Meridell Mashed by Minions while Maraqua Mops Up with Magmas

[Midtime]

Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else, it's your favourite time of day again! It's time for the daily Altador Cup report here at The Daily Neopets! I'm Brooke, and I'm back with a slushie, a smile, and a carefully negotiated joke limit! Let's get right to work with the Alabriss Bracket.

Maraqua came back from two days of being swept to do a little broomwork of their own, as they took on the Magmas. It was a steaming hot match across the board, but the Mermaids ultimately drowned out the Moltaran team's efforts. The Magmas have been struggling this year, swept every day since the start of the games. But they keep coming back to the field every day, ready to fight! We'll see how tomorrow works out for them.

Next up, the Moons pulled off their fourth consecutive sweep, this time against the Mummies. Qyldae Wegg, Kreludor's left forward, was looking a little green around the antennae at the end of the day, and when this reporter approached to talk with him, slushie in hand, the grundo hastily turned on his heel and made for the little Moons' room. "We have got to stop having slushie-binges every time we sweep," centre defender Derlyn Fonnet told me in response to what must have been quite the perplexed expression.

The brooms were temporarily banished in the last matchup of the bracket, when Roo Island took on Krawk Island for the second day in a row. The results in Shootout Showdown and Make Some Noise were basically a repeat of yesterdays, with victories going to the Pirates and the Rooligans respectively. When it came to the other two events, a trade went down; the Yooyuball match was a draw, and in the slushie slinging, the Rooligans worked their tails off and bounced all over the Pirates. Looks like so far this year, the Pirates are all washed up!

Okay, okay, I know. Got carried away. Sorry about that. Perhaps I should turn things over to Midtime....

[There is a rather awkward and extended silence as Brooke waits for the camera to stop rolling. A man in a headset scurries onscreen and hands Brooke a note.]

Uhh... it would appear that Midtime has gone missing? Great. Not again. Ughhh... uh... now what am I supposed to do? Matt's not scheduled to report on the Vaeolus bracket for another fifteen minutes! Shoot. Ummmmm....

[The headset-wearing man returns and hands Brooke another piece of paper.]

Ahh, yes, thank you, AA. The results of the Minitheus Bracket!

It would appear that the Faeries were solidly swept by the Minions today, after a somewhat rocky start for the Darigan Citadel's team. That makes two sweeps in a row for the Minions! Faerieland hasn't achieved any sweeps as yet, but they've been known to pull off surprises before. The right matchup might just mean a sweep for the fabulous Faeries!

Next up, Shenkuu went head-to-head with... Alistair? Aragorn? I don't... What? Oh, Altador! Yes, that makes sense, of course. Shenkuu went head-to-head with Altador, and just barely managed to come out on top. The Ninjas scraped up wins in Slushie Slinger and Shootout Showdown, but the fans of the Suns outshone those of the Ninjas. On the Yooyuball pitch, the teams were deadlocked, resulting in a draw. After yesterday's near shut-out by the Ninjas, the Suns sure put up a fight!

Last but not least we have... oh come on, who wrote this? Virtupets versus... Marshmallows? I'm sorry, I can't-

Come again?

Right. Meridell. Of course. Virtupets went up against Meridell today, and had their backsides handed to them in three of the four events. Their fans rallied for a win in Make Some Noise, the only event to hold any success for the Robots so far this year. The Knights have been doing fairly well, but we'll see where the next couple weeks take them!

And that's it for the Minitheus bracket! And if he's ready, I think I'll turn things over to Matt back in the studio! Matt?

"Thanks Brooke! Don't forget to grab me a slushie while you're out in the field, I've been trapped in this newsroom for far too long! The studio has been empty for ages so I've come up with a unique way to keep myself company! Uhhh wait a minute...I've said too much...

[Matt looks around the empty studio nervously, and then quickly faces the camera with an awkward smile.]

"Anyway, back to the news report, I have the results of the Vaeolus Bracket with me right at this moment, and I'm sure you're all eager to find out.

"There were no holds barred in the broom closet, I mean...uhhh...no holds barred with brooms in today's matchups as Kiko Lake was once again able to pull off yet another sweep, this time against the Mystery Island Natives. Although a valiant effort was made by the Natives, the Kikos were clearly the dominant team in today's matchup, doubling Mystery Island's score in Yooyuball, and putting up scores five times the amount in the side games. Kiko Lake is currently one of two teams undefeated so far in this tournament, the other team being Kreludor. Will the Kikos be able to keep up these record smashing scores? Only time will tell if they have enough endurance to perform at this level for the entirety of the Altador Cup.

"Moving on, Tyrannia was let loose on the Yooyuball field, crushing the Chillers with a final score of six to five. The abundance of snow cones did not prove much use to the Chillers during the slushie-slinging part of the day, as Tyrannia was able to coerce customers using methods that may not be suitable for this broadcast. Anyways, moving swiftly on, the Fossils were also able to take Make Some Noise and Shootout Showdown, which all in all resulted in a clean sweep for the Fossils.

"Against two-time champion Haunted Woods, the Brightvale Wizards showed no fear as they were able to defeat the Zombies on the Yooyuball field, and although the undead tried their best, the Wizards were also able to Make Some Noise, drowning out the groans of the Zombies. Shootout Showdown also went to the Wizards after a close score of five to four. However, all was not lost for the Zombies as their slushie-slinging skills were able to save the Wizards from taking out their brooms.

"That wraps up the Vaeolus Bracket. In today's interesting matches, Kiko Lake and Tyrannia will once again go head to head. Will the Fossils be able to prevent the Kikos from obtaining their fifth straight streak? Underdog teams Faerieland and Virtupets will also be competing against each other today. Currently fourth place in their bracket, the Faeries have done well so far during this season, and a rise towards the middle of the pack seems likely. The Robots will have to fuel up and give it 110%, although physically impossible for the Robots, since the maximum performance level is set at... No? No one? See this is why I'm stuck in the newsroom and why I'm not allowed to tell jokes.

[Matt sighs while shuffling his papers neatly together. He continues his report with a tone of disappointment in his voice.]

"Anyway, this wraps up our report of the results for today. Stay tuned as we provide you the latest information about what's hip and happening in the Altador Cup. This is Matt signing off.

[Matt can be seen leaving his seat and walking off-screen, mumbling to himself.]

"I think I'm going insane! I haven't talked to anybody for weeks! There's nothing in here besides a few cameras and this stupid rock with a face drawn on it!"

[Just then, the sound of a door opening can be heard. A faint "Help me!" noise is heard before the broadcast is shut off.]

Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).