Lydia Trebond Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily). Welcome viewers, here we are about to get the final results from Altador Cup VI, the final matches are just wrapping up. [A runner hands Lydia and Alberto a piece of paper] Oh, apparently they've just finished up! And the winner is - [image cuts to Dr. Sloth] <img src="https://images.neopets.com/images/frontpage/sloth_day_2005.gif" alt="Dr. Sloth" style="float:left;margin:5px;" /> Greetings, residents of Neopia. I’m interrupting this broadcast in order to bring you a very important message. I am sure you are all now aware of my team’s recent domination in the tournament you call the “Altador Cup”. After six long years of perfecting my team, it was no problem to stomp Krawk Island in the final matches, particularly after we had removed Maraqua, leaving them in fourth place. Maraqua was our biggest threat this year, and in order to ensure our place at the top, we had to uh... get rid of the player known as Dorina Hals. She is quite well, I assure you. At least, no permanent damage has been done. <img src="https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/teams/2010/maraqua_3.gif" alt="Dorina Hals" style="float:right;margin:5px" /> [Off camera] Sir, I don't remember any orders to kidnap Dorina Hals. Silence, you insubordinate orange-- [A faint zapping sound is heard] You're lucky that phaser was only set to stun... Ahem. In this tournament, everything went exactly according to plan. Kreludor was granted third to ensure their loyalty to me. Then we allowed Krawk Island to take second to give you Neopians a smattering of hope before crushing your dreams completely! Know this Neopia - this is only the beginning of my return. As my team has crushed you in the Altador Cup, I will crush all of you. You may have defeated me twice but it will not happen again! Muahahahahahahahahaha! [image cuts back to Lydia and Alberto] - and that wraps up tier one. Er.... That was slightly strange. ...Did anyone else hear a beep right then? [Crew member]: “I think we had a power fluctuation....” [Lydia]: Anyways, we’ll now turn our coverage to Alberto, who will discuss the results of the second tier. “Alberto? Are you paying attention?” “Wait, what? Oh, yes, of course, of course. *hides something*” “Are you drinking something in the newsroom?!” “Of course not! Unless, of course, you’re talking about this Meridellian Celebratory Slushie I’ve got right here.” “*Sigh*.... Please just tell our patient listeners the results of the second tier.” “Alright, alright...” *slurps more of the Slushie* This year, tier two was filled with teams of historic rivalries - Terror Mountain and Tyrannia, and Meridell and Darigan Citadel. However, Meridell duked it out with Tyrannia in a battle for fifth place, while Terror Mountain did its best to bring down Darigan Citadel to eighth place. All four teams were in positions of high power at some point during this Cup, and all are viable contenders for the championship next year - if they try hard enough, of course. Over at Meridell’s headquarters, a bittersweet victory was to be found. Though Meridell managed to capture fifth place for a second time (and a second tier finish for the fifth time), they were disappointed that they missed the top tier by fractions of a point for the second year in a row. However, Meridell did secure the best Slushie Slinger record, managing over 31 wins in the game, and maintained their threat as a powerful Yooyuball team. Tyrannia had a rather drab feeling about losing to Meridell, but were still joyous with the fact that they placed higher in this Cup than ever before, by attaining 6th place. They claim that eating more omelettes has significant impact on Yooyuball performance, since the team also managed to be a big Yooyuball threat this year. Who knows, Tyrannia may be the next Virtupets! <img src="https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2011/teams/darigancitadel_1.gif " alt="Layton Vickles" style="float:left;margin:5px;" /> Darigan Citadel proved that they were not a team to be pushed around, as the former champs recovered from their loss to Tyrannia by squashing Terror Mountain down to 8th place. The Citadel was also pleased that they managed to have the second-loudest fans of the Cup, which they hope will help them next year, as Layton Vickles affirmed for us: “Do not count out the Darigan Citadel next year.... We WILL sssseize the Cup, and victory will be ourssssss once again... Many thankssss to our fanssss, who will hopefully be jussst as loud and sssupportive next year.” At the Chillers’ headquarters, the bittersweet feelings were also felt as the team was discouraged from their string of losses to the other second-tier teams of Meridell and Darigan Citadel in the finals. Though the team started off this year as a powerhouse, they fell back into the second tier, remaining there with rival Tyrannia for a good portion of the Second Round Robin. However, now that Terror Mountain has had a taste of power, they are definitely a team to watch next year. Thanks, Alberto. Well, in tier three, the Roos were able to take the top