Is it wrong to wish for a simple life?

[behati]

Is it wrong to wish for a simple life; just to be a good wife and a good mother for your future family?

 

My question for the guys/in general is, would you look down on someone who was a house wife or a house husband? Assuming this person's primary job is to take care of the household (do chores, watch over the kids, cook dinner, etc). Maybe describing it as "looking down" on someone is a bit harsh, would you hold someone to a lower standard because of that role whether it is your brother-in-law or wife, or best friend's wife?

 

It just sounds weird to me, as if, why would I do that? I think, I don't want to be seen as incapable of anything "intellectual" but I like simple. I'm not very interested in ultimate riches or bringing home le bacon, but would it matter to a guy? Would a guy resent being the only one working in the household one day even though he may not vocalize it? What do you think?

[Kwa]

My mum has always been 'just a mum', and while I don't think that thats a bad thing at all, I do think it's important to have an identity outside of being a wife and mother. My mum did an amazing job raising us, and I love her to bits and always will, but now that we are all grown up (my youngest sister is 18 now) she really has lost her identiy. Staying home for years and years means she really has no friends now and no hobbies, nor does she had the self confidence to go out and study something or to get a job and it's sad too, because she is only 44 and has so much life left to live, and I worry she is just going to waste it away.

 

I also think it's unfair on your husband/wife/wahtever to expect them to be bringing in 100% of the income necessary to may a mortgage/rent, buy food, put your kids through school, provide for birthday/xmas presents. I know my mum often whines to my dad that she has no nice clothes to wear or anything and asks him for money, but as he is self employeed, it's already tough not knowing if it's going to be a good/bad week with customers and I think my mum really has no right to be asking for stuff when she isn't contirbuting financially at all. It puts a LOT of pressure on my dad and he really can't afford to take any time off when he's sick or anything, because there is no leway in their finances.

 

For me, growing up seeing that, I always knew that I had to contribute to my family 50/50 with my hubby, and thats exactly what we do. At the moment, we earn about the same amount. (He is a Baker and I am studying Medicine and am currently an Intern) but when I finish, I will be earning more than him. We both work full time and we also have 2 little daughters ages 5 and 3, and we make it work.

 

I think at the VERY least, once your kiddies are in school, a part time job is the way to go. I know lots of mums who work part time or job share with other mums so that they are still contributing to the family income, and still get to socialise withother adults AND still get to be home to pick the kids up from school, cook dinner etc.

 

Of course though, there is no one solotion for everyone, and you gotta do what works best for you and your family :D

[Sweetdang]

I'm not a guy, but I don't think so.

 

See, believe it or not - doing chores, cleaning, sweeping, washing, drying, ironing, cooking, sewing, fixing, mending, gluing, sweating, clearing, packing, scolding, talking, comforting, dusting, mopping, carrying, working till the break of dawn may actually be more stressful and tiring then siting in an air conditioned office doing work.

 

I know office work requires lots - my dad writes programmes - but so does working at home.

 

And my mom makes it a point to cook something nutritious and healthy and a favourite of my dad's for his dinner when he comes home. I don't think he has anything to complain about. Esp since on top of doing all that, my mum takes up a job to supplement the household earnings, and yes, she has four kids, and no, we do not have a domestic helper.

 

I don't see anything to complain about, really, One does one thing, another does another, and only through this, can the family be balanced and work out.

[Unstream]

Ultimately, I think it depends on who you're with, and what they value more.

 

Would I hold someone to a lower standard if they were a housewife? I'm not sure, but I can see why somebody would.

After all, you are choosing a simpler life. Simpler is almost synonymous with easier.

 

I know personally I'd like to find a wife who could help contribute. But I'm 17; what do I know?

[Masaryk]

With current child care costs sometimes eating up all or most of one parent's wages, it makes little sense for both parents to be working sometimes. Child care for two children can cost $20,000. If both people are making much more than that, then it might make sense to have a two-income family.

 

Personally, when I have kids, I would love for my husband to stay home with them. I don't really want my kids to live in day care until they are old enough for school, and I don't want them to be forced into going to kindergarten if they are not socially or academically ready to do so.

 

I will always have a higher paying job than my husband. While having his extra income is nice, it's not necessary, considering the lifestyle we have chosen for ourselves. Currently, he works for me during the summer, and that could continue, even if we had kids. But if him having a job would mean my kids would have to be in a child care program, and all or most of his income would be going toward that, I don't think him having a job would be worth it to us.

[Spritzie]

There's nothing wrong with it at all, whether kids factor in or not. My mom always worked, but she quit her job when she got pregnant with my older sister. Since my dad's job was enough, she stayed home with my sister and I.

