Ever gotten to a point in your life where you just kind of gave up?

[izibizi]

I know you're all great people here, as far as I noticed. And I don't know you, what makes it quiet easier to talk about personal stuff.

 

So well, I'm suffering from depression. I think I always knew something bad is going to happen, just since I can remember. As I got to the new school; 5th year it all began to show up. I got worse in school with every year since I gotten to a point where I couldn't concentrate anymore. I tried to do my best but as I pushed myself a bit, I failed again. So I decided to go to a different school, an easier one. Just to pass those two years to try again but it all didn't happen as it should. Two years ago my parents got divorced out of nowhere. But it didn't really affect me much. Other things did. I fell in love with someone, really bad. As bad as someone just could. I still love him, it's been years now.

 

Anyway, that all doesn't really matter. So it got worse, and I came to a point where I realized that I can't do this anymore but I couldn't tell anyone because I built a wall, for years. Because people never really seemed to care. Now I really just can't tell people how I feel.

I took drugs, beginning of this years. And out of nowhere I got a panic attack a week later in the car. I thought I was completely losing it and was about to die while my mum was sitting next to me and I just didn't showed it. I thought I was dying and I just acted normally. Can you believe that?

Since then everything got worse. And worse. And worse... I'll be in a clinic soon but they keep me waiting, for months. I have a therapists but she doesn't seem to understand at all. I failed school completely. I lost all my friends. I'm doing nothing, everyday. And I swear, no one really cares.

 

Why I'm writing this? I don't know, I'm really not an attention seeker. I just wondered if there's anyone who also suffers from depression or another mental illness? I also have a bit of a drug phsychose but I think it's more depression related cause everything seems like a dream, I totally lost touch of reality. I also have anxiety and a bit of an eating disorder.

 

So yea, is there anything you can help yourself with? How do you motivate yourself to get up and actually do something? No matter how hard I try, I just can't. I don't wanna scare anyone but most of the time I just want to end it but I'm really just too afraid!

[vyvren]

Hi Izi,

 

I've been struggling with depression since about six years ago, and this spring it got so bad that I actually stopped going out completely for a couple of months. I lost contact with everyone except my closest family. I've been to see so many different doctors and therapists these last couple of months and they either just refer me to someone else or turns out to be completely unsympathetic, to put it nicely.

 

I've tried four different medications; the first did nothing at all despite increased dosages, the second, third and current are giving me really awful nightmares which made my doctor prescribe sleeping pills (I'm on the second edition of those). I'm also diagnoses with an ED, anxiety and self destructive behaviour. I know that my family and at least a few of my friends do care, but they don't know how to handle it.

I had to drop out of school this spring, and I've been on sick leave from work the entire summer and the mere thought of returning to a place that's so crowded as my work makes me feel really bad.

 

My depression built up during several years and I did nothing to try and cope with everything bad that has happened, finally, one day, I couldn't take it any longer and everything came crashing down around me. I'm trying to rebuild a version of myself, sort of like an alter ego, so that I at least can try to do stuff again.

 

I really hope that the clinic will help you! If you'd like someone to talk to, other than your therapist, I'll probably understand how you're feeling.

[Mouseykins]

*sends hugs*

 

I feel your pain! I've been there and my childhood was not a great one. I never had a stable family and it made things really hard for me. I was always the outcast in school, especially in my home town. That was because everyone knew my parents' reputation around town and it was not a good one. So I had to grow up with that and it was hard. As I got older things got harder. I'm not going to go into too much detail as it's very personal to me. When I was 13 I almost hit rock bottom and if my best friend wasn't there to catch me I don't think I would be here today. He saved me and I'm forever grateful.

 

What helped me is to push on through and I turned to religion a bit and it seemed to help. Before long things turned around and I was truly happy.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up. I always found journalling to be a great way to vent as well as talking to someone I trusted. There's a way out of your pain, the challenge is finding it.

 

I'm now 20 and life is great. I have a loving husband and a daughter, but even with everything I have I still have those days where it's a challenge to go about my daily tasks. But then I just reflect on what I have and focus on my daughter and by the afternoon/early evening I'm feeling a lot better.

 

Depression isn't something I've struggled with but it has been a part of my life since I was 13. I just learned to live with it and cope in my own way. My thoughts are with you and I hope things start getting better for you even one small blip would feel wonderful.

