Sick of this super-negative friend.

[Lady Lyuba]

Seriosuly, she lets one small bad thing happen and lets it ruin her day. Making a mountain out of a molehill. I keep telling her there is nothing to be upset about and she does not listen. I have another friend who is being tested for cancer and this negative friend does not show any care whatsoever.

 

She never says good things about herself, she's COMPLETELY negative and will probably die from suicide. Also, she has this kind of schizophrenia because all these "problems" she thinks she has are all in her head and she refuses to seek any help whatsoever. She's just crazy, negative, and can seem unfeeling sometimes. Ture, she HAS said she has Asperger's Syndrome, but another friend says she does not have it, just autism.

 

I can't even express my opinion to her or she'll take offence. She's an eggshell walk to the point that the honest truth will upset her.

 

If you ask me, she must have a severe case of AS. Don't get me wrong, I have it too, but I'm in no way like her. I will say, however, that this friend is a lot like my dad sometimes, who also has it.

 

I kinda need help, and she is really bothering me right now. It's super annoying.

[Jacky]

Tough situation there... I'm sorry you got caught in it... :(

 

Anyway, I used to be friends with a girl that had some... issues. She was very negative and with her negativity she would just suck the energy right out of me. She tried to commit suicide numerous times and I was the only one that would go visit her, keep her busy and distract her. I was friends with her for YEARS but it just got too much and had to take a step back. I guess she took offense in that because after that she threw a huge fit and we got in a very nasty fight. Shortly after that I got married and moved away to the US. I've been very sad and worried about her, but my life has been a lot better since.

 

So, what you do is up to you of course, and it's gonna be a tough choice. But remember that you live your life for YOU, not for anybody else. You need to choose what is best for you. I'm not telling you to cut her off completely, but there is nothing wrong with stepping back. These people can pull you down along with themselves...

 

To lighten the story up a little bit; we've been neomailing the last couple weeks and she seems to be doing really good. We will never be friends like we used to be, but we both still care about each other and it is nice to hear from her again. ^_^

[lilshadowdweller]

I recall mentioning a thing like this, too, in another topic geared toward suicide. He was always starting fights with me, calling girls "all bitches" who only want good looking guys. When I'd explain to him that I clearly had dated someone bigger than he'll ever be, he ignored it and continued. I became so frustrated I blocked him, asking him; "What the heck is your game?"

 

He'd message some of my friends after meeting them, and start telling them this and that, and he started depressing them, too. Apparently, he freaked out on another one of my friends because he had lost a lot of weight and she didn't magically go for him.

 

In other ways, he's a nice guy. He bought me a nice DS game and is friends with my boyfriend. He seems like on the inside he is a nice guy, but everything is just too negative, and people start hating him regardless.

 

It sounds like she has a serious problem. Whether or not it's what she says doesn't matter - some people didn't believe me when I told them I had OCD, it was the most hurtful and loneliness feeling to be felt, especially when you're officially diagnosed.

 

Her "black and white" is a distortion. We all suffer from thought distortions. Me, but instance, I believe in fairness - unfortunately, the world isn't fair - and I freak out when it isn't. She's blown things out of porportion which is a huge thought distortion.

 

But I do want to point out; I find your comment about how your other friend is dealing with cancer really unfair. She's not permitted to suffer because your other friend is dealing with cancer? From the sounds of it, her mental illness is pretty bad, and it needs to be treated. She could actually be in more mental pain than your cancer friend. Just because it's not physical doesn't mean it doesn't mean it's not dangerous and risky. Take OCD for example; one child who was suffering from both cancer and OCD actually confessed he would prefer to just have cancer ! I'm not saying I don't understand your frustration, not by a long shot, but your own though distortion is considering your friend's problem worse than your other friends. Cancer is awful. But so are mental disorders. And she could die from it. I just think you need to address you biases in thinking that she's selfish because her sickness will never allow her to see it that way.

 

Don't compare her problems with her cancer friend. You'll make it worse. You don't know how she's feeling.

 

HOWEVER, with that being said, you also should not have to suffer with your friend. I know how annoying it can be. Do what you can to assist her, maybe look up counsellors who could help and are equipped to help her. Try not to freak out if she blows things up, just explain why (in your opinion), she's blown things up out of proportion. If you really thinks she's suicidal, you need to take the next step: contact help. When my friend threatened suicide, I called the police. I don't care if he was bluffing or not, I take any threat of suicide extremely seriously.

 

My biggest tip? If she's not in immediate danger, and I know this is going to sound awful, but you may need a little break from her. I needed a break from my friend, too. We're still friends. We hang out. But I needed distance. You need some distance. Perhaps take a week off from her, don't tell her that's what you're doing (in case it hurts her), but you're mentally getting damaged too. From the sounds of it, you're doing what you can. (Aside from that cancer thing...)

A break could help you mentally brace yourself and cope with her. She can damage you, too.

 

I really hope your friendship stays intact and you regain your patience. It's wonderful of you to be a friend to her, you are very strong.

