Feedback for my Poem?

[neggler]

Wish You Were Here

 

 

Remember staying up all night

Talking about our lives

Until we saw the sunlight

Or when I came to your side

After a night out of wining

You called me half in tears

Worried you were dying

And I talked you out of your fears

 

Remember how we laughed

At the thought of us apart

And I told you about my past

But still you followed me into the dark

You promised to always be there

To listen when I needed a friend

To help me through and to always care

For that my heart will never mend

 

Remember when you looked at me

And stared me in the eyes

You smiled sweetly

And told me goodbye

And while this may be true

I’ve only known you for a year

I still miss you

And wish you were here

[phyxius_on]

nice neggler, i like it. very heart felt

[siniri]

What kind of feedback are you looking for? If you seriously want to improve your poetry-writing skills, I recommend a site such as The Poetry Free-For-All. If receiving brutal, crushingly honest feedback isn't your thing (one of my poems was once compared to ones written by "the worst poet in the history of the English language"), you can still learn a lot by reading various articles in their "Blurbs of Wisdom".

 

Honestly, I could sense your poem is very heartfelt, but since I don't know the story behind it, it didn't do much for me as a reader. I'm sure it would mean a lot to you and the person to whom the poem is directed, and if that's all you're aiming for, that's perfectly fine.