 

If you need someone to talk to privately you can always PM me.

[izibizi]

Hi Izi,

 

I've been struggling with depression since about six years ago, and this spring it got so bad that I actually stopped going out completely for a couple of months. I lost contact with everyone except my closest family. I've been to see so many different doctors and therapists these last couple of months and they either just refer me to someone else or turns out to be completely unsympathetic, to put it nicely.

 

I've tried four different medications; the first did nothing at all despite increased dosages, the second, third and current are giving me really awful nightmares which made my doctor prescribe sleeping pills (I'm on the second edition of those). I'm also diagnoses with an ED, anxiety and self destructive behaviour. I know that my family and at least a few of my friends do care, but they don't know how to handle it.

I had to drop out of school this spring, and I've been on sick leave from work the entire summer and the mere thought of returning to a place that's so crowded as my work makes me feel really bad.

 

My depression built up during several years and I did nothing to try and cope with everything bad that has happened, finally, one day, I couldn't take it any longer and everything came crashing down around me. I'm trying to rebuild a version of myself, sort of like an alter ego, so that I at least can try to do stuff again.

 

I really hope that the clinic will help you! If you'd like someone to talk to, other than your therapist, I'll probably understand how you're feeling.

 

I'm really sorry to hear but I understand. I'd love to text with you. Yea I know some people somehow care but they don't do anything. They don't understand and I don't know... In my family it's all so weird. There never really was this communication. No one ever talks about feelings or anything. And so it all began, I guess. My mum doesn't do stuff, I think she doesn't even understand how awful I'm feeling. It's just, if I was her or any of my best friends... I would DO something. I would read books or aticles about it and how to help them but now I can't even help myself. My therapists keeps saying I have to say people what they have to do to make me feel better but honestly even if I'd know that, I'm done with that.

 

*sends hugs*

 

I feel your pain! I've been there and my childhood was not a great one. I never had a stable family and it made things really hard for me. I was always the outcast in school, especially in my home town. That was because everyone knew my parents' reputation around town and it was not a good one. So I had to grow up with that and it was hard. As I got older things got harder. I'm not going to go into too much detail as it's very personal to me. When I was 13 I almost hit rock bottom and if my best friend wasn't there to catch me I don't think I would be here today. He saved me and I'm forever grateful.

 

What helped me is to push on through and I turned to religion a bit and it seemed to help. Before long things turned around and I was truly happy.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up. I always found journalling to be a great way to vent as well as talking to someone I trusted. There's a way out of your pain, the challenge is finding it.

 

I'm now 20 and life is great. I have a loving husband and a daughter, but even with everything I have I still have those days where it's a challenge to go about my daily tasks. But then I just reflect on what I have and focus on my daughter and by the afternoon/early evening I'm feeling a lot better.

 

Depression isn't something I've struggled with but it has been a part of my life since I was 13. I just learned to live with it and cope in my own way. My thoughts are with you and I hope things start getting better for you even one small blip would feel wonderful.

 

If you need someone to talk to privately you can always PM me.

 

Thank you! I'm glad you're better now <3

[Bubbleline]

I'm sorry that you feel this way, yet I know that feeling. I know what it's like to not have anyone to talk to about stuff like that. I've had mild depression and anxiety since I was a little girl because I got bullied horribly in school. I went to therapy for a while for it, but what really helped me was my mother and grandmother. I used to talk to my grandmother about that kind of stuff and she'd listen and comfort me as best she could. And my mother would always tell me how great I was and that things would get better. However, when my mother died, everything changed. It was always hard to muster up the courage to go to school, but after that happened it seemed impossible for me. I went to a school counselor for a while before I was pulled away from her by my grandmother who didn't like her, even though the woman helped me a bit. My father didn't even think that something might be wrong for a few months so he didn't try to get me into therapy until the situation had already gotten really bad, and by then even the school was saying that I should get help. What happened literally pulled my family apart. My grandmother on my mother's side has always had depression but she really went off the deep end and stopped eating for a while. I had to come over to her and stay with her for a while to comfort her and get her to eat, ignoring my own pain and feelings even though I was only 12. My family members on my mother's side also faulted me for choosing to live with my father, my birth parent!, instead of my grandmother because "my grandmother needed me and how dare I leave her after living with her for all these years and having her care for me". The people I was closest to were suddenly a world away, not only because I moved, but also because suddenly they didn't know how to deal with me because I "changed" and they couldn't relate to what I was going through. A bunch of dominoes fell over that seemed to push me to my breaking point. I still haven't gotten the therapy I need so to this day, there are days when I don't want to wake up. Days when I end up crying constantly, but it's getting better and I know that one day it will be okay.

