Cheating

[Bubbleline]

Wow, lilshadowdweller, that's a horrible situation to be in. My friend's father cheated on her mother before and it was hard for them to make up, but they worked it out eventually after a period of turbulence. I understand where you are coming from, but I also don't think you should generalize all cheaters as gutless. Sure, some of them may be like that, perhaps even most of them, but not all. Same thing with people cheating again. Some people may do it, but not all. But anywho, I hope your family can work everything out alright.

[buzzerbumblebee]

lilshadowdweller, same exact thing happened with my dad cheating on my mom about 4-5 years ago. They're still together (probably because of us kids), but because of that, I lost so much hope in a man I once highly looked up to. I hate cheaters, and I fear the thought of that happening to me. I'm 21 and never have been in a relationship because of that. Yeah, I know, I have to get over that fear but it's hard. D:

 

Emotional cheating would definitely be worse for me, because well, relationships build heavily on the mindset of couples. Physical needs are another story.

[arkwright]

I have two slightly contradicting opinions on the subject.

The first is that cheating is a truly horrible thing. I don`t know; I feel weird when my fiancé goes to a party and two days later I see photographs of him dancing with his arms around other girls. Is this cheating? Its a hard thing ... Because for example, I am bisexual and he knows this - when I go to parties on my own, I know he would feel weird to see photos of another guy with his arms around me, yet it seems to be nothing if I were to have my arms around girls even kissing them on the cheek - isn`t that exactly the same, yet thats fine?

I`m not sure how I feel about it, but when in a relationship I like to feel safe and comforted. I don`t want to worry about that kind of thing, I want to be able to enjoy myself without wondering where my other half is and who he is with, and I`m the worst for this. I went to bring him some lunch at work; and found him sitting apart with this very beautiful girl sharing lunch with her; yet she`s just a colleage right? And I do that at my work, so why does it make me feel so bad?

 

It leads me onto my other opinion; what I TRY to feel, despite my natural instinct. What I say my view on the subject is, is that so long as I am someone's #1, surely thats okay? Because in the end even if your partner WAS cheating, the fact that they still came back to you at the end of the day must say something? It might hurt your feelings, but if you were to still be the public girlfriend, the one they`re proud to parade around then this is okay; surely its nothing for a drunken fling somewhere else..?

This is what I try to feel. And if my boyfriend ever was to come home and tell me he`d kissed someone else and that he was truly sorry (maybe not even for doing it just) for hurting my feelings... Then that would be okay?

 

I hope so anyway. Thats my view on cheating.

[candy_pals_134]

I have never dealt with cheating but I would consider it anything from physical contact (kissing) to emotional responses (harder to explain, like talking to someone who isn't your partner in a different way). You know when you are cheating, it feels different than just being around another friend.

[cherryv]

First of all, I strongly apologise for my grammar. English is not my first lenguage!

 

Well, I find this an interestic topic and I'll give my opinion and my story.

First, my story:

I cheated. Once. Why? I can tell you why, but you probably would think is an excuse. Anyway, I had a girlfriend, we've been had dating for three months at that time and she was insanely jelaous. She wouldn't wanted me to go out or to see my friends, she hated both of my best friends and thinked that I was cheating her with them. I had a trip coming soon, and she told me "Don't cheat on me, I will know if you do". So in this trip I went to a birthday party where there was a girl I used to flirt with for around a year ago. I kissed her. I thought "well, my gf will think I cheated, even if I don't, so what's the difference?". I felt terribly sorry after that, so I told my girlfriend and she hated me. A lot.

I was young (I was sixteen, my gf was fourteen) and I thought that I loved my gf, so I beg for her forgiveness and she eventually forgave me. We went on with that relationship for about 9 months, with highs and lows, untill she cheated on me. She did it a lot of times, a lot, and she said that she could do it because I cheated first. We broke up, eventually, but for that time, we hated each other so much...

 

So, what this experience has taught me is that if you cheat, you have to figure out why it is. If you couldn't solve it without cheating, probably your relationship is not worthy enough for you to care and you have to end it, as hard as it sounds.

Now, with twenty years old, I think that cheating is diferent for every couple and every person. Having an open relationship is okey if BOTH agree to have it. If one thinks that kissing someone else drunk is okay, should tell the other person, that might think that is cheating (or not).

 

And personally, I think that fantasizing and having crushes is healthy as long as it doesn't turn into facts (but obviously I'm talking only about platonic things, if you have strong feelings for another person or something like that is a complete different issue).

[Rebecca~]

First of all, I strongly apologise for my grammar. English is not my first lenguage!

 

Well, I find this an interestic topic and I'll give my opinion and my story.

First, my story:

I cheated. Once. Why? I can tell you why, but you probably would think is an excuse. Anyway, I had a girlfriend, we've been had dating for three months at that time and she was insanely jelaous. She wouldn't wanted me to go out or to see my friends, she hated both of my best friends and thinked that I was cheating her with them. I had a trip coming soon, and she told me "Don't cheat on me, I will know if you do". So in this trip I went to a birthday party where there was a girl I used to flirt with for around a year ago. I kissed her. I thought "well, my gf will think I cheated, even if I don't, so what's the difference?". I felt terribly sorry after that, so I told my girlfriend and she hated me. A lot.

I was young (I was sixteen, my gf was fourteen) and I thought that I loved my gf, so I beg for her forgiveness and she eventually forgave me. We went on with that relationship for about 9 months, with highs and lows, untill she cheated on me. She did it a lot of times, a lot, and she said that she could do it because I cheated first. We broke up, eventually, but for that time, we hated each other so much...

 

So, what this experience has taught me is that if you cheat, you have to figure out why it is. If you couldn't solve it without cheating, probably your relationship is not worthy enough for you to care and you have to end it, as hard as it sounds.

Now, with twenty years old, I think that cheating is diferent for every couple and every person. Having an open relationship is okey if BOTH agree to have it. If one thinks that kissing someone else drunk is okay, should tell the other person, that might think that is cheating (or not).

 

And personally, I think that fantasizing and having crushes is healthy as long as it doesn't turn into facts (but obviously I'm talking only about platonic things, if you have strong feelings for another person or something like that is a complete different issue).

I agree with most of this. Cheating is not really cool, but wanting to cheat is often indictive that a relationship isn't really right for you.

 

Couples really need to discuss what are okay and not okay in their relationships. Use your wooooooords. State outright what you are and are not comfortable with your partner doing, and state them again if they change. My girlfriend and I have had this conversation a number of times- if either of us wanted to have an open relationship, if that would cause strains, if it was something that we wanted to deal with, etc, what that would mean.

A woman I used to kind of see had a semi-open relationship with her boyfriend. Since they were both bi-sexual, they agree that they could have other people in their live -- only people of the same sex, and they could not have sex with the other people. Kissing and foreplay were all fine, from what I understood.

 

And yeah, finding other people attractive, and crushing on them a bit is kind of natural, I think. My girlfriend and I always comment on women we think are good looking, or just all around amazing. We both trust each other enough-- and it helps that most of them aren't people that we would ever even have a chance with. ;)

[cherryv]

Couples really need to discuss what are okay and not okay in their relationships. Use your wooooooords. State outright what you are and are not comfortable with your partner doing, and state them again if they change.

 

TOTALLY agree!

Comunication & trust are the keys in a relationship, I think :)

[Rebecca~]

TOTALLY agree!

Comunication & trust are the keys in a relationship, I think :)

Yes! I don't know how a relationship can survive without communication and trust.

[Peppermintc]

First of all, what do you folks consider to be "cheating" in a relationship?

I think it depends on the person, really, and also the situation. I'm not trying to set double standards or smtg, but if I've been going out with a guy for , like, a week and he starts flirting heavily, that's very close to a deal breaker; but if we were in a long term relationship, we would trust each other with more, I think.

Also, there have been many times where I'd get into a huge argument with my friend because she would either cheat on her boyfriend, or she'd go after a guy that had a partner. I realize that it's her life an her choices, but I cannot agree with that! Especially because she rationalized it like "Oh, well, he says she's cruel and neglecting anyway. And I saw her and she's a cow. And if she wanted to keep him she'd blah blah blah." She never met this poor woman and she was going off of the words of a cheating man! Yet she had the audacity to try and blame it on the other woman. I love my friend, but that made me sick.

I totaly understand your position, I have a friend who does this ALL THE TIME and them I'm all conflicted cause I love her, but not what she's doing. I don't really have an answer though.

So my questions today are: How would you deal with cheating? Is there a certain point where it's acceptable/forgivable or would it instantly be over after that? What do you think is worse, emotional cheating or physical cheating? Have you ever cheated or do you think you would?

This is a topic that really gets to me. I have so many problems with it and there are so many variables. It also brings up the topic of polyamory. Perhaps humans aren't meant to be monogamous. Lemme hear what you all think. :)

I haven't really been in the position of being cheated on, but I think I would try to forgive the person, but then I would not be able to let it go and things would ruin, after a while.

About Polyamory, I think is a valid life choice, but I'm not capable of loving two people that way at the same time and feel good about it. Maybe it sounds a bit selfish, but I couldn't share the person I love like that.

[Rebecca~]

About Polyamory, I think is a valid life choice, but I'm not capable of loving two people that way at the same time and feel good about it. Maybe it sounds a bit selfish, but I couldn't share the person I love like that.

I don't think that is selfish at all. Some people are polyamorous, and others aren't. To me, I think that polyamoury/monogamy is almost akin to sexuality. I don't think I could love another person alongside my girlfriend in the same way, just as I don't think I could love a man. Other people aren't happy unless they are in a poly relationship.

[Dynohawk]

I don't think that is selfish at all. Some people are polyamorous, and others aren't. To me, I think that polyamoury/monogamy is almost akin to sexuality. I don't think I could love another person alongside my girlfriend in the same way, just as I don't think I could love a man. Other people aren't happy unless they are in a poly relationship.

 

Being gay myself I try to understand other peoples actions in terms of sexuality and relationships, and even if I don't I still accept it. But I do think out of everything plyamoury is the most difficult to get my head around, I mean I can understand accidentally falling in love with someone else whilst you're still with someone you love but actively looking for multiple people to fall in love with, I'm just not sure they grasp what love is.

[Rebecca~]

Being gay myself I try to understand other peoples actions in terms of sexuality and relationships, and even if I don't I still accept it. But I do think out of everything plyamoury is the most difficult to get my head around, I mean I can understand accidentally falling in love with someone else whilst you're still with someone you love but actively looking for multiple people to fall in love with, I'm just not sure they grasp what love is.

I've read a couple blogs of people that I.D. as poly, and it seems to me like they get it? But who knows, I'm not in their head. But yeah, so not my scene. D:

[Zombiiesque]

I have a friend who is polyamourous (sp??) - she lives with two men, and they are all very very happy together. I myself could not get my head and my heart around that enough to deal with it - I just know it's not for me, but I do think that there are other people that this works for and can be in happy relationships.

However, I have another friend who is in an open relationship with her husband, and the only reason she is, is because she is so in love with him and wants to keep him happy - really her true feelings on this is that she's against it. It's really sad for me to watch her go through this because she's miserable and jealous, and depressed and has a lot of issues with self image. She's such a wonderful, sweet, funny person, it just hurts my feelings to see her trying to deal with this not based on her own happiness, and she won't, or can't, talk to her husband about it.

I totally believe that cheating is what you feel it is. Myself, cheating is anything that you do when you act on an attraction to another person. An innocent kiss on the cheek to a friend? Not cheating. A kiss with someone you're attracted to outside of our relationship? Cheating. And emotional cheating is just as hurtful, and so complicated.

I've been on the other end of this - I was the one that was "not doing enough" or supposedly being neglectful, so I'd like to say to people that knowingly go into a cheating relationship, you probably don't know the whole story. If they're telling you these things, they're probably just trying to justify it to themselves as well as to you.

However, I can say with complete certainty that people CAN forgive an incident, work through it, eventually learn to trust again, and gain their relationship back. Some cheaters are serial, and some are not, you know? Some things are isolated incidents. I totally believe that you have to look at each circumstance differently, you can't make a blanket statement about cheating and have it be true - if that makes sense?

[Rebecca~]

I have a friend who is polyamourous (sp??) - she lives with two men, and they are all very very happy together. I myself could not get my head and my heart around that enough to deal with it - I just know it's not for me, but I do think that there are other people that this works for and can be in happy relationships.

However, I have another friend who is in an open relationship with her husband, and the only reason she is, is because she is so in love with him and wants to keep him happy - really her true feelings on this is that she's against it. It's really sad for me to watch her go through this because she's miserable and jealous, and depressed and has a lot of issues with self image. She's such a wonderful, sweet, funny person, it just hurts my feelings to see her trying to deal with this not based on her own happiness, and she won't, or can't, talk to her husband about it.

I totally believe that cheating is what you feel it is. Myself, cheating is anything that you do when you act on an attraction to another person. An innocent kiss on the cheek to a friend? Not cheating. A kiss with someone you're attracted to outside of our relationship? Cheating. And emotional cheating is just as hurtful, and so complicated.

