Life.

[Rose_682]

The interesting thing I have found to do with life... No matter how bad your day was, no matter how horrible, as long as you are alive at the end of it, there is someone who had a worse one. So every day, no matter how terrible it is, I sit down, and I write down ten things I am thankful for in my journal. I find that it makes me reflect on my day. It also makes me think about the positive things in life, both in the moment, and at the end of every day.

 

I find that all too often, it's far too easy to focus on the negative things in life. I feel that my own personal reasons for this are as follows. Very often, the negative events in life hurt, or make me angry. In general, they cause the feeling of negative emotion. Sometimes, the negative events in life are stressful. Sometimes they cause an actual impact on my day to day life, or quality of life. These things are undeniable, and can be very hard to ignore.

 

Without the negative events in life, however, we would not know what it was like to feel happiness. Without hardship there is no happiness. We would not know the high feelings if we did not experience the lows. So I find that some days, I am thankful for one or two things that most people would consider to be negative. Perhaps I lose something valuable to me on the bus one day. That would be negative. But perhaps someone returns it later. Perhaps I get to make a new friend out of them. That entire chain of events would be one entry in my journal. Perhaps though, someone did not return it, and it remained lost. Perhaps, instead, I find the time to read a book that I had been meaning to read. Whether or not the MP3 player is in my possession at the end of the day, the book I read is a positive thing. And so on and so forth.

 

I find that keeping the journal makes me realize that no matter how bad my day was, it could not possibly have been all bad, and, seeing as I am still alive to write in my journal another day, had to have been a good one.

 

I start each day with the thought that this is going to be a good day. No matter how tired, no matter how much pain I am in, no matter the weather. It is going to be a good day. No question about it. Starting the day off that way makes my chances of actually having a good day exponentially greater. I strongly believe that the way you approach and perceive things can very strongly influence the way things go in your life. So if I start every day with the most positive outlook possible, and I treat all encounters and events in the day as positive, until they are proven to be otherwise, then the likelihood of my having a marvelous day that much better.

 

I find this method to be highly effective. I can say I have had some really terrible days over the holidays, but there is not one day that a minimum of 5 things, even on the worst days, made it into my journal. So, by the process of reasoning, the days could have been worse. Which adds another thing to be thankful for to the lists right there. That they were not any worse.

 

Either way, I'm rambling. I'm exhausted. I meant to go to sleep after my last post, and instead ended up writing a monologue on how to find and/or recognize happiness in life.

 

Anyway, I think everyone should keep that kind of journal, but that's my own personal opinion, because it has done so much to make me realize that my positive outlook on life is not unwarranted.

[livvy]

Wow. That is absolutely eloquent, and a beautiful concept. Knowing how much emotional crap you've gone through lately, I applaud your continued optimism.

[Xepha]

Very well said :)

 

When I'm not feeling well or when bad things happen to me, I try to find things to make me smile. Even if it's just looking at a picture that is funny or watching a stupid video. Most of the time, it forces the smile out of me and it works.

 

"At least we are alive" is a sentence that comes back to me really often, especially since we were hit by a car in december 2009. Yes my mother still has to deal with that daily and is waiting for 2 more suregeries of her knee, but at least she is still with me. I don't think things would be the same without her. Other things happened before for us two and it makes us stronger. So yes, even long term wise, a bad day can generate something positive :)

[Cornflakes]

Of course things can always be worse, but that kind of thinking negates your right to have feelings about the bad things that do happen to you, which thereby allows the bad feelings to build up, unreleased.

 

You can't will your mind into thinking you're having a good day when you're not. We must allow ourselves to have bad feelings -- it is the only way to deal with the feelings and be able to move on.

 

It's like I wake up one day and go "My grandpa died...but somewhere in the world a kid lost both parents, so I have no right to feel sad." That is counterproductive. We are entitled to be sad about whatever we want to.

 

It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry, and it's okay to have feelings that aren't happy and cheerful. People who wake up everyday all positive and happy are kidding themselves and lying to others and stuffing down bad feelings that they can't or are unwilling to deal with, not realizing the inevitable, when the bad feelings later manifest themselves in all kinds of dangerous ways.

[Unstream]

Of course things can always be worse, but that kind of thinking negates your right to have feelings about the bad things that do happen to you, which thereby allows the bad feelings to build up, unreleased.

 

You can't will your mind into thinking you're having a good day when you're not. We must allow ourselves to have bad feelings -- it is the only way to deal with the feelings and be able to move on.

 

It's like I wake up one day and go "My grandpa died...but somewhere in the world a kid lost both parents, so I have no right to feel sad." That is counterproductive. We are entitled to be sad about whatever we want to.