 

My current best friend has no clue what I've gone through and I feel I can't really talk to her about that stuff, but she comforts me in a different way. She forces me out of the house and makes me laugh even when I don't want to. She helps get my mind off of things. And to make myself feel better about myself, I've been 'looking within'. I've figured out who I really am, slowly but surely, and I'm working to accept it and become proud of what I believe in. I'm happy that I started identifying as a feminist, even if other people don't understand that. I'm exciting about the body positive and sex positive movements that are kicking off and I hope to become a part of them. I accept that I've made mistakes and I'm currently trying to fix them. I'm working on getting myself into an online school because I think that I can excel at it and I have no clue where you live, but perhaps you can look into that for yourself too. What I am most proud of, however, is that I know what my goal in life is, I know what I wish to accomplish and not everybody ever gets to truly know that. Before I die, I want to make the world a bit more awesome. And knowing that and working toward that goal, and working to accept and better myself is what makes me get up everyday. No, thing's aren't perfect, and I'm nowhere near where I want to be right now, but I know I can make it. I hope that perhaps you can do a little soul searching and that finding yourself and figuring out who you are and who you want to be will make you feel better. It's an on-going process and it won't be a magical instafix that makes you happy all day forever, but I'm sure it will help. As everyone else said, if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears(eyes?). Whether you want to talk about your problems or just want someone to talk to about random things to get your mind off of your sorrow. :)

[Saxen]

I'm so sorry that you feel this way honey. I don't have depression per se, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a mood disorder. It does incorperate depression and I cry pretty much every day and I have absolutely no motivation, most of the time I'm in bed in my pajamas lol. I'm also agoraphobic and rarely go outside because I get what you said, where it feels like everything is a dream and not real, then I start to panic.

You say you took drugs? Was it Cannabis by any chance? It sounds as if you could be experiencing derrealisation. Cannabis (if that's what it was, I've had similar things happen to me on other drugs) can be a catalyst for these sorts of things if you're already pre-disposed to the condition. I also experience depersonalisation which is where I myself don't feel real. I can look at my hands and they're not MY hands, there could be someone behind me sticking their arms out from behind me. Scary and bizarre. I don't look at my hands or myself in the mirror that much at all anymore.

 

I struggle with my eating, too, and have recurrent binging/starving episodes. My lowest weight was 84 pounds. I've been self harming since I was 11, almost half of my life now, and have tried to end my life twice unsuccessfully. I couldn't tell my parents anything (my mum is mentally ill too and doesn't listen to me), and when I got kicked out at 16 my disorder got gradually worse because I refused help. It's not that I didn't want it, I just didn't want to have to re-live all those horrible memories and talk to a complete stranger about them. I'm currently on a waiting list for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, but it will probably be years before I'm seen.

 

I wish I could tell you that I did this thing and then everything got better, but that's not the case. Of course it's different for me because I'm Borderline and I'll never be rid of that, but I will tell you one thing that really helped me and is still helping me, and that's opening up and talking to people. Exactly what you're doing right now. There was a forum that I used to frequent which is used by all types of people with MI, and they're all so so sweet and nice! It's like TDN but replace the Neopets with mental conditions. It's http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/ if you want to check it out.

Having people in your life that understand what you're going though (even if they're on the internet) can be a huge help.

 

I'm not sure how well I've done with making you feel better (I'm really awful at that - captain bringdown :/), but if you want to talk anymore I'm here, or if you want to talk offsite my name on Facebook is Saxen Marina, as is my Tumblr (but with a dash in the middle). I'm not out the other side yet but I can see how things /could/ be better, and I really hope that starts to ring true for you as well. Don't be scared to talk to me if you want to ^^

 

Big love and cuddles xx

[Storme]

Hey Izi, ^^

 

I can definitely relate where you said you built a wall; I've never been able to tell other people things either, even if I know it's the only way I'm going to get help, it's like there's this wall I've put up around myself that's impossible to break down.