I've been on the other end of this - I was the one that was "not doing enough" or supposedly being neglectful, so I'd like to say to people that knowingly go into a cheating relationship, you probably don't know the whole story. If they're telling you these things, they're probably just trying to justify it to themselves as well as to you.

However, I can say with complete certainty that people CAN forgive an incident, work through it, eventually learn to trust again, and gain their relationship back. Some cheaters are serial, and some are not, you know? Some things are isolated incidents. I totally believe that you have to look at each circumstance differently, you can't make a blanket statement about cheating and have it be true - if that makes sense?

Oh wow, I feel so badly for your friend in the 'open' relationship. :( That must be so hard for her.

 

You explained your views on cheating way better than I did! :) I find that a good litmus test for physical cheating is: Would you tell your partner about it? I'm sure that no one in a healthy relationship would get any flak from telling their partner that they kissed a close friend on their cheek. But few people would tell them about a not-so innocent kiss.

[Zombiiesque]

Oh wow, I feel so badly for your friend in the 'open' relationship. :( That must be so hard for her.

 

You explained your views on cheating way better than I did! :) I find that a good litmus test for physical cheating is: Would you tell your partner about it? I'm sure that no one in a healthy relationship would get any flak from telling their partner that they kissed a close friend on their cheek. But few people would tell them about a not-so innocent kiss.

 

I know, I feel horrendous for her, and I try to approach her gently because she has a tendency to fall apart pretty easily now, she's been with her husband for years and dealing with this. I can't even imagine - I know how it is to love someone, but my goodness.

Haha - well, I had a lot of time to think on it with my experiences, too. It's my personal opinion that if you feel you are going into an extended cheating session with someone - you should just leave the person you're with.

I was reading some of the previous posts here, and I saw that someone had kissed someone else while dating, and then they ended up breaking up (summarizing, of course) - well, that happened to me in college and so therefore I can understand how something like that could have been a catalyst for realizing exactly how unhappy you were in your relationship, so I can't say I'd judge that too harshly, honestly. But if you've been married or partnered with someone over the long term, and your relationship is pretty well defined on your feelings on cheating, that's a whole other story, I think. I hope I made that clear, it sounds kind of convoluted hehe.

Yes, as to that last Rebecca, that's exactly it - and a perfect phrase too, litmus test.

[cleomiele]

When I was fairly deep into my very first relationship several years ago, I was so inexperienced with the whole ordeal that I didn't even realize I was miserable. My ex didn't abuse me or do anything severe, but he just had a lack of respect for me, never said anything nice to me, never made an effort to see me or sounded happy when I suggested it, only called me if he needed something, etc., and it was only when I regretfully and unknowingly engaged in emotional cheating that I realized how much happier I could be with someone else. I started hanging out with one of my guy friends a lot, because he was kind of the antithesis of my ex at the time: he always wanted to know how I felt and make me feel better when I wasn't happy, we had more interests in common, and I dunno, it just felt nice to be appreciated by someone after feeling so low for so long in my actual relationship. I didn't realize that I was developing romantic feelings for him simultaneously--and we never acted on the physical part--until it because clear that I was so much happier with him and that I needed to end my current relationship for my own sake.

 

However, after breaking up with my ex and getting together with my 'sensitive' and 'caring' friend, he ended up emotionally cheating on ME. I guess that's the moral of the story oftentimes, right?--if someone is willing to flirt with/get close to you romantically while they know you're in a relationship, there's a good chance they won't feel bad about treating you the same way. What made it hurt most though was it was one of my friends that I had introduced him to; he started talking to her all the time, texting her while we were hanging out or talking on the phone, and at one point he even told me that he loved her. It was stupid of me to not end it sooner, but when you're still naive and young it's easier to think that, you know, things will work out eventually and that you 'love' this person enough to get through it. That was not true for me, however, and finally being rid of him was definitely the best option.

 

The point of my story is that I definitely think emotional cheating is worse; a physical fling is one thing, but to develop feelings of romantic love for someone other than your partner and to treat someone else the same as or better than your partner because of that is just not cool with me. (Unless, of course, it is acceptable with both members of the relationship, i.e. polyamory) I have been on both sides of the issue, the offender and the victim, and neither side feels good to be on. Thanks to the aforementioned "NICE GUY" I now have some deeply-seated trust issues about my current boyfriend having really close female friends, especially if they are my friends as well, just because I keep fearing the same thing will happen again :sad02: it feels awful to watch your significant other become close to someone else in that way after developing that kind of trust. I can't even imagine how your friend must feel in her marriage, zombiiesque ^

[Peppermintc]

The point of my story is that I definitely think emotional cheating is worse; a physical fling is one thing, but to develop feelings of romantic love for someone other than your partner and to treat someone else the same as or better than your partner because of that is just not cool with me.

