Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 This is meh first story! ! Read now if you are interested! The guardians of Coltzans Shrine have a very important job! That very important job is guarding Coltzans Shrine. The guardians were, a magma Bori, and , a desert Xweetok. was balancing on top of the Shrine like he usually does every day. "Owwwwmm, owwwwmm." Said as he meditated. "Hey! I got the Slush-" said but stopped as he watched fall of the Shrine. "-ies..." ran over to lying on the ground. "Are you all right?" He asked. "What do you THINK!?!?" shouted back. "I am thinking of...running away before I get severly injured!" answered as he ran away from . "Get back here! I am not finished with you!!"shouted as he chased after . To Be Continued (T.B.C.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ΩCCΩ Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Loved the introduction, you have to write more :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Yeah, yeah. I agree with CC. Write more. ^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 I WILL!!!! Once I make more storyline.... Storyline 0% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losorlaugh Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Omg.. I cant ever be bothered to write stories, only if I'm in an assesment.. and good story so far ^_^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Thanks! This commenting gives me ideas! Storyline 10% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 -Throws another 20% onto the pile- FASTER AIDAN! -Get's out a whip- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Yeah! More ideas! This is going good! Storyline 40% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 -Tosses another 5 up there- Come on Aidan, hurry up man! =D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Yup! That is going up there deffinetly! Storyline 45% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Good, i'm glad to hear it. I'm also glad those numbers are going up! ^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 ...What as that again? I forgot...great! Storyline 30% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 -Puts on a glove and slaps you- HURRY UP! -Throws another 69% onto the pile- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephé Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Guys, it'd be preferred if you'd just post IF you have something to contribute to the story posted, just keep that process confidential. :P Anyway, onto your story. It's good to know you're building on the storyline, however don't rely on that too much. ;) You can have times where you focus on the characters senses, the setting, just to build a more vivid image. "I am thinking of...running away before I get severely injured!" A few spelling mistakes, but nothing too major. :) Glad you're coming up with more ideas. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Part 2 After chasing for hours, eventually stopped. "It's ok now! I'm too tired to run anymore!" shouted to. When came back they went for a walk around Sakhamet Village. They also saw a famous face that only everyone at the whole of The Lost Desert would know. His name was , meaning cloud in Sakhamen. was a Kougra, he was very tall with blue, white fur, he had dark brown hair and hazlenut eyes. He was wearing light shades, tattered jeans and a gothic styled top. and saw him before anyone else. "Hey. Isn't that that famous book writer? He writes those scrolls aswell doesn't he?" asked as they slowly went over to him just to make sure of it. "Excuse me." Said turned around and saw them. "Are you? That writer?" "Yes. I am. Now if you could just be so kind as to let me through. As you can see I am in a medical condition here." told them. looked down at his legs only to see that one of them had a sort of wound. "I am going to need to get to a hospital." "Well we could help you." said reasuringly. "We are big fans after all." "Really? Because that would be a great help to me." asked. "Sure! And we should really go before anyone else notices your here!" said as they started running out of the village. T.B.C....again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tempdisplay Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 I love it! And it's really funny how they always run at the end :laughingsmiley: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 Thanks! Tonight is the worst night ever! The downstairs light fuses are broken so I'm in darkness but the lamp, light of the computer screen and Tracy Beaker Returns on the TV gives light at least! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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