 

Over the last few months I pretty much lost all my feelings; I can't feel happy or excited even if it's my birthday or Christmas. That said, I don't feel depressed either. I just feel nothing. Nothing feels real either, and I feel like I'm dreaming, sometimes I'll even have trouble remembering whether I actually did/saw something or whether I just dreamed/imagined it. It got to the point where I started hurting myself because I thought that was the only way to feel anything at all, though I don't do that any more. It's possible I suffer from some form of Depersonalization, like what Saxen mentioned.

 

What I find helps is writing my thoughts down, I have a journal I write in sometimes, and often I'll write letters to people but keep them instead of actually giving them to that person.

 

*sends you giant plate of gift-wrapped virtual cookies* I hope you're alright; hang in there, okay? Maybe the clinic will be able to make a difference, and you can come and talk to us here whenever you want, or if you just need cheering up. ^^

[izibizi]

Alright, first thank all of you! I wish I wasn't so messed up and I could answer all of you in a nice and clear way but it's very hard to focus myself on something. Yeps, it's even hard doing some things on my computer! I mostly just click around, reblog on tumblr... I'm not even much on neopets cause it stresses me! But yea, I'll try my best and I'll also try to message you privately but not today I guess, haven't slept last night :rolleyes_anim:

 

I'm sorry that you feel this way, yet I know that feeling. I know what it's like to not have anyone to talk to about stuff like that. I've had mild depression and anxiety since I was a little girl because I got bullied horribly in school. I went to therapy for a while for it, but what really helped me was my mother and grandmother. I used to talk to my grandmother about that kind of stuff and she'd listen and comfort me as best she could. And my mother would always tell me how great I was and that things would get better. However, when my mother died, everything changed. It was always hard to muster up the courage to go to school, but after that happened it seemed impossible for me. I went to a school counselor for a while before I was pulled away from her by my grandmother who didn't like her, even though the woman helped me a bit. My father didn't even think that something might be wrong for a few months so he didn't try to get me into therapy until the situation had already gotten really bad, and by then even the school was saying that I should get help. What happened literally pulled my family apart. My grandmother on my mother's side has always had depression but she really went off the deep end and stopped eating for a while. I had to come over to her and stay with her for a while to comfort her and get her to eat, ignoring my own pain and feelings even though I was only 12. My family members on my mother's side also faulted me for choosing to live with my father, my birth parent!, instead of my grandmother because "my grandmother needed me and how dare I leave her after living with her for all these years and having her care for me". The people I was closest to were suddenly a world away, not only because I moved, but also because suddenly they didn't know how to deal with me because I "changed" and they couldn't relate to what I was going through. A bunch of dominoes fell over that seemed to push me to my breaking point. I still haven't gotten the therapy I need so to this day, there are days when I don't want to wake up. Days when I end up crying constantly, but it's getting better and I know that one day it will be okay.

 

My current best friend has no clue what I've gone through and I feel I can't really talk to her about that stuff, but she comforts me in a different way. She forces me out of the house and makes me laugh even when I don't want to. She helps get my mind off of things. And to make myself feel better about myself, I've been 'looking within'. I've figured out who I really am, slowly but surely, and I'm working to accept it and become proud of what I believe in. I'm happy that I started identifying as a feminist, even if other people don't understand that. I'm exciting about the body positive and sex positive movements that are kicking off and I hope to become a part of them. I accept that I've made mistakes and I'm currently trying to fix them. I'm working on getting myself into an online school because I think that I can excel at it and I have no clue where you live, but perhaps you can look into that for yourself too. What I am most proud of, however, is that I know what my goal in life is, I know what I wish to accomplish and not everybody ever gets to truly know that. Before I die, I want to make the world a bit more awesome. And knowing that and working toward that goal, and working to accept and better myself is what makes me get up everyday. No, thing's aren't perfect, and I'm nowhere near where I want to be right now, but I know I can make it. I hope that perhaps you can do a little soul searching and that finding yourself and figuring out who you are and who you want to be will make you feel better. It's an on-going process and it won't be a magical instafix that makes you happy all day forever, but I'm sure it will help. As everyone else said, if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears(eyes?). Whether you want to talk about your problems or just want someone to talk to about random things to get your mind off of your sorrow. :)

 

I'm sorry to hear! Yea, one of those very difficult things is that I really don't know who I am anymore. I always felt strange, like somehow I'm two faced, starting as I was a kid. I tend to have an imaginary friend who was me but with a different hairstyle and well, she was a bit different. Mysterious. It wasn't some of those serious stuff, I just always had some thoughts about this as I looked into the mirror lol. But I also always had a strange desire to the "bad stuff" in life. I remember hating smoking because well, my parents hated it but I had a friend and whe just knocked on doors to find people who'd give us their cig rests. We said it was for a picture or something for someone who stopped smoking, I still remember (: And that was in year 3 or 4, so I was around 9,10 I guess? And yea, I always wanted to have a good life. A cute family, friends, plain and simple having a good life as a good person. Buuuut somehow this strange "desire" (don't know how to decribe that) grew and I got a bit of "bad influence", as also my friends. I did some... pretty dumb stuff. Destroying our school and just random things with my best friends, but it was fun! I really liked (and actually like :worried:) getting drunk, smoking weed... One of my best friends had this desire of drugs, I also was always very interested in it "You only life once", "If you never try, you'll never know"... Anyway, for not writing a very long confusing story now; the thing is that I feel like I'm two faced. I use to be a good and funny person, having good friends, not being that popular, enjoying life, blablah... and then again, I am way more mysterious, more playing with guys (don't know if you understand that xD) or just people, keeping all my feelings to myself... I got out a week ago after months sitting at home only for buying a DVD and instead of looking all anxious and depressed I just act totally normal and confident while looking at other people as if I wanted to confuse them...and I'm still kind of in a war with myself. It almost feels like those are two personalities constantly fighting each other cause they both have good and bad sides.

Still, I wouldn't say I have a Personality Disorder. or something. I don't feel like I am two people, that would be way more intense. This kind of different personality grew stronger and stronger but still isn't strong enough to erase actually the other one. I think it's because of my depression that it seems like it is a personality, so it actually is the depression?

Anyways, I won't get that solve on my own! I really think I can't cause there are times I want to be like I used to be and then again, I don't.

 

I'm so sorry that you feel this way honey. I don't have depression per se, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a mood disorder. It does incorperate depression and I cry pretty much every day and I have absolutely no motivation, most of the time I'm in bed in my pajamas lol. I'm also agoraphobic and rarely go outside because I get what you said, where it feels like everything is a dream and not real, then I start to panic.

You say you took drugs? Was it Cannabis by any chance? It sounds as if you could be experiencing derrealisation. Cannabis (if that's what it was, I've had similar things happen to me on other drugs) can be a catalyst for these sorts of things if you're already pre-disposed to the condition. I also experience depersonalisation which is where I myself don't feel real. I can look at my hands and they're not MY hands, there could be someone behind me sticking their arms out from behind me. Scary and bizarre. I don't look at my hands or myself in the mirror that much at all anymore.

 

I struggle with my eating, too, and have recurrent binging/starving episodes. My lowest weight was 84 pounds. I've been self harming since I was 11, almost half of my life now, and have tried to end my life twice unsuccessfully. I couldn't tell my parents anything (my mum is mentally ill too and doesn't listen to me), and when I got kicked out at 16 my disorder got gradually worse because I refused help. It's not that I didn't want it, I just didn't want to have to re-live all those horrible memories and talk to a complete stranger about them. I'm currently on a waiting list for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, but it will probably be years before I'm seen.

 

I wish I could tell you that I did this thing and then everything got better, but that's not the case. Of course it's different for me because I'm Borderline and I'll never be rid of that, but I will tell you one thing that really helped me and is still helping me, and that's opening up and talking to people. Exactly what you're doing right now. There was a forum that I used to frequent which is used by all types of people with MI, and they're all so so sweet and nice! It's like TDN but replace the Neopets with mental conditions. It's http://www.mentalhea....org.uk/forums/ if you want to check it out.

Having people in your life that understand what you're going though (even if they're on the internet) can be a huge help.

