Revenge Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I recently acquired access to a computer (but not for long), so I'm showing you guys something I wanted to for a while, but couldn't 'cause of copy/paste issues. While looking through some random things on the interweb-a-majig, I came across a topic on a board that's main topic was questioning the mental reasoning abilities of visiting foreigners. This, I thought, was hilarious. It is an excerpt from an Australian Tourism website. What happened was, people from all over the world who planned on visiting said country posted questions about it, and the site officials themselves would answer them. It so happened that most of these questions reinforced the stereotype that tourists are idiots, and I just love the sense of humour these guys had answering them. It mentions the country each question comes from, and some of the answers might be inappropriate, but I hope not enough to get in trouble for showing this to you. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, howdo the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xepha Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Did you notice, no Canadian idiots were quoted XD. Really made me laugh though XD! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strategos Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Hope I don't seem too stupid here, but I don't get this one... Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispenserattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Is that referring to that there are too many doctors? Forgive me for my lack of knowledge about snakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revenge Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 Rattlesnakes only live in America. Of course there are no doctors in Australia that can deal with them, why would they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patch Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 i love aussies they are the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Milli Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 w00t w00t! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OI! OI! OI! Australia RULES! Go Aussies! :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I can't stop laughing! :laughingsmiley: And I believe most Australian snakes are much deadlier than rattlesnakes. :yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revenge Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 I know! I couldn't breathe after the second one. There are some even funnier, but none of those I would have been able to post here. This was also my favorite. :yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m3l3ana Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I swear I don't know why some people bother!!! I did think it was funny, that birghtened up my morning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unstream Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Ahaha this is hilarious! I'm definitely showing this to all of my friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revenge Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Coolness! Tell 'em you got it from the awesomest person evah! Which is whoever I got it from... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Diva Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Oh. My. That made me laugh. A lot. Especially the drop bears. I love freaking the tourists out with those stories... :D What is wrong with people?!?!? *snigger* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StacyTheFluffyNeopet Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! This post has been edited by a member of staff (Morbid Morgan) because of a violation of the forum rules. Please make sure all posts have at least seven words. Please check your user inbox to see if you have been contacted regarding this incident, then review our rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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