Yeh, I think that's the tricky part, for me.

Cause emotional cheating ,I think, it's very important,I mean, what can you save from a relationship if there are feelings involved. BUT, emotional cheating is more forgivable I guess, cause it generally isn't a conscious decision.

On the other hand, when the cheating is physical it seems like the relationship can be salvaged, maybe,cause it's not such an important part of the relationship that is in doubt. BUT, generally (and with a few exceptions) cheating physically is a decision, and as such, the person should be held accountable for it.

 

I think, what it hurts the most about being cheated on is the complete disregard that the cheater shows for their partner. In my case, when I was cheated on once, what hurt me the most was realising that my boyfriend cared so very little for me that he didn't even think about how I would feel before doing it. That he knowingly hurt me, as a first reaction, instead of breaking up w/me or talking, whatever.

[star_kisu]

Bleh >.> Cheating sucks. Be it emotional or physical. I was cheated on once. I lost my boyfriend and my bestfriend. It hurt so bad, because they BOTH knowingly hurt me. And I could never ever forgive them. So this is a pretty touchy topic. I'm not sure I could forgive either at this point in my life quite yet.

[Dynohawk]

Bleh >.> Cheating sucks. Be it emotional or physical. I was cheated on once. I lost my boyfriend and my bestfriend. It hurt so bad, because they BOTH knowingly hurt me. And I could never ever forgive them. So this is a pretty touchy topic. I'm not sure I could forgive either at this point in my life quite yet.

 

That's a shame, you should try and forgive, not just for them but for yourself.

 

My ex partner of two years left me and I lost my job, the place I was staying at, most of my belongings, my friends and had to start from scratch. Years on and I've forgiven him and I'm actually friends with the guy he ran off with!

[Peppermintc]

That's a shame, you should try and forgive, not just for them but for yourself.

Actually, (for me, at least) forgiving someone I love is not hard really, it's surprisingly easy, even.

What's really hard for me to do is forgetting. I end up going back with that person, but I'd be just be unable to let it go and we would end up breaking up anyway :/

[Rebecca~]

That's a shame, you should try and forgive, not just for them but for yourself.

 

My ex partner of two years left me and I lost my job, the place I was staying at, most of my belongings, my friends and had to start from scratch. Years on and I've forgiven him and I'm actually friends with the guy he ran off with!

Actually, (for me, at least) forgiving someone I love is not hard really, it's surprisingly easy, even.

What's really hard for me to do is forgetting. I end up going back with that person, but I'd be just be unable to let it go and we would end up breaking up anyway :/

I'm the opposite- forgiving people is extremely hard for me. I hold grudges for years.

Perhaps I would be a happier person if I forgave more easily, but it's a self defense mechanism- I know that person has hurt me before, so I ensure that I don't give them the opportunity to do it again. -shrugs- It works pretty well for me. If it is someone that I am forced to be around, and be civil to, I am always on edge and mistrustful-- ie, my father. He drank too much, and was emotionally abusive. I will never forgive him for that, because I am still living with the rammifications of what he did. I am stuck going to see him every other week for dinner with the rest of my family though, and I am always mistrustful of him. He doesn't drink neaaaarly as much now (his liver nearly killed him), but I make sure I am ready. I won't allow myself to be caught offguard the next time he says something that is the verbal equivalent to a slap in the face.

So, for me, I think that forgiveness is all about the other person. All it would do for me is make it more easy for people to repeatedly hurt me- and I won't allow that to happen.

[yasha]

Cheating seems like such a simple and yet so complicated subject imo.. When I was younger, I thought that cheating on a partner was something rare. After all, people cheat if they're not satisfied, and why would they stay in a relationship they're not satisfied with? It was simple, just don't cheat. If you want to get in bed with an other person, then at least end your current relationship first.