 

I'm not sure how well I've done with making you feel better (I'm really awful at that - captain bringdown :/), but if you want to talk anymore I'm here, or if you want to talk offsite my name on Facebook is Saxen Marina, as is my Tumblr (but with a dash in the middle). I'm not out the other side yet but I can see how things /could/ be better, and I really hope that starts to ring true for you as well. Don't be scared to talk to me if you want to ^^

 

Big love and cuddles xx

 

Oh gosh, I heard about that... Seems terrible! Opening to people, yea well... I really just can't. And I noticed enough to prove that those people can't really help me cause they never understand. In the end, it will only make me feel worse. So even if I could, if it would be easier to open up... I might just not do it :tired: And thanks for that side, I may look around there. And just noticed you live in the UK :wub_anim: I'm from Germany and I hate it here lol. So sorry if I make a lot of mistakes while writing those long texts!

Oh and yea I took Cannabis but I always loved it and it didn't affect me. I took ecstacy, two times. First it was totally okay, I just sat there with one of my best friends and talked about everything. It was just great cause I never felt that open, we could communicate so easily. A week later we took it again which I think was the fault (besides not telling them about depression and just taking those drugs). My heart was beating faster and louder, I got quiet anxious as possible as I even could on those drugs. I didn't felt that well... My friend took one more I guess, me a half one? Yea. And then suddenly he saw a spider, then I saw it too. The TV was freaking out a bit. Then he smoked weed which I didn't wanted him to do! But he didn't hear while I was actually scared and then he was puking (gosh I hate puking, now I have a phobia of it)... We decided to go to sleep. Lights out, I couldn't sleep well. Then I saw people, but mostly one man on the chair in front of me. He was facing away from me. Oh yea.... I just turned away and closed my eyes trying to sleep, good I was on drugs and could say to me "they are not real". But I swear, I was so scared months later and I still sleep with lights on!

Hey Izi, ^^

 

I can definitely relate where you said you built a wall; I've never been able to tell other people things either, even if I know it's the only way I'm going to get help, it's like there's this wall I've put up around myself that's impossible to break down.

 

Over the last few months I pretty much lost all my feelings; I can't feel happy or excited even if it's my birthday or Christmas. That said, I don't feel depressed either. I just feel nothing. Nothing feels real either, and I feel like I'm dreaming, sometimes I'll even have trouble remembering whether I actually did/saw something or whether I just dreamed/imagined it. It got to the point where I started hurting myself because I thought that was the only way to feel anything at all, though I don't do that any more. It's possible I suffer from some form of Depersonalization, like what Saxen mentioned.

 

What I find helps is writing my thoughts down, I have a journal I write in sometimes, and often I'll write letters to people but keep them instead of actually giving them to that person.

 

*sends you giant plate of gift-wrapped virtual cookies* I hope you're alright; hang in there, okay? Maybe the clinic will be able to make a difference, and you can come and talk to us here whenever you want, or if you just need cheering up. ^^

 

Yea, I know what you mean. I can't really feel either. There a few times I still cry but however I still never really feel something. I mean I feel depressed but it's not like I feel sad or something. For me, depressed isn't really an emotion. It's more this emptyness.

Tried journals often, always failed. I just have my tumblr where I post about it, usually I reblog posts cause that takes less effort. And omg I always did this, writing letters. I remember writing a letter that I left the country and moved to Eastbourne (where there once with my class, since then I loved England xD). Also I remember writing this year a big letter to my best friend describing my feelings and that I have depression, I just knew it. And then, bam. Those pills ruined it more than I ever thought it could! Things got a whole lot more worse :weird:

 

THANK ALL OF YOU <3

 

Oh and does anyone know about the TV Show Skins? I'm very glad I found it because of Effy Stonem. I relate to her so much, I'm pretty much like here (as her personality) but people don't see that cause well, that's all inside of me. But now it shows off quiet more. This is what my other ~personality looks like; I don't know how else to say this. Just those thinks she says or thinks that always crossed my mind. May sound odd but yea, I just feel really close to here character. I often watch videos about here, maybe to try to find myself a bit more. For example I like this one but there are very many good ones!

 

Edited July 26, 2012 by izibizi

[Saxen]

I know what you mean about opening up to people, but that's why you've got to make sure they're the right people, the ones who will understand what you're going through and not judge you so you can feel safe talking. Definitely look around that site, I know there are some great people still on there from when I used it (I may go back actually, tumblr stole me lol).

I do! I don't really like the UK anymore though I've been here too long, I'm planning on moving to France if and when I can. :P

(Sent you a message about the drugs)

 

Judging on what you said above my reply I think you should go to the doctors and try to get some help/treatment. I see that you're 17, so you might want to wait until your 18th so you're no longer a minor (if you want to avoid parentals getting involved).