 

With my husband and I, I work, and he currently doesn't. As much as I hate going to work in the mornings, I'd go crazy being home all the time, so I prefer to work. (Even if I didn't need to work, I'd always work, part/full time, or volunteer.) My husband prefers staying home and taking care of the house, the bills, cleaning, cooking, etc. And that honestly doesn't bother me in the least bit. If he's happiest doing that, then I'm good with that.

 

I think as long as one income doesn't make things too hard (or impossible) there's absolutely no issue with wanting to be a stay-at-home mom/dad/husband/wife. Unfortunately, it's just harder to pull off now-a-days with the job market, and the wages.

[Welcome Back Apathy]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a house-spouse. I do, however, believe that everyone should steal my term and stop saying "housewife". "House-spouse" is way better. :-D

 

Here's the thing: someone has to do the cooking. Someone has to do the cleaning. Yes, maybe sometimes it is split between two people. But if you don't NEED to have both people working, then I see no problem whatsoever.

 

However, I would like to destroy stereotypes, please. Men who stay at home are often thought of as unemployed deadbeats. I hate that. A lot of men are REALLY GOOD at cooking and cleaning and the housework, and they do a fantastic job. A lot of dads are GREAT with the kids. Honestly, if my husband and I had to choose which one of us should work and which one should stay home and do the cooking and cleaning, I'd be better in the working world, and he'd be better at home. I am absolutely godawful at housework. I don't think this would come up, though--it would drive us insane not to work.

[behati]

stay at home men are hot. ;x especially when they've got all that extra time on their hands. i don't want to get explicit or anything but this is already assuming it's the woman that has a steady job and so on. she comes home with her husband waiting for her with dinner and the kids - it's a wonderful sight. and needless to say, i personally don't think i have energy like a man might to rough house with the kids and run around the park (god forbid, needing to do this in 3 inch heels).

 

assuming this is possible (not considering the wage problem), I don't think staying at home means the job is any easier. -someone- has got to do it. it just depends i guess. a house-spouse that stays at home and watches tv all day is wasting away. a house-spouse that does some chores, plan out schedules and runs the errands needed in the household while the breadwinner is working is definitely a productive lifestyle. i just don't find sitting behind an office all day staring at the computer very rewarding. the computer isn't going to come back and thank you for the times it had with you 10 years down the road.

 

we spend our lives working for other people so they can better themselves. wouldn't we be happier working for ourselves, bettering our own lives?

 

if it was the other way around, and I was the breadwinner (woman) and my spouse (man) was at home doing the things my mother does for me right now - i wouldn't see him as any less or if it was any guy. it takes hard work caring for a family and it's more emotionally draining than a desk job. I would actually love it, to know the loves of my life are spending time with each other and safe with "adult" supervision.

 

there are probably just as many deadbeat moms as there are dads. babies don't just "happen" with one person. it takes two.

[Yuika]

There's nothing wrong with that! As long as both people agree on it, it can be a great thing. My mother was a house-wife for a large part of my childhood. Although my father is actually much better at homemaking than my mother...but I digress. xD

 

I would love to have a stay-at-home spouse, or one who works part-time, once I'm settled into my career and have kids. My chosen career is very time-consuming and I wouldn't want my children to be in daycare all the time (as someone above me said). I would be an awful housewife, and I've always said I needed to marry someone who's awesome at housework and cooking. : )

[Jess Is Somewhere Else]

Well I want to have children when I'm older, but I want to be a famous musician as well. I don't like it when in the old days if women were indipendant they weren't married, and if you were't married it meant you didn't or shouldn't have had children. But my Stepdad has no job, but he does the shopping online and stuff. He's always gettng me, my brother, and my sister to do jobs after eating. I have to wash everything, and my brother dries them, but sometimes he makes me dry them as well.

[leedom111]

Taking care of a household is, like, insanely hard @__@ If I ever get married my husband's gonna have to be willing to do a lot of work!

 

My mom quit her job to take care of me, which I really appreciate. I have ADHD and had trouble focusing as a child, so it was great that she was always there to help me. Even now, she still helps me out a ton! If she had not stayed home, I would have had a lot of trouble in school.

My dad always used to say that being a stay-at-home mom was the most important job in the world, but now I realize he doesn't believe it. He looks down on my mom and doesn't value her or her input. He also does the same thing to me. It is very frustrating. I can't tell if it is because I'm a woman, or just because he still thinks of me as a "child"

 

I think that having a parent at home is very helpful to children, but it irks me that women are often expected to fulfill that role.

 

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