Hypervigilance.

[CurlyFreys]

I suffer from anxiety pretty severely and have for pretty much my entire life. That paired with my depression, has actually had quite a lot of side effects that are affecting my life. [i have ground my teeth so much in my sleep that they have to be rebuilt.]

 

One of the side effects is hypervigilance.

 

If you don't know what hypervigilance is, it is where you constantly feel like you're being threatened.

Mine is so bad that I didn't even feel safe around my sister and my mom when they fought because I was terrified one of them was going to lose it and kill the other and then kill me. [it sounds ridiculous I know, but you have no idea how many nights I spent (as an adult) hiding under my blankets crying because I was so scared.]

 

In the past couple days this has gotten worse because my mom and I moved to a completely different state and into a new apartment. Because I don't know the area or the people, I have been having some small panic attacks when it's time to go to sleep.

 

I have to have a light on, even if someone else is home. Every little noise terrifies me because I think it is someone breaking in.

The only way I can get to sleep is if I go to sleep before everyone else because then I know that someone will hear something if it happens.

 

Does anyone else suffer from this? If you do, how do you manage it?

[kaybee92]

I totally understand about the anxiety. Are you on medication of any sort? I find it takes the edge off things, and although I still worry I don't get as anxious.

 

Other things to try are wearing yourself out during the day, or learning how to divert those thoughts. As soon as the "OMG WAS THAT SOMEONE BREAKING INTO THE HOUSE" thoughts come to mind, reassure yourself that they are illogical and CHOOSE to think about something else that does not give you anxiety. I know it sounds totally stupid but it's the one thing from CBT that worked for me.

 

Also, if it makes you feel better, you can check the locks/windows before you go to bed. I know that if I don't personally go check I lay in bed thinking OMG IS THE DOOR LOCKED I BET MOM FORGOT TO LOCK IT AND SOMEONE COULD BREAK IN.

[vyvren]

Hi Curly,

 

I can't imagine having to deal with hypervigilance, it sounds exhausting, for one thing, and terrifying :(
I suffer from anxiety too, I have a severe social anxiety which often leads to panic attacks, so I'm rarely out alone without someone I really trust, like my Mom or my best friend. Does your family realize how severe your hypervigilance is?

 

For me, it's often difficult to divert my thoughts from what causes the anxiety, more often than not I'm not even sure what triggered it. I've found that it helps me a lot to exercise, though, to physically exert myself, it keeps me "out of my head" for a while.

 

Like Kay was saying, are you on any medication? Or in any other kind of treatment? Are there any treatment options that you've looked into?

[kaybee92]

For me, it's often difficult to divert my thoughts from what causes the anxiety, more often than not I'm not even sure what triggered it.

That's definitely the hard part of CBT - isolating the thought to find its root, and nipping it in the bud.

 

But I totally agree with you about exercise.

 

For a while I also found what I called a "zen activity" which relaxed me and took my mind off things. One that worked for a while was writing my name over and over in different styles and writing utensils. Another one is setting your music on shuffle and listen out for interesting lines, while keeping a sheet of paper and a nice pen in hand. As soon as you hear something you can use OR remember a line from the song you like, you can write it down and change the song. Once you start, you HAVE to fill the page - and after that if you're still feeling nervous/like doing something irrational you are allowed to scream or cry or call someone for help or whatever it is your instinctual reaction was...usually by the time you get there you're pretty much back down to calm/tolerable (this helps more with impulsivity like SI or binge eating).

 

EDITED to add some more things that help.

 

If you have a smartphone or tablet, there's this app called SleepPillow that allows you to have some soothing background noise playing and that will turn off in a certain amount of time. It helps me relax enough to fall asleep, and masks other sounds that might make you anxious at night.

 

Find soothing smells or tastes, like hot tea or a certain hand lotion (like the scented kind from The Body Shop or Bath & Body Works). Make a habit of, for example, applying the lotion and REALLY concentrating on how it smells, how it feels, how much you need to cover your entire hands, etc. It's really self-soothing to me and helps me take the edge off during the day.

 

YES I used to suffer from pretty bad anxiety in case you couldn't tell hahahha. And by "used to" I mean I probably still have the same triggers and fears, I just have found the tools that help me get by.

Edited July 13, 2014 by kaybee92

[Ranaki]

If you try to sleep in pure silence, with out "white-noise", I find it hard to do so. I HAVE to have outside noise suppression, like a fan running at all times when I'm asleep. It helps with noisy roommates/neighbors and sounds that the critters I have make, I.E. my rabbit digging into something he shouldn't be...

[CurlyFreys]

Thank you to everyone that has responded, it really helps a lot.

 

No, I do not take medication. We are really poor and my mom just sees anxiety and depression as things you just have to get over.

 

I am trying to get into better shape as of late and our complex has a 24 hour gym so maybe that will help me tire myself out.

[Deltacow]

I don't have hyper vigilance but I kind of have some paranoia(which I guess is also hyper vigilance?),whenever I sleep I will ALWAYS turn around and look at my closet behind thinking "Maybe there's a killer hiding in there",also I once was browsing thorough the internet and I came across this creepy picture of Jeff the killer(A creepypasta),after that I had multiple nights where I would be unable to sleep until around 12:00(I usually go to sleep at 10:00).I still sleep with a nightlight and will NEVER leave any windows in my room open incase murderers/robbers break in.

[Rune Valentine]

Unfortunately I think the first problem is that your mom is trying to tell you to "get over" it :/ I hope she understands that it's an actual medical condition that sometimes you need medication to take the edge off. It's got to do with all the chemicals and hormones in your body being out of whack, and while you can do certain things to ease your feelings of anxiety, some days it's really hard to cope and that's where the medication comes in. I'm not familiar with how the health system works where you are, but if you could look into getting some help with that, it could be a great help to you.

 

I don't suffer from severe anxiety, but what my doctor considers a very mild case. Most days I can function properly without much worry, but sometimes it gets triggered for no reason, that leads me to not want to leave the house, freak out for no reason, or have a panic attack. It would last for days before I finally cave and take some meds just to make it through the day. A few things that helped me are definitely scented candles (lavender helps calm you) since I scent-associate, it gets my brain to a place where it can be calm. I also do a fair amount of doodling because for me, doing anything repetitive makes my brain go on a linear path instead of all over the place. Sometimes it's also easier for me to just physically secure all the doors/windows and work out a little plan in my head as to what to do in case of an emergency, so I am calmer about falling asleep.

 

But yeah, I feel like your mom needs to understand that this is more than just you acting out. It took me a long time to realize this, until my dad went through the same thing and I saw a change in his demeanor, that it wasn't just him being irrational, there really was something wrong that we couldn't see.

[NightShift]

Hey CurlyFreys. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I have complex PTSD (with a plethora of other junk) and definitely know what excruciating anxiety and hyper vigilance feel like :( It is terrible, and I greatly sympathize. It can be very hard to make sense of such strong emotions. But know that you are not alone!

 

It is too bad you can not afford medication right now, but that may not be a bad thing. I've experienced serious complications with medication (and I've tried many, many different kinds) and regret taking them. So, I am also focussing on non-medication approaches. The gym sounds like a great place to start, good for you. As you try new things, It'd be great to hear what works and what doesn't for you, if you don't mind. For me, music can be very healing, however, I have not found any 'solutions.' I do believe that strength comes from pain though, and that everything in life is about perspective.

 

Something I am learning is to always be my own best friend (which is very hard) and to always question EVERYTHING, thoughts and emotions included. I can't make my anxiety go away forever right now, but I find that when it does pop up, I need to take time to really analyze the emotion, the situation, what the healthy emotion SHOULD be, why am I feeling an exaggerated emotion, etc. This has helped me because it has taught me that not everything I feel is real (in reality, I mean, I'm not trying to minimize your experience). Just as a basic example, just because you feel you're in danger, does not mean you are. Many people think (and until recently, myself included) that what they feel is real. It is not. Your emotions are real, but that's different. Your emotions can exist and not be supported by reality. This can be OK if they are positive emotions, but nobody wants to experience persistent negative emotions. By checking the facts and comparing them to your emotions, you can see there are discrepancies between your emotions and reality. And that can actually be very comforting with repeated practice. Once you have checked the facts and thought the situation through, the best thing is to distract yourself from all the chaos in your mind by participating in the present moment. If you're riding the bus, read your book and focus on the words. Look out the window and focus on the things you are seeing. A hint is to engage your senses when participating to make it harder for your mind to wander to the default PANIC mode. It gets better the more and more you practice it. Don't be discouraged if it's hard at first... I find it very hard! Look up mindfulness if you struggle.

 

Something I learned from the trauma unit: If you're in the middle of a panic attack and you feel like there's no saving you, hold ice with your bare hands and keep holding it. This will break the harmful emotional cycle because it is impossible to ignore physical reality in this situation. I have found this extremely helpful. No matter how fast my thoughts are racing, this will snap you into the present.

 

I hope some of that makes sense and is helpful! I wish you luck!