selusa

My name's Sara (spelled without an "H" because Ben Folds said so. Also my mom.) I live in Western Canada ... but not, y'know, too Western, if ya know what I mean. Which you probably don't. (Alberta. I'm in Alberta, guys. The Texas of Canada. Except it's not. It's so not. You have to go to Saskatchewan for that.)

I'm going to chef school next September, on the opposite side of the country where I am now. I have a former stray (currently fat) cat named Mr. E (geddit? Mystery? Eheheh. I slay me.) and a dog named Laptop (because she is small and portable and we carried her around in a laptop case once and I guess that became her thing?). I sometimes ride horses and I love every single kind of music except for soft nondescript jazz and screamo/death metal/RAWRARGH music.

Basically, if you were going to make a Sara Cake (not a Sara Lee Cake, silly), your recipe would look like this:

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• 42 lbs books (preferably stuff like Harry Potter and anything by Meg Cabot or Lauren Willig. CAUTION: Adding Twilight or any of its mutant offspring will result in a CAKE FAIL; i.e., it will burn, explode, ooze, and generally be disgusting. DO NOT WANT. THIS IS NOT A GLITTERY CAKE. Legitimate vampire books without sparkles are okay [read: True Blood, Vampire Diaries])
  
• cooking (how do you add a verb to cake I don't even)
  
• 15 ounces grammar (Note: must be thoroughly sifted; look for irregularities involving "it's" and "its", "your" and "you're", "their, they're, there", etc. Garnish with an apostrophe, but not when it's a plural. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, NOT. WHEN. IT'S. A. PLURAL.)
  
• 21 television shows (try to find the trashiest/butt-kickingest CW dramas out there; i.e., Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries, Hellcats. Also acceptable: Hilarious NBC fare a la Chuck, Community, 30 Rock)
  
• 6 scoops creative writing (try to avoid the terrible handwriting and horrifying Mary-Sues from the forgotten and hilarious prose of yesteryear/middle school; rather, go for the warm and fuzzy and strangely British-sounding short stories born from That One Creative Writing Class Taken in University With That One Really Really Really Ridiculously Good Looking Guy. YES.)
  
• All that cake stuff like flour and eggs and baking soda.
  

Mix together in a general mixing fashion. Put in pan. Shove in oven. Cook til done. Enjoy yourself some of the non-foodiest food you've ever had.