[Lady Lyuba]

She DOES have a mental illness, that is true. She doesn't realize what is wrong with her and refuses to get it treated. But she DOES have something. Most of it is all in her head. Tomorrow is her birthday, she went out partying with freinds today, I thought she'd have fun, then she just called me and was crying. I'm tired of this. When I was a kid, birthdays would always upset me, especially my own, to the point that I dread my birthday every year and treat it like a scary Friday the 13th day. It was my anxeity problem which made me unable to handle birthdays and parties. I thought she might be having the same issue.

 

She probably has very severe Asperger's Syndrome, far more severe than me PLUS depression and some other kind of mental illness. I know it's partially AS because she cried over the wrong battery being ordered for her laptop which is really no big deal. She also has depression because she gets sad for no reason a lot, and another kind of mental illness, I don't know what it is, but it's like some kind of schizophrenia. One where she thinks she has all these problems that do not actually exist and are really all in her head and figments of her imagination.

 

I'm sick of her never letting herself feel better. "At least one of us feels better". CAN'T YOU BE MORE OPTIMISTIC!? One of these days she'll commit suicide. I just know it. And when I talk to her about something that is bothering me, she is NEVER sympathetic or supportive. All she goes is "I'm sorry" "yeah" or ".....". I want a friend who can support me, but does she? NO! She has NO heart. Ice woman.

[keiwo]

I'm not sure you are in a position to diagnose her with <insert mental disorder here>.. that's a pretty serious thing to do. it's quite possible that she's just going through a difficult time in her life and the resulting stress and trauma is making her behave the way she is. being sad over small things is not necessarily a sign of Asperger's or depression. in saying that, if she is mentally unwell, I don't think you're being fair on her. I understand that it must be frustrating but you say that you have Asperger's yourself - you must have some idea of how hard it is to deal with that sort of thing. you need to be supportive rather than heckling her, and if you can't deal with it, back away from her, because I don't think having all these negative feelings towards her will do ANYONE any good.

 

as for the support thing, some people just aren't natural empaths, and if that isn't the kind of person you want to maintain a friendship with, then back away.

[Zorse]

I'm not sure you are in a position to diagnose her with <insert mental disorder here>.. that's a pretty serious thing to do. it's quite possible that she's just going through a difficult time in her life and the resulting stress and trauma is making her behave the way she is. being sad over small things is not necessarily a sign of Asperger's or depression. in saying that, if she is mentally unwell, I don't think you're being fair on her. I understand that it must be frustrating but you say that you have Asperger's yourself - you must have some idea of how hard it is to deal with that sort of thing. you need to be supportive rather than heckling her, and if you can't deal with it, back away from her, because I don't think having all these negative feelings towards her will do ANYONE any good.

 

as for the support thing, some people just aren't natural empaths, and if that isn't the kind of person you want to maintain a friendship with, then back away.

 

I completely agree!

 

It sounds to me like she's just going through a difficult time in her life and is seeking support. When it feels as if everything is going wrong, it's easy to become negative and stay negative. She may not even be aware of how negative she is, and that isn't a mental disorder. In a way, you're enabling her by being around.

 

The way you talk about her, being a friend, is horrible IMO. If you really feel that way about her, then why are you still hanging around her and calling her a friend? Sounds like it's time to back away from her for a while, if not forever. I think both of you guys would be better off. You can't change a person who's like that. Do what's best for you right now.

[Trig]

To be honest I think you're being pretty unfair and negative in the way in which you talk about her. I have a friend who is depressed, has an eating disorder (although she is trying to tell me that she's gotten better), has attempted to commit suicide and also doesn't usually help me out when I have problems- usually it's trying to one up me saying "oh, well that sucks, but look at what sucks MORE in my life." However, she's one of my best friends and I understand that that's who she is. I don't usually talk to her about issues in my life anymore if I know they are going to trigger a competition of who's life is worse, and I'm there for her to listen. I guess that's just the type of person I am though.

 

What I'm saying is you need to figure out whether you really want her in your life as your friend. If you do you need to understand that there are some things, especially if she has a mental disorder, that she isn't going to be able to provide for you. If she's young enough I'd contact her parents and let them know what's going on so that she can get the help it sounds like she desperately needs. Also, suicide isn't something that should be taken lightly and I really think you should think about what you're saying when you say "I just know she is going to commit suicide one day." Personally, I'd be more focused on trying to prevent that than foreshadowing that.

 

All in all you need to do what's best for you, as others have said, and your happiness needs to come first. However, in doing that you need to recognize what she might be dealing with and realize that this friend is definitely different than what you're expecting from a friendship. If she's not able to provide you with what you need then I really do think you should be taking a few steps back and seeing if this is something you should really be involved with.

[Lady Lyuba]

Especially when I'm trying to explain something to her and she always takes it as if I'm threatening her or insulting her and she makes it into an argument. She does not listen to what I'm trying to explain to her! I'm telling her if she is having a health problem she needs to seek help which she refuses to do because she doesn't want to worry anyone, sacrificing her own health just bceause she thinks it'll keep people happy! Not the right thing to do! And I explain to her that, and what does she do!? Argue! She takes it as if I'm yelling at her or arguing with her, and this happens too often.

 

However, I don't know how to distance myself from her. I've become so close to her she even calls me a "cousin" or "sister". Yet she acts so much like my estranged father who I do not get along well with at all.

 

How do I distance myself from her?