of the tier, coming in at ninth place. They edged out Shenkuu in a close match today, the typical ninja ways of Shenkuu failing at the hands of the Roos, who managed to bounce around the expertly tossed shurikens of Shenkuu. The Zombies were able to shamble past Brightvale in a very close match. While the former champs had been a strong team earlier in the Cup, several key losses led to their fall to the depths of the third tier. Though defeated by Shenkuu in the first part of the finals, they were able to take on Brightvale with renewed vigor, managing to spook the Wizards into dropping the Yooyu during the last 8 seconds of the game - therefore allowing Zo Junior to snatch up the Yooyu and score the winning goal as the whistle sounded. I still can’t believe you won’t share your slushie with me. *pouts* [loud slurping noises are heard] <img src="http://pets.neopets.com/cp/w6rh9rjb/1/2.png" alt="Orange Grundo" style="float:right;margin:5px;" /> Anyways, onto tier four. Lost Desert was able to top the tier, still a long fall from the top of tier one (even though they ended up doing much better than predicted). They conquered Mystery Island through the same fierce determination with which Faerieland took down Kiko Lake. Now - wait, why does this report say “Faerieland was kept down to keep the Space Faerie from gaining power to keep me at bay?” Who delivered this script? [mumbling is heard] An orange Grundo? Huh. I didn’t know we had any Grundos on staff. Anyways. Faerieland managed to stay out of the consolation bracket - and it says here “Hubrid Nox failed at keeping the faeries out of my way, so now I have to do it all myself.” Let’s proofread these reports before they come out, I think Murphy got into this one. In the consolation bracket, Altador took its first and last two YYB wins of the Cup against Moltara, just managing to pull off a win for 17th place - after going into overtime to prevent a draw. It was an exciting match all around, and after much friendly handshaking, the two teams could be seen sharing slushies together in the private cafeteria for the players. That’s a wrap for this year folks, we’ll be back next year to keep you up to date with the news from the Altador Cup VII. Many thanks to AA, Livvy, Noog, Co, Motz, Smokey, Alberto, and Xepha, who all helped bring you the best Altador Cup Coverage available! This is Lydia and Alberto, for The Daily Neopets, signing - What's this? [A runner comes up and hands Lydia and Alberto papers] What do you mean he interrupted our broadcast? SLOTHH!!!!! [screen goes black and then:] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgJu Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 So that's why Dorina was in Terror Mountain! She wanted to hide and recuperate at Prytariel's place, as it turns out they are half-sisters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathanjoseph99 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Evil Sloth. Hahaha. It has been an amazing cup. You guys did have the best coverage. See y'all next year. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ty Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Ughhh the Maraqua bias on this site is gross. Their best competition? Come on! They got buried in the finals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaad12 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Lol good commentaries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tank Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Ughhh the Maraqua bias on this site is gross. Their best competition? Come on! They got buried in the finals. Maraqua are awesome. And at least we got to the finals! I think that's something to be proud of :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awesome_Paul Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Quick question, how was Maraqua the biggest threat?. They moved between the top and second tier many times within the finals. Surely if they were a real threat (or contender) to the top, they would have been in the top tier the majority of the tournament. Kreludor and Krawk Island were the real threats within the tournament. Maraqua only secured a place in the top 4 within the last few days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Person335 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 By far the most interesting report of the entire AC. Glad to see you guys finish up with the best for last! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lydia Trebond Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Quick question, how was Maraqua the biggest threat?. They moved between the top and second tier many times within the finals. Surely if they were a real threat (or contender) to the top, they would have been in the top tier the majority of the tournament. Kreludor and Krawk Island were the real threats within the tournament. Maraqua only secured a place in the top 4 within the last few days. I think that's a question better left to the Doctor, however the timely disappearance of Dorina Hals may have factored into Maraqua's poor placement. ;) Mostly we just wanted Dr. Sloth to do the top tier and make a final reference to the disappearance of Dorina Hals and that seemed the best way to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakabato Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Sloth must be the one who is behind this Dorina Hals and Krawk Island business all along! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voteforpedro333 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Whoever thought of that intro deserves a cookie! Of course, cookies all around for everyone who played this year. I do have to say with the lack of top tier pressure I thoroughly enjoyed the Cup this year. Once again congrats to Virtupets! As promised the little creature in my sig has been painted with VP colors. I'm working on a Top 8 set for now, the buggers are pretty expensive. (Donations are accepted!) Hope to see all of you next year! I'll be here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ryan Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Lol, whats with all the Maraqua hate? Theyre a great team. They could've easily taken this cup. Shame about Franc though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noog Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 This cup has been really interesting. :) Looking forward to next year...probably with a new team. :shiftyeyes_anim: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgJu Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 i really want to know the results of the final matches. are they ever gonna release that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikh Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 ALL HAIL DR.SLOTH! OUR ULTIMATE LEADER! ADOPT GRUNDOS TODAY AS ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT THE BATTLEDOME! Uhh... what just happened? ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Ughhh the Maraqua bias on this site is gross. Their best competition? Come on! They got buried in the finals. Quick question, how was Maraqua the biggest threat?. They moved between the top and second tier many times within the finals. Surely if they were a real threat (or contender) to the top, they would have been in the top tier the majority of the tournament. Kreludor and Krawk Island were the real threats within the tournament. Maraqua only secured a place in the top 4 within the last few days. I'm very curious as to why so many people seem to interpret our reports as a carefully constructed, literal statement of team performance in the Altador Cup, when it's really just meant to be an entertaining compilation of the results (and is clearly marked as such). Is the disclaimer really so hard to notice and/or comprehend? What can we do to make it clearer? Should we rephrase it? Shorten/lengthen it? Change the text colour or give it a giant font size? We really do put in a lot of effort to make sure our reports are an interesting read, as opposed to a bland textual version of this page, but it seems (as stated several times in comments on our reports) that many people would actually prefer them to be a simple result listing. If you're one of those people, what makes you want to read our reports instead of simply scanning through the results listing each day? And in general, how can we improve next year? i really want to know the results of the final matches. are they ever gonna release that? Since we need complete win/loss records to complete our team profiles, I really hope they release those results too. Unfortunately it's possible that TNT may choose not to release the results (or just plain forget). :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikh Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Guess Krawk Island cheated somehow on Maraqua. That could explain the giant squid blocking KI! Or is it PAUL? ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgJu Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Since we need complete win/loss records to complete our team profiles, I really hope they release those results too. Unfortunately it's possible that TNT may choose not to release the results (or just plain forget). :( Maybe we can ask the folks at the Neopian Times Editorial office? As a way to remind them, of course. Edit: the results were posted and I put up a thread to share them with everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Maybe we can ask the folks at the Neopian Times Editorial office? As a way to remind them, of course. Edit: the results were posted and I put up a thread to share them with everyone Heh, I did actually submit an editorial question shortly before the results were published. Maybe it got noticed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgJu Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Heh, I did actually submit an editorial question shortly before the results were published. Maybe it got noticed? the stats for DC and TM haven't been updated on TDN's main Altador page under the Standings section. DC won all games but SOSD in that last match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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