 

It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry, and it's okay to have feelings that aren't happy and cheerful. People who wake up everyday all positive and happy are kidding themselves and lying to others and stuffing down bad feelings that they can't or are unwilling to deal with, not realizing the inevitable, when the bad feelings later manifest themselves in all kinds of dangerous ways.

Well if one has a right to bad feelings, wouldn't you also say that one would also have a right to not accept those bad feelings? It avoids depression, and it just makes you realize that you don't have it that bad.

 

You can definitely will your mind into being more positive. People don't make you angry or sad - you do. It's okay to approach everything with a more positive outlook.

 

It's not "My grandfather died, but I have no right to feel sad", but more "My grandfather died, and while that sucks, my day wasn't the worst out there, and I should still be thankful for the good fortunes of today." That's an optimistic way of looking at life. We are entitled to look at the positive parts of the day if we want to.

 

It's okay to not be sad. And it's okay to not be angry. And it's okay to try to be more happy and cheerful. People who wake up everyday all positive and happy are simply optimistic. They're able to realize that life isn't that bad, and instead of letting bad feelings build up, they negate them completely. Such a mentality takes a lot of strength, and I applaud them for it.

[livvy]

Of course things can always be worse, but that kind of thinking negates your right to have feelings about the bad things that do happen to you, which thereby allows the bad feelings to build up, unreleased.

 

You can't will your mind into thinking you're having a good day when you're not. We must allow ourselves to have bad feelings -- it is the only way to deal with the feelings and be able to move on.

 

It's like I wake up one day and go "My grandpa died...but somewhere in the world a kid lost both parents, so I have no right to feel sad." That is counterproductive. We are entitled to be sad about whatever we want to.

 

It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry, and it's okay to have feelings that aren't happy and cheerful. People who wake up everyday all positive and happy are kidding themselves and lying to others and stuffing down bad feelings that they can't or are unwilling to deal with, not realizing the inevitable, when the bad feelings later manifest themselves in all kinds of dangerous ways.

 

I... disagree fundamentally with your tone, but I understand what you're saying. It's dangerous to bury negative feelings under a blanket of false positives, but that's not what Rose is saying. She's not trying to hide her negative feelings - heck, she's dealing with a dying cat and I'm certain feels horrible about it - but it's healing to find some reason not to hate the day. If you wake up every day and think "Well gee, today is just a waste. Why am I even bothering to be alive?" then you end up not coping, but piling negativity upon negativity. It's less helpful than being in so-called "denial". Here's an example.

 

I have to wake up early today. I hate waking up early. My goodness, why am I even bothering to be awake? I'm so grumpy when I'm awake. I should just go back to sleep and forget about classes, because I'd be grumpy anyway.

^ bad.

I have to wake up early today. But someone in the world didn't wake up. Yay early mornings!

^ ridiculous.

I have to wake up early today. I hate waking up early. But at least it means I get off school early and can take a nap when I get home.

^ good.

[Cornflakes]

I'm trying to tell Rose that it's okay to be sad, and that willing yourself to be happy is not only emotionally dangerous, but is also an exercise in futility.

 

God forbid I dare to encourage someone to not try to be happy! It's no wonder people are so afraid to reveal their feelings to others!

[Danielle!]

I agree with Cornflakes that it's unhealthy to keep negative feelings building up inside. A balance is good. As long as you're not moping around or bouncing off the walls off the time, I think it's ok. Sometimes you need to let negative feelings out, and sometimes you need enjoy yourself. I've had a bad couple of years (which continues) and there are times when the negativity takes over and everything feels pointless, but when I have a good time it makes me appreciate it so much more.

 

When I'm not feeling well or when bad things happen to me, I try to find things to make me smile. Even if it's just looking at a picture that is funny or watching a stupid video. Most of the time, it forces the smile out of me and it works.

 

I actually created a Tumblr page a short time ago and use it to post videos, images, quotes (to myself) that I find funny or just generally like, so when I'm feeling down I can browse through them. :)

[Unstream]

It's just the way that Cornflakes present her point of view. It was slightly antagonistic and basically told Rose that she shouldn't approach life optimistically. I think it's a good mentality and I encourage her to keep it.

 

It's not so much burying negative feelings as much as realizing there are good elements in your life.

[Danielle!]

It's just the way that Cornflakes present her point of view. It was slightly antagonistic and basically told Rose that she shouldn't approach life optimistically. I think it's a good mentality and I encourage her to keep it.

 

It's not so much burying negative feelings as much as realizing there are good elements in your life.

 

I don't think it was a case of "don't be optimistic about anything", but more reassurance that it is OK to feel down at times. Like I said, as long as you're not moping around everywhere, then you're optimistic about something, but not to the extent that any negativity is blocked out.

 

But if Rose doesn't feel as if she's blocking anything, and actually feels better by doing what she says then I have no reason not to support it. Everyone handles things in different ways.

[Rose_682]

Of course things can always be worse, but that kind of thinking negates your right to have feelings about the bad things that do happen to you, which thereby allows the bad feelings to build up, unreleased.

 

You can't will your mind into thinking you're having a good day when you're not. We must allow ourselves to have bad feelings -- it is the only way to deal with the feelings and be able to move on.

 

It's like I wake up one day and go "My grandpa died...but somewhere in the world a kid lost both parents, so I have no right to feel sad." That is counterproductive. We are entitled to be sad about whatever we want to.

 

It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry, and it's okay to have feelings that aren't happy and cheerful. People who wake up everyday all positive and happy are kidding themselves and lying to others and stuffing down bad feelings that they can't or are unwilling to deal with, not realizing the inevitable, when the bad feelings later manifest themselves in all kinds of dangerous ways.

 

I'm not saying that you should ignore the negative feelings and emotions. That's not healthy at all. In fact, I rather feel that you should embrace them, deal with them, and move on. Sometimes, this may take a long time. Days, weeks, even months. The thing is, every day cannot be ENTIRELY bad. There have to be at least a couple little things in each day that you can focus on at the end of the day.

 

Also, for a personal example, when dealing with my cat, I was on an emotional roller coaster every single day until he started to eat again on his own, and play with toys again, which then allowed me to relax. But there is still the shadow of his cancer that sometimes makes me bawl my eyes out just because I am looking at him. But even when I was at the lowest point in terms of how awful things were with him, when I had tried EVERYTHING to make him eat, to make sure he was hydrated, there were still a few things I could put down in my journal every day. For instance, the one day, I found a wet food that he would eat. He has not eaten wet food since he was a kitten. Did not even eat it then. But he devours this stuff like it's the best treat in the world. So that was a major thing to be thankful for. Another thing to be thankful for was that the cat food he ended up liking was not very expensive. About 50 cents a pouch. I had a few other things in my journal that day, too, but I don't have it with me, as I am not at home right now.

 

The hardest two days of my ordeal with my cat so far have been Dec 16th, when I found out that he had cancer (and it was supposed to be a visit to calm my fears over him being seriously ill...), and Dec 24th/25th, when I found out I was getting a new kitten as one of my Christmas presents from my landlords. Now the first day has an obvious reason to be severely negative. And I found it very hard to find anything to write in my journal that night. But most people would see getting a new kitten as a very positive thing. And it is. Don't get me wrong, that was the first entry in my journal before I went to bed. But it also abruptly reminded me that my cat was dying, and that I would not have him for very much longer. So my emotional roller coaster went from neutral, to an extreme high, and then a very extreme low. The entries in my journal were my new kitten (even though I had not yet received it, and still have not), the fact that my cat was still alive, that he was eating (he was on meds to make him hungry at that point), the time I got to spend with my landlords, and their family, as well as a couple other people that day for Christmas dinner and the night thereafter, and a few other little things that were positive in my day.

 

I agree very much that being sad and angry is ok. They are natural human emotions. But at the end of each day, I find it helps to find the little things in the day that were positive. It makes it easier to be less stressed, and to be a little more positive when I go to sleep, no matter how bad the day. I have also found that since I started my journal, and started to try to find a minimum of 10 positive things in my day, I have less nightmares at night when I go to sleep. The negative emotions that colored my day are less often carried to my sleep. I sleep better when I go to bed thinking about positive things. That's not to say it always works. For about two weeks I was taking anti-anxiety medication every single day (low dose) and higher doses at night, because if I even closed my eyes, I would see my cat dying in another horrible manner. Didn't matter that I knew he had cancer, it could be some little boy that killed him, or a dog, or even me, if it was a really bad one. I knew it wasn't my fault, but it felt like it was, and the trauma and the impending loss were almost more than I could take. It was REALLY hard to wake up and see the day as positive with my cat dying, and my fish dying, and my uncle in the hospital, and my grandmother not doing well. Really, really hard. But the way I got through the day was to look at each day as though it had to be better than the last one. And it usually was.

 

So, in conclusion, yes, deal with the negative emotions. Both in the moment, and over time. They can cause very bad things to happen if you bottle them up and ignore them. But try to, at the end of your day, see something, even the tiniest thing, positive about the day. Trust me, it will make the entire day seem better.