 

Even now, I still believe this, or rather I want to believe this. Just don't cheat. However, as I'm growing older, my views are evolving as well. I haven't had a lot of romantic relationships yet, but I just don't see myself ever cheating on someone I choose to be my potential life partner. I also don't get into a bf/gf relationship unless I think my boyfriend would have that potential. But even though I consider myself this loyal, it seems everywhere I go I see people cheating on their other half, I hear people talking about how they cheated on their partner. It's practically EVERYWHERE to the point where people consider it to be normal. I have literately heard a group of chicks talk about how they cheated on their boyfriends like they were proud of it... Because of this, lately I started thinking perhaps humans never stayed with just one partner originally. The sexual desires, the desire to mate and reproduce is one of the most primal instincts there are, and in the end, we're still animals. We're mammals and I can't really think of any mammals that only stick to one partner in their life time. I know most humans have romantic relationships with more than one person as well, but it's more of a social standard to stick with that one person once you've found " the one ". As far as I know, other mammals don't work like that, they mate with the strongest one, the one whos offspring has best surviving chances. So perhaps it's unnatural for humans to stick with that one person?

Now, I'm definitely not using this as an excuse to cheat in the future, nor would I want anyone who cheats to use this as an excuse, it's just a possible conclusion I've considered since I'm sort of interested in why people do the things they do.

 

Anyway, all of this is the physical kind of cheating, which I still don't agree with and it's always a choice when people resort to this. I realize there are different reasons why people would cheat, but in the end, I do believe it's because they're not happy with where they are in their relationship, so I think they should end their current relationship before having some action with someone else.

 

As for the emotional kind of cheating, like other people mentioned, this isn't always a choice. It just sort of happens sometimes, however I also believe that it means you're not as happy as you could be in your current relationship. If you were truelly happy with what you had I just don't think it's possible to fall for a second person. That being said, the people who are polyamory are obviously happier with more than one partner, which I believe comes back to being a mammal, more so the mammals that are pack animals. I personally couldn't do the whole polyamory thing, if I actually fall for someone, I want them to be mine and I wouldn't want to share them with someone.

 

So with this being said, if my partner cheated on me in a physical kind of way I'm pretty sure I'd dump him right away. I think if they cheat on you once, they're going to do it again. Especially if they've been cheating on you for a while already, at that time it's already become a habbit

As for the emotional cheating, I'd probably end the relationship as well since obviously he would like someone else better, however since I realize falling for someone is sometimes out of our control, I'd be much more forgiving and I would probably be cool with being friends still ( though probably after a little break to allow me some time to get over him so I don't get too upset seeing the person I'd love with someone else )

[kaybee92]

For me, emotional cheating is just as bad, if not worse than, physical cheating in the form of a drunken makeout. As someone who's been cheated on, honestly, the emotional part hurt so much worse.

[lilshadowdweller]

A few years ago, shortly after I had moved out of my parent's home, it became apparent that my Father, the one man I adored and looked highly of, was cheating.

 

The way he went about it was dumb, too. He'd leave for hours at a time on his days off, and return telling us that he had went shopping - despite having not purchased anything. He'd leave a sleeping bag in his car. When big fights happened between him and my Mom, he'd leave again for hours, claiming to be at a friend's house.

 

One time, I was dropped off at my parent's house and my Dad didn't know I was home. He was arguing with the other lady. I heard bits and pieces, like; "For heaven's sake, I'm married, and you're doing this to me?" He eventually seen me and offered to get me McDonald's, perhaps unknown of how much of his conversation I had heard.

 

During this whole time, my youngest sister defended him to the death, until he openly said it in front of her. This situation was the worst. It was offensive to us that he thought his poor excuses would cover it up, as if we were dumb. It was hurtful to my Mom. But they are still together. She forgave him because she can't forget the man he was when they had married over 24 years ago. She's not alone. My Dad's older brother also cheated on his wife, and they are still together, too.

 

Cheating to me is forgivable, however, I feel it's the skeeziest way out of any relationship. Get the guts to break it up. You are being selfish if you're not being honest and leaving your signficant other in unbearable pain.

 

In my Dad's case, I was empathetic. I know that my Mother has some issues; I love her, but darn, she has them. Still, he should have separated. I know he wanted the comforts of having his family and a wife, but he can't have both. If the other person is OK with it, sure, yes. How you manage your relationships is up to you in my opinion. But if that's not the case, it's ttoally wrong and gross.

[kaybee92]

If the other person is OK with it, sure, yes. How you manage your relationships is up to you in my opinion. But if that's not the case, it's ttoally wrong and gross.

I think this is a big part of it. Nowadays a lot of people are seriously considering open relationships, polyamory outside of certain religious groups, being 'monogamish' etc...I'm not sure of the implications this has for society but I honestly think this is the way we're going and in a couple decades cheating won't necessarily be a thing because people would be more willing to ask about opening up the relationship than to outright cheat and sneak around about it.