried to do some back-handed anti-choice thing by trying to get a vote on when life began in uteri, but he was shot down, and no decision was made. The very idea of birth control being made illegal is just ridiculous, which I am VERY thankful for. I can’t even imagine Harper’s religion being mentioned in ad campaigns, whereas in the US, a HUGE deal is made about making sure that they are Proper Christians, and all that.)

 

[i AM SO SORRY ABOUT HOW OFF TOPIC ALL THIS IS. BUT ILYGUYS. :D? You’re all awesome and amazing, and I feel really lucky to have known you all. <3]

[April]

Looks like I'm going to start off being back by talking about my disorders. But I like this thread, I do. I never tell people online what I deal with in my every day life, but it's been on my mind today so this is a perfect thread for me.

 

Major Depressive Disorder:I was diagnosed with this when I was 14. It's been with me ever since. For the most part, I learn to deal. But lately things have been rough. I think some of that may have to do with my having started University and getting out into the world.

 

Anxiety: I deal with a lot of this, and while it's clear I have anxiety, my doctor believes it to be linked in with my depression and my other disorders. I have problems with every day things. I had an anxiety attack about going to the grocery store today.

 

Aspergers: This is one I've never told anyone, aside from one friend, that I have. When my parents found out when I was younger, they actually began ignoring me. They didn't know how to deal with it. They even sent me to live elsewhere for a couple years. My mum can't handle it, even now. She tells me to 'get over it' when I struggle socially, or with anxiety or doing new things. Or when I just don't want to be around people. It's physically exhausting for me. I struggle socially, and often people take what I say the wrong way. I have a hard time understanding anything but a literal meaning behind words and I've never spoken about how it affects me before, and so while it affects me in a lot of ways, this is all I'm comfortable saying.

 

I'm actually thinking that I've said enough, and anyone in here that posted and was honest, good for you! This was very hard for me and I barely went into detail and left out a couple disorders.

 

You're all wonderful. <3

[~Xandria]

April - I'm very sorry to hear of your struggles with depression and anxiety. You sound just like me, tbh. May I ask if you are currently seeking treatmeant for it? I'm not able to do treatmeant at the moment because of my financial situation, but I hope I am in the future. I've been on countless anti-depressants when I was covered by medicaid. None of them worked, most had terrible side effects. The doctors insisted it would work, give it time, blah blah blah. So I started researching and found a lot of alternative treatmeant options with higher success rates than anti-depressants. I don't really think you are ever "cured from depression/anxiety" but there are a lot of things we can do in our daily lives to help manage it. I also recently started college after being isolated for years. I dropped out as a sophmore and during that time up until a few months ago, I was always at home. My social anxiety is through the roof. I also get panic attacks at grocery stores. The brights lights and people, all the loud noises, it's just too much for my brain to handle I guess.

 

Anyways, I guess I just wanted to let you know that there is hope. There are things you can do to treat your condition. If you find that the normal treatmeant options (therapy, medication) aren't working for you, there are a multitude of other things you can try. I've heard countless success stories of people feeling better through meditation, proper diet, exercise, acupuncture, CBT, EMT (light wave therapy), and there are many more. Never stop trying to get better. I promise, it'll all be worth it in the end.

 

In regards to aspergers, I don't personally suffer from it but I'm sure Rebecca will shed some light on this. I do have some similiar symptoms of it, like the social anxiety. Most of my other symptoms are neurological in nature though. My mother (nor anyone else in my family for that matter) understands my illness. My mom is the worst one of all. When I was 13 I started experiencing severe panic attacks for the first time. I didn't know what they were so I was obviously afraid I was going to die. (I can control them better now) She told me to stop seeking attention and that I was grounded! Anytime I had a panic attack after that my mom would roll her eyes and say "not this again" and walk away. I felt so alone and scared. I'm glad those days are over and I now have my bf who recognizes that my illness is real and that I can't control it.

 

There are so many misconceptions about mental illness it is unreal. I don't think the world places a big enough empthasis on it, imo. I believe that 1/4ths of the population has some kind of mental illness. This is a pretty wide-spread issue. You'd think we'd have a national mental health awareness day or maybe even month? This is why people don't understand it. The public doesn't see it as neccasary to educate these people. It's a shame really.

 

All my hugs and love to you my friend. <3 I hope you start feeling better and learn some good coping methods for your anxiety. Message me if you'd like to chat further and thank you for posting. :wub_anim:

[karmacow]

Thanks for sharing, April :) I hadn't told anyone online about what I've shared in this thread before either. And very few people in real life. I wasn't sure about posting here at first, but I decided that it would be okay here, because the people here are great. It felt good to finally tell people.