I should say that having a personality disorder doesn't mean you have more than one personality, unless you have DID (Dissasociative Identity Disorder), in which case you wouldn't remember what you did when you were one of your alters. I feel that sort of a way about my Borderline though, that I'm a normal person but I have a demon inside me. Sometimes I'm normal (as I get anyway XP) and sometimes I'm the demon.. Ionno, it's weird.

It sounds as if you're suffering though, and I reckon talking to people would help. You have to be a member of that site I gave to view everything but it's free and everyone's really lovely :3

[izibizi]

I know what you mean about opening up to people, but that's why you've got to make sure they're the right people, the ones who will understand what you're going through and not judge you so you can feel safe talking. Definitely look around that site, I know there are some great people still on there from when I used it (I may go back actually, tumblr stole me lol).

I do! I don't really like the UK anymore though I've been here too long, I'm planning on moving to France if and when I can. :P

(Sent you a message about the drugs)

 

Judging on what you said above my reply I think you should go to the doctors and try to get some help/treatment. I see that you're 17, so you might want to wait until your 18th so you're no longer a minor (if you want to avoid parentals getting involved).

I should say that having a personality disorder doesn't mean you have more than one personality, unless you have DID (Dissasociative Identity Disorder), in which case you wouldn't remember what you did when you were one of your alters. I feel that sort of a way about my Borderline though, that I'm a normal person but I have a demon inside me. Sometimes I'm normal (as I get anyway XP) and sometimes I'm the demon.. Ionno, it's weird.

It sounds as if you're suffering though, and I reckon talking to people would help. You have to be a member of that site I gave to view everything but it's free and everyone's really lovely :3

 

Actually, when I think about it I feel like this sort of personality, let's just call it like this, isn't THAT strong. But when I look back 2-3 months ago I changed so much! But I feel more good than bad about this, I feel like I actually achieved something, like I want to change completely. My mind is just really messed up.

 

Yea, still waiting for that clinic. They keep me waiting :D

 

I want to live in England so bad, I don't know it kind of feels like home to me :3 But still I'm a person that needs to go out to see the world! And recently I'm stuck in the same place which drives me even more mad!

[Saxen]

It's good that you're seeking help (for some reason managed to forget that you'd said that I apologise!), and I'm sorry they're making you wait. I'm in the same situation at the moment :/ rubbish.

 

I use to be a good and funny person, having good friends, not being that popular, enjoying life

When was this, before the change you described?

 

I feel the same way about France, hehe. I love England, but yeah like you say, sick of being stuck in the same place! Do you think you will come to live here one day? ^_^

[izibizi]

When was this, before the change you described?

 

I feel the same way about France, hehe. I love England, but yeah like you say, sick of being stuck in the same place! Do you think you will come to live here one day? ^_^

 

A few years ago. I always had this strange personality thing like I said but it didn't really show to others, I just kept it inside. I couldn't even let it out. It didn't feel like myself while trying to "letting it out", it seemed wrong yet being myself or whatever didn't feel right though. So yea, this always was kind of strange.

 

I wish! But I dont think I'll ever get that done. There are so many things I have to do, I have to get a job and somewhere to live first and I'll be completely on my own with this. I don't want to move there when I'm all grown up, I want to live there like now, that makes me so angry!

[Saxen]

It's good that you feel more positively about this change in yourself than how you did before. Sounds like you're trying to figure things out and who you want to be, which is great! :D

 

I know what you mean, I feel similarly about France :P To be honest though, we're so lax you could probably hop on the next boat and be hooked up with benefits as soon as you got here XD

Are you planning to go to University? You could look into studying here?

[izibizi]

Yea but it's strange cause I won't be happy either, cause I can choose being weird funny and nice and stuff or being more mysterious and yea :D I don't think this is normal, but what is normal anyways!

 

I can't tell you anything about France, never been there! Only had lessons in my old school :3

 

Really? Last time I told my therapist about my plans about England and then she was like "I heard it's expensive there" and "It probably will be hard finding a job there"... And I was like, really? What are you trying to do right now, cause you're not making me feel better xD The thing is, I have no idea what's going on there! And my plans are to move there as soon as possible, and that's all. Oh and I may want to become a photographer or do something with animals but both seems so difficult!