Feeling despondent

[Manta]

Ever since I flipped out after the Harry Potter movie, I've been feeling so depressed and cut off from humanity. The movie was just a trigger to feelings that have been building up for years. Why don't I feel comfortable or ever at ease with other people? Friends I've known for years, I just always feel awkward around people. I've been wanting to hang out with people less and less - I always make excuses or back out at the last moment for hanging out with people. Now I can't even look people in the face, and I just stare at the floor.

 

On Friday, I deactivated my facebook account, and I haven't turned my phone on in days. My friend from school invited me to stay with his family for a few days while they're on vacation, but I stopped texting him back because I'm absolutely terrified of interacting with anybody. I've ignored more phone calls, facebook messages, and even Neomails than I can count. I don't know what to do or where to go. I've already come to terms with the fact that the only worth life has is to give us enjoyment, but now i don't know what to do with myself. I was happy for a while, and now I'm sinking back into depression. I've been on my thyroid and vitamin D meds for months now, and I started exercising and everything. I thought it would be okay, but now I feel worse than I did before.

 

Even Neopets isn't making me feel happy right now. All I can think about are the NC items I'll never get, the pets i'll never manage to trade for, the completed permies I'll never achieve. One of my neofriends traded an unlimited custom for a UC mara krawk - I tried so hard to avoid wanting one, but now i'm so jealous, it's sickening and embarrassing. I feel like I'll never be content.

 

My mom thinks that I should get back in contact with my friend and finish planning this trip, but I'm so afraid. I can barely talk to people at this point, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't even want to go back to school right now (and I love school!), since that would mean i'd have to do work and be surrounded by people. What should I do??

[Noog]

Well you have a krawk, which I'll never manage. :)

 

Just keep your head up and do what you want to do. The best thing for you right now is to do what makes you happy and to know that things will get better. *hugs* ^_^

[behati]

Aw Manta, we can be here for you and provide you with advice while attempting to make you feel better but it won't fill the hole you know? I think you should finish planning the trip. Don't be embarrassed, and don't want an UC Mara Krawk just because your friend has one. No offense to your friend but god knows how many people paid for their UC pets. You only feel awkward because you keep avoiding problems you encounter. The more you avoid everything the more accustomed to being able to just "avoid" the possible nervousness you get. You should really get back to talking with your friends, I know they understand and I'm sure they love you or else they wouldn't have invited you right?

 

Neopets is just pixels, at the end of the day it's your real family and friends that matter. I don't mean to offend anyone with expensive pets, but you have no idea who's pet is who's. Who's pet isn't a stolen UC or an illegally bought UC. With enough money, ANYONE can have EVERYTHING on neopets. The honest truth is, with 22million and counting players/accounts neopets cannot keep track of accounts getting hacked into and such. Don't dwell on what you can't have, and remind yourself of how far you've come and work your way towards an achievable goal.

[Lydia Trebond]

I think you should try and focus on the things you have achieved. You've gotten the MSPP avatar, something many of us will never be able to get.

 

 

Or if it's really not making you happy anymore, find something that will. Don't keep pushing yourself back to things that you used to do but are just making you more and more unhappy.

 

 

Try (re)reading the Harry Potter series. Just because one movie was terrible doesn't change the fact that Harry Potter is amazing. I personally hated the sixth movie so haven't seen either seventh movie. Or don't reread them, if it doesn't help.

 

 

The point is, figure out what you want to do - and do it. Don't do something because it's expected, or someone else thinks it's a good idea. You've got a world of possibilities in front of you, try exploring some. :)

[Spastastic]

It sounds extreme enough to be social anxiety disorder to me. You're isolating -- it's something I do sometimes as well, although I'm on medication so it's not so bad. Maybe seek professional help?

[Angeló]

I always think about what I have , not what I don't have ...

 

I don't know why Harry Potter triggered this in you .. I don't follow it .. but I can say "count your blessings" ...

 

About Neopets - it is just a game ... even if you achieve millions and billions ... and you have all the best pets ... it's nothing but a virtual world .. it makes me laugh when I see people "selling" their Neopets for actual money ... and others actually buying them ... being "popular" online means squat in real life ...

 

You have a nice friend(s) in real life .. you have a family that cares about you ... think about people who don't have that ... and see how lucky you are ...

 

I also have a problem with people on a certain level .. but I have come to a resolution - keep only a select few close to you ... don't alienate everyone , because you never know when you'll need friends to talk to ... and it hurts a lot more when you have no one (i've been there) ...

 

Hopefully it's just a phase , if you want to talk more .. my inbox is always open :)

[Manta]

You guys are just the best...Thank you all... :sad02: *hugs everyone*

 

You're all right...I have to stop looking at the negative side of things. I have accomplished a lot, on Neo and IRL, and i need to stop beating myself up for what I haven't done, and instead celebrate what I have done.

 

I'm going to make a real effort in the last few weeks of the summer to reconnect with people. This afternoon, I'll be seeing my new therapist again, and I'm hoping that each time I see her, we'll be able to work something out. In the end, if I find that I need to go on medication for anxiety or hypersensitivity or whatever, it'll be okay. I've always been afraid of going on medication for one thing or another, and that's a fear I'm trying to work on as well.

 

I actually just finished re-reading Harry Potter, which is why I think I hated the movie so much, tbh. When I read, I get really absorbed in the universe of the story, to the extent that I can effectively ignore my actual surroundings. So I tend to become very emotionally attached to the worlds I visit in books, (A Song of Ice and Fire, Wheel of Tim, even Redwall!), far more than normal people when they read books - at least, that's what I've gathered from talking to people. That's probably why the movie had such a powerful negative effect on me.

 

Thank you all again...I feel a little more confident right now, I think that's a positive step. Thank you ^_^

[Cornflakes]

Ha, you've just discovered that people suck. No need to feel bad about it. I myself deleted my Facebook earlier this month. Facebook is not a place for "friends." It's a place for emotional vampires that want all of your attention but can't seem to reciprocate. Besides, Facebook is in its decline. It's been around forever and it's getting really lame.

 

Some people can go through life being just fine about everything, and some people actually stop and think about things. Unfortunately, thinking doesn't go very far in this world. Let's just get all hopped up on antidepressants when we start thinking too much!

 

My advice to you is to get some new friends - people who are worthy of your time and effort - and keep yourself busy. Things will probably get much better when you're back in school. :)

[Syrin of Neopia]

You'll be okay, Manta. (& I'm glad you're feeling better since your original post)

 

We all go through periods where we get down on ourselves for the things we haven't accomplished or have neglected, & then we forget all the wonderful things we have accomplished because we're too focused on the negatives.

 

You're going through a rough time & while we may all only be connected through virtual means, we're all here for you. Feel free to vent, talk things out, or just get mad because odds are a lot (if not all) of us will be able to help you & try to help you understand what you're going through.

 

Just stay strong & think of all the positives in your life. Remember, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile :)

[Manta]

Thank you all, so so so so much. I went out today and saw some old high school friends that I haven't connected with in a few years, and it was nerve-wracking, but nice to see them.

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to Woods Hole to visit my friend and his family. They're all very sweet people, and I lived with them for a month and a half last summer, so I'm hoping that being around them will allow me to be comfortable and interact with them, without feeling too anxious or pressured. Either way, it's going to be good to get out of the house, and out of my head.

 

I just need to keep reminding myself of all the things that are great about my life. Earlier today, I started to mope again, and feel miserable. Then my friend called me, right at the moment when I started to really get into my head, and she helped me out of it. I just need to remember that people are there for me, and people care about me. Even if sometimes my brain tells me that everyone's lying, and they all hate me, I know that it's not true. Not everyone loves me, sure. But there are many people who do, and they're the ones who matter.

 

Also, I realized that I need to lower my movie standards :laughingsmiley: