Annoying friends?

[cleomiele]

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you're in the process of making new acquaintances and friends (say with co-workers at a new job, or with your peers at a different university/school) and you realize that you...don't really like most of them after a while?

 

I started university about four weeks ago, and since I'm a music major, I've mainly been making friends with people in the same department. As time passes, however, I'm slowly realizing that some of my new friends--the ones I'm talking about are freshmen, like me--are just...annoying. All they talk about is things that pertain to them and them alone; they never ask you how YOUR'E doing or what's going on in YOUR life, it's always just about them; and even when you do share some details to contribute to a conversation or share ideas, they don't really listen or respond to them anyway. I don't want to sound like I'M self-centered or that I should be the main thing in a conversation, but I'm really not exaggerating when I say that the people I'm talking about actually don't talk about anything but themselves! They also seem to be incredibly immature mentally in many ways, such as capacity for emotion, intellectual thought, etc. It's really suffocating after spending so much time around them for the past few weeks, and I just really needed to vent about it to someone, because obviously I can't vent with anyone here.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation? What's the best way to deal with it?

 

I wish I could just hang out with the upperclassmen, as they actually know how to have a nice conversation and learn things about one another and we can talk about things that aren't inane, but unfortunately I can't simply ignore these people since the music department here is so tightly-knit. I like my new friends, don't get me wrong, but it's just really irritating on a fundamental level when I try to spend time with them because it's just ME ME ME. I like listening to people, but this I cannot deal with every single day. I find myself escaping to be alone more often now just to get some peace of mind!

 

(*whew* thank you for listening, to anyone that reads this! In reflecting upon what I just wrote, I now know why all of the upperclassmen I have met here don't suspect me of being a freshman...)

[arkwright]

Wow, seems like you have a small problem. I can only suggest two things really.

The first being - wait it out; they`re probably just excited to be new there, and lets be honest - in a process of application to get into university, you have to do a lot of talking about yourself. They may just still be hung up on that, showing off what they`ve done in the process to get there, or trying to make friends in showing what a great sort of person they are. Maybe. Maybe it will all mellow out - of course, you could confront them in a joke-y way, so it doesn`t sound quite so serious, but would still highlight the point.

My other suggestion is quite simple - make new friends. The upperclassmen I`m sure would be more than glad to be your friend, once they realize you`re more mature. Join a few societies where the years mix perhaps, make a few friends at bars / clubs / societies that way - or even around where you live (if its student accommodation). Afterall you only need to hang around the other freshmen in classes, your free time can be endlessly full of nicer people.

Hope this rushed answer helps in any way :)

[Ashbash]

I've definitely been in situations like this before. You don't have to like everyone or be friends with everyone though. I've found that waiting it out and getting to know the person will sometimes make you realize they are fun to hang out with and can make a good friend. Once in a while that theory will be wrong and the person will not turn out to be who you hoped. I just try to surround myself with the people I do enjoy spending time with.

[Rebecca~]

Ugh, I know what you mean! But like the others have said, your best bet is to wait it out. Not only are they probably super excited because they got into their program, and they had to spend ages telling people how amazing they are in order to get into it, but they are also young. I know you're the same age, but different people mature at different rates, so I think that if you just give them some time, they should become less annoying!

But making friends with the upperclassmen as well is a good plan! I imagine there are probably a couple groups or clubs that people from numerous years are a part of- those are great for making new friends. :)

[cleomiele]

The orchestra community is kind of like one big family, and with that being said, I'm already friends with quite a few upperclassmen! I've also joined two music-related organizations that will keep me busy with primarily those people. However, even when I'm with them, it's inevitable that the others will eventually show up, because that's just what happens in the music building...you can't help but see everyone you know xD

 

I'm really hoping it's a maturity issue and that soon enough they will grow out of it...I guess I've just always hung out with older, more mentally- and emotionally-matured people and thus I'm surprised at how immature some people my age can actually be. I don't want to be like, "Hey, you're being annoying when you only talk about yourself! Stop that!" but I can't think of a more constructive way to bring that up...plus I am a huge pushover and get scared of doing anything even remotely confrontational :( You're right though, Ashbash, in that you don't have to be friends with everyone...I suppose if this persists and it honestly keeps bothering me, I could just distance myself from them. Ahh I'm just hoping for the best! It's no fun to make friends with someone and THEN realize that they actually don't make you feel that great most of the time :( although I suppose it's not really a real friendship if you're the one doing 95% of the listening and empathizing, is it?

 

Thank you all for your replies :D <3 I just got so anxious that I had to vent about this somewhere.

[paperdoll66]

I had a really hard time fitting in at my college. The best advice someone gave me was that I needed to learn to lead conversations. I don't know if you're like me, but I normally am fine letting someone else pick what the conversation is about. I'm not saying that you have to order people to talk about what you want to talk about, but everyone needs to talk about themselves and stuff that they're into sometimes. If there is something that you have going on that you want to talk about, just tell someone you want to talk about it. Even if you start out just talking about superficial stuff, most people will start shifting to having more equal conversations without having to have a confrontation. I'm not sure if I'm phrasing this in a way that is any help.

[Tyler.]

I don't like most of the people I'm forced to associate with on a weekly basis

[lindorie]

Sadly, I have to say I have those friends myself, some are old and some are new. I have one friend who just does not stop talking about how horrible her boyfriend is and still sits there and defends him after she tells me what he's done wrong. Everyday its something different, and I've just gotten to the point where I feel like saying, 'can we please stop talking about this, I'm sick of hearing you tell me your boyfriend problems and when I offer a solution you defend him for what he is upsetting you about?' And then I have new friends who just for some reason everything about them annoys the t-total ever loving crud out of me, and I can't figure it out for the life of me because they just seem super sweet.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are having these problems, sadly I wish I could offer some advice to you but unfortunately I can't. The only thing I can think of is to just slowly step away from them and try to gain momentum with the new friends who don't annoy you, but I can't think of anything else sadly. Good luck! :)

[Alishkah]

I kinda get what you mean.

Where your hanging out with them because they're convenient. (if that makes sense)

 

I have one guy that seems overly negative and it annoys me, We're good friends but I guess you take the good with the bad because apart from that he's a great guy. I just wish he wasn't so negative